ADHD - Real or Not, Please Help

Hi K.,

I have two sons with ADHD and ADD. My husband and I were both in denile about this too until my son was actually tested for it. My older son, who is now 9 years old was very frustrated, banging his head on the desk, and very impulsive. I tried other rememidites, like Omega 3, changing his diet and so on. It helped a little but my boys really needed the medication. Joseph was tested, because he got really behind his class; and the test indicated that he only got the answers correct only when the directions were given to him several times. The answers he got incorrect was question that were only said to him once. The results made a believer out of me since then. I had to react fast before both of them got too behind in school. Both of them first started on Concerta, but both had too many side effects that they were than put on Adderall. I liked this medication better, because it the only drug that lasted them through school and had little side effects, plus it's cheaper than Concerta. Today Joseph is getting A 's and B's for the first time in his life and likes school. My other son is less angry and easier to handle him, because before he was too aggressive.

K.,

I have a great resource book to share. It not only explains the condition and possible triggers, but gives advice about traditional and alternative therapies. It is called "Healing the New Childhood Epidemics Autism, ADHD, Asthms, and Allegies The Groundbreaking Program for the 4-A Disorders" It is written by Kenneth Bock, MD. I cannot tell you how much our lives have changed since following the advice in this book that is appropriate for us. You are the best advocate for your child, and you know more than anyone else what he needs. This book has been an important tool for us as we navigate the "special needs" child. I wish you much luck, and remember to enjoy your unique journey with your son. Take care, Jen

Yes, ADHD is real. A person who has ADHD has different activity in their brain than a person who does not. This can be shown in a PET scan of the frontal lobe. You can google this and get more information. I would encourage your husband to read up on the topic before assuming that your child has behavior issues. A child with ADHD encounters enough struggles in life-- they need their parents' support. My son has ADD, and I really did not want to medicate him. We tried the other alternatives that didn't work for us. I was even considering pulling him and home schooling him. When we finally moved to meds, he did a 100% turn around. I remember his teacher commented on his report card, "It is as if a whole new world has been opened to Logan, and it has brought me great joy as his teacher to see it unfold before him." ADD affects the whole way a person perceives the world-- it is their filter-- it doesn't just affect them academically and behaviorally. When my son started the meds, it was as if a huge burden was lifted from him. He was internalizing a lot that I did not realize, and was feeling as if he were not very smart (he is actually incredibly bright). My advice would be to keep an open mind when looking for treatment, and not rule anything out. Most importantly, be supportive and keep open communication with your child. Although there are modifications that can be made to help with the behaviors, making them completely accountable for something that is not fully in their control makes no more sense than blaming a child who has vision problems for not being able to see without their glasses. Good luck to you!

OMG, sounds like my husband! I actually have ADHD, and its very frustrating that he thinks it doesn't exist! Some alternative treatments include diet changes, look that up, it REALLY makes a difference, I don't have any sources right now maybe you will be able to find some on your own.

You can always see a homeopathic doctor, I did, but I was an adult, I was not even diagnosed until I was 14, and I saw one at the age of 19 in college. It helped quite a bit.

Homework time is a HUGE struggle I am sure, so the best thing you can do is make it interesting for him and mix it up. Use rewards such as sticker charts or something fun like that to entice him. Don't expect him to sit doing hw for more than 15 minutes at a time, have him get up and do something else in between it really helps. I don't know how old he is, if you e-mail me I can give you suggestions for his age.

Try Daniel Amen's book Healing ADD. At the beginning, he shows diagrams of SPECT scans of healthy and ADD brains, and talks about 6 different types of ADD. If necessary, depending on your insurance, you might even be able to get your doctor to request SPECT scans of your son's brain to convince your husband. Dr. Amen also has very helpful suggestions regarding diet, exerise and over the counter supplements specifically tailored for each different type of ADD.

I empathize with your husband. I was actually going to do a doctoral thesis on how much I felt ADD was overdiagnosed, when I was diagnosed with it myself (ADD-inattentive type). You could stress to him that medication is one option but not the only option, and that your son can get lots of help for his concentration and behavioral issues (as appropriate) that will be much more effective than everything you've tried so far.

Good luck!

-- Florrie

Both my oldest son and my hubby have been diagnosed ADD. Between the 2 have tried all the meds and choose alternative methods. Chadd has some good info but I found them too pro meds. There are viable alternatives. Family counseling/coaching, Omega supplements, regular exercise, meditation recordings. Check out The ADD Answer by Frank Lawless (sp?). Dr. Amen has great informational books.
'Driven to Distraction' & 'Delivered From Distraction'

If you want to read a really interesting perspective on it, autism and a few others. Read Disconnected Kids by Robert Melillo. It's fascinating, and no, it's not a discipline problem.

I would add to Jen's input that CHADD has a resource organization with a lot of research based fact sheets. It is www.help4adhd.org and I have found it very useful. One approach that can help supplement treatments is coaching. I am a coach and would also recommend www.CHADD.org and www.adhdcoaches.org that have coach professional listings.

