4 Year Old Hates Pre-k

Does she have to go? If you don't have to work, then take her out until she has to go to kinder.

If she has to go because you work, just validate her feelings when you drop her off: "I'm sorry you're sad but mommy has to go to work," and then quickly leave. Don't sit there telling her all the reasons why it's going to be good. Doing that does not mirror a child's emotions, and actually makes them feel worse.

What you're doing "wrong" is staying and talking too long. It's not "wrong," but it's not helpful. Give her a big kiss and hug, and leave.

You're not doing anything wrong. It's a phase and as long as you make her drop off time short and sweet, she will get over it. Don't linger, don't feed into it. Just tell her that you love her, give her a kiss and a hug and "have a great day!" and that you'll be back soon. It's always hard to see them crying, but she is doing it for your benefit. I bet less than 5 minutes after you leave, she is fine. My son is 4.5 and he is fine to go to school, but if I try to leave him anywhere else, he gets sad and says he doesn't like being away from me. He has always been pretty clingy, but he seemed to do better for awhile and is now starting that up again. I'm not sure how long you have been divorced, but if this is a relatively new thing, then I think it's fair to say this behavior is stemming from those changes in her life. Anyway, I wouldn't worry too much about it if she is settling down and happy when you come to get her. Just reassure her that you ALWAYS come back and that you love her and she'll get over it.

You aren't doing anything wrong. She is just having some separation anxiety. It will pass quickly.

The BEST thing you can do for her is to give her a quick hug out side the room, tell her you'll see her later, make sure her teacher sees her and has her in their supervision, then turn around and leave.

If you stay even a moment longer she has learned she has power to make you not leave and if she continues or dries harder you will stay longer or not leave at all.

I had one parent who would hang around trying to calm her child down, she would even come half an hour early so she could take the time to stay with her. It was so frustrating because 99% of the time the child has stopped crying as soon as mom or dad is out of sight. By the time mom or dad is to the car they child is playing with their friends and has forgotten they even have parents...lol. As long as mom or dad hang on the longer the crying jag will continue.

This mom finally talked to me about what to do. I told her the same thing I am saying to you. She started it the next morning. She didn't even go in the classroom, just told her to go on it and she'd hang the coat up. The girl totally freaked out when she realized mom wasn't coming in the room. She cried off and on all that day and the next day was similar. By the 3rd day it was sort of like "By mom, hurry up, I want to play!".

I would find out what changed or what is going on. Is there a new child bothering her? Is there something that's changed with your work or family situation? Does she need extra TLC at night? How long have you and your x been divorced? Has anything changed in his household? I'd look around and see what might've triggered this change recently. Remember to keep drop offs quick and happy. You might try reading The Kissing Hand, too. If she is happy later, then she's overall OK.

Just a phase. As long as she is happy all day, don't worry.

I would worry, but that's me. I wonder if something has changed.

I used to drop my youngest at a mother's morning out program. At first, he loved it, but then he after a while, he started to cry and begged me not to leave. I figured he was getting bored with it. I didn't know. After a while, I would come in earlier to pick him up and observe what was going on there. The women seemed to be ignoring him. Little girls who came in were fussed over and given full attention.

Shortly, I took him out of the program and found a different school. A friend of mine had a son who hated his preschool. Her daughter loved it. I guess one preschool is not right for every child.

I wish I knew what to tell you here. Could be separation anxiety. She could be bored, or missing you tons. Hope you find out the answer.

My four year says he hates school too. Similar situation to yours - he's been at the same daycare since he was 6 months old. There are a group of a 4 or 5 boys and 1 girl that have all been there since they were infants so he has good friends that he likes but starting with this school year he tells me the same thing - I hate school, it's too long. He doesn't cry when I drop him off but trying to get him moving in the morning and hearing him whine about it is a challenge. My thought with my son is that he's bored. He's in a the pre-K classroom this year but the toys are not that interesting to him. He enjoys when they do projects and stuff like that but there is still a good amount of time for free play. He's bored and the day drags for him. I really think he needs a change of scenery but I fear that finding a new school now and then switching schools again in 9 months when he has to go to Kindergarden would be h*** o* him. Not sure if this could be what's going on with your daughter but thought I would share that my son does the same thing and I don't think it's anything to get too worried about.

