Middle School Is Killing Me!!!

if the teachers are noticing issues, then it's time to take it to the counselor. If the counselor cannot assist you, move on to the principal. From there, you move on to the administration for the district.

I recommend you fully document your journey, including the records from elementary school. Don't let this wait any longer....it will only become harder for him!

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My first response would be to go to the Special ed department in your school district and ask for a work up on your son. Too many districts are cutting teachers and staff to save money now that you may have to demand this. It does cost the district more for a sp. ed student because they may need to make special accommodations for him so this may also be a reason for them putting it off. I guess another way may be to talk to his Doctor but really it is the school districts responsibility. Good luck and don't give up this may be your child's future, do not let them put you off any longer.

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J.,
Don't give up, just keep badgering everyone in the school system until someone does something - start with the teachers, then counselors, building principal, and keep moving up the ladder. Did the school bring up testing for dyslexia? In which case, I am shocked they did not follow through on it. Also, see if there is a gifted program at your school - many gifted children are dyslexic. It may be a combination of the boredom of doing something that is mentally easy but a physical struggle. Especially at this age with so many other things going on, it can really make a child feel confused.
Good luck and please post an update.

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J., I believe there is a separate test for dyslexia aside from the psycho-ed eval. So make sure you find that out rather than just get the psycho-ed eval. Both are needed to help unravel the question here about your son.

So sorry you are both going through this!
D.

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Mom. call the school's district office today and ask who they recommend you take him to for testing for dyslexia. It may be in your best interest to pay to have him privately tested if the district testing takes a while, if you are able to do this. I'm sure your Pediatrician can recommend someone good to test him too, get price 1st though, not sure how costly it is for testing privately. If its not dyslexia it may be some type of learning disability that can be found and he can be helped. Don't put this off, middle school only gets harder Mom. Good luck to him, you are a great mom for caring.

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Under federal law the school must provide testing followed by a plan of action if testing shows additional help or resources are needed. You have asked in elementary school and twice in jr high. I'd say your next step it to write a letter to the school with you concerns and request that the school test your son to see if additional resources are needed. CC the superintendent of the school system and you should get action.

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I feel your pain. My youngest son is in 7th grade and we deal with similar issues. Here are my thoughts...

First, if you feel your son needs testing and the counselor doesn't know what to do, it's time to talk to the principal. It floors me that she doesn't have a clue (and her boss will likely not be best pleased either). I've taught in secondary schools (7-12) for 19 years and I've never heard of a counselor who doesn't know that all she needs to do is pick up the phone, call the school psychologist (or district psychologist) or her Special Ed department and schedule an appointment. Sheesh...

Second, it's great that your son does so well in class, participation-wise. Call an all teacher meeting (you might have to do this through the counselor, but hopefully he/she will be able to handle this). Express your concerns and work with the teachers to figure out some strategies for helping your son get his work in. In some cases, it could be as simple as the teacher saying very specifically, "Johnny! Good to see you this morning. I need you to take out your math homework from last night!" It's a personal, verbal cue to get something out. (My kid always read a book through turn-in-your-homework-time and got a D in math because of it!) Some teachers, not all, once they know the parent is involved and concerned are willing to do a little bit more. Yes, they should do this automatically, but, sadly that's not always the case.

Third, don't give up on homework time. Is the problem that your son can't do the work (I don't think that's it) or is it he just doesn't want to do it, focus, etc? If it's the don't-want-to-do-it bit, I found the best trick is to simply set a timer for 10-15 minute blocks. You both sit at the kitchen table, you have your "homework" (a book to read, bills, something like that...I usually grade papers) and he has his. Pick the hardest class first and he needs to try to finish it before the timer goes off. He can ask you questions and he can take longer, but he MUST be working diligently. You should both agree on a non-verbal "refocus" cue. For my kids it was me tapping the table three times. Surprisingly, my kids thought it was fun to try to beat the timer and they did not want me to scowl and tap the table at them. Homework got much easier after the timer came to the table!

Bottom line, your son needs not only an education but a good education. You don't get a good education by not learning to be responsible. It took my first son from 7th grade to 9th grade to learn this. He ended his sophomore year first in his class. My youngest son has been struggling with the organization side of things since birth, but we haven't given up yet. He has to get his agenda book signed, we check grades daily, I email teachers constantly and we still sit down with him at the homework table with a timer.

