4 Year Old Being Defiant and a Host of Other Issues Lol

What worked for my daughter was knowing what was going to happen. I tell her what we have going on for the day and then ask her what else she would like to do. We do her thing when we have finished all the rest. Some days she would like to hit the park, some days she wants to go to the library, or ride the horses at the mall.

At the gas station I unroll the window across from her so she can talk to me while I am pumping gas. She just wants to know I am available.

J.,

You really need to tease out what is typical 4 year old behavior, and what is not. Being sassy and pushing your buttons is not unexpected from a 4 year old, and that you have a dicipline that she does not like just means that you need to use it more, use it often, and use it every single time she is sassy, pushy, or misbehaves. Thank your lucky stars that you have some leverage, and stick that crow bar under her every chance you get until she catches on.

I would say that if you have a child who is bringing up a specific and unreasonable fear as often as you say, that if that continues, that you seek help for her. It is not typical for something like being left in the car while you gas up to need to reassure a 4 year old 17 times a day that you won't do this. That could be a sign that she is expeirencing an anxiety issue that needs treatment. I am not sure how long it has been going on, but if it continues daily for the next month, I would consult a board certified child psychiatrist, as anxiety disorders are very treatable, and cause missery to little ones (and their Mama's!) We had one with this disorder, and treatment was night and day for her.

Good luck,
M.

Our daughter just turned four and I've realized four with a girl is NOT fun! Our daughter also has become quite sassy and screams now, too. I learned with our first that time outs don't do anything. What does work with both of our kids is to lose privileges. TV is a big one. If they backtalk, scream or do any other extreme behavior, boom, they don't get to watch TV at all that day. Another is losing bedtime stories. If they're really off the charts, bedtime comes early with no bedtime routine. Another big one that gets to them.

I also balance this out by reinforcing the good behavior. When I notice they're doing something right, I think of a reward immediately, even if it's just notable verbal praise.

As far as the problem at the gas station, until she gets over this fear, I'd just make it easier on everyone and let her get out of the car with you. It may be a hassle, but it will ease her anxiety and eliminate the meltdown.

Good luck!

Hi,
You don't say how long the car behavior thing has been going on. If it started when you moved I'd say your dau is missing your old home. she is associating a car ride with a change in where you live which she is just getting used to.I would ask her is she missing your old house, what is she missing etc., she can begin to share how she is feeling about the change, even if it started before I would have her talk about how she feels about the move. Moving is big no matter how old you are. I have a 3 and 1/2 yr old and she is into the crying screaming thing at times. I try to ignore as much as possible, and I take things away like no TV or candy or park or whatever if she is not cooperative and some of it is about being 4, as unplesant as that may seem.
Hope that helps,
L.
If you use soap in your childs mouth there is a chance PS will be called and I would have no problem in doing it. This is for the woman who uses this as an answer, sorry I could not ignore that ignorant answer.

I have a 4 year old boy who exibits some similar behaviors. It drives me nuts! But what I've found works best for him, and for me, is the more positive interaction we have, the better we ALL behave! :)

At our house, I try explaining things ahead of time that are expected. "I will get you out of the car when you are calm and quiet enough to". And then if 'follow directions', I get a little giddy and reinforce how much I LOVE that behavior and being good listeners, etc. Likewise, if I get riled up, it just escalates the situation.
If they are screaming and carrying on, I leave them strapped in and look at them and say (in my calmest, quietest voice) "I'll wait until you're ready". That gives them the control, and allows them to make a choice to calm themself or not.

Hang in there!

I would sit down with your husband and daughter and try to get her in a calm manner to tell you what she is afraid of. Then tell her that no matter what you have to do, if you can't bring her with you, that you'll always come back for her. Or before you get out of the car to pump gas, roll down your window and tell her, I'm just going outside to pump gas, I'll be right here then you can talk to her while the gas is pumping.

I would also recommend getting her enrolled in an extra curricular activity that will help build her self esteem and help with self control and discipline issues. I've enrolled my four and a half year old in Martial Arts back in January and he LOVES it. He doesn't always focus, (we suspect he has ADHD due to a lot of his behavioral issues) but they are great. They really work with him and they stress respect. Instead of just calling him Elijah (which is his name), they call him Mr. Elijah. I see that you live in Pickney so it might be a bit of a drive, but here is the URL to the martial arts school that Elijah attends http://annarborcollegeofmartialarts.com/; they are great. I wish you luck.

H.

I think you'd find good guidance in a great book by Faber and Mazlish called How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk. They teach you how to most effectively recognize and reinforce positive behavior, how to empathize with a child's fears and frustrations, and how the child can become part of her own solution. It's great stuff. I use this approach with my 4.5yo grandson, and he responds beautifully. I'm constantly pleasantly surprised at the fitting solutions he finds for so many of his own problems.

You are not alone!! I also have a super sassy 4 year old girl and we are also having some issues with her feeling like we are going to leave her and she has always been super indapendent. I think it must be the age- I'm sure it will pass. As far as the sassy and disrespectful talk- it's totally a testing thing- my daughter is absolutely going through it. We have just had to really buckle down and be much more athoritarian and much less democratic so that it's clear who is boss. I've also learned to really control my reaction so she doesn't know she is pushing my buttons since that is her goal. What ever you do be super consistent with it. I've found that taking things away works best with my daughter. She is so sassy that when I say she is going to get a time-out she responds "I won't be there long". But when I tell her she is not going to get to watch Little Bear in the evening she gets really upset. You have to find HER buttons and push them. Just make sure you are always ready to back it up. As far as the saying no- be sure there are conceqences for that too- it's not acceptable. When ever my daughter asks if I'm going to leave her- I just ask her "has Mommy EVER left you?" She is old enough for reason like that.