7 Mo Old Refusing to Sleep Unless Nursing

As the mother of three grown children, what I have to say to you comes from the experience of having my children grow up and one day I looked around and said, "where was I and what the heck was I doing?" I know you have things to do while the baby is sleeping and you need her to nap, but I would give anything to be able to hold my babies again while they sleep. Make your baby your total priority and make yourself REAL comfortable while she nurses and take that time for you to nap with her. When she is grown, would you rather remember that she wouldn't nap alone so you napped with her, or that you had a clean house that you were able to accomplish while she slept? Believe me, this time is SO short - make the most of it and hold her while you can. When mine were babies, I always nursed them to sleep at night and I remember doing a lot of "comfort nursing" especially when they were teething. Keep holding her and don't let anyone tell you that you're going to spoil her by holding her. Spoil YOU!! Hold her as much as you can! She will learn to go to bed and sleep on her own, mine did.
S. :o)

Dear T.,

I would suggest investing in a timer. You are in for a couple of rough nights but if you persist you will have a child that can put herself to sleep. Your daughter is using you as a pacifer. It is up to you when you want her to stop. My husband (who had children from his first marriage) always strongly suggested the 10 minute rule. I would nurse, diaper, and rock my children, then I would put them in his/her crib. I left the room and put the timer on for 10 minutes. With my first child when I started this, he would often cry for 8 to 9 minutes before falling to sleep. My second and third children rarely cried and has always been able to put herself to sleep. I started doing this with them immediately. If your daughter is still crying after the timer goes off, go in comfort her and start the process again. When I comforted my children the first couple of times I would pat them and talk to them. I only picked them up if they were beside themselves, then I would nurse for a little while. My husband actually wanted the timer set for 15 minutes as he believes that children often go to sleep at 11 minutes. I took comfort in my father-in-law's (who has raised 9 children and has 42 grandchildren) saying that babies need to cry for at least two to three hours a day, that it develops their lungs. I don't think my children ever cried for that long.

The other choice is to continue as you are. I have a friend that always nursed her children to sleep until they were quite old, switching to reading to them when they were about two. It is only a problem if you want to try a different method. Happy parents have happy babies. You will figure out what works for you.

.

Hey, if nursing works, go for it! It was the only thing that worked for my older child and after 10 mo, I decided that God/Mother Nature must have made nursing babies sleepy on purpose and who was I to fight it!

Sometimes I nurse my 8 mo old to sleep for naps. And sometimes we nurse and then I tuck him into his car seat and sit next to him (folding clothes usually) until he nods off. (The car seat is handy since it's on the couch next to us anyway. And it's portable, if we need to move him to a quieter spot.) At night I lay on the bed with him and sometimes he nurses himself to sleep, and sometimes he tosses and turns a bit getting comfortable first. We cosleep (safely, of course, we have guardrails and follow the rules, etc.).

You could probably nurse to sleep on the bed, get up and do whatever for awhile, and then move her to the crib when she's nice and under, limb from sleep. We used to do that with the older, before we started cosleeping outright.

All I'm saying is that it doesn't have to be an issue, unless you just want it to be.

I am a military mom also. Both of my kids were the same way. My youngest is two. I miss those quiet times. Enjoy it and listen to what your baby needs. She may be going through some seperation issues now. Our kids shared the same bed. My 4 yr old is in her own bed now. But, they still lie in our bed to go to sleep. It gives me quiet time with them and I love it. Yes I could be doing 100 things but this makes me slow down! They are only young once and they are growing so fast!

Also, I have spoken to a lot of military families. Maybe it is because of daddy deploying and weird hours, but many of them let there kids sleep with them. One mother of a 16 and 14 year old told me that the day there daddy deploys they are in moms bed until he comes home. I think it is a security issue.

By the way, I was not strong enough for any cry it out thing. I figured if they were going to cry that hard they needed me. I have had few issues with temper displays and I feel more emotionally connected to my children. I think this will pay off in the teen years!

I'll tell you the same thing that I told another mom a couple weeks back (the "crappy naps" post). Both my kids have always "played" themselves to sleep in their crib. I would keep crib friendly toys in there....like those soft books, smaller stuffed animals, etc. She could be just bored and lonely in there. My little ones always loved to lay there and "chat" with thier little crib friends. =0) It's worth a shot, anyway. I know the other mom said in her outcome that it worked great for her baby girl (who I believe was also 7mths old). Good luck to you!!!

when you say you have tried to let her cry it out, how long did you last before returning to the room?
my middle daughter was like this, and i found through reading (i wish i remembered the book title) that the only way to help this is to put her down and actually let her cry a little bit. this is not cruel, it is helping a baby form. luckily for me, it only took a few times at this. it is really difficult to hear your child cry, and may seem like and eternity, but she will fall asleep faster if you don't keep coming back in the room while she cries because that helps her wake up again. also, a point make in several articles i have read is that a baby wants to see what they saw when they went to sleep, and they have to learn to sleep in their beds.
the first year can be really difficult, and i wish you all the luck in the world dealing with this.

I cant' say it enough, as I have said this to sooo many moms on mamasource, but read the book The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantely. Be strong, keep a routine and it will get better. I had the same problem with my daughter. You may have already heard, but you have to put them down either drowsy not asleep, that way she can learn how to go to sleep on her own.

good luck!
A.

