Hey moms I am in need of some advice. My daughter is six months old and today when I dropped her off at daycare she started bouncing up and down and reached out for the lady that is her favorite. She had a big grin on her face and when I tried to kiss her goodbye, she wouldn't even look at me. I hate taking her to daycare as it is, so this just really broke my heart. This lady usually isn't there yet in the mornings when I drop my daughter off so I don't know if it would happen everyday, but once is enough for me. I guess it's a good thing, because I know that she is getting lots of love and attention, but I just can't stand it. Right now I am student teaching and really have no choice, but I graduate in December and have an opportunity for a job once I graduate. I was going to take it because my husband and I want to buy a bigger house and another vehicle, but now I am once again doubting that decision. I guess I am just needing some encouragement. Is this normal for babies to do? When I pick her up in the evenings sometimes she is happy and excited to see me but usually she just kind of looks at me. Once we get home she is happy and playful, but it just makes me feel like an awful parent. I often wonder if the ladies at her daycare think I ignore her at home because she never seems that happy to see me. I teach all day and when I get home I have lessons to write and papers to grade, but I never even touch them until she is in bed for the night. I just don't know what to do and feel horrible. Any advice or encouragement would be greatly appreciated :)
Thank you all for the support! As you can probably tell, I was very upset when I wrote this and was not thinking clearly. No, I do not want to work just for a bigger car and a house. I am not that shallow. I want to work to provide my children with nice things. We have a nice life, but we are already outgrowing our house. My husband and I have been married just over a year; I got pregnant the month after we were married so our daughter was a surprise, but the best thing that has ever happened to us. We need a bigger house, and we need another vehicle. We both drive two door cars and they are not family friendly. So no, my reasoning is NOT materialistic. The debate between work and staying home is up to each individual. I just struggle because I want to spend time with my daughter but I also want to work. I have worked my butt off to graduate a year early from college and I absolutely love teaching. The plan was to teach first, then stay home. Well, life doesn't always work out that way and so my plan has changed. I don't want to try to get a job in five years and not be able to get one because I didn't go to work right away. This is for my daughter, not for me. As stated, I do not even touch my lessons or my papers until my daughter is asleep at night. Every minute I have with her is spent with her. If I thought I could always be a SAHM then I would not work at all, but I know that I will need to work when my children start school and I want to make sure I have a job. Sorry I got off on a rant, but like I said, yesterday I was feeling very emotional over the whole deal and wasn't thinking clearly when I wrote what had happened. It just literally happened five minutes before I sat down to write this. On a lighter note, thanks so much for the advice; when I went to pick her up yesterday she held her arms out to me and wanted me and was bouncing up and down. I guess I knew it was a good thing, but I just needed to hear it from you other wonderful moms :)
This is very normal !! I have a home daycare and the kids sometimes prefer me to their parents. It's just a faze she is going thru and that will change. Don't be upset as she does know you are her mommy!
Oh and wait for the day she screams and cries because she doesn't want to go to daycare!! Then that will make you feel really bad! It's neverending :)
My daughter did the same thing for a while, but it is just a phase. After a while, she will wine about having to go to daycare, and she is now excited to see me when I get there to pick her up. It is hard at first, but I would rather her be happy than hate it, because if she hated it, I would feel a lot worse about taking her there. Good Luck!
R.- Yes, I think this is completely normal! My first daughter (2.5 yrs) has done this many times. I cried all the way to work the first time this happened! But everyday is different... there are some days that she has cried when I left her there and other days that she can't wait for me to walk out the door! Also, days where she can't get to the car fast enough to go home and then days where I have to drag her to the car! I just have to remind myself that it means she is getting the care she needs and feels comfortable there... and I wouldn't want her throwing a fit everyday when I dropped her off! Hang in there- you are a great mom for being concerned... but know that this behavior is normal!
R., Relax your daughter is letting you know she's happy and well taken care of. You don't always find quality care. I'm a provider and I've heard some stories. In this economy it's best to finish your education and take I job.( I chose the SAHM path and now at 43 it's hard to go back into the work force for more than min. wage) Your baby knows who mommy is. Some of the children I care for have been with me 4+ years and sometimes they occasionally will slip and call me mom. NO big deal because at the end of the day your the one she wants. You need to show your daughter the importance of education and how if need be as an Adult she can take care of herself. (most samh can't afford that if something onforseen happens..divorce,death.) Just remember a Happy MOM means a happy family and you have to be Happy also.
D.
I know how you feel. My son is almost 2 and just started day care. Well yesterday he didn't want me at all when I went to pick him up. He clung to his daycare provider and said No when I tried to pick him up. It hurts there is no way to not let that hurt. But I do feel blessed that he is happy there and getting the attention that I cannot give him durning the day. I work at home but it was getting too hard to work during his nap times. I think you should pursue your career because if that makes you happy you will be a better mother. I know there is a guilt feeling. I think every working mother has it but all you can do is love your baby with all your heart and make the most of the times you are together and no matter what remember that you are her mother and she will love you in a way that will never change!
