5 Years Old Potty Training

Hello there,

Your post interested me and concerned me. My children are 6 and 3 years. My oldest started being interested in potty training at 15 mmonths so we began but I pushed it too hard and then we moved so it disrupted the training. She was my first and I really pushed it but really, she was fully trained just before she turned 3.

With my second daughter, I was no longer a paranoid new mother eager to push the milestones and so I was less pushy about potty training. I figured she'd know when she was ready and so would I. She is the one who indicated she'd like to wear pretty panties so I went with it and we began. I wasn't anywhere near as pushy about it but I worked with her and sort of used a schedule to help her. So anytime she ate I'd take her to go. We made pottying a positive experience by keeping short picture books within reach of the toddler potty/ later we had one of those soft seats with cartoon characters on it too to make the big potty more comfy. A step stool helped when using the big potty and provided something to rest feet against since she was small. Then we sang a short song while soaping up hands and dried off and all in all it was a pleasant experience for her.

Peeing was simple to get down although reminders help and I also would get up in the middle of the night and take her to go to help her avoid going during the night. I did this with my oldest and that's how she learned to either get up on her own and go or hold it through the night. My second NEVER did wet the bed. Not a single time. She never filled up a pullup so much it leaked out before we did this either. Thankfully, my second also was trained by the time she was 2 and 1/2.

All children have their own pace of learning and the like. However, I personally would be concerned if, at five, a child of my was not only NOT potty trained but not showing interest in it either. It doesn't seem right that yours isn't bothered by being wet-or having accidents. I would have to look at the whole picture. Is it that she gets so busy playing that she just forgets or holds off on going? Is she truly not bothered a bit by being wet? Or do you immediately change her after an accident so she doesn't linger in the wet pee so it's not an unpleasant issue? Is she digging in her heels and just refusing to try? Is there other behavior that is not on par with the age? Is there a reason she might act out? Could she have a problem like say a bladder infection that could make accidents something she can't help? You know your daughter best. Your Pediatrician doesn't know her like you do. AS her mother, go with your gut and trust it. If you feel like something should be done or her actions different then believe in yourself enough to trust your mommy intuition. It certainly won't hurt a thing to go to another doctor for a second opionion.

Testing can help-just put a positive spin on it so that your daughter doesn't feel she's being checked for something negative. Perhaps there is a learning trouble she has and she'd respond well to another type of training. There is so much availible now for just about any issue you can have and at 5 she'll need to be potty trained for Kindergarden anyway.

None of the kids in Kindergarden in my oldest's school were still unpotty trained (unless they had physical disability or something else going on and it was expected.)

So as the mom, you do what you feel is best for your sweet daughter and no matter what you learn about her-continue to love her for the sweetheart she already is. :)

Gods blessings on you, your daughter, and baby inside!

1 mom found this helpful

Ask for a second opinion. But watch out for quick fixes, make sure the underlying problem is found and that the doctor doesn't just put her on medicine without checking out the situation first.

J. W.

1 mom found this helpful

C.,

I would most definitely take her and get a second opinion. I believe that the average girl is potty trained between 2 & 3...it's nearly time to start kindergarten!! My daughter has been potty trained since she was 2 1/2 and I can not possibly imagine her not being potty trained now at 5...Please get a second opinion...it's only fair to your daughter, you, your husband and the little one on the way.

L. F.

I would get a different dr. in my experience, when a Dr just blows things off its time to see a different one. go to a pedi uriologist and see what they say. its not normal for a 5 year old girl to not be potty trained if it were a boy , maybe but not a girl and you said she does not even try and does not notice that shes wet, thats not normal for any 5 year old.

Pediatritions are too busy and overwhelemed and blow a lot of things off when they should be referring them to specialists who know more about the conditions they treat than a pediatritian. I go to my pedi for well visits and coughs colds things like that but when it comes to a specific issue I always see a specialist.

seek another oppinion.
Good luck
A. J

Maybe you could skip the pedi for a pediatric urologist?/ Or some other kind of specialist. That way you are not just looking for a regular pediatrician, you are seeking out a specialist. Keep fighting, clearly you know in your heart that something is wrong, and all of these responses have been just the thing to confirm it! ~A.~

if you get her to go potty every 30 min she will get fermilerized with the tolit and she will get to the point where she will know when she needs to go and dont need to go but she need to go even if she dont want to.

