4 Year Old Keeps Having Poopy Accidents

Hey K.

Try making him clean it up. I was very lucky and this worked with my daughter last summer. After she cleaned up her poop 3X she never pooped in her pants again. One time she pooped outside on the back deck and she had to pick it up, toss it into the toilet, and then clean the deck. I know it sounds mean but she was pooping in her pants everyday. I feel your pain!

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My daughter had this problem, though she trained earlier. The pediatrician prescribed miralax (he also tried to tell me I trained her too early and to put her back in pull-ups--I didn't do it of course). She wasn't having complete messes in her pants, just the skid marks. The Miralax did actually help, she took it twice a day, half a serving in 4 ounces of liquid. My theory is that it helped because it got her going regularly, and she just didn't recognize the feeling of having to go soon enough. It seemed to get better and started up again, but this time I think it was partly her thinking she was just passing gas. That just took some reminding her to go to the bathroom when she has to pass gas and to try and see if she needs to go number two every time she goes potty.

So, in short, make sure he's going regularly, and then remind him to try every time he's in the bathroom. When the undies stay consistently clean, reward him with some brand new ones!

My son is exactly the same!! Same age and everything. I don't have any answers for you, as I have tried everything as well, with no success. I just want you to know that you are not alone. I think we just have to be patient until they are ready!

try asking your pediatrician about chronic constipation. I had a friend with a very similar story, and chronic constipation turned out to be the trouble. I won't go into the gory details, but if this is the problem, it isn't like normal constipation where a poo or two clears up the problem...with this the bowel is distended so even when you poo, the space just fills back up again. It can cause lack of sensation - not being able to feel that you have to go - and can also result in 'liquified poo' sneaking around the blockage and staining the undies. Quite fixable, just may take some time and some dr recommended stool softener or laxative. Good luck- I hope you get this resolved!

As far as the skid marks are concerned, my older son had them, too, and we found out it was because he simply didn't wipe! We started to buy the wet bathroom wipes for kids and those finally did the trick. He was also older than your son when he had this problem. As far as the potty training goes, my son is 3 and 3 months and has absolutely no interest whatsoever with the potty. I have tried everything. So in my book, your ahead of the game! :-) Good luck!

Oh my, I thought only me having this problem. I am happy that I am not alone. I can imagine your frustration. I am at the point that I don't know what to do anymore. From the ignorance to punishment. From little talk to consequences. Nothing works. My daughter is 6, and has been having this problem for over a year. Not only about poop, but also about pee.
Two things that I notice. One is she doesn't want to go potty because she was too busy playing or watching tv/movie. Second is when she has a constipation.
We've been going to a pediatric gastroenterologist. And as the other mom said, it is due to hard stool that she's been holding for so long. The doctor said this is very common, he even have a copy of handout ready about what this so called 'stool holding'. Daily dose of miralax helps her to become more regular. And he also suggest the regularities in eating and going like the other mom suggest.
And it seems that I need to remind her more often to use the bathroom, especially when she is so engage in something. It's been better with the case of occasional 'accidents'. And yes, she is still washing her own underwear if I caught her before she stuffed it quietly in the hamper.

Hi K.,
I asked my 6 year old son what advice he would give to your son who has the same issues he once had. He reminded me, in so many words, that he often times thought he was passing gas, but was wrong. His advice was to your son is "always go to the potty even if you think you're just farting".

I also read the other responses and my son had constipation issues and was taking miralax daily. Just a teaspoon. That must have helped him thru it as well.

Wow! Your son was exactly like mine when he was 4 and 5....it's SO frustrating!!! Mine did the same exact thing, I was at my witts end. The good news is, it will end. Mine is now 6 1/2 and we haven't had that issue for awhile. He would be so wrapped up in computer games that he would try to hold it in. Doesn't always work that way. I would say things like, only big boys get to play computer games, only babies poop in their pants, it didn't work all that well. We finally had games where he would get rewarded if he could go a whole eek without pooping in his pants. then 2 weeks, etc. That seemed to help, but it sounds like you've already done the reward thing. I did also try making him clean his own underware, gosh did he hate that, so did I. I should ask him what finally worked!