Let me know if I can help answer any questions.

Thanks,
L.

My husband, at first, believed they were just trying to say that so they wouldn't have to mess with her. She was 6-7 yrs old at the time. Well, a few grades later, and tried two different meds, we took her off the stuff! I had asked the Dr at first about alternative meds and he gave me the diet guidelines. I read thru them, but I just felt her case is not so severe that we needed to go that route. I read again about supplements, and finally my Dr said he found something on it, why dont we try it. We were skeptical that it was working, until we had a conference with her 5th grade teacher. We had mentioned that we were out of them (supplements) for the last few weeks, and she said That is whats wrong with her! The teacher was struggling with keeping her on track and focused in class. We were never sure the supplements were working until that moment. We are so thankful we have a Dr that allowed us to try them, and she has no harmful side effects as she did with the drugs. I am not against the drugs, but I am against over medicating and her case is not a severe one. I also reduced processed foods from her diet, and tried this with my nephew who lived with us for a while who is also ADD. He was so much better with out all the sugar and processed overload. I know they talk about dyes in foods, but I did not try that route. I have a friend whose son is also ADHD and they tried the supplements, and they are working great for him too. At least its a safe gamble, and cannot do as much harm, I feel. She was on a Jr. Omega 3-6-9 and also 50 mg of 5-HTP. We were able to get both from the health food store.

I hope that helps, with out to much info. Also, one thing for kids w/ ADD/ADHD especially. they need strict structure. Same routines and times, so they can learn self-discipline. Also, writing their chores/expectations on a huge visible sign. We used a dry erase board, and when I wanted her to do something, my dr suggested giving her 3 specific jobs (not always the same). See what she did complete, then refer her back to our board. It really helped us relieve a lot of upsets on both parts. But consistency is a HUGE thing that will help them train their self to know what to do and how it should be done.

Again, sorry so much info, but I know the little things help. Finally, after my daughter's 5th grade episode, he is a believer. She is now is 8th grade, and we are making it thru each day! Good luck, and feel free to contact me if you have questions.

Sincerely,
J.

I heard that a chiropractor can help sometimes.You can check into that for a non-med way of going.
Good luck.

I like The A.D.D. Book, by Sears and Thompson, for a balanced overview of adhd and the various treatments.

You should also check out the http://www.chadd.org/ website for information, and seek out other families or support groups. My husband was a little wary at first, too, but I think learning about how other parents have some of our exact challenges, and how my son's behavior fits into an understandable pattern, made it easier for him to get used to the idea. We also talked about it from the beginning as a pattern of behavior, and useful tools to support our child. We didn't really care what the label was - it was only useful to help us find the tools useful to our kid who happens to have those weak spots.

(I also think it's helped my husband in the long run to realize that he probably had undiagnosed ADD - non-hyperactive type himself. Maybe that's why he was resistant at first?)

Another thought that may be helpful to your husband - if the treatment isn't useful, you can try something else. He's probably nervous about medication, right? The stimulant medications leave the body within 24 hours. If it doesn't work Monday, stop on Tuesday. It's not like you're doing something you can't reverse whenever you want.

My daughter was diagnosed at age 6. We did not try the meds until a year later. We googled "ADHD diet" and found a great diet detox and changed her eating habits dramatically. We also kept her on a strict schedule and early bedtime. (She does much better on a schedule) After a year or so, sadly the diet change just wasn't enough. I really didn't want to go to meds, but I also didn't want her to lose friends because she was so unpredictable in her behavior or to start hating school because it would be too hard or if she would start getting in trouble alot. We started her at the lowest dosage, and worked from there. We did have to move up the dose 3 times and I think she is at a good level now. I can understand him thinking it is just a behavior issue. But what my daughters kindergarten and 1st grade teacher kept stressing to me, was that it was like she just couldn't control herself. No matter how hard she tried or how many times they gave her little reminders, it was like she had no control over what she was doing. To me, that is what made me try the meds. I felt so bad for her that she was trying her hardest to behave, but something inside her kept her from doing that. She would have these crazy scary tantrums, and after she finally calmed down, she would tell me that she couldn't stop and that she was scared. She also talked with a therapist for a while. She liked that.
Good luck. It is very hard, but doable. You just have to figure out what works for your son.

As a classroom teacher, I can say ADHD/ADD is very real and not a discipline problem! Because of impulsivity, it often looks like a child is simply misbehaving. This is so not the case, and I have worked with many students that tried as best they could, but were unable to control their impulses, focus, and organization. You will do your son a world of good to look into something to help him with this. While medication works for some kids, be sure to look at all therapies. It may be that medication is right, and know that it's not the end of the world. With that being said, not all children with ADHD need medication. Work with your pediatrician to find what's right for your son. It's better to do this sooner than later, because as these kids get older they tend to stand out socially and academically.

K., some years ago I found a web site with much info re ADHD. It was
addwarehouse.com
Stubborn spouses can be more trouble than the disability itself. I hope your marriage can withstand that; mine did not, but there were many other problems. Good luck.
S.