7Th Grade Son More than Failing

Have you by any chance asked him why? Ask him see how he feels... Also there are many things that could be wrong I suggest you have him tested for many things. A Dr should know a battery of tests to run. OR the School counselor should be able to help you get him tested

its awful isn't it?feels like there's no hope. my son was the exact same way. he always made great grades til he started junior high. he's now in 8th, and is doing better this year. its a major adjustment that he has to go through, and i cried so much that first year cause i didn't know what else to do. he still isn't up to the grades he used to get, but i had to make an adjustment myself, and i think a c is better than the d's and f's he was getting. yes, we should expect more from them, but we also have to let them adjust. it's a major change for them. Hang in there, and good luck to you.

H.,

As a middle school teacher and a single mother of an adult son that was once a good but needy and difficult child at school, my advice is not to let school problems ruin home life. You don't want to get into an adversarial relationship at home. Do your best, as you have been doing, but don't get "meaner and meaner". Keep your rules reasonable and consistent, matter of fact and without anger, and continue to love him through this phase. Take time to laugh together. 7th grade is the worst year for a lot of kids.

I really feel for you. I am the mother of 3 boys and one of them is was a single mom for 10 years. He was the toughest too. It's h*** o* kids if they don't get a balanced family life with female and male role models. On top of that the schools are set up for girls to be more successful than boys. My boys have the same problems. Sometimes I want to scream at them. But they just think differently than us girls do. Girls want to do their best to please others. Boys forget it. If the teachers aren't aware of it and there are no other issues going on make sure you talk with the teachers. I know at this age they want these kids to be independent but these are still kids and they develop at different paces. It is not a one size fits all child. The school wants it that way but it is not that way. See if the school will be more accomodating to what is going on and if they won't ask them what you need to do to get him help. I'm sure you are a very busy mom but there are 2 books I am recommending for parents of boys. THe Mind of Boys by Michael Gurian and Boys Adrift by Leonard Sax. Gurian has other books out there. What you are describing is an epidemic all over the place. The sooner the schools realize this the sooner our kids will be helped. Good luck to you .

You didn't mention.......but has he been tested for DYSLEXIA???

I see this a lot in kids that age. I substitute teach for jr high a few days a week. It seems like the 7th graders are always forgetting things in their locker; pencils, notebooks, text books, homework, etc. I don't know if they just don't process "Hey, I'm going to English and I need to take my English homework," or what the deal is. In the school system I work in, jr. high is the first time the kids are really responsible for carrying things from class to class, so that may be part of it. When he finishes his homework, where does he put it? It definitely should have a designated place, the front of his book, in a notebook, or a folder that he has to carry to class. If he's just not turning it in, that's a different story. What kind of kids does he run around with at school? If the kids he hangs out with don't think it's cool to turn in homework, then neither will your son.

I would talk to not only the dean, but also your sons teachers. Explain to them that he is doing the work, just not turning it in and ask them for suggestions. I know that some of the teachers I work with have a paper for the students. It has to be filled out by the teacher and then signed by the parent when the homework is completed. I don't know if that would help or not. His guidance counselor may have some ideas too. Use the resources your school offers. Good luck!

Make sure that he has an E-File (like an accordian file). Label each tab for each subject. After completing homework, put it in the appropriate slot. Then tell him to carry the e-file to every class. Ask the teachers to check the e-file daily to see if he has what is needed. They should have no problem with doing this. This will help keep him organized without having to many places that papers could be. Let me know if this helps!
One more thing....a lot of people gave advice to TEST him for ADD. Please do not be in a hurry to decide there may be something wrong with him. He is a boy going through puberty and having hormonal imbalances. I have an 11 year old who has always been on the honor roll and has always been responsible. However, lately I am noticing changes...But i don't think I need to send him to a psychologist to FIX him. Take time to talk with him...give him the tools (organizational) that he needs and I am sure that it will all come around. If no one has ever brought up that he may have ADD....why would you think that all of a sudden he has it?

It sounds like your son is bored with school.My nephew was this way for a while.He did his home work it was checked over and corrected usually by my sister. He could do the work it was just not challenging enough for him so he never bothered to hand it in each day.Which in turn resulted in Failing grades.However every test he took at school he would get almost 100 % right.Then he decided that he wanted to be a self employed person when he grew up as my sister had lost all hope of him ever keeping or even getting a real job. Well he started taking vocational education and was bringing home straight A's in no time once she found a school that would actually challenge him.The other school just pushed him through so as not to linger behind his class mates. The old school also said he was ADHD and he was put on medication that was almost Zombie like.He still couldn't get good grades there was no challenge there for him.The Vocational training turned him into a really great student and he graduated in the top 5 % of his class.He now has a small buisness of his own repairing vehicles and works part time as a satalight Tv technician.He has two children and a wife and has no problems at all. I think your son is just BORED STIFF.
Good Luck. Debbie