I can only hope that when my baby hits the 9th grade he'll have figured out how to do all this without me because it's just exhausting! Hang tough, sister. The rewards for both you and your son will be worth it!

Good luck!

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You obviously realize that your son may have a learning issue of some kind. Request that your school evaluate your son for learning and attention issues. You must put this request in writing and you can find templates for the letter at www.wrightslaw.com - this is a great website for all special education questions. You can also contact your local Parent Training and Information Center ( a federally mandated agency in every state) for help in following up on your request. Here is your state contact info - they will direct you to local help for your area:
Parent Training and Information Center (PTI)

Kentucky Special Parent Involvement Network (KY-SPIN)
10301-B Deering Road
Louisville KY 40272
(800) 525-7746
###-###-####

____@____.com
www.kyspin.com

take care, S.

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You got some great responses... I'd especially pay attention to the Dysgraphia (or Written Disorder of Expression.) My brother has Dyslexia and I would find it hard to believe if it hadn't been diagnosed prior to middle school... can he read or is it just a problem to get work on paper? My son was diagnosed with a Written Disorder of Expression privately in 1st grade (and I'm sad to say we didn't really know enough to make the school aware) but the school tested him for LD's in 4th grade and found out he was gifted in the process (he was in the top 1% on IQ tests- Mensa qualifications are the top 2%.) Now, I have to say, the school basically left us on our own after that laughing and saying they wished they had such a score (not even a referral to talk to the gifted teacher!) We were not told he qualified, based solely on the tests, for gifted classes and because he had just earned a D in reading, we were hesitant to fight for it... UNTIL I learned more about giftedness. Underachievement in regular classes are somewhat common because the minutia is excrutiating. (My son also is ADHD and is very disorganized and forgets to turn in work.) I ended up fighting for the gifted classes in middle school and they required new IQ tests (because the others were done more than a year before.) He scored even higher! School is still a struggle (which seems so counterintuitive for giftedness) and we vacilate with hovering to keep him on task and loosening the leash so he can try to do it all on his own. (BTW, he's earned nothing but A's and B's in his gifted classes and the teacher's told us he is "an outlier, even for a gifted class.") Good luck and read up on some of this! I cried after reading the first few articles because I could have wrote them! :-)

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Contact your local Lions Club and ask for help with regards to having him tested. They helped me when I needed to have my brother tested. Not only did they help with the testing, they also helped me set up help in school for him. The only downside is that my brother was at the age where he hated school already and he was too old to turn around with regards to enjoying reading.

I would also have his eyes checked by a specialist too. It can very well be an eye problem that needs checking. I went to an eye doctor for a bit over 3 years and in that time, the doctor wasn't catching an eye disease I had. Instead, he kept pushing the RK/Lasik surgery but I refused. I wanted to find out what was wrong and the surgery idea gave me a weird feeling that it was wrong and as it turned out, after I had to go through a nurse who was able to get through my insurance to cover the appointments without the requirement of the referral from my local eye doctor who refused to write the referral. It turned out that I had a retinal eye disease and then an optic nerve defect.

It could be anything from Dyslexia to an eye problem that needs attention but the Lions are all about helping people with problems like Dyslexia and eye problems even if it means just needing glasses, which they can also help pay for if there is no insurance to cover it.

The Lions were great with my brother. I mean they had him at the best specialist available for the testing of Dyslexia. It was well worth the call because if you wait on the school without the threat of an attorney (and sometimes even with the threat of an attorney to force them to do the job they are supposed to do - I fought them in kindergarten to have my youngest child tested for AIG - academically and intellectually gifted - and they finally did after I went to the state's Public Education Director and she turned out to be almost 2 full grade levels ahead of her classmates and the kindergarten level testing).

Best of luck.

P.

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another option (depending on your insurance) is to get his primary care physician to refer him to a developmental pediatrician. many insurances will cover those kinds of visits with prior authorization and a referal from his regular doctor.

