A Very Picky Child?????

Hi M.,

My children are still very young. However, as a child I was very picky.
I am a very well adjusted adult.
However, as a child, I would freak out if my mom put turtle necks on me, shirts that were not V-necks and as I got older anything with prints annoyed me.
It could be sensorial, it could be hearing other children making comments about a print so he relates it to all print. Maybe he saw another kid being made fun of.

Also, I think children do have preferences, a will and it is okay to give space to their individuality.
My daughter right now at 2, loves wearing anything that matches mommy ;)

Oh, yes, I was also very picky about textures, I itched and hated being hot. ;) Depending on the material of the clothes, I was the pickiest of all my sisters when it came to this but we all had and have our own quirks.

Amy

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Hello M.. Your son might grow up to have OCD, just like any child might possibly have it. At the age of 6 it isn't something that can be easily diagnosed. I assume your little one is in school, and a teacher probably did a lesson on germs. My 5.5 yo is going through that now, we have to wash our hands a certain way, in a certain sink, with a certain soap. Now, a year ago I had to scrub her hands clean while she was sleeping :) As for the clothes, could it be something as simple as he doesn't want ppl staring at him to read his shirt, or another kid has made fun of him for his shirt? I understand it started 2 years ago, but children can remember for a lifetime and be very sensitive. Personally, I would buy him shirts he likes to wear and avoid the clothing fight every day. Best of Luck!

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My oldest was the same way- right about that age too- he wouldn't have any tags, certain colors, and had to have everything just so or he freaked out. I'm the same as you- very often we have to put our foot down and be the mother - but some battles just aren't worth it. I just found a couple of shirts and pairs of pants he liked and bought him several of the same thing. It makes for a boring wardrobe but he was happy. We only battled it out when necessary- like dressing up for a wedding etc... I'm happy to say now though that he's 10 and will wear pretty much anything- in fact now he would wear the same thing every day lol!
My middle one is now 6 and won't wear anything with letters on it- he says that he doesn't like people to read his shirt.. so ,I figure here I go again.
The germs are another thing that I think is a stage. My oldest at the same time as the clothes thing would cry if his hands got dirty outside playing, or if one of his action figures got dirty. At the same time we had a puppy and he was always afraid that the dog had peed on his things- even though it wasn't allowed in his room!
I was like you worried about ocd or a sensory problem, I really think its just a phase though, a little bit of them asserting themselves. I wouldn't really worry about it - give it a few months maybe even a year and he'll be on to something else! Good luck!

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I admire your patience and concern for your son, M.. Children depend on rules and boundaries like those you described in your family, and I also believe that an occasional spanking is warranted. In an environment with many rules where the parents are clearly the boss (as it should be!) any child wants to feel in control of "something." Clothing is something healthy, and it's fine to allow him be specific about that. My almost-10yr-old is a simple jeans and t-shirt type of girl, and what damage I would do if I'd force her into dresses or the latest fads! Thankfully most tweens and teens at our church wear casual, but tasteful, jeans and shirts, so she "fits" right in w/out intending to.

As far as the germs, how is he w/ outside play? (Does he get "dirty"?) I'm no expert, but a phobia to germs *may* be a redflag to OCD? I really don't know, so I'll do the "if I were you" scenario and suggest he see his doctor or school counselor.

Your description somewhat reminded me of my 8yr-old nephew...he has an aversion to most foods, but will eat anything if a friend is w/ him and is eating it (picky since toddlerhood), prefers ("very passionate") about wearing mostly/only sports jerseys (that can get expensive I'm sure!), and at this age can still feel scared about what's in the water where he swims (clearly prefers a pool where no creatures are--we are inland, lakes and quarries only.)

If only OUR moms had an online resource like this!

Peace,
K.

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If you think it is OCD - then talk to the pediatrician to discuss what you feel are his symptoms and ask for input.

It's probably just a phase. It doesn't sound like he's necessarily testing the boundaries or even being defiant, and honestly, his current preference not to wear clothes with writing or pictures or the little guy on the horse will likely change at some point. It doesn't sound like a discpline issue either. It sounds like he would just rather wear plain shirts. To me, that isn't something that warrants a battle...unless you can't afford to buy him enough shirts to cover things until he gets past this phase.

Since, to me, this isn't something to wage war with your son over, you could try "reasoning" or negotiating with him by telling him, "Okay - here's 3 clean shirts - the rest are dirty, you need to pick one because school won't let you in without a shirt on, and you have to go to school." And then just cycle through his shirts.

Good luck!

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My 5 year old is the exact same way with shirts with buttons. Most of his other clothes he could care less about. I have to cut the buttons off polo shirts or he won't wear them (and even then it's a struggle). There seems to be no reason behind it. He's been like this for about a year. I'm hoping it's a phase but it's not that big of a deal so I just put up with it for now.

