A Question for the Cosleeping Breastfeeders

Updated on October 28, 2010
H.L. asks from Fort Worth, TX
18 answers

I am cosleeping with my 5 month old son (2nd child). We are breastfeeding. All was going well until he hit the 4 month growth spurt (at 3.5 months). He is now feeding every 1.5-2 hours at night (and has been for about 6 weeks). Or rather, he is waking every 1.5-2 hours and I am feeding him back to sleep. He used to go 3-4 hours before the growth spurt. Sometimes it is even less than 1.5 hours - like every sleep cycle.

My question - is it reasonable to try to "stretch him out" by waiting say 2 hours, then 2.5 hours the next night, etc.? I would pat/shh/snuggle until we hit the 2 hour mark with the idea that he would learn to go back to sleep without feeding. I dread sleep training, and I do want to sleep with him and am not asking for the world, but I would like him to sleep more than 1.5 hours at a time.

I did not cosleep with my first son until 18 months so this is new grounds for me. I have read that cosleeping, breastfed babies wake more often to feed - and I am fine with that. I just wonder if we can't do better than 1.5 hours.

If this is the norm for these babies, please let me know and I will just continue as is (grin and bear it!).

Responses from cosleepers (or former cosleepers) only. I realize he may sleep differently if I were not in the room but not ready to go that route yet.

Thanks!

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So What Happened?

Thanks everyone for the kind responses. It is good to know that this is all very normal. I will continue as is and will look into my diet and milk supply. I am so happy that we are cosleeping - I am definitely getting more sleep than I did with baby 1 - despite all the feedings! Thank you for the support - I am so glad to have found this site.

Featured Answers

Y.I.

answers from Dallas on

I remember my daughter at 4 months needed more than breast milk. He probably needs something more filling now. I'll bet if you start feeding him cereal before bedtime he'll sleep better.

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K.C.

answers from Barnstable on

I have co-slept with my kids (and am still co-sleeping with my son who is 26 months old and still nursing). My daughter stopped co-sleeping and moved into her bed when she stopped nursing at night (3.7 years). I also teach breastfeeding and instinctive parenting which includes co-sleeping.

Waking every 2 hours is very normal at this stage. There is no set "rule" for how long a co-sleeping boob baby goes at night. And there are many growth spurts in the first 12 months. Usually, USUALLY, by 7 to 8 months they stretch longer - 3 to 4 hours at night (but rarely consistently till they are over 1 year old). And they usually nurse faster, so though he may wake every 2 hours, he probably nurses fast.

My advice: just go with it. They are little for a very brief time in their lives.

Peace
:)

PS - Please feel free to request a free Boobies for Babies kit through http://www.mymammasmilk.com/Boobies-For-Babies.html

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E.L.

answers from Dallas on

You said yourself that his more frequent feeding is due to a growth spurt, so no, I don't think you should try to "stretch him out." If he was older and the wakings were a result of wanting to just play (like my kids start to do around 15-18 months) I would recommend differently, but at this point he needs food, and he's very young.

Good for you for co-sleeping and breastfeeding! You are giving him the best nutrition possible and by cosleeping you are creating a solid bond that will give him a good jumping-off place for growing independence in a few years.

The thing that saved me was naps. If you're an at-home mom, try to lay down with your baby for a nap each day. I still try to nap when my baby naps, and she's 2 1/2! (I'm pregnant again, so my body needs the sleep).

I second the advice to make sure you are producing enough milk. Make sure you are getting enough water, and look into foods like oatmeal that increase milk production. However despite what another poster said, cereal is not more filling than breastmilk. Your baby may have more difficulty digesting cereal, but breastmilk is far more nutrient and calorie-dense. Just look at the nutrition facts on the side of the box - it hardly has any calories!

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L.S.

answers from Spokane on

When I co-slept and breastfed my daughters, they would wake every 2 hours to nurse. But that's where the beauty of sleeping with them came in - I would latch them on, make sure they were comfy and drift off to sleep while they nursed :) Sure, sometimes I'd wake up 2 hours later and they were still latched, but more often than not they'd finish nursing and just go to sleep.

You could try just patting or cuddling him till you hit the 2 hour mark, but that means YOU'RE awake for that time too!

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D.M.

answers from Denver on

We co-slept with all 3 - and #1 and #3 were nursing babies (#2 was adopted & came home at 11 months). It's normal. #3 is still nursing (only 9 months old).

That said, with #3, sometimes I put him in a bouncy chair and try to get him to go back to sleep. And it defeats the purpose of co-sleeping, I know, but at times I have had to let him cry because I am so exhaused. I never had to do that with #1, but I was younger then.