Does he forget things at home? How is his memory when it comes to his social life? video games? etc. My point being if he has a memory for the things he wants, then he is capable of remembering to turn in his homework. A folder with all the homework in it that he can carry to all classes might help.
Other than that, I'm sure you have discussed with him that there is a possiblity he will have to repeat 7th grade. Maybe that is what he needs to do. Some kids just mature slower than others.
I also noted in your request that you said "we do the homework". Make sure you are just supervising; make him do all the thinking.
I have three kids and have made it a strict policy to stick with the teachers. I never supervised my kids homework, although I would ask if they got it done and I would help them when they asked for help. But a child won't flunk due to homework alone. How are his test grades? Does he study for them?
Loving your kids means preparing them for life on their own. Teens can see what the consequences of their decisions are.

Hello H.. I have a 7th grade boy myself. At the beginning of the school year he didn't do his homework and lost his prized computer and that straightened him up. It seems that your young one has a different problem though. Our 9y/o recently decided that she shouldn't have to do her homework correctly. So, 2 days a week a friend from her class rides the bus home with her and they do their homework together. Maybe your son would bennifit from a 'study buddy' that has simular classes. I understand he does his homework, but doesn't turn it in. If his 'study buddy' was in class with him, the buddy could help him remember to take his work with him. Also, my 9y/o puts her completed sheet right in her book. I didn't like that at first b.c the pages got all crinkled and bent, but it is always handy with the book. Also, the mom who mentioned his friends (weather or not they do and turn in homework) could be right on trac. We had that problem last year :(
Best of Luck!

have tried asking him what is going on w/him. sometimes they are getting bullyed or made fun of, and this is his way of shutting down. i have a sixteen year old, and he never would tell me anything he is in 10th grade now. i actually sent him w/grandma to florida and he is doing so much better in school. not sure what the case is in your situation, but i would just try and ask him what is going on in his life 7th grade in middle school is a change from elementary school, different classes, more homework different students. good luck.

Have you ever had him tested for Dyslexia or associated learning challenges???? How long has school been a challenge for him? If you prefer to talk or email offline, check out my website at www.diaohio.org, email ____@____.com or call the number on the website....

There could be a lot of reasons in addition to the ADD. I know your frustration and how difficult this situation is.....We can Help!!!

Hi, H.! I'm sorry to hear about all the frustration that you and your son are experiencing. I'm in the exact same boat with you!! I have done everything possible to help my fifth grade son to get organized, turn work in on time, get homework done without fighting, arguing, all while he is rolling all over the kitchen floor, constantly re-directing him to do his work, not paying attention... and the list goes on. I finally broke down and went to MY doctor (not his pediatrician), because she happens to specialize in ADD/ADHD. My son has a focusing issue, not necessarily the hyper thing. She gave us Vyvanse to try (which is free for the first three months) and I'll tell you, there was an amazing difference in him the first day he took it! One problem... he couldn't go go sleep! It is a once a day pill, and the first day he had a stomach ache on and off throughout the day. That night, he had a hard time falling asleep (it took about an hour and a half where usually, he's asleep within five minutes or less). The second day, he took it and felt better during the day, but he was up ALL NIGHT LONG! I called the doctor yesterday (he just started taking this on Monday), but I haven't heard back from her yet. This particular medicine works right away, and let me tell you, he was like a new kid! When I asked him to start his homework... he did it! No problems at all! When I asked him to get his reading done... he did it! It was a beautiful thing! We usually struggle to get through homework, but with the Vyvanse, it was a very smooth process of him getting it done!! I wish you much luck, and do yourself and your son the favor of trying the medicine. You might have to try a few different kinds, but believe me, it's worth it! It took me a while to decide to medicate him -- simply because I didn't want to medicate my child, but I think he was to the point where even HE wanted to try it to make life a little easier. Don't let your son fall too far behind, because he will have a really hard time catching up again. Best of luck and Merry Christmas!

I am a middle school teacher (intervention specialist) and i was wondering if you've tried any sort of organizational plan with him. Set up a system...does he have a binder? what i do with students who get work done but lose it, is create a folder for completed work. all homework goes into that folder, otherwise it gets stuck in a book-and they forget the book, or in with other class papers and gets lost in the shuffle. we also use what's called a DPS (daily progress sheet) where they keep track of their homework assignments and check them off when completed, plus the teachers can also check off wether or not the work was turned in so that you can see if maybe there's a pattern to where and when he's losing things. Just a thought!
:) kp

My nephew had the same problem. He was tested for ADD/HD and doesn't have it. It was recommended that he see a therapist. He did/is and was put on an anti-depressant and is doing really well. He is passing everythiing now and last year nearly failed 6th grade.