If you can get that, then go that route. The developmentalist will then do ALL kinds of testing on him, as well as have you and his teachers fill out all kinds of information. Once you have a diagnosis from a doctor, you can REALLY start pushing for the services your son needs. As well as learn some strategies that work well with his particular issue.

If your insurance WON'T cover it ... just keep pushing. Call them every week to see where they are in the process of getting him tested. E-mail regularly with a cc to the principal and special education coordinator for the district.

Good luck.

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Is it possible for you to pay for private psycho-educational evalation? He may have a handwriting disorder, a reading disorder or a combination of both (or neither!). If you could get some testing it would be so much easier to hone in on the real issues. I'm not a fan of school testing simply because I do not like the school to have that much information about my child (but that's me).

The good news is it sounds like he is a very bright kid. He may also be a highly auditory learner (not always a great fit for traditional school which favors visual learners imho).

After years of private school we now homeschool - both my sons absolutely love it. The best thing about it is that we can tailor our curriculum to their specific needs (which are very different from one another!).

Here is a web site that I found early on - extremely helpful: http://www.ldonline.org .

Good luck.

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My "usual suspects" would be:

- dyslexia

- dysgraphia (no problem reading, instead of the disconnect happening when the info to eye to brain enters, it happens as it's leaving... dysgraphics have to run a marathon to get every single letter down on the page. Dyslexics *can* be dysgraphics, and vice versa (aka comorbid) but the 2 exist all on their own. Dysgraphia is less common, to the best of my knowledge, and it's about 30 years behind dyslexia in being common knowledge, even with school types).

- ADHD... particularly "i" or "c" (inattentive or combined). Hyperactive physical kids tend to get tagged young, but we combined types, or "inattentive (hyperactive mental, instead of physical), usually get missed until grades 5-7. Giftedness comes along with nearly every case of adhd, so the "daydreamers" and combined, can drive teachers MAD. Not because they can't sit still or focus, but because the are SUCH active participants in class, know the material inside out and backwards and propose insights that usually aren't seen until highschool or college, and sometimes ace any test ever put in front of them... but "Does not consistantly, or regularly complete or turn in homework". The words "fails to live up to potential" also gets bandied about quite a bit.

Obviously, since I'm adhd-c I'm more familiar with my own disorder... but all 3 (dyslexia, dysgraphia, and adhd) flag for me with homework/paperwork.

((And yeah... since a full eval typically costs $300-$750 dollars out of pocket, I can definitely see why it would get postponed until the school is back in session. BUT I would also rec that you make the school do just that... a FULL eval... not just a specific LD eval. Typically the schools don't want to, for 2 reasons: 1) Their staff isn't qualified or 2) because of the expense. In order to combat schools dragging their feet and dropping the ball, arm yourself for advocasy and headaches. http://www.wrightslaw.com/ ))

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Besides having him evaluated for dyslexia and other possible causes, you might as well have him tested for being gifted. A lot of homework is just busy work. Some students need the extra reinforcement and practice of what was taught during the day while others get the concepts very quickly and just hate doing over and over what they already know.
My son is gifted. I've had to speak with him a few times about - "if it's so easy, just get it done as quickly as you can so we can do something more interesting when you are done". The quickest way to fun is to get the work done. It's hard for him, because he's ready for Fridays test by Wednesday and he hates it if the whole class has to review the same thing one more time because one or two students out of 25 failed a quiz.
He's in a gifted program now, and it's better now that things are moving along at a pace that better fits his learning style. He's enjoying learning how to play the clarinet, and having fun things to learn really helps him get over those times when he has to learn something that doesn't interest him as much.

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It truly should not be this way, but the squeaky wheel gets the oil. You are your child's greatest advocate. If you feel (and clearly his teacher agrees) he has a learning/reading issue, every public school in the country has a program which is designed to help him (if only in theory). You may need to set up camp outside your administrator's office but (also i theory) that's what they're there for. Start with his teacher who (name number email) do I talk to to have him evaluated? Gonna have to follow up over and over. I would also discuss your concerns with his pediatritian, get a name of a specialist/referral you can bring him to to have him tested evaluated. Do not stop until you get him into a program he needs. It can be frustrating and a lot of work, but no one is going to do it for you. Get up to bat for him, meanwhile google his symptoms and come up with a general idea of a dx.

