Adoption Questions - Centralia,WA

I am a single mom and thought seriously about adoption when I was pregnant. I even had a lawyer(and still do) and met with several adoption agencies. The laws that I researched applied to Oregon, Washington, Idaho, California and Arizona.
First- I would like to know if he has been financially supporting the pregnancy.
If he has NOT financially supported any part of the pregnancy, and has been aware of the pregnancy, his participation is not required for her to adopt the child out. If the child is adopted out and he decides to petition for custody, he will have to prove to a judge how he would be a better parent than the adoptive parents, which would be hard to do if he did not financially support the pregnancy.
If he has been giving her money, or paying for any part of the prenatal care, then he has established parentage, and has a leg to stand on when filing for custody.
It is not like TV, where you wait for the DNA test to establish parentage. A simple interpretation of the law is- if you slept with someone and then found out they were pregnant, it is your financial duty to assume the child is yours, until proven otherwise by DNA. If the mother does not name him the father on the birth certificate or has hidden the pregnancy then the father can file a petition for DNA testing. Also, when I filed for child support from my child's father, the court assumed he was the father because I named him so, and sent him the affidavit to DISPROVE my claim, not to prove it. The father was given three choices on the affidavit, 1)sign the paternity papers to acknowledge he was the father 2)take the DNA test to disprove my claim 3)ignore the paperwork, and the court would assume he did not contest my claim. He chose to ignore the paperwork, and is now legally the father of my child. Even if he took a DNA test and it showed him not to be the biological father, he would still be legally bound to support payments because he had his chance to contest my claim.
Anyways, I am getting away from the point. Pregnancy is really hard and my heart kinda goes out to this girl. No offense to your brother, but it seems that he really is not ready for the stability that raising a child involves. He got a girl pregnant, and already has another girlfriend before the baby is even born to be dealt with? And this new girlfriend is magically the person for him to have raise his baby for him? He is not even married to her, and honestly, any judge would laugh at his petition. If he is really serious about being a parent, he should take parenting classes, and seriously think about what he alone has to offer his child. His girlfriend may not always be there, it is an extreme commitment to raise a child. Is this something he would still want to do if he did not have a girlfriend? Did he think to offer to help the mom with keeping and supporting her child, or is he just fighting to keep the baby if she adopts her out?
Honestly, I think the mom will end up keeping her baby. It sounds like your brother and the mom got into a fight, and she became scared of dealing with him for the rest of her life. I felt that way when I was pregnant too. I honestly felt I couldn't spend my life dealing with my child's bio-dad for the rest of my life. I was being selfish, and when I met my daughter all of that melted away. I understood that whatever I had to deal with was worth knowing her.
I think she is scared and is saying things out of fear. You can't sign adoption papers until after the baby is born. I think she will birth her child and meet her child and melt into motherhood.

ps-also, in Oregon you cannot "sign away" parental rights, but an adoptive couple/parent can adopt the rights and legal responsibilities.

3 moms found this helpful

You got me curious so I did a little research and found the following reccomendation:

"Have the attorney send her a registered letter stating you are aware of the pregnancy and want the baby"

That way, you have proof he told her he wanted prior to the birth and adoption. Also, me may have to take a paternity test to prove it is his. He can try to demand a prenatal paternaty test, but it is risky to the baby like an amnio. He could get the court to order a paternity test now for after the birth.

Also, read this: http://www.acal.org/questions.htm#2(it is from california but we may have the same laws). It states rather clearly that if a mother says she does not know the father, the fathers rights can be terminated without his consent. He has to prove he knew about the pregnancy, tried to support her during the pregnancy, and tried to "legitimate" the child. Maybe he could send her a cashiers check and send it certified mail so he would have proof he tried to support the child/pregnancy. That way even if she doesn't cash it he has proof had one made out and that he sent it.

*edit* I just found the washinton state laws regarding birth fathers prior to adotion http://www.crisispregnancy.com/birth-mother/expectant-fat... Also check this out, it shows what he can do to help preserve his rights http://library.adoption.com/articles/unwed-fathers-preven.... hope this helps.

