9 Year Old Boy Needs Constant Direction in Manners

My mom still nags me about how I hold my pee too long. (TMI?) But, starting at about 8 or 9 I would hold it and hold it until I would leak and have to change my clothes. I don't have any clue why I did that. I did it for 2 or 3 years though. And as I said, I still hold it way too long.

My brothers are gross (13 and 18 now). No matter how many times you tell them they NEVER put the seat down, wash their hands, chew with their mouths closed, etc. etc. etc. But since my 18 year old brother got a serious girlfriend, he started making a conscious effort to brush his teeth, shower, etc. without being told.
Maybe that is what being a boy is. I don't know.
Curious- is your son in many sports? Because maybe he needs some physical release to get some energy out.

Baby is crying - will type more soon.

Sarah,

I suspect the ADHD is the key. He may not even be aware of his behaviors until you and your husband point them out, even though you may have told him a million times. ;) I doubt he's doing it to irk you. Like you said, he's very literal. When you explain the rules for a situation you can't cover all the bases, all the variations is situations. And he can't make the connections in order to translate the rules to different situations. It sounds like you are working hard with him. Bring these specific examples up to his doctors and see if they have suggestions. Does he get any special services at school, due to his ADHD/mood disorder? If he has a "behavior tech", talk to her. Good luck!

"The rule is...."

My suggestion is to be firm and make rules succinct and simple. "The rule is you chew with your mouth closed at the table." Next - how do you enforce that rule? Differently for different children. For my fairly well-behaved older daughter, who was motivated by things like money, I would do something like give her a stack of quarters on the table. Every time she disobeyed that rule, I would have her put one quarter in a special "yuck" container. At the end of the week, she could keep the remaining quarters. Of course, I would clearly explain the rules before-hand.

If I had a child like one of my brothers ;-) I would have done something like given him 3 tokens stuck to the fridge to use as a "free pass" for the week -- Each time he chewed with the mouth open he would have to go get one token off the fridge to give you. Once he lost the third token, there were no more chances -- chew with mouth open and go directly to your room -- meal over for him.

Or... a variation of that with tokens and priveledges taken or priviledges earned back...

But which ever method, I would only work on 1-2 specific problems at a time.

I have a daughter who is 11 with ADHD. She has some of the same social behaviors as your son. I think this has more to do with ADHD then gender. I have found that it is best to ignore the less irritating behavior, remind her of the seriously irritating and PRAISE, PRAISE, PRAISE the slightest correct behavior. Example: Please don't shove food into your mouth. I'll tell her once(being calm), twice(being calm), than the 3rd time I tell her she needs to go to her room for 5 minutes (being calm.) When she comes back she ususally slows down and takes smaller bites. Than I praise her for taking smaller bites and using her manners. This also works well on the kids in my Sunday School class who have ADD or ADHD. I found this in a book called "Boundaries with Kids" by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend. It is a Christian based book (I don't know your faith) and can be ordered online for $12.99. It also has a wonderful section on getting kids to clean up their stuff, which works like a charm!

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