T., is there a reason you don't use a pacifier? Seems like the only solution I can recall. I am a grandmother now, but I gave my children pacies. Of course there is the problem of breaking from the pacifier later on. Good Luck!!!

Thanks to you and your family for serving our country.

Hi T.,
Go and get these two books - they will help a lot:
Secrets of the Baby Whisperer
The Baby Whisperer Solves all Your Problems (by teaching you to ask all the right questions!
Both are by Tracy Hogg and are extremely helpful.

Hi T.,

I don't know if anyone suggested this, but I was always told that wherever children fall asleep is where they expect to be when they wake. This was, and still holds true for my daughter who is now 3. She was a terrible sleeper, and napper. I also nursed her to sleep, or rocked her in my arms. You should still nurse her before bed or nap, there is nothing wrong with that, but it may help if you lie her down just before she falls asleep completely. Let her be aware that you're putting her into her bed to sleep, that way she may not be shocked when she doesn't wake up in your arms. You may have noticed once she wakes, she will only go back to sleep the same way she fell earlier. This is extremely commom, and I found it helped if I didn't let my daughter fall asleep anywhere other than her bed.
Hope this helps. best of luck to you!!

Hi T.! I recommend a book called Baby Wise. It really helped me show my son how to fall asleep on his own. I remember those days when I would have to get up in the middle of the night to nurse him back to sleep and I'm so greatful that I don't have to do that anymore! I bought the book when my baby was about three weeks old, but didn't actually follow the advice until he was around three months old. It sounds like your daughter has gotten in the habit of needing to be nursed and cuddled to sleep but I don't think it's too late to change that. She has to learn to sleep on her own sometime! Please read that book, I'm sure it will help you.

Oh, poor mama. I know your frustration. I've been there. But my frustration stemmed more from *thinking* my baby was supposed to be able to fall asleep on his own. I had so many people and magazines tell me that nursing him to sleep was spoiling him or letting him manipulate me. And people almost hit the ceiling when I admitted that I let him sleep on me. But for a long time these were the only two methods that worked for us. Once I realized all that was garbage and that nursing to sleep is NORMAL, WORKS GREAT, and is how babies are DESIGNED, I swear, my frustration faded. So I brought him to my bed and nursed him lying down so we could both sleep (which by the way, is the BEST sleep I've ever had! Even compared to now. When we weaned, I missed how easily nursing made naps and bedtime and especially those middle of the night wakings.

I am so anti-CIO (Crying It Out) and so frustrated with all the pro-CIO advice I see on this particular board that I just don't have the energy to rant like I normally would. Just let me assure that this time goes by so darn quick (although it doesn't feel like it to you now) that what feels like a burden (the nursing to sleep) is something you will one day miss. My baby never cried himself to sleep, nursed to sleep about 90% of the time, slept on me in a recliner or with me in bed 100% of the time. And at 2 years old, he sleeps great! And I sleep great!

Babies and young children need to be PARENTED to sleep, not just put to sleep. Here are some great links to my favorite websites, kellymom and Dr. Sears.
http://www.kellymom.com/parenting/sleep/comfortnursing.html
Here's an excerpt:
"Many moms feel guilty for nursing their baby to sleep. Nursing your baby to sleep is not a bad thing to do! It's very normal and developmentally appropriate for babies to nurse to sleep and to wake 1-3 times during the night for the first year or so. Some babies don't do this, but they are the exception, not the rule....Nursing is obviously designed to comfort baby and to help baby sleep, and I've never seen a convincing reason why mothers shouldn't use this wonderful "tool" that we've been given."

This one is great, it's called 8 INFANT SLEEP FACTS EVERY PARENT SHOULD KNOW
http://askdrsears.com/html/7/T070200.asp

I also recommend the book "The No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley and "Good Nights" by Jay Gordon.

************ edited to add ******************
STAY AWAY FROM THESE BOOKS: Babywise by the Ezzo's and The Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg. Oh, geez, don't even get me started on Gary Ezzo, he is a friggin idiot. There is an entire anti-Ezzo movement that includes the church that once supported him. Check out this link for more on him http://www.ezzo.info/
Tracy Hogg's book is not as bad but she's too much into "training" and her advice is not always breasfeeding friendly.

T., your DD sounds a lot like my DD did when she was her age. I didn't want to let her cry it out.. I just did what she needed as it is only for a season, but what worked for me might not work for you.

My DD coslept with us till she was 3 yrs old. It was fine with us but she did go into her big girl room and had no problem for the past 2 yrs. (she is now 5)

Do what is BEST for you and your FAMILY

I have an 8 month old who is the same way. Actually she is my third child who has had the same sleep issues. If it is a short nap and I have reading to do, I just hold her. With my other 2, nursing them to sleep in a recliner worked and then I could sneak out without waking them because they were already down. You can also nurse them to sleep laying down in a bed and then get up after they are in a deep sleep.

At night, 8 month old sleeps with me.

Hope you find what works for your family. Just remember, they are only small for a short time and the most important thing is that they get the sleep they need and the love they need. THe rest they will outgrow with time.