3 moms found this helpful

I have actually known someone who went through this.. The mother of the child can not give the child up for adoption unless both parents sign the paperwork. It's not like the old days where the father had no rights. My friend's sister was going to give a child up for adoption, had a family there ready and everything, but the father didn't show to sign the paperwork.. She had the take the baby home until he would sign it. Needless to say she still has the child that she didn't want.

She can't actually do what she's saying legally. It sounds to me like she's using major scare tactics.

The only way that she can give the child up is to lie that she doesn't know who the father is. It's a federal offense to lie on legal paperwork and she can get in BIG trouble if she does. If she lies and your brother didn't know, he would still have rights to get the child back after the adoption. This could very likely end up in court and be a long battle, you all need to be prepared for that. Your brother needs to get a lawyer ASAP and have this all handled legally. That's all my advice.. GET A LAWYER. Good luck!

2 moms found this helpful

I haven't read all the other advice, so this might be repetitive. I'm adopted and know that a baby cannot be adopted until BOTH parents sign off on the adoption (in fact, my birth father is the one that held up my adoption). If he's listed as the father on the birth certificate, then it will not be a problem. She is supposed to list him, but I know that that doesn't always happen.

Does she have a lawyer or agency she's going through for the adoption? If so, he should speak with them immediately so they know he is involved and doesn't want the adoption to take place. It's not fair to the family that is anxiously awaiting (what they believe to be) their baby.

However, I would urge him to look inside himself and examine if he is indeed ready to raise this baby. This is not something to be taken lightly. Nor should it be done for purely selfish reasons. Does he have a steady job? Who will be taking care of the baby while he works? I know you say he wants to raise the baby with his current girlfriend. I'm assuming that they haven't been together long (assuming less than 9 months). A baby can even be hard on long relationships that are strong - it's unbelievably hard on a new relationship. My husband and I have been married for almost 15 years and together for 18. We have a 3 year old and her colic as a baby really put a strain on our relationship at the time. I just don't want him to rush into this major decision when there are people out there that are ready to open their loving families up to this little girl.

That being said, there are always different adoptions out there than what his girlfriend is planning. He might be able to find a family that wants a very open adoption - one where he can still be part of his daughters life.

I just wanted to give you some options. I wish him all the best with this new journey. :-)

1 mom found this helpful

Great news! He cannot control whether she has an abortion because while she is pregnant, the baby is only hers... but, once the baby is born, he has half rights. An adoption can not happen unless both parents sign over their parental rights. He needs to find a lawyer now and make sure he is ready when the baby is born to establish his parental rights and fight for custody.

1 mom found this helpful

I agree with the other posters that have suggested that he get legal advice. Most states will not allow children to be adopted unless both parents reliquish their rights or found to be unfit parents. I also with Donna L. that he really needs to think about this long and hard. If he is living with his current girlfriend or plans to marry her, he needs to consider her feelings. This could easily end their relationship and cause problems in any future relationships. He needs to ask himself the same question that every pregnant future single mom should ask herself:

Can he afford to raise this child by himself for the next 18+ years?
Is he ready to have 24/7 responsibility for another human being?
Can he afford daycare?
Is he ready to miss work every time the child is sick?

Sometimes an open adoption is the best option to to maintain contact when someone really isn't ready for the committment it takes to raise a child.

1 mom found this helpful

Hello S.,

From my understanding since he is the father he has every legal right to his baby,also she legally can't give the baby up for adoption w/out his consent.The states say that when a baby is put up for adoption both parents have to sign away their parental rights to the baby. My suggestion to you is that you contact a good lawyer to fight for custody of the baby.

God Bless and good luck.
A.

Hi S.,
I know that his ex can't put the baby up for adoption without the father's consent. The most she can do is try to get full custody and try to limit his parental rights. Is there any proof that he is the father? He may need to get a paternity test to confirm it. Chances are if she wants to give the child up for adoption she will probably not want to raise her herself. Although some people are very vindictive. Get an attorney if he can afford it and start proceedures now before the child is born.

My guess is he can't hire an attorney -- but even if he can't - he can certainly go down the the courthouse - and file a parenting plan------ there are very strong '''fathers' rights'' groups that might be WAY better than me--- use your search engine ---

THANK GOD she told him of this ''plan'' of hers before the deed was done-

Blessings,
J.

