Crying When Leave at Daycare

My husband is the one who drops off our son at daycare and he had this same issue. He found that if he gave some of the control to our son then he responded better. To do this, he would have Sebastian walk him to the door, open it and then close it behind daddy. There are still a few times when this doesn't work, but for the most part drop offs have been 100% better. Our son started daycare at 18 months and is now almost 2.5 and will at times just leave dad at the door and run off to play.

My daughter is now 3 and is just now getting used to going in and sitting down on her own. There are days when she still can be clingy. When she moved to new classes as she got older, I found it helpful to let her bring in a book.

All the advice the moms have given is good. But I have to ask: where are the teachers? When my daughter was 18-months, the teachers would drop what they were doing and come greet my daughter. They would pick her up and take her over to her friends, show her a new book, or they take the book she brought and read it to the class. My daughter was so distracted that I could slip out quickly, which was the point. And the teachers make it their job to help the parents drop off the kids. It really makes a huge difference.

I feel your pain. I know some kids are more clingy than others. I remember when my daughter went through this. Also, there was a period of time where I sweared she liked the teacher more than I because she did not want to go home! Anyway, the way that I managed this was to start talking about school at home and sing a song in the car on the way to school. "This is the way we go to school, go to school..." That way she knew what was coming. They really don't like surprises. My daughter would sometimes start crying the minute we got in the car as well!! I would also have her take a favorite toy and sippy cup for traveling in the car. That was something she could look forward to - she loves babies. However, I did have to let her know that this was something that she could not take into school. She got the hang of it pretty quickly because, again, they like routine. Maybe you could have a special toy in the car for him to play with on the way to school. Also, the best thing to do when you drop him off is to make the drop off as quick as possible. Put his stuff up and kiss him goodbye to let him know that you will be back to pick him later on in the day. I am sure you do not do this; however, I have seen parents linger which makes things much worse. I have even done it myself b/c I stay a little to talk to the teacher. Then it just is bad!!

Yes it will pass but somethings can help. Keep the entire morning as routine as possible, make your drop off quick, talk it up and be positive are all ideas you've received and I agree with all of them. Children will also reflect what they think you expect from them, if you feel guilty they will help you feel that way. I had a friend who would give her son a big lipstick kiss on the back of his hand and he walked around with it the whole morning. He may be doing it because he sees other kids doing it. If it doesn't get a reaction from you he'll get bored with it and move on.

As a former daycare teacher, I can say the best thing for you to do is make it a quick drop off. Give him a hug and kiss, and tell him you'll see him after work, then leave. Long drawn out goodbyes just make it harder, not only on him, but on you as well (and the teacher and the other kids, too). The time change also always effects the kids...no matter how old they are. It will take some time to adjust to that. Also, if he's distracted when you walk out, that might help. Ask the teacher to take him to his favorite activity so you can slip out quietly after you've said goodbye. I know it's hard, but he will most likely grow out of this phase (or whatever you want to call it) soon. Hope that helps!

Hi S.,

That seems to be an age thing - my oldest was about 15 months or so when he had the separation anxiety, too. I would watch him at the front office on the monitor and he'd cry for a couple minutes until something caught his attention and then he'd be fine. Was the 10 minute cry on a Monday? I like my job, but it's still hard going to work after relaxing over the weekend. Maybe he was just having a rough morning.

Try getting to daycare a little earlier than you need to be there and play with him in his room for a bit until he starts to interact with another kid(s) or find an interesting toy. If you can make the time, bring breakfast and eat together there in the room. That didn't work for me at first because my son was used to me leaving right away, but once he realized I'd be sitting there with him to play for a while he calmed down and was happy. If that doesn't work, just know that this is a phase a lot of toddlers go through. This, too, shall pass.

This is SO common. Just tell your son after pick up how much you love him and miss him, spend as much quality time with him after pick up, this will help you and him, its hard sometimes if you feel guilty after leaving him crying, but I can tell you, the longer you are there at drop off, the longer he will cry. Once you are dropping him off, be firm and loving, kiss, hug and leave. He will get used to the idea and it will become a routine for him. The melt downs will only deminish when he realizes you will leave anyway and he is the only one making the initial separation a big deal. This is hard but in time he will love to go everyday and he will like being with his friends.

What helped with my son was to have him walk into the center instead of carrying him. Just an idea.

My trick is that I talk about it all morning, what we're doing today, where we are going, who we will see, etc. When we get there I am still saying the same type of things even as we get into her classroom. I remind her that we talked about it all morning (in an excited voice of course). Works like a charm. My husband dropped her off for the first time last week and she cried misserably. I asked if he talked about it all morning and he said no. This week they talked about it and she did better. So maybe just try it out and see if it helps for your kiddo too.