NAPS are your best friend right now, if you can get 'em.

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

I co-slept and breastfed both my kids.
At growth-spurts... a baby is hungry.
They are hungrier... if you delay feeding them.
My kids as babies, had GINORMOUS appetites... and woke often. Like yours.
Babies also do what is called "cluster feeding' which means they get hungry and need to feed even every single hour. NORMAL.
They are growing... they can't help it.

During growth-spurts, a baby needs more intake and more frequently. Intake has to keep pace with the baby.

For the 1st year of life, breastmilk/Formula is a baby's PRIMARY source of nutrition... NOT solids and not other liquids. And to feed on-demand. 24/7. This is a building-block time of development.

Your baby is so young... and your baby and his hunger/feedings/wakings is NORMAL. Very normal.

BUT... I would ALSO make sure, you are producing enough milk. If not, he will not be getting enough intake....
That happened to my friend who was breastfeeding. Her baby was just never satisfied... and woke a lot and cried and fed a lot. She had milk production problems... and was not producing much. In actuality.

Sleep "patterns" in a baby is NOT ever static. It changes. They change. They develop, they hit growth-spurts, they hit developmental changes. ALL of this, reflects changing sleep ability and patterns. It will not be the same... all the time.

all the best,
Susan

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J.S.

answers from San Francisco on

just wanted to let you know that i am going through the same thing right now with #2. we went through the same thing with our first as well. we tried sleep training with #1 and it backfired! I felt so bad. co sleeping is wonderful. you child will feel so secure, knowing that you are always here for him.
encourage him to nurse more often during the day. it might help him feel less hungry at night.
if he takes a bottle have dad try a feeding now and then so you can get a 3-4 hour stretch more sleep.

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J.N.

answers from Salt Lake City on

Co-slept/nursed with #2 and #3.

I just fed them whenever they woke and wanted to eat. It was easier for me! And I knew that they would settle it out eventually. When we woke, I would roll over and put him on the other breast and fall asleep again. (I realize I was probably his pacifier but I don't think it hurt anything).

Fastforward to now. Those boys are 7 and 9 years old and great sleepers. The older weaned himself at 11 months, I weaned the younger at 15 months. I let them sleep with me beyond then. The younger still comes in to my room in the middle of the night about half the time and I still barely wake up when he does! LOL (he just climbs into bed and goes back to sleep). I think I will cry when they both reach the age that they no longer want to cuddle with mom & dad! (I do have to say the hubby is ok with all this too - it makes a difference!!)

So message is - I would just let him eat when he wakes and let him stretch his own time out as he grows. I can't see it hurting anything!

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J.C.

answers from San Francisco on

Hi, I wanted to respond to your question because I am a cosleeping, breastfeeding mom. Unfortunately I can't remember the exact amount of time my daughter woke up in the night when she was 4 months old because she's almost 2 now. Her sleep patterns fluctuated a lot though, some months I felt like she woke up every hour or so, other months she would sleep for larger chunks of time. I never did any sort of stretching out, or sleep training because it was always easier to just nurse her and she would go back to sleep. eventually she made it to waking up 2x in the night once around 1030 and then around 3 or 4 am. Now I have weaned her at night and she sleeps through the night, except for the occasional night that she will wake up after a bad dream, or needing to go pee.
All I'm saying is that it does get better, and I would say that you are doing the right thing if you feel good about it. If you get too tired and stressed out then you might need to change something.

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E.P.

answers from Dallas on

I co-slept with my 4 children. I followed a simple rule with nursing: NEVER OFFER. NEVER REFUSE. Just nurse when they want - - it means they are hungry. They could be growing, could be they didn't get enough in the last feeding, could be lots of things. If you delay the feeding, what purpose are you serving? . . . except to make the baby feel his little-tummy hunger pangs for longer - - and effectively letting your breasts know to cut down on milk production. The more the baby sucks, the more milk the breasts will produce. It is a beautiful balanced relationship between baby sucking and breasts producing. We ought not to let our modern-day electric clocks mess with that. NOTE: My simple rule worked great with older pre-schoolers crawling back into our bed in the middle of the night: NEVER OFFER. NEVER REFUSE. If a 3-yr old came into our bed at 3 AM, we'd just snuggle 'em until morning. That sweet snuggle-time of our lives passes so quickly. My 4 kids are all grown and leading their own lives in Houston, Atlanta, Montana . . . and it seems to have happened in a blink of an eye.

