6 Year Old Sleep Issues + Separation Anxiety + Power = One Tired Family!

Updated on August 29, 2011
K.M. asks from Portland, OR
5 answers

Help! My 6 year old son has some serious sleep issues, separation anxiety, and power struggles going on these days! And sadly, the separation and power are directly more extreme when mom (myself) is around.
First, the sleep - About 6 weeks ago, he moved into a new bedroom, was excited and slept well. Then about 4 weeks ago things started to go downhill, and have gotten worse. He now gets up up to 5 times a night, and refuses to go back to sleep / bed. We have tried the slient put the kid back to bed method, the sticker chart, night lights, rewards, later bedtime, etc. but it only seems to get worse.
As for the separation anxiety -he seems to freak out when mommy leaves for an outing - makes a scene, then is supposedly fine within a few minutes. He does not do this when dad leaves. I worry about schol starting back up next week, and what will the first week of 1st grade be like? Will my kid be the one with anxiety isses? Of course, I have not voiced this concern with him.
As for the power - he really seems to be pushing the buttons on a lot of things and trying to out power anybody in the house.
Any advice, or comments would be great - even just saying that I am not alone with these 3 issues would be appreciated.
Thank you!

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M.C.

answers from Washington DC on

Sleep - does he have a night light or a table lamp? We had to put dreamcatchers in my kids rooms. They seem to have helped. Maybe he could go to Build A Bear and make a Nighttime Buddy, dressed in Ninja clothes that will give him strength?

Seperation Anxiety - this is a real feeling, but for most kids is the oldest trick in the book.He's in first grade, so he will know the school, some of the kids. Our school has a meet and greet a few days before school starts so that the kids can meet the teacher, see some other kids, pick out their seat, drop of supplies, etc. Treat school like he's going to a job. It is his job and he doesn't have a choice. When talking to him about school, make statements that are matter of fact.
Instead of asking - 'Do you think you'll make friends today?', say 'Try to say hi to one new person today.
Instead of 'Hope you like your teacher.', say 'go easy on your teacher today'.
Instead of 'Hope you have a good day', say 'Can't wait to hear a fun thing about your day.'

Power struggle. All kids do this. Just decide what you are willing to accept, and what you aren't and be consistent. When my kids get bossy, I just look at them and say 'um. No. Try again' and then I wait for them to reask their request in a nicer way. Being consistent is the key because once you let something go one time, that will be the way it is.

Good luck
M.

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R.Y.

answers from New York on

I don't think you are alone because we are seeing some of this with my 5.5 year old who is about to start K at a new school. I've been seeing the defiance/button pushing/power struggles kind of behavior for a few months. I give consequences but it is still kind of there. My son also dislikes being his his room alone and wants an adult there until he falls asleep (mostly he sleeps through the night so it is not as bad as the getting up several times a night). I would say let him have a sleeping bag on your floor (with a pad if needed). At least you will not be exhausted until things settle down (my friend says her 8 year old still sleeps in her room so I doubt you are the only one). Also try sitting in his room at night and see if there is something that may be scary to a kid (weird noise or shadow or whatever) if there is then show him what it is so he can see it it nothing to worry over.

My son isn't doing the separating anxiety thing when I leave but I am expecting it when my 2 year old starts preschool. If it is just worrying about the new year it may let up in a few weeks. Also the book The Kissing Hand is a good one for this. You can give him a kiss on the palm of the hand, sticker inside his shirt or somthing along those lines so he can use it to be reminded of you when you are apart.

L.A.

answers from Austin on

Does he express why he is getting up at night?
is he frightened? Lonely? Not tired?

If you know the reason then maybe you can find a solution.

The separation anxiety could be a continuation of the sleep issue.. Once again is he frightened? Is he tired? Why is he stressed? Is he worried about attending a new school?

The move is a big change in his life what else has changed? Did you start working? Are you leaving the house more often? Is there a new baby who is taking up more of your time?

It is not unusual for children to pick up any stress in the home.. Even an excitement can be sensed by a young child.

Solutions will take speaking and really listening to what your child is saying. I can't sleep. Why?

I am not tired. Is this because he needs more active play or an active activity? Sports, swimming, riding his bike? Maybe drop a nap.. he will not have a nap or quiet time at school. Could also be that once school starts he will be wiped out at night and will sleep through the night.

His room is too quiet or he can hear strange sounds.. Maybe a white noise machine or a CD payer that you can play quiet music..

Too dark in his room, or shadows in his room.. More night lights and flashlight he can have right next to his bed. Or go in there when it is totally dark and take a look at what bothers him.

He has a vivid imagination... Maybe use monster spray (a squirt bottle with water) this spray can be sprayed each night to keep the thing that frighten him.

When you leave to go somewhere.. show him on the clock when you will be back.. Leave hm with something of yours to keep up with while you are gone. A coin, a piece of faux jewelry, a scarf.. (that you do not mind if he loses it).

C.B.

answers from Kansas City on

what's going on that has his little bubble threatened? sounds like something big has happened. has there been a lot of talk about school starting? a move? someone he loves in the hospital?

my son (5) has been going through this - because he fell off a swingset and broke his arm a couple weeks ago. so we are all stressed as a family and he has had trouble sleeping (nightmares), and been VERY emotional and quick to tantrum when told no. it's just stress. his little world has been rocked and he's been through some incredible pain and fear and he's dealing with it. we just have to be extra patient and firm and not give in to his behavior. it's not easy. i hope you get your little guy back on track soon. hang in there!

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C.S.

answers from Las Vegas on

My first thought was anxiety over school. My kindergartner started last week and we noticed she has a little different attitude. Give it a few weeks and see if it doesn't calm down once school is in session.

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