Hi C.,
I am a mom of four anf 3 are daughters, typically girls potty train very fast but every child is different and do their own thing on their own schedule. 1st at five she should be done I would get another opinion from another Dr. there my be developmental issues. It might be as simple ad the new baby coming along and she just needs some extra pushing in that area. In the meantime, you have to speak her language, find what is most important to her and use that as an incentive. My eldest took the longest, probably because there is no model that is close to her age. If you go to play groups you may be able to find a peer that you can show as an example, they can show each other their panties or something, but make it exciting that her friend is just like her. Another suggestion I have seen often is using a doll and having the doll pee. At five though she should have a good understanding of consequences, let her know that there isn't a choice. If she likes her panties take them away from her. My eldest wouldn't poop in the potty and she loved her princess panties, the last time she pooped her pants, I cut the panties off of her and threw them in the trash. It was like the world had ended, but she never did it again. Personally I see this as unusual, it can delay all sorts of issues like going to school and other social consequences, maybe you can offer her a playdate alone with someone but only if she doesn't pee her panties all day. Also, keep in mind to take it a little at a time, try hour to hour first, then 2 hours praising her each time the timer goea off at the time you decide and tell her. Sometimes they just need to see they can do it. If an hour is too long try half hour. I believe it is very important to get this done before the new baby comes as children have a tendency toact out once a new sibling arrives and if she see she is getting a lot of attention for positive things she hopefully will not pee to get the negative attention. Last thing, as hard as it is, don't make it ever look like a punishment, always explain, that it is her choice to earn the "reward" or not. Of course all that goes out the door if there is something that needs medical attention. I would also have her checked for any UTIs, my daughter had them and it may be an undeveloped urithra (sp) that is causing the sensation and her inability to control it, but she would have UTIs if that was the case, but I would deffinately check that.
best of luck

Hello C.,

for a boy, I would not be supprised but for a girl, this is quite strange. keep doing it with even more love than ever. If she goes in the toilet, make the biggest deal of it all. treats and all. Remind her every 2 hours without fail. tell the kindergaarten to do it to. Try to help her remember. All of this will pass but please do not put her back in diapers. that will not give her a good feeling of being a big girl. If she is okay in other things, then she is fine. Do not go somewhere to get your daughter labelled. some kids are just slow in somethings. If your ped says she is fine, if you do not see any major problems in other things, then she is just fine.

Please get a second opinion, I have 3 girls and they were all potty trained when they were 3, by 5 your daughter should be well established with potty training.

Is she in panties or pull-ups? If she is still in pull-ups she may not be "that wet" when she goes. They are still pretty absorbant. If she is in panties and doesn't care that she's wet, then definitely get a 2nd opinion. If she is still in pull-ups switch to panties and see what happens
.
I've also heard that chiropractors are excellent with things like this. She could have a slightly pinched nerve that affects the sensations down there.

absolutely get a second opinion. If it were a poop only issue I would think differently, but since she is wetting her pants I would check it out further. Take Care!

Hi C.!

I'm no expert in parenting, but I did think of a couple of things when I read your post.

The first is the fact that you are 7 mos. pregnant. Regardless of how loving and attentive to your daughter I think it is only natural for them to feel the stress of not being the only child any more. I would work on the potty training, but with a new baby coming I think it will be a while yet!

The other thing that I thought of was something that really worked with our oldest son. I think it would be even more effective with a little girl. I let him pick out some underwear with his favorite characters on it and then I also picked up some tightie whities. The rule was that Scooby Doo and Batman are our friends and we don't pee and poop on our friends. If he had an accident he had to wear the white undies as 'punishment' for peeing/pooping on his friend. With a little girl I think they are really keyed in on some of those girlie characters and probably have some cute pantie options that she could get excited about.

I never found food or stickers to work.

Good luck!
J.

I would most definitely seek a second opinion. When my mother was trying to potty train me and couldn't by age 5, she went do a different pediatrician (because the current one kept saying give it time, some children it takes a while, don't worry...) and come to find out there was something medically wrong and I had to have surgery and after that, I never had another accident and everything was fine.

I would definatley get a second opinion. I can't image a 5 year old who isn't potty trained. Does she go to school? My advice would be to put her in panties and know that there will be accidents, but that in a few days she should "get it". You are saying she doesn't care or doesnt' know that she's wet - that is a problem. If she wasn't potty trained at night, I wouldn't worry so much, but during the day....I would get another opinion.

You are not overeacting. Get thee to another peditrition ASAP and maybe a urologist or a neurologist.