It could be a lot of things. First, talk to him and ask him what's going on. He's going to say, "I don't know..." but let him know you're trying to help him it's your responsibility to put him in the best situation for him to learn, and it's his job to do the learning.

If he's forgetting his homework, have a process you go through every night when you finish working on it that it goes in a particular folder in his backpack, and then put the backpack where he'll actually have to trip over it to get out the door.

It could be that he learns differently or processes things differently than other kids. It could be dyslexia (spelling?), ADD, ADHD...if you want to get him evaluated, talk to the counselor, teacher and dean at the school and have the state do it - they'll do it for free.

I went to traditional schools and the teachers said I needed to be on medication - I wasn't acting up or anything, it was just that I didn't learn according to the "traditional ways of teaching". Thankfully my mother was a teacher and could recognize that it wasn't that I was dumb or couldn't learn, and ended up getting me tutors because I was stubborn and didn't want my mother being the one to try to do the tutoring.

It wasn't until I was in college that I finally figured out how to study in a way that helped. If a teacher handed out a syllabus, I'd have to "read ahead" for the next class, then take notes on what the teacher presented, then type the notes into the computer, adding in additional information from the books for the class to the notes. It's a lot of work, but I finally started "making the grades" at that point. (My last summer in college, I took a 3 hour theatre class for a 'B', and 2 ea. 6 hour SPanish classes, that I aced. My last semester in college I got a 3.25.)

It could be that he wants the attention from you, it could be that he's frustrated because he does all this studying and not getting the grades or rewards from it he wants, it could be that he needs to work on his organizational skills.

If the reward thing worked once, it might work again, the trick is finding out what's important enough to him to get him to do the work. You could make a chart for a week - and every day that he turns in his work, he gets a star. If he goes the whole week doing that, then he gets a prize (going to a movie, getting a new pair of shoes, or something).

Just some thoughts I had...for what it's worth, and good luck!

I hope you can find a solution to your problems with your son. Since you have 2 sons how is the 15 yr. old doing? My daughter is having similar problems with my oldest grandson who is 11 years old. For the first time this year he is misplacing homework, fights at school, talks out of turn and is disruptive at school and home. Currently my daughter is starting conseling with him and trying to get referrals from the doctor for evaluation for ADD. She called a referral number 211 First call For Help for referral advice also. We really need to know whats wrong with him because he is very intelligent and is in "gifted" childrens classes and makes good grades. So you are not alone with this problem.

You need to go to a psychologist to have your son tested for ADD. While you are there, ask the psychologist to test for other learning disabilities. This could be a sort of dyslexia or other disability. There are over 100 types of dyslexia, so it's very possible there's simply a new technique to learning he needs to know about so he can retain information. Good luck!

Hi, H..

You may just have a normal Jr High boy going through a rough spell of puberty, but do you think your son might be gifted? The current educational term is high-ability.

With your testing, was it inclusive (also testing for hyper-activity and I.Q.)? My son is a 9th grader and he was tested back in first grade when the teacher thought he was "just too immature" for his grade and should be set back to kindergarten. Ends up he had an exceptionally high IQ and was simply making games to entertain himself thorough boredom. Maybe this is the case for you?

Joint Special Services is a tax-paid resource that serves our school, and all that was required of us for a full evaluation was a written letter to the school requesting testing to determine what was "different" about our son. They had 30 working days to complete the evaluation and it required surveys from the teacher, parent and facilitator. (Call your state's Board of Education and ask their advice.)

That created a whole new set of challenges. Indiana teachers are only required to receive three college credits in "high ability" student training for their teaching certificate. Most don't thoroughly know what to do with a kid outside the 100-120 IQ teaching norm. Kids 15 points outside either end of the scale have the same difficulty comprehending the average classroom. Remedial programs are often supplied to the lower end. The other kids fend for themselves. (It is thought that smart kids don't need help, but not all are self-paced. Einstein needed a personal assistant to count his change.)

Our school received grants for a Gifted and Tallented program, and I found out that we are only required to serve one classroom for those State Funds. But according to the No Child Left Behind policy, it is fair for parents to ask that the high ability students be taught at their level so that they also leave each grade with more knowledge than they had at the beginning of the year. After several years, I asked that my son be assigned a planning folder similar to the Individual Education Plan for remedial needs students. It follows him through each year so new teachers have something to review. (That is up to them, but it helps some.)

My son has had homework and classwork issues like yours through his entire school career, but always tested exceptionally well. (He found a loophole in Jr High school policy that stated he could not be failed if he tested well but didn't to the homework, as long as he had perfect attendance.)

