4 Year Old Won't Stop Winning

This might sound quite mean, but I had one just like this and after about 8 months I couldn't take it anymore... I sat him down (he was 5... but had only *just* turned 5, it started when he was 3 and 4).... Anyway - I sat down with him, just the two of us, and told him this (in not so many words)

Declan, I love you. And I want you to come to me when you need things. And from now on, when you need something, you will need to use your big boy voice so I can understand what you're saying. Okay?

Of course, he says okay and everything was great for... oh, about 15 minutes.

As soon as the whining started back up again, I reminded him of our talk. All I said was, "Remember, you need to use your big boy voice now." And ignored him until he did.

I mean totally ignored him. No eye contact, no talking to him, no yelling at him, no time outs, not reward chart reminders... etc...

It worked for mine - maybe try it for yours? I have no idea if it would work or not - obviously we have two different kids so it might not, but thats what I did and it only took a week and that whining stopped and the world rejoiced!!

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I have 4 yr old boy/girl twins. My boy whines a LOT and it kills me. I feel your pain!! What's working for us is this... I get down to his level and in a firm, yet calm voice, I tell him, "Please use your big boy voice and tell me what's wrong." I give him my full attention. Whenever he whines, I get down to face level and say that, or "Please use a calm voice or I can't understand what is wrong." They have an 8 yr old sister, too, and he whines at me about both of them. We've been doing this for a couple of weeks now and it's going very well. Often, I just have to remind him what we DO, not what we don't do. I have to consciously remind myself every day to not raise my voice and to stay positive. Whenever he asks me something or handles a situation well, I try to comment on it positively. "I like the way you used your big boy voice to talk to your sister." Regarding "stuff", I gave each kid a tote with handles. That is ONLY theirs. They do not have to share those items with each other, but they can, and they do have to put them back when they're done. (I will put things in their totes or they can...they're not always the same.) We've done our tote system of personal property since my twins were 2 and they understood, so your 2 year old might as well. When they were younger, my older daughter was the whiner and she knew that we couldn't necessarily keep the "little kids" away from her stuff, so if she didn't feel like sharing, she'd need to play alone for awhile. Often, she chose to share after playing in her room alone for 5 or so minutes. Just some thoughts.... Good luck!

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I used two tactics for this.
May I say, whining didn't last long in my house.
One was to completely ignore anthing that was whiney. COMPLETELY IGNORE. It takes some earplugs and nerves of steel, but I made it clear that I simply didn't hear whining. I would hum and sing and go about my business....
The second was to whine right back. In the most irritating and exaggerated whiney voice I could muster. At first they thought it was funny, but when they got the whiney routine every time they did it, within about 30 seconds they were covering their ears and telling me to stop it.
Wasn't so fun hearing it come from someone else all the time.
Like I said, it didn't last very long in my house.

Best wishes.

From the book Love and Logic, I use the phrase, "When your voice sounds like mine, I will be happy to discuss that with you."

My daughter does this too! It can be maddening... what sometimes works with her (as I have to confess the "I don't understand you when your voice sounds like that" didn't seem to work for us...) is to ignore her. The works when she is whining about wanting something when I've said no, or wanting to do something she knows she can't - I calmly get down to her level and tell her no and why - ONCE, then I walk away. Sometimes she'll whine and pout in the corner and other times she'll just walk around whining. But, giving NO attention to her has led to shorter whining spells... Hang in there.

Oh, I am so happy to announce that Yoka Reeder is going to be here on the 12 of June, as soon as I know where I'll post it here. She has helped me so much, and after I hear it from her I think "OF COURSE!" just common sense.
Best, k

we began to completely ignore our dtr when she did this. that will cause more whining at first but when we were consistent she learned that we meant business. it is much better. good luck, I know it is exhausting!!!!!!!!!!!

Whenever my son whines I tell him that I can't understand whining and that he needs to use his big boy words. I also never give him whatever it is until he uses his big boy words. It seems to help. If not, I put him in time out and when time out is over I ask if he's ready to use his big boy words. If not, I put him right back in time out. It sounds stern, I know...but I figure it's easier to nip it in the but now than to deal with a teenager that whines till he gets his way. Here's to hoping!!! Good luck!

I can sense how you are at the end of your rope! He might too...so take a deep breath first and know that this too shall pass.

At his age, it may work best to tell him what you want him to do instead. "Stop whining" is not going to really do it for him, because he man not even be aware of how he sounds. I would try to explain tone of voice to him, and teach him a new way to sound, then remind him how you want him to sound when the wrong tone comes out. I would actually tell him how it makes people feel about him when he sounds that way, and let him know that you love him too much to let him sound like that.

Good luck honey, I hope he stops driving you nuts soon.

M.

I didn't read the other posts, so if this is the same, I apologize.

I tell my kids that I cannot understand what they are saying and do that until they talk "normal". I say it over and over again on almost every circumstance... and it works! They first can't figure out why I all of a sudden cannot understand them. Then they just cave in and stop whining.

Don't do the behavior chart with the whining... do it on everything else except this.

Good luck :) We know it's so frustrating!!!

"I can't understand what you say when you talk like that. Please try again." You say it with a matter-of-fact voice as if you are saying the sky is blue. Do not sound angry or upset, just clearly say you really just have no idea what he is saying.

Dear T.,

If he won’t stop “WINNING” ask him to pick some lottery numbers for you.

If he won’t stop “WHINING”, you and dad will just have to be consistent with discipline and love. Keep in mind he is just four so it may take six months to a year more, before he is able to better understand the concept of actions and consequences.

In the mean time I suggest a nice glass of “WINE” for you and did when you get home from work.

Blessings…..

I can so relate, I have a son who has the same tendancies. It is partially my fault for allowing it to go on for so long. So I try to remember to tell him I can't hear him or understand him when he whines. So he has to re say the question or answer without whining or he will be punished. He still whines, again my fault, but it is a slow process of which I am working on. But the more you are on it the more they respond. Good Luck.

I would whine back to my kids, they would get made at me. And I'd say I'll quit whining when you do. It would go back and forth until we were both laughing, but it did work! I have no whiners!

I haven't had this problem with my children (yet), but my friend has a four year old who whines often. She acts like it doesn't bother her, and just tells her son, "I can't hear you right now because you are whining." Then she encourages him to use his words without whining. If he won't do it, she just shrugs her shoulders and says, "I'm sorry I can't hear you, so I can't help you." It has worked really well, b/c the boy has realized he has to say things w/o the whine in his voice to be heard.