8 Year Old Tantrums and Moodiness

From 9-12 years old, a child is a "Tween."
Preteen.
Google Search "Tween boy development."

I have a 9 year old girl.
Going to 5th grade.
Her teacher says, that from here on out, kids are becoming Tweens. It is hard. And sure, their hormones and physiology is changing too.

I have a friend with a son who is 9. And he gets surly too.

Perhaps, get him some books for boys, per Tween topics.

But for misbehavior, you gotta talk with him too.
In addition to whatever punishment you feel is appropriate.
BUT, for me... and my daughter, when she gets moody fits, I actually will in a calm voice tell her "I can tell you are not feeling great... come, lets go over here and talk..." And I let her, talk. Letting her tell me whatever she is feeling or what not. Sometimes she just "needs" to vent about things. Anything. Fine. I let her. Talking this way with her, creates a "bonding" with me... and her feeling safe in telling me things. I don't judge her. Because, I WANT her, as she gets older, to KNOW... that she can tell me things... happy things or grumpy things. And she trusts, me. Doing this with her, helps her to deflate. And then she feels better after.
It works. For her.

My late Dad used to say, that if a child cannot vent or talk to their parent at home about anything... then where will they go to do that??? And with whom? My late Dad, KNEW... (especially when we were Teens), that this was important. And HE was the person, we went to for talking about anything. Because, kids this age do NOT know how to deal with frustrations or issues or what not, instinctively. But they, even if they are antagonistic toward us, they need to have a soft place to fall, too. Because they are feeling out of sorts. So the parent, is very important... in this age spectrum.

And YES, he is responsible for his actions.
It is a choice.
With my daughter, we TELL her it is a CHOICE she makes.... on how to spout off her irks, or not. And we suggest... better ways in which she can let it all out.

How about you talk to your son??? In an open calm way... and see what he says, about why he is so incongruous, lately?

No matter how... irking a child can be... you need to find a way to "bond" with him. I find that it helps a great deal.

I want to ask, is he on the cusp ( a few months shy) of nine? Nine is all sorts of work for parents and all sorts of crazy from the kids.

This is from a site I really like; their developmental overview for each age across the board is pretty standard and in keeping with what I've read elsewhere:

http://www.allthedaze.com/development8.html

I hope this shows you that your son is rather typical and that this, too, shall pass. I would also suggest the book "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen...and How to Listen so Kids Will Talk" by Faber and Mazlish; this book is a godsend when it comes to helping us refine our communication with our kids and gives great suggestions for getting kids on board with problem-solving. Perhaps giving him the opportunity to own some of that process will help him 'buy in' to what he needs to be doing and why.

My guess is that something is bothering him. Is he having issues with his friends? Maybe he's feeling left out or something else is bothering him. Kids that age (and many adults for that matter) know they're mad, but they don't sit down and really think about who they're mad at or why.

Try asking him some questions at a time that he's not acting up to see if you can get to the bottom of it.

I strongly recommend Love and Logic. He needs punishments that fit his disrespectful attitude.

Boy, he's a pistol, isn't he! (All pun intended!)

He's old enough to understand exactly what he is doing, and you must not let him win this, Mom. Put him in his room and don't let him have any electronics whatsoever. Only a sandwich in his room and potty breaks. Nothing else. Refusing to do what he is told means he loses every privilege he has - no TV, no favorite toys, no friends over, no nothing!

Do your errand running after your husband comes home. Once he gets really tired of not getting to do anything and asks to come out, sit down with him in his room and tell him that he has to explain to you what he did wrong. If he is unwilling to talk about this and tell you what you want to hear, no dice.

Part of this is making him admit to wrongdoing. The other part is telling him that if he does this again, if he refuses to do what you tell him to do, he'll be in his room again. Period.

Follow through to the nth degree. If you don't, you cannot believe what you will face with him as a teen. This is for everyone's own good, promise.

Good luck and I'm sending you strength!
Dawn

When a child is almost 9, they can become "spirited."
First, make sure you are giving him some positive attention and time each day. Otherwise, he will seek negative attention."

If he sees that you are tense, he will play off of this. When I teach a parenting workshop, I tell parents that a child has you figured out by age 4. Around age 9, it's a new emotional spurt. He's testing you once again...except he's not 2 or 4 anymore.

If he chooses to sit in his room. That is ok. No electronics or tv up there. Yet, if it's time to go to Auntie's Birthday, he has to go. He has to get up and walk to the car. Parenting gets a tad more difficult.

I agree w/ Dawn. The teen yrs are even tougher.

My 8 yr old is so mad at me lately. For everything. The new thing is "You never believe me!". He also "hates this whole summer!"