As for the germ thing, it could be that he saw something on tv or learned about germs at school and he just has it on his mind right now. Maybe you could explain about immune systems and how it's good to have some germs around to make our immune systems stronger (or something to that effect).

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When our boys were young, about the age of your son, we began giving them a clothing allowance for them to purchase ALL their own clothes. They were budgeted a specific amount each month and when the $ was gone that was it until next month. The point is that they chose their own clothing and there were no more issues about clothing. Everything was soon something they had chosen and purchased themselves. It gave them a greater sense of the value of their clothing purchases and they never could complain that they didn't like a particular clothing item.

It also sounds like your gut is telling you that there may be something going on with your son's thinking processes. You mentioned OCD. I think you owe it to your son and to yourself to check out your concerns. If they are nothing, you will simply sleep better at night and no harm will be done. If your gut is telling you something that is correct, catching it before his behaviors become more ingrained will be a positive thing for your son. Perhaps talk to your pediatrician or his teacher to get an unbiased opinion about your concerns, then if you still have concers, look for a counselor that will talk with your son and do some testing to make sure all is well. If you were concerned that your son might be diabetic, you'd have him checked out in a heartbeat. It is unfortunate when we avoid mental health professionals because of the stigma attached to needing one when we wouldn't think of avoiding a visit to our MD when we are physically ill. Give yourself a little peace of mind.

A bit about me: my sons are almost 25 and almost 27 now. They still have very definite iedas about what clothes they like to wear and the clothes they don't like. That is OK. I will never buy them clothes for Christmas or a birthday!

I too am a full time substitute teacher. I love it; it is new every day.

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My son is almost 7 and around the age of 4 he started with the "I don't want to wear that shirt." He now hates polo shirts, I only make him wear them when he needs to look nice!! However now with being back in school he is going to have to wear them more!!! You could try taking him to the store and letting him pick out his own shirt. I have done this with my son, but you do want to make sure he knows that he is going to have to wear what he picks. My son has tried to pull that one on me, he picks out a shirt then two weeks later tells me he won't wear it. Unfortunately for him I remind him he picked it out!!!

As for your OCD concerns, I would watch him and look for any other signs. Cleaning out the sink because there was hair and germ, like the other ladies said he could be learning about germs in school. Just keep an eye out for other things that seem out of the ordinary, if you have other concerns bring them up with your ped. I am sure they will be able to point you in the direction you should go, or tell you it is normal.

Good Luck
A.

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Are you or your husband picky about things? Anything really, does he see you or your husband fussing over things, insisting on them being "perfect"? This might be a behavior he's picking up from you.

I'm not saying you're a bad parent, but he's getting it from somewhere. Are any of his siblings perfectionists?

Perhaps being the youngest it is an issue of control, he's the youngest and everything is out of his control. Maybe something happened to him two years ago that shook him into wanting to have control over something.

I hope this helps.

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I am wondering if he doesn't have some sensory issues with certain clothing. Does he wear undershirts? If not, he may be sensitive to the feeling of the embroidery or patterns. Even t shirts often feel different on the inside when they have printing on the front of them. I know I can't stand to wear any that feel different against my skin. I only like soft cotton. My 4 y/o daughter is the same way with her pants/skirts. She refuses to wear anything unless it has a soft cotton waste band. With rare exception, she will wear jeans, but they have to fit "just right" or she complains all day about them and eventually unbuttons them. Maybe talk with him and ask him if the clothes feel different or why he doesn't like them.

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My first daughter went to a preschool that dealt with special needs, and to me, there is no doubt your son is OCD big time.
Contact a school psychologist for suggestions where to go for help.
Find somewhere that has an occupational therapist, especially for children. You'll be surprised at what they can do for your son, it will calm you tremendously.

I agree with most of what everyone else has been saying. I would not make an issue of the germ thing or any other "OCD" behaviors. The more those behaviors are reinforced the more the child will do them. My daugher is very tactile sensitive. I am, too. Had to wear socks inside out (the seem rubbed), etc. She is 14 now and much better about those things.......So, I would say to try to ignore the germ thing, but at the same time, limit any really excessive behaviors. Good luck and Glod Bless.

Could it be that the embroidery bothers him. My son is very sensitive to touch. I was so happy when t-shirts started coming without extra tags. Ask him what he doesn't like about it, see if it is the sensation, and if it is have him wear an undershirt. This doesn't seem to be a big problem anymore for us. Our son seems to have outgrown it.
Good Luck
T.