I would definately get at second, third, fourth opinion!! A normal, active child should be potty trained way before the age of 5. Set a schedule, get her really motivated and keep working on it, but don't let it go without a medical opinion either. I would be very concerned if my child (BOY OR GIRL), wasn't potty trained by 3 or 4 years old. I don't think you are over reacting at all, go see another doc, it isn't going to hurt anything!!!

I have a 3 year old that is the same way, does not care if she has a diaper full. I went to the library and checked out the book....toilet training in less than a day. I am also going to go buy the real panties for her. I think diapers have just become way too convenient for her. You might want to try the book...I've heard from several people that it works. If that doesn't work, then I would definitely find a pediatrician that can give you some help.

I would get a second opinion from a medical doctor. The normal age for potty training is 2 to 3 of course some children do it sooner and some later but 5 is really late. Is she on target with all of her other milestone? I never hurts to get a second opinion for peace of mind if nothing else. Is she verbal does she understand? these are all questions to ask yourself if so maybe it is medical and she does not know when she needs to go.
Get a second opinion ASAP!
Good Luck!

You asked what I would do?
I'd read "To Train Up a Child" and implement that new knowledge of training a child. Check out their website...
http://www.nogreaterjoy.org/articles/child-training/potty...
Love on that little girl lots and lots, but put your foot down. Email me if you ever need encouragement, I know it's not easy!

Did your pediatrician say that he/she has seen this type of behavior before in a child this age? Is this common? This does not sound like normal behavior for a 5 year old. I taught four and five year olds when I was in college. If there were accidents, it was during nap time. They were few and far between. If this is a change in behavior for your child, then it might because of the pregnancy. And you might try to continue to work with her. She may just be seeking more attention. If she has always had constant accidents then there could be something more to it. I would maybe seek a second opinion in that case - it doesn't hurt.

The thing I'm wondering is whether there are other things your daughter isn't doing that other girls her age are doing. Is it possible the potty training is following an overall pattern of delay? Regardless, I'm with the other moms who recommend a second opinion or a visit to a chiropractor or urologist. There is a reason your daughter isn't potty trained, and as Mom, you have to find it. This will really begin to affect her psyche when she starts school.

wow, you most def. need to take her to a different ped!! that's not safe for your daughter.

Get her tested. My daughter had a kidney that did not grow and she ended up for 7 yrs having to self catheter. Also a little girl that was in my day care they just found out she has urine that empties then goes back up the tube and causes a ton of infections. By the time they told me my daughter had some bladder damage and kidney damage. She was only 2. So please do not let this go farther. If that doctor is not concerned get another one. Children should be trained by 3 latest 4. I am working on all my 2 yr olds and it is hard with so many to keep on them. Seems that is the most we get done in a day by the time I fix snacks and lunch and nap time but I keep on them. Learning manners and we wash hands all day. Good Luck G. W

Find a new doctor--this is more than a little reluctance. You need a doc that will take the time to really look into this. I kept hearing a 'wait and see' from my (former) pediatrician until I realized it wasn't okay and the approach was not just passive, but harmful to my son. I changed docs, she immediately had multiple suggestions/referrals.

my first question to you is are you using pull-ups? If so that is quite possibly the problem. All three of my kids treated them like they were diapers. I am a kindergarten aide and I can tell you that 5yr olds are potty trained but can occasionaly have accidents so that would be pretty normal, but 4-5 times a day is alot.

If you aren't using pull-ups I would find another doctor and talk to them about it. This is definately something to be concerned about.

Good luck and I am sure it is nothing but get a second opponion just to be safe.

My advice would be to get a second opinion. Even if there's not anything physically wrong, the new pediatrician might be able to give you some advice on how to motivate her to go to the bathroom.
Good Luck!!

Hello C.,

Besides getting a second opinion, I'd also take her to a chiropractor and get her adjusted. Maybe she's just not getting the sensation that she needs to go. Good luck and patience. follow your gut! ~C.~

C.,

I would get a second opinion, just for your peace of mind and if there is something wrong for you daughter, treatment early. Plus if your daughter is starting school next year, you don't want her to be held back just for potty training reasons. Good luck!

I would take her to a kidney specialist.

Hi C., I suggest taking your daughter to a pediatric urologist. My son had problems with potty training (he would dribble pee in his undies throughout the day and sometimes wet completely) until he was almost 6. His doctor finally referred him to a urologist who discovered he was having bladder spasms. We started him on a bladder relaxing medication and he never had a problem again. I think urologists are better at working with urinary problems because they have studied everything in detail and know which tests to preform and which questions to ask.