They are only little once, so if you want to stay home now is the time to do it. You'll never get this time back. In 18 years when you move her to college, what will matter more? The time spent with her or the size of the home and the car you drove when she was a baby? Being a teacher is a great way to be a working mom though. You'll get to spend summers together and be in her school with her.
Be glad that she is happy at daycare and not screaming all day. In the long run, you would rather her be happy than horribly sad for 9 hours per day.
As a daycare provider, I have had several children that appeared to love me more than the parents. One Fourth of July my daughter found one of my dc kids that was 15 months old at the time and brought her to me. When the first firework went off, there was NO question who she wanted, and it was not me! She screamed for her mommy until I walked her several blocks away from the show. Since my daughter had gotten her and there was a huge crowd, I had no way to find her mom. Trust me, just because they like daycare and their provider, they know who their mommy is and when it comes down to it, they want their mommy. :)
R.,
This is a VERY normal thing. I have had it happen many times in my daycare. The moms will look at me like I am stealing their child. It's so hard. If they have too much separation anxiety a parent is convinced we are abusing or neglecting them. But on the flip side, when they actually show a love toward us the parent hates that too.
What is really happening is that at this moment the baby does prefer this person just a little. BUT, please understand it happens between moms and dads too. Sometimes a baby will be a daddies girl/boy. Sometimes they are a mommies girl/boy. This may flip back and forth many times in the first few years. Well, truth be told it just keeps happening. Our time spent together between our children and my husband and I, and our over all feelings of togetherness flow back and forth even now between our 9 year old and our adult children and ourselves. It's all perfectly normal. It's also perfectly normal for you to feel hurt and a bit jealous.
The longer I have any child in my care the more I become like another parent for them. Children will manipulate grown ups in a variety of ways and often try and pit parents against each other later as they get older. Well, this happens in daycare between the provider and parent too. I just can't tell you how often a child will do something really outrageous right in front of the parent at drop off or pick up and look at us both waiting to see how we will handle it. Sometimes they will be doing something against the parent to see if the parent will discipline in front of us, other times they will do something against me to see what I'll do. I'm not saying this is what's happening with your baby of course! I am just saying that you need to expect and allow for your child's caregivers to be a valued member of the family. Would you really want their caregivers to be distant and sterile so to speak towards your daughter? I know I would not want my child to just go someplace and exist for 8-10 hours per day while waiting for me. I want my daycare children to be as much at home and as loved and cared for at my house and with me as they would be at home with their parents. It's not always totally achievable. But it's something that we come pretty darn close to.
Suzi
This is VERY normal. My grandma babysat my son when he was a baby until he was two and being together all day gave them a bond like no other. Kiddos love their daycare providers, but trust me, ultimately, no one beats mommy and daddy. It sounds like you are spending good quality time with her when you are home so I wouldn't worry. She will outgrow this and there will come a time when you won't be able to peel her off you!
It is so hard being a working mom. I worked for 8 1/2 years and recently decided to stay home with my two kids (ages 8 and 6) but whether or not to stay home is such a personal decision. Whatever you decide, get a support system you can depend on and turn to for guidance, help and love.
Best of luck!
A. A.
www.wichita.citymommy.com
i will tell you your daughter is acting TOTALLY normally. my son always runs hot/cold with the sitter...in the mornings, many times (he just turned three) he still cries and throws a huge fit...but some mornings he just runs in as happy as can be and ignores me telling him bye. in the afternoons, same thing - sometimes he runs away from me and doesn't want to go home, sometimes he's halfway to the car before i tell her and the kids goodbye. it has more to do with his moods than anything else. the thing is to treat dropoff/pickup very casually and normally, no matter her reaction, because we "do" have to do this every day, there's no negotiating. don't hang around, just act like this is the best thing that will happen to her all day long...and expect that she will have different reactions on different days. it does NOT mean anything about how she feels about you - you're her mommy and nothing will ever take your place! know that!
ps...love is not a competition and there isn't a limited supply...i feel that teaching your child to love someone besides yourself is the most selfless thing you can do for them, and GOOD for your child. preferable to being selfish with their love and jealous over anyone else they may have affection for. it does NOT mean they love you less. this world needs MORE love by golly! nothing will ever take your place in her heart. NOTHING. i personally give you my guarantee that taking your daughter to a sitter will NOT damage your relationship with her, and the sitter will NEVER take your place. never discourage your child from loving their daycare provider. you'll only teach your child that people are out to get them and not to be trusted. anyone with a any confidence in their child, and their own parenting, should be happy that their little one could trust and love someone else. it's what learning social skills is all about! and that, ladies, is our JOB. to teach our children. (-and "maybe", to provide them with a comfortable home and safe transportation. it's WRONG WRONG WRONG for someone to assume you're making selfish choices. you sound like a great mom, and great moms have one thing in common - they do what they feel is best for their children. some people might assume that someone who decides not to work might be making SELFISH choices, but no one is ever willing to look at both sides of a situation, most just choose to make judgements and act superior.) R. you're doing great, keep it up.