M....My granddaughter at the age of 5 started wearing only dresses. She wanted to know where her favorite dresses were all the time. I really wouldn't worry about it..it's a stage they are going through. Really it's good not to have writings on the shirts..some schools won't allow it. Some of the sayings are not so nice. But the horse thing..I don't know.

Some of the things that he is doing do seem to maybe be related to an OCD issue. I myself deal with OCD issues and I think that you should let him just do what he feels is 'right'. I'm sure that you wouldn't want him worrying about something that is on his shirt all day and then have it distract him from things that are important, school, etc. And as silly as those 'OCD' things may seem, I feel that you are doing the right thing by letting him just go through with what 'feels right'. Like I know my OCD things are silly and I can even laugh about them, but like inside I know if I DON'T do those certain things, I feel like bad, or just not 'right'. It's crazy! Don't let yourself get caught up in doing the things that make him happy, just let him do them. I think all will turn out fine!
Good luck!

Good luck M.! I agree with the moms that say to take your child to see a psychiatrist. My one little guy has to have soft clothes as well, with no embroidery or even screenprinting. But that's pretty much where it ends for him. He just needs softer clothes than my other little bugger! But your little guy's other tendencies warrant at least a visit with a qualified specialist. We all have our control issues, and you are doing very well to give him some of that needed control by giving up some of your own. I hope you get some answers!

You could very well be on to something with the OCD or something along the line of a sensory processing disorder. I would talk to your pediatrician about it and maybe get an OT evaluation.

It is easy for people not in the same situation to say, "be the parent". But, there are things where you have to step up and put your foot down, but something like this doesn't sound like a situation that would warrant that. I mean, as adults there are things that we prefer to wear or not wear and why would our children be any different? I definitely pick my battles at times and if you feel that this is not a battle worth waging then don't let ANYONE make you feel guilty about that. :) Good luck.

This sounds like some of the issues one of my friends has with her daughter... it is something like tactile sensory disorder. It may not be that he is picky about how it looks, but how it feels. For instance, kids that have this don't like how those things feel... ie. embroidery, pictures they can feel through the shirt. Maybe there is a chance this is similar? Good luck!

Hello I have read some of the answers to your question so I will put my 2cents worth in. Personally I wouldn't take your son to any doctor. Let him be himself. What makes the difference to any one else about what he wears. Oh I just reread the last of your letter and now I am wondering if he does have OCD. I do not know anything about OCD so I am not qualified to say anything about it. As for myself I wouldnt worry about the clothes but would consider seeking a Dr. for the possible OCD. What kind of Dr. would you take him to maybe just his peditration. Good Luck and Good Luck to your son. K.

All I can say os good luck, My daughter now 7 has gone through similar things. For a while I thought she had ocd also. I talked to a few friends in the field and they agreed, we all may have a few signs of OCD. The severity of it is the main issue. It took me a while to figure out how to deal with her. The year she started 1st grade was the worse. She did not like the feel of her socks, she wears a uniform and could not handle anything tucked in or the golf shirts around her neck, her soccer shin guards. We had to quit ballet just b/c of tights. I decided there were some things not worth arguing over. I just wanted her happy and comfortable. We started picking out he clothes the night before, that helps a little, I also think nerves had alot do do with it. She has issues on being perfect. She would make her bed so straight before she got out of it, at age 6 this is wierd. THis all has passes, there are a few things that she still says bothers her, we use baby powder on her shi gaurds, SHe wears jumpers most of the time to school, so she doens't have to worry about tucking in. SHe has come along way, but it took alot of batlles to get here. I still see her get upset when she is tired, and nervous. FOr us it was time, she is almost 8 and we haven't had any issues like we did this time last year. Be patient and try to talk calmly to your son, let him wear what he wants, as long as it is acceptable, he may come around slowly. Google OCd in children, their should be a checklist out there that can help you determine if it is severe. I give my daughter jobs every now and then, like reorganizing the panrty, it makes her feel good about her skills, not too often though.
Talk to your Dr. and see what he/she thinks also. Good Luck. A.
I am a SAHM of three girls, 71/2, 6, 2

This might just be his personality developing. Usually around this age children tend to develop their own likes and dislikes. My mother told me I was so strong willing and I started dressing myself at age 3. She said every since I was little, I knew exactly what I wanted and how I was going to do it and there wasn't much else anybody could say about it.

My kids are the same way. My 4 year old is the spitting image of my personality. We think in the same way. He has been picky about clothes since he was born. He had sensitive skin, so he couldn't have snap on clothes. He never liked overalls or elastic pants. He had to have sports stuff on all his shirts and he would only wear jean shorts and jean pants. He pant legs and arm sleeves have to be folded just so. He's just very organized and likes everything just right or he has a very difficult time moving onto something else.