You aren't doing anything wrong. This is completely normal. Just keep doing what you're doing and remember...when you leave her crying, she doesn't want to leave when you come back to pick her up!

My daughter did the same thing and some days still does. Its worse with me than it is when her dad drops her off.

I believe its a phase and it too shall pass. I try to ask her how her day was in school, what she looks forward to tomorrow and tell me about all the fun she had. I also tend to keep her excited about upcoming activities at school.

It didn't work before but there are days when she is in a hurry to get to school now and tells me how she can do all the cool stuff and I have to go to work.

Sunday evenings and Monday mornings are harder just because she gets some Monday blues but things pick up as the week progresses.

Make sure that there is no bullying in school or if she needs to be challenged more and might be getting bored so she may have lost some of her zest for school. With her being 4, there could be cliques within her 4 friends that could be affecting her.

Its all a part of growing up, but it sure is hard to leave your child crying. Hugs to you!

Although this can be heartbreaking, it does not mean you are doing anything wrong.

1) Find out if something has changed. Is she fighting with her friends at school? Is there a new kid who is playing with her friend and she feels left out? Does she have a new teacher who she doesn't like as much?

2) Put a picture of the two of you in her lunch box and put one with your lunch too. Tell her to take it out then and think of you and you'll be thinking of her too.

3) Validate her feelings. Sometimes kids just got through phases where they really miss their parents. Just reassure her that you and dad love her very much and love spending time with her. Focus on how you can't wait to see her after school and hear about all the fun things she did.

My 4 y.o. recently had to go to all day daycare for this first time in a few years. She had a tough adjustment but actually did better than I was expecting. The thing she kept saying to me was that it seemed like she was there FOREVER! She said she liked the school and her friends, but the day was just too long. Kids, like adults, can get tired after a long day. Hopefully if this is the case with your daughter, it will get better with time.

Good luck mom! Most of us go through this at some point. I hope this is just a phase and it will be over soon.

It's just a phase. She's fine, really.

The best thing you can do is do your best to deal with it quickly and move on. Don't say anything unless she does. Just deal with everything pleasantly and be very matter-of-fact. Go through your normal morning routine. Just act like everything is fine. If she says anything (Mommy, I don't want to go to school.), be very brief in your response. "I know, sweety, but this is the way it is, and we have to go." If she get's upset, you really have to ignore it. When you take her to school, you have to be super quick. "Love you! Mommy has to go to work now. Have fun. Bye," and go.

Don't spend time talking to her about it or reassuring her or telling her she'll see her friends or anything. I know your mommy instincts are telling you to make her feel better, but it just makes it harder for her. I say this as a Mom who has done this way too many times. I try to remind myself to just be quick: walk in, hugs and kisses, go. But I just want to love him and make him happy!

My son has been going to daycare for about a year and a half. He loves it! He really does! But there are still days here and there when he just doesn't want to go. Maybe he's tired, maybe his tummy hurts a little, maybe he's just grumpy. There really isn't a deep, underlying reason. He's just not having a great morning and wishes he could stay home. We all have mornings like that. But as adults, we know that if we just force ourselves to get up, take a shower and get going that pretty soon we usually feel just fine. Kids don't know that, but I bet her daycare teachers will tell you that less than 5 minutes after you leave, she's just fine.

This is hurting you more than it's hurting her. Hugs and kisses, have a great day, Mommy loves you, out the door!

I know it's hard, but you can do it!!!

Please do not try to stop her crying. Doesn't work for me as an adult and it probably isn't helping her. Please continue to be loving, but quick, as you depart preschool.

As for the concerns some readers may have about "What's going on, now?". I think you need to use your Mom-radar. You seem to feel things are great at school, so I would suggest this is age-appropriate separation anxiety. Some children, as they begin to mature, consider things they haven't before. They become aware that Mommies and Daddies get hurt in car accidents, etc. TV feeds this awareness. At some point children wonder about the possibility of losing their parents and feel scared to leave them. The most reasurring things you can do are to stick to your routine by dropping off at the same time, saying you love her and will be back to pick her up, and then always picking her up on time, saying "Tell me all about your day!" All my best through this stage.