Hey R.,
Just to let you know, my three-year-old son does the same thing at his Early Childhood class. He's so excited when we get there, as soon as he sees his teacher, he's OFF!! While all the other kids are giving their moms/dads hugs and kisses and, "I love yous", my son doesn't even look back. It doesn't bother me, his teachers know he loves me. He has a lot of fun and learns a ton in class.
When I picked him up after class, I would ask him, "ready to go home for lunch?" He'd say, "NO!" I'd joke around with his teachers saying they could keep him all day. (He's in half days). He's just recently started riding the bus home after class so he'd have something else to look forward to.
So, try not to let it get you down. Your daughter seems to like things out of the ordinary routine...that's great! She gets excited to see other people, and let me tell you that's soooo much better than the opposite!! What if she cried uncontrollably when you dropped her off? When she gets older what if she started saying, "No mommy, don't leave me!" I'm sure that would just tear out your heart!! So be excited she's excited and has fun.
And no... this situation does NOT reflect on you or your parenting style. All kids act differently to different situations, so please don't sweat it!! You're doing a great job!! Relax and know your daughter is taken well care of!!
Have a great rainy day! ls
Don't even think twice about it. I have 3 kids and every one of them loved our daycare provider. They went through phases where they were SO EXCITED to see her and days when they didn't want to leave me. I went through the exact same thing, but don't think twice about it now. I am just so pleased that I have a wonderful provider that all my kids have just loved. Don't second guess your decision about teaching. In the long run it's the perfect job for Mom's when your kids get older and are no longer in daycare. Keep your chin up! Good Luck with teaching. That's something I wish I would of done when I was in college.
Very normal!!
Do not be sad but instead be happy you have found someone your daughter trusts and has built a relationship with. Be proud you have given your daughter a foundation to be secure and feel safe.
She still loves you and wants to be with you. She's just happy in the daycare and is preoccupied by all the fun things she sees and does there.
R.:
I can relate! My daughter is now 12 months, and she stays with a close friend (has since approx. 3 months). Early last week, for the first time, she CRIED when I took her to kiss her goodbye! I made it out of there with no tears, but cried all the way to the office. And she even cried when I got there to pick her up for the rest of the week! My sister guarantees me that they all go through it. It is hard! But I am so thankful to have a friend/babysitter who cares for my sweet baby girl so much, and I never worry about her when she is with her. This too shall pass.
It's normal, she just has a friend there. And she is comfortable being there and she knows that you are coming back. My Grandma told me that was a sign of a confident child. They know they are loved at home and were they are at. My kids never once cried when I left them and my oldest like her daycare so much that she would tell me to leave and slam the door in my face (she was 2). And then when I picked her up I would have to drag her out of there. My younger one hated to leave her preschool and I'd have to drag her out. They still like going back to the preschool/daycare for visits (that's where they go when there is no school). Your daughter knows who Mom is and she loves you. But she has other people in her life too. My younger daughter hugs no one be me. She refuses to even tell her dad goodnight, this has been going on for years. She will not hug grandmas, grandpa, aunts or uncles (she does hug one uncle - so he hugs me and my brother and that's it). Your right to be happy that she is loved and taken care of at the daycare. And I hate to sound like baby years are not important - but really in 10 years she won't remeber those people - but you'll still be MOM! Good luck with school and baby and God Bless!!
R., you should be happy, not sad... I know my sister always felt the same way as you, worried her daughter would like her babysitter better, but I am the opposite. I know i don't have a choice and I have to work, so if I can't be with my kids, then I want someone that will give them as much attention & love as I would. It is a good feeling to have her go to her daycare provider & give her a hug. That is some much better than her screaming when you leave, I've done that & now know why, it was't a happy place for her there.
So be happy you made a good choice and found a good daycare for her when you can't be there.
She is so happy at daycare and loves her teacher so much that she's excited to see her. It could be reversed and she could cry and scream when you drop her off. My 18 month old has been that way with my mom (who watches her while I work) since she was very young. Wants nothing to do with me when Gram or Gramps is around. It's also very healthy for children to form a bond/attachment with the ones who care and provide for them. Good jobb finding a daycare that your daughter loves!
That's normal for them to like the person who watches them during the day. When my daughter was going to an in home daycare alot of the kids would call her mom and yes at first I was taken back by it but my daughter was happy and healthy so it didn't matter to me!
I think you should really look at what you are saying: your baby prefers someone else over you. This is because she spends much more of her time with that person than with you. Now you want to continue that so you can have a bigger house and car?! I know this is a hot button issue, but here is how I look at it and why I am a SAHM. We are all going to die. Do you want to die with a bigger house or having spent the most time you could with your family? In my opinion, life is about love, not work or material things.