A child can not be adopted without the written consent of the biological father and the biological mother...he needs to get a lawyer and file for custody...now...

He can and should refuse to sign any papers taking away parental rights. He can and should go to the social services department and ask to talk to someone about it so that this can be stopped before she does this. He should also get a lawyer in case he has to take her to court. My guess is that if he can show he can raise the child the child will be given to him. He should also look into Father's Rights groups...just google and include his area in the search and I am sure something will come up that he can use. He should fight for the right to keep his baby if he wants to. Its admirable that he wants to keep the baby and raise it without her. If she is willing to sign her rights away, she should be willing to sign them away if he has the child as well. If he has custody he should sue her for child support though as she is the mother and if she does not sign her rights away it is her responsibility to pay it. Good Luck to you and your brother.

Your brother in law needs a lawyer, fast. In order for the mom to give the baby up for adoption, the parental rights of the father must be terminated. He needs to make sure that his name is on the birth certificate at the time of birth. He also needs to make sure that he's the father of this baby, so a paternity test will have to be done. So, to make sure all of this happens, he needs to get himself a lawyer, now. There will be costs associated with all of this. The first place to call would be DSHS if you live in Washington State and start asking questions as to what they need for him to establish his rights as a father and what can he do to prevent any adoption of the baby. They can give him some bare bones info, but again, get an atty. He needs to be prepared now for this newborn's arrival. Have the bassinet, the layette, the bottles, the blankets, the carseat, the diapers, the wipes.... have it all ready NOW. Because if she gives it away, he has to be ready to take the baby immediately, barring any complications, that could be within 24 hrs of the baby's birth. If he's not prepared, the baby could go to foster care or to the potential adoptive parents, and then he would have to prove his fitness as a parent. Not that he isn't a fit parent, but having to show proof is spendy and time consuming. The baby isn't a pawn in a game, and I hope all works out for all involved. The new girlfriend, is she going to be a permanent fixture in his life, and in the life of this child? It's a question that will be asked, so tell him to be prepared with an honest and well considered answer.
Congratulations on your impending 'aunt-hood'!! I wish everyone well and a life filled with nothing but happy days!!

It all depends on the state but often the father has to sign away rights before an adoption. It might depend on if he is ever listed as father. But my friend who adopted in IA they even had to post a notice in the local paper for potential fathers (birth mom didn't know dad..complicate situation) before the adoption could be finalized.

Your brother in law will have to have his rights terminated. Depending on which state he resides in and also the ex girlfriend plus where the adoption will take place. He may have to show he provided the ex girlfriend with some type of care ( ie: housing, food, medical ) during the pregnancy to show he is invested in the child.
Good luck to him and I hope he finds a lawyer to help him fight the good fight.

Tell him to talk to a lawyer now. He can get 1/2 hour free help from an Wash State attorney about this. But if he is serious about this it would be worth more time and money. There are resources on the web that will take him to information. Go to Washington State Lawyer information. Then look for the type of case and the city that he is in.

Tell him good luck for me. He has a right to see and participate in the life of his son.

S....

Get a lawyer!

I was reading everyone's replies. My 1st thought was that he needs a lawyer AND they need to do a paternity test, NO MATTER WHAT THE MOM SAYS. A paternity test solidifies him as the father and she will have less to fight against.
STEP 1 - LAWYER
STEP 2 - COURT ORDERED PATERNITY TEST

I don't know much about the situation, but a lot of cases like this, turns out he might not be the father and she is just a mean, hurtful person. (I used nice words there, not what I was saying in my head.)

I know lawyers are expensive, but he needs one! My mother is a lawyer on the east coast, and she said that most states have parental protection in place for the father. While it is difficult for the father to gain complete custody of the child, if the mother is trying to give the child up for adoption, and that is provable, then he should beable to get the child (she is obviously willing to sign over parental rights). He will most likely need a paternity test to prove it is his, which can be dome immediately at the time of birth. She may resist this, but if the court orders it, to bad for her and the potential adoptive parents. Once the paternity test proves it is his, she can't give the child up for adoption without his consent. All this being said, the earlier he starts this process, the better. If he has any voice recording of her on voice mail or answering machine or a written note threatening to give the child up for adoption, these are important to hang on to as they will contribute to proving that she doesn't need to have custody of the child.