My mom, Dad, brother and I are the same way. People feel unstable about the things that go on around us. There are so many changes we see in schedules, foods, new friends, family member shifts, school, careers, etc. We try to find small things we can organize or prepare so that we feel we have control over our lives. Perhaps I can't control the busy day I have and the people I meet, but I can control the way I dress. He may have more of a controlling nature about himself, which is fine.

My family has a tendency to be excessively neat and organized with things around them in an effort to mentally control stresses in their lives... at least that's my psychological assessment. Being choosy about clothing, food, toys, etc is a normal part of life in creating our own independence and stability. I believe when it becomes a problem is when those practices inhibit mental or spiritual growth or deter us from trying new things or meeting new people. I don't see choosing your own wardrobe as being a destructive behavior, so I wouldn't put too much emphasis on that without other symptoms of OCD. I think as parents we need to choose our battles, and battling over clothes probably isn't very high on the priority list since your child seems like a wonderful and happy child.

Hi M.. I haven't experienced such behavior with my own child. However, I have worked with individuals with OCD issues. It does sound like your son may be developing OCD. When you talk about his behavior regarding the sink and clean cup as well as the clothing he won't wear, it also reminds me of people with Autism, another area in which I have experience. People with Autism aren't necessarily mentally retarded as people once believed. I would talk to his doctor and see what they think. He may need to be evaluated by a psychiatrist/psycholgist, or a therapist. If he does have OCD or Autism, then you can go from there as to what his needs are in order to deal with his behavior. That's about the extent of my advice. I hope it helps. Take care!

I don't have time to read other responses, but it could be Sensory Processing Disorder. It's weired that it started 2 years ago as you are usually born with SPD. And it could mimick OCD because of trying to avoid things that cause sensory defensiveness.

You can read about SPD here:
http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/

He could've also developed food sensitivities. A lot of people w/ SPD have issues with dairy and/or wheat. Also, did he receive any shots right before this started? That's something to think about too.

I would definitely talk to your ped as early intervention is critical.

If I were you, I'd take him to a child psychologist. Not because I think he's "weird" or "wrong", but because a Dr. can tell you much better how to deal with these things than a group of mom's that don't live with your child. (no offense)
My daughter was showing some signs of what I thought was OCD, so I took her to a Psy. to see. (I didn't want to label her, that can be hurtful, and more hurtful if she truly wasn't OCD). It took 3 visits & we're done. I just paid my copay and most all other was covered by our insurance.
She's NOT OCD & I'm very glad I went.
Here's how it worked:
I went alone & talked to the Dr.
The Dr. had my daugher & I come back. All she did was observe her playing with a backpack full of stuff that I took in.
I then went back to the Dr. alone to discuss her diagnosis.
She was GREAT!!!
If you want her info, I'll happily pass it along.
It's just really hard to deal with things sometimes without a bit of help & NO friend or parent that I discussed my daughter with hit the nail on the head. The Dr. did & our lives are so much more smooth because of it.
Contact me personally if you'd like the info. There's no shame in seeking help. You're asking for it on here. Of strangers no less. ;o)
Good luck.
Also, we're not using ANY meds with her. :O)

Trust me OCD is not fun. I don't know of anything you can do to prevent it. If it's there, it's there. You can get a child diagnosed this early. My daughter was diagnosed in 1st grade. Her compulsion was hair pulling (her own), also called Trichotillamania. Trich is very hard to treat and here we are 6 years later still dealing with it, but not as bad. With psychology and meds she can control it most of the time. We have to be extra vigilant in times of stress and transistions. Best of luck to you.

C.

The clothing issue sounds like possible sensory processing disorder. We all have sensory issues but some of us control it better than others. I cannot wear turtlenecks, the cuff of my sweatshirt has to be rolled up once or stretched out, I bite my nails because it literally pains me to have them grow. People have preferences on what socks they wear, textures of foods they eat, etc. I'm not trying to say it's not a big deal, just that it's not as abnormal as you may think. A little research and an appt. with your doctor or psychologist could give you lots of help on this and maybe other things that you didn't realize were due to the same thing:)

I think every child goes through a stage of pickiness. My son is very picky about how his stuffed animals are lined up and which one is on the bed. Although, you might want to take a look at who he may be getting this direction from. Are you very verbal about dirty sinks/toilets/anything? Maybe when you go out in public? Has anyone made a comment about a cartoon shirt that he wore, maybe made fun of him? Or, maybe you or dad don't wear patterned shirts? Kids take comments (or items they notice) very seriously and react in the way they feel is correct. I made a comment about how I used to believe that the stuffed animals had feelings when I was little, and now I am paying for it and trying to get my son to understand that they are not alive.

Good luck! Sometimes we can dig ourselves in a hole and not realize it.