I was worried this year because I know High School isn't like that - but he told me he'd make at least Cs to meet the new requirements. We've used groundings and rewards all of these years, but just last month, he finally found a goal that rationalizes more effort. He has the opportunity to attend a public gifted highschool for his Jr and Sr years if he keeps his grades up.

If this is the case for you, hang in there. I have been so frustrated with him because I have known he could do better.

If you are anywhere near Purdue, they have a Gifted Educational Resource Institute that offers gifted classes on Saturdays. The $300 was outside my resources most of the time, but it was good to see how tiered learning was handled in it's best form. (Our school paid for one class but we had to transport him.) GERI also has parent resources such as a library full of lots of info on how the gifted mind works.

Don't laugh, but giftedness is hereditary, and I looked back a couple of decades to my school records and found that I was gifted -- and all these years I thought that I was just "weird". I cried. I was only 9 points out of normal, but my son is 23. I cried for him too. Then I got busy being an advocate.

Hang in there. I hope this helps.

~~V. L
(By the way, I also discovered that a majority of skateboarders are gifted with higher mathmatics and physics comprehension... and it's rounded out with high muscle and eye coordination. They find challenge in that sport. I'm not coordinated enough. Ha-ha.)

Hi H.,

Are you sure he's not being bullied? It's odd that nothing is making it to the teachers. Is it possible that someone at school is taking it from him? Does the older son have any info or has he made any observations on the bus or on the way home from school that he can share? Often a boy won't let on to his parents that he's being harassed at school.

If ADD is the case, then an IEP can require the teacher to ask him for the homework instead of requiring him to hand it in. My son used to do that occasionally in 6th & 7th grade - made me want to scream. I asked him what planet he was on while all the other kids were passing in their homework. "I don't know" was always the answer... so apparently somewhere out there beyond Pluto, lies planet IDONTKNOW. :-)
Good luck!!

Can you afford a tutor or mentor for him? I used to be a mentor, and have seen many kids around his age like this. A common theme (that I noticed) was that they were having a lot of time out of school without their parents (working late or whatnot) or other supervisory adults. I'm not judging or criticizing, I think kids at that age (maybe especially boys?) still want/need their mom a lot more than it seems. With me just showing up 2x a week after school for 2 hours a time there was dramatic improvement. Math and reading skills increased. We were able to get one kid back INTO school (he was suspended because his grades were so low). If you can, choose a mentor that your son will ENJOY rather than is an old school 'ruler to the back of the hand' type. I would let the kids pace, snack, goof around, doodle, and fidget as much as they liked, so long as we were doing productive education. We made promises to each other with our goals. We talked about our futures. Another thing you could consider is seeing if your school offers peripheral classes (shop, art, gym, band/music, choir). He may not be book smart, but maybe he has an untapped talent that he can take pride in and grow. I will say that punishment won't work, he may take it as a lose-lose battle in life. Let go of your frustration and stress about it--it offers nothing to either of you. You will love him regardless of the outcome of this. Two final things: 1.My brother nearly flunked out of high school, and is now a master electrician earning nearly as much as me (professional engineer); and 2.Take care of him emotionally, and offer him support, and the rest will fall into place. Sounds 'earthy', but it is the most important.

Maybe there is someone at school or around is locker picking on him and he's nervous to the point his brain shuts down. Have you thought of homeschooliing him? Virtual Academy.com has excellent programs.

H. -

Learning Rx. Their ThinkRx Program is cognitive skill training and saved my son's education. The cognitive skills are auditory processing, visual processing, short and long term memory, comprehension, logic and reasoning, and attention skills. We were fortunate enough that the school he attended at the time offered the program after-school. Just as an example, our son's short-term memory was at 3% at the beginning of the program. By the program's end, it was 87%. It is worth it to talk to them.
www.learningrx.com

My son doesn't turn ANYTHING in, never has. He got food spilled on him at lunch so they sent him home in a replacement shirt. It sat in his bookbag for a week and a half before I finally turned it in. I gave him a toy to donate to Toys for Tots, I had to literally make him put it in the donation box in front of me. It is the same for homework but at his grade level the teacher looks in their folder herself. My son is gifted, socially he is never going to be at the level he should be and he just can't do anything that includes handing something in, or even going up to the teacher's desk. He is being tested for Autism, specifically Asperger's, maybe this is your son's situation?

I have had the same problem with my son since kindergarten. He would have the homework in his bookbag but wouldn't look in his bookbag to find it and just tell the teachers that he didn't do it. I would find out if he is depressed or very unhappy where he is. Find out about the social portions of his education, whether he interacts with anyone else. I know that my son is not happy with middle school in general, the social aspects that involve bullying and picking on other people, which makes him want to be anit-social.