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J.A.

answers from Spartanburg on

He sounds very normal... I coslept and bf both of mine, the oldest until 20 months, the youngest until 8 months (then sleep training). Honestly, if you are cosleeping and nursing, I wouldn't worry about sleep/wake/nursing until you know the baby has grown out of waking at night ie at least past the 6 month growth spurt mark. You could try having baby sleep beside hubby instead of you, that may decrease the waking to nurse or having baby sleep in a cosleeper, or pack n play beside the bed. But honestly, we just buckled down and did it with our two :) I didn't have too much trouble, I could nurse on my side, dozing/sleeping while the baby nursed back to sleep, I would sleep topless for easy access (only for baby, much to hubby's dismay:) But yeah you and yours sound normal, and you probably have until he is at least oneish before you run into a full night's sleep! GL!

T.N.

answers from Albany on

I did not cosleep with my babies, but mostly because I am not a good sleeper and felt like I was waking them up every ten seconds by moving around so much.

I did however nurse on demand and can remember all three of them going through an especially wakeful period around that age. Yes, I grinned and bore it, as you put it, growth spurts, motor skills discovery, separation are all phases that come and go, and yes I nursed for comfort even though I just nursed an hour ago and I knew baby could not really be hungry.

But since baby can't say what's wrong, and BFing seems to take away all ills, that's what I did. Yes, it will pass eventually, hopefully before you start hallucinating due to lack of sleep.

But even when it DOES pass, there will be more sleepless ness phase coming, sigh. All I can suggest is NAP whenever humanly possible!!

M.D.

answers from Washington DC on

We coslept with all 3 of our babies until they were ready to go to their own beds, all around the 6 month mark....and they all woke WAY more often when they slept with me to nurse. But that was okay. Because they would basically nurse sleeping and I could pretty much sleep through it. I got so much less sleep once they were ready for their own beds. But if you want to stretch it out some, then I think you supplied some great suggestions :). I always nursed on demand though. It was just easier for me and if it made my baby happy (covered his or her needs) I was good to go!

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S.O.

answers from Oklahoma City on

I nursed and co-slept with my son at this age. I nursed him whenever he woke up even up to 14 months old, when I eventually weaned him. You're probably right that he is going through a growth spurt and just needs more at night. I would keep doing what you're doing and everything will work itself out. It's just so much easier to roll and nurse and fall back to sleep. I miss those days!!

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L.H.

answers from Dallas on

I'm having a similar problem with my 4 week old. My husband and I suspect that she's "snacking" instead of getting a full meal when she feeds at night. So our "plan of action" now is for me to pump and then bottle feed her to make sure she's getting enough during her nighttime feedings. Hopefully this will work. I wish the best of luck to you and KUDOS for breastfeeding!!!

L.U.

answers from Seattle on

I co-slept with my first son for a L O N G time (at least it felt like it to me!). He seemed to also want to eat every 1-2 hours...until he was almost 18 months. It was exhausting, but I kept up because I thought he was hungry. What I really think happened was that he was using me as a pacifier. It's comforting to be in mama's arms all warm and snuggly with the perfect food right in front of ya!
Is your husband in bed with you? maybe he could do the snuggling! If I snuggled mine then he would just root and root and root for the breast. it had to be my husband that held him and even then, if I was in the room, lots of crying.
I don't know the right answer! But, I do know that it helped a lot when my husband stepped up and helped out a little with the boy.
L.

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D.C.

answers from Dallas on

Looks like you have some wonderful advice already, but I wanted to add my two cents! My 23 month old still co-sleeps (and just weaned about 6 weeks ago). Just after his 1st birthday I was able to night wean him by sleeping in another room and letting Daddy have night-time snuggles. It took about two months for me to be able to sleep with him again without him asking for boobie. But up until then, I wanted to make sure that if he was hungry I was there to nurse him. At one year I knew he was plenty old to make it through the night without nursing. My point is, try to hang in there for a few more months, which will FLY by. Think about how safe he feels knowing Momma is right with him all night!

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H.M.

answers from Dallas on

I co slept with my youngest. He would usually sleep on his daddy though. And then when he was actually hungry he would wake me up to feed him. I don't think he did it as often. You might try a pacifier cause he may just be trying to sooth himself. Mine never ate that often especially at night. But it's good that you are giving him this experience!

Good luck and God Bless!!

Updated

I co slept with my youngest. He would usually sleep on his daddy though. And then when he was actually hungry he would wake me up to feed him. I don't think he did it as often. You might try a pacifier cause he may just be trying to sooth himself. Mine never ate that often especially at night. But it's good that you are giving him this experience!

Good luck and God Bless!!

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