Stick in there, it will end, try not to get too angry because that just backfires and he'll keep hiding his accidents from you. I feel for you! If he has any great ideas I'll let you know.

Please don't try Miralax or medication first, it should always be a last resort. My suggestions get his food ingestion on a tight schedule and don't alter it. Include lots of fresh fruits and veggies, have him sit at a table when he eats, no TV or entertainment. Sit with him and talk. Always feed at the same times of day, include a snack inbetween each meal. Figure out when his "time" of day is and ask him to go to the bathroom with a book and try. There is usually a pattern of eating/pooping for most kids. Even try to schedule his active times of day to be the same so you can now predict what he and his body will do. Yes this takes work, yes this will be about 8 weeks of a regimented focus on him. In this he will receive positive attention while eating food, he will even out his food intake and there will be a focus on paying attention to things that need attention. Once there is a habit that you can see forming hold onto it. It takes about 12 weeks to form a solid habit in an adult so it may take more or less depending on his scope of learning ability.

Currently he is getting attention(negative) for his accidents, but it is attention. He is not paying attention to his body, which he needs to establish. It may seem hard but it does sound like he would benefit from this and so would you. As it sounds like you have some stress that he may be feeling over this.

Miralax works great. My 7 yr old had these issues as well. It would hurt when she pooped, so then she would hold it in. The Miralax has worked wonders. She was on it then off, and was having trouble again, so the doctor told us to keep her on it twice a day for a month. Also increase fiber, try to find cereals, bread, crackers with at least 3 grams of fiber, and of course fruits and veggies.

Hope this helps.

First, reading all of the responses, I am both relieved it is a common issue and nervous which way my son will go. He just turned 3 and has successfully gone on the potty regularly at daycare, but only poopy on potty 2 times at home, months apart and out of nowhere asking to go.
My question is for everyone with late 3's and up: what is done for preschools, camp time, kindergartern? We are signed up to go to a preschool next fall that is not licensed for pullups or diapers, so if he needs those, he is kicked out of the program! literally!

How do you deal with delayed mastery of this poop issue when preschool etc is part of the plan?

I am a 45+ mom of a 14 yr old girl (she trained at 2 in a snap, mastered by 2 and a half) and a just 3 boy, happily married 17+ yrs.

Hi Kim, Ive got to tell you from my experience, I am a work from home mom of 5 and I have 3 boys, that you should not worry about this, boys are by nature usually harder to potty train, and its not because they don't get it, its because they don't mind poop in their pants, boys will sit in it and it doesn't seem to bother them, unlike girls they want it off them, so as a result girls learn faster than boys. So don't be discouraged just keep at it and he will get it, sometimes it just takes longer for them. good luck and take care, L.

I have two boys, 4 and 5 years old. My oldest was completely potty trained by 3 years old, and was doing fine for almost a year, and then wham, began having accidents. I was so suprised and tried everything like you have, it was very fustrating until one day, I didn't know what else to do and began potty training him again, just without the pull ups or diapers. I began by having him sit on the potty every couple of hours, paying attention on his drinking schedule. I wouldn't give him anything to drink/eat after dinner and made him go to the bathroom right before bed. When he was in the bathroom, I would accompany him, and we would discuss using the bathroom, as I was trying to reassure him that it was normal to feel like going and to not be afraid of using the bathroom/toliet. It was a pain but it worked.

My 6 y/o son has had a problem with poop in his underwear on and off since potty training. I have found that after much investigating and frustration it all basically went back to constipation/diet issues with a little bit of laziness from him. I agree with Jen in an earlier post. I was using Miralax (a powder stool softner that is available over the counter) to help regulate him - used it for a couple months. Now that I "solved" the chronic constipation all I have to do is make sure he eats fruit (mandarin oranges are his favorite) every day and I keep track that he poops at least every other day. If he has not pooped in 2 days I give him extra fruit and ask him to sit on the potty and try to go. He is at the point of having an accident maybe once a month and he goes and wipes well then tells me afterward. It will get better! Good luck ;0)