Good luck!

He has to get a lawyer. It might be a bit expensive, but worth it to have his baby.

She also doesn't have the legal right to give away his child without his consent and may be making empty threats or lying that she doesn't know who the father is.

He just has to get a lawyer.

I would say he needs to find a lawyer and soon. It's so sa when chidren are put in the middle and used as pawns to hurt others... I'm sorry that your brother is going through this and wish you and him (and that baby) luck..

Get professional help right away!

I think that for the adoption to be legal, he has to relinquish his parental rights too. I think that his next step is to talk to a lawyer and petition the courts for custody. It will probably require a paternity test. Good luck!

He needs to get a lawyer pronto! I know times are tough and lawyers are expensive, but this is worth it! He should look for an experienced family lawyer in the state that he lives in (adoption laws vary by state).
A good lawyer will arrange that she is served with an order for a paternity test before the baby even leaves the hospital!
It is true that in most states laws have changed, but they often still favor the rights of the mother over those of the father.
Good luck!

As the father he certainly has rights so I'll second (and third and fourth, etc.) the advice already given. Have him speak with an attorney to see what he can do to gain custody of his child. If cost is an issue - we all know attorneys don't come cheap - have him check with legal aid to see if he qualifies for help.

If your brother is truely the father and the mom to be doesn't want the baby, your brother can file for custody. It may mean time at court, but as long as they find him to be a good parent, he won't have problems. But I do caution you, that if the mom to be changes her mind, it will be harder to get custody unless there is something seriously wrong with her. Most courts favor custody to mothers, but there are those who say dad is best.

Good luck

Just remind him that just because she says she wants to give her up for adoption, doesn't mean that she will be out of his life. Make sure he thinks about the future and what hell she may still put him through later. She may sue for joint custody a few years down the road.

In Washington State - the father must sign away rights as well in order for the baby to be adopted out to another family.

He should probably get a family lawyer (there are ones who will do this at low cost if he looks around.) And with that lawyer, your brother will want to make sure that they handle it as almost an adoption in itself. That way mom signs over rights (which she is so eager to do it seems).

If your brother's girlfriend is as serious about this as they lead you to believe...she will want to be involved in this entire process so she can legally adopt the baby from the get-go.

Good luck. Hope this all works out with baby's best interests at heart! :)

all he has to do is take a dna test to prove he is the father, the state will look to him to be first in line to take this baby, there is no way she can take away his rights unless he is unfit and the courts will be the ones to prove that. he needs to get a lawyer NOW if he waits till after the birth, he may lose finding the child, also if she is on state aide, he needs to contact DSHS athough if she is just talk and has no intention of giving up the child, the state will force him to pay child support, which will also help in getting him visitation rights. He needs to contact DSHS and a lawyer

Hi S.,
He neeeds to talk to a family law attorney. He has just as many rights as the mother. With that said...don't you think this baby girl deserves a two parent home with a mom and a dad, not girlfriends comming in and out of her life?
I wish them the best,
L.

From what I know of my sister who was a single mom and had a terrible relationship with the beby's father...in most states I know the baby cannot be adopted unless the father also signs a consent form. Now the birth mother has the option to list the father as unknown on the birth certificate and then the state would require a paternity test when the baby was born which may take a while. If he is certian the baby is his and she hasn't led him to believe she will lie about it I would advise him to be proactive and get to know his state's laws and his rights as a father right now.

He needs to get a family law attorney to start a legal action right away. Paternity testing can be done on the baby as soon as its born and then he will have a legal right to the child. But he better get started because if the baby is born and she says there's no father and gives it away before he gets around to it, well, it will be a lot harder.

in most states the father has rights too he should get ahold of child welfair or state adoption and contest it. as father he does have rights mom is not the only one she didnot do it by herself

I believe in every state there is a time frame that the father can speak up and take custody of the child and refuse to allow the adoption. Have him check with a family law lawyer... Tell him to stay on the ball about it though. I think in some states it's as short as 10-15 days.

And, when he gets the baby, tell him to make sure the papers for her relinquishing parental rights get filed!! My sister in law recently had to deal with her daughter's father showing up 11 years later and wanting all his rights and then some..