I could take some guesses about a name to his particular issue, but they would only be guesses. Time to bring in the professionals! Good Luck, keep us posted, and don't EVER give up!

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stay on the school. they have a legal obligation to test your child. if they don't know how go to the board of education and request it be done right away. they may have to have someone come in from out of county but they can't say i don't know how. they are hoping that you will forget about it. you child deserves a good helpful education. if they don't know how maybe they are in the wrong profession. all school systems have speacil ed. teacher. good luck and fight for your child. no one else will. god bless mom of 7 R.

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I can tell you this is quite common. I had the same problem as a child and my oldest son also has this problem. They found mine alot sooner though. When I was in 1st grade they approached my mom about me being possibly retarded since I was not keeping up with the class, so they had me tested. The results was just the opposite. The problem I had was I got the material and was ready to move onto the next thing and got bored. Why do work that I already know the answer too????? Classes are so centralized now that they work with the slowest person, and dont think about the fastest person. So my teachers made things more challenging for myself and several other kids in my classes. The school system I was at had an AWESOME AIG program starting in second grade, so I was lucky, until I moved from that district and had the same problem until high school where I could take the more challenging classes. My 7 yo has the same problem. He also has ADHD, which makes it even more difficult to keep his attention. He has a folder approved by me and his teachers or worksheets and books to occupy his time. This way he wants to finish he required work so he can learn something new and challenging in the worksheet or book. I have seen a huge improvement. Logic puzzles are great for the middle school age to start learning and will super stimulate his brain. Just a thought. Can't hurt to try. Hope this helps.

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a good psychologist can administer the test (or the school counselor should be able to at least). The reason I think of a psychologist instead of the school counselor is because a psychologist might be better able to get to the bottom of why it's happening. You son's behavior could be a sign of a learning disability, but it could be something else too. Rather than assuming he has a particular disability, the psychologist will ask plenty of questions that would more likely get to the bottom of what's going on. That's just my $.02.

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It's possible that there's something going on, and I would encourage testing as long as your son feels comfortable with it, but this could simply be the behavior of an 11-year old boy. He sounds normal to me--zoning out isn't that unusual, especially if he finds the paperwork boring. One of my sons nearly flunked his English class in eighth grade because he hated the paperwork and did as little as possible. But even the teacher admitted he was gifted--just stubborn. I raised most of my kids in the 80s and 90s when labeling kids wasn't nearly as common and I'm glad for that. He's 11, coming into puberty, and there are some physical and mental changes going on that are completely normal. Boys in particular often get labeled when they are simply being normal. I've raised six of them.

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I'm not discounting dyslexia or some other similar issue, and I know this gets suggested a lot on this site, but has he been assessed for ADD/ADHD? Sometimes this goes hand in hand with issues like dyslexia.

There is a good chance that's what's going on here. This has nothing to do with learning disabilities like dyslexia, but is more about being able to focus, stay on task and organize thoughts and day to day routines.

Check with your pediatrician or school on testing for this, and take it from there. For some kids with this condition, a traditional school setting just isn't effective. They need shorter sessions, a different teaching approach, more hands on activities vs. lecture and wrote. etc.

Kids like this can really flourish in a homeschool setting, or in a smaller classroom where they get more 1 on 1 interaction with a good teacher.

In the interim, check out the following sites. They might shed some insight on school/homework issues and ADHD.

www.sizzlebop.com
www.headsupnow.com

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Why haven't you brought him to his Primary Care doctor to find out who does this kind of testing. You had the whole summer. Tell the school that either he gets tested or they will have to pay to get him tested. Good luck!

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you need to talk to his ped about having him tested for add. talk to them soon as a person with add i know how upsetting it can be to just not quiet get it. (i was diagnosed late) good luck

I thought my son was just being lazy. It takes him so long to finish his school work, clean his room, anything. I finaly had him tested for ADD. Half of his teacher's evaluations were on target. I could tell that the teacher new my child. The other half were "ugly". Anyway, the psychologist said "We won't really know if medicine will help unless we just try. It sounds like he could be ADD." He losses focus and I can't sit with him 3 hours every night. So, he took Concerta, and, it is working. He still struggles, But, he now can have a life and complete tasks.