D.W. asks from Plainfield, IL on September 05, 2006
Anger Management Issues in 4 Year Old?
my son will be 4 in Oct and he started his first daycare february 2004, we changed daycares June 2006 where after only being there 6 weeks, the daycare starts complaining of my son being hostile and "horrible" all the time. After pulling him out of that daycare we start yet another daycare just this past week (last week of August) and on the fourth day there, this new daycare is saying he has anger management issues and needs to be tested and evaluated. They are saying that he is stubborn, hard headed, too independent and refuses to take orders. Has anyone else experienced anything like this? Is there any advice available? I have contacted his pediatrician and right now am looking at having to see a child developmental physocialogist.
So What Happened?™
thank you to everyone for your replies... i actually taked to my son's main pediatrician and his reply was - you son is 100% pure country boy... nothing wrong with him other than he is on more medication than a child should be (of course this doctor is the one that prescribed most of it)... we are currently trying to take my son off some of his medication slowly to see what might happen... but the doctor did advise that i needed to get him out of that daycare as that any daycare that starts trying to label a child and starts telling a parent that the child needs to be on medication - well that is not where children need to be.... so i have found another daycare that looks promising and they actually have internet webcams so that i can watch my son and see for myself what is happening (which is something the doctor suggested i try)... so i am hopefull... thanks again for everyones replies...
R.Y. answers from Knoxville on September 07, 2006
I would also check with the doctor about side effects of his medications. I used to care for a child who was on prednisone and it completely changed his temperament! He went from an easygoing child to one who would throw tantrums, bite etc. Just a thought. I'm sure there's more than one factor at work here, but the medicine may not be helping matters.
L.W. answers from Atlanta on February 23, 2007
Whew! After reading your story i feel A LOT better about mine! I am a single momas well adn my son is 4. And boy is he hostile, "horrible" and everything else you said! His tantrums and fits get so bad sometimes i myself began to wonder if he had a problem. Especially since some of my family members were beginning to say. "that's not normal", and "you should talk to a doctor about his behavior", and of course his father said "He's never like that for me!" I changed some of my discipling habits and I try to be more of a parent instead of a friend, which requires me to be a lot more firm. That was hard at first because i am a single mom. I ralize all 4 year old boys have their special way to express themselves. Mine is completely normal!
S.R. answers from Knoxville on September 06, 2006
My son is 5 years old now and his aggression has tapered down tremendously.Starting at 3 1/2 yrs. he started attending daycare and was very aggressive,stubborn,and mischievious.I used to get calls all the time,every week about his bad behavior.Finally,I decided to take him to a pediatric specialist in behavior disorders with Knoxville Pediatric Associates in west Knoxville.She said that he had early signs of oppositional defiant disorder/ADHD.He was put on Clonidine to calm him down,but it made him tired.I took him off the meds;there were others he was put on.I finally had to put my foot down,and had his caregivers be more stern with him.I changed daycares soon after and he was doing alot better.I prewarned them of his past behavior, so they were stern with him from the very beginning and it worked.You have to really concentrate on him on a daily basis and teach him that hitting,biting,etc. is not exceptable at home or in daycare, and he will be punished if it happens.Sooner or later he will get the hint.
A.S. answers from Atlanta on September 07, 2006
Please don't allow the daycare to "label" your "4-year" old child!!!! First of all, he's a boy so there are a lot of different dimensions involved like an innate ability to lead others and command attention. Also, he may be going through withdrawal from his dad. (I'm a divorced parent of a son also-we separated when he was 4 too!)And with the dad not involved in his life as actively as before it really has a mental affect on the child. It was hard the first few years--an emotional rollercoaster for us both, however, please know this is completely normal!!! All I ask is that you have patience and communication with your son--NO! don't baby him,(we mothers tend to overdo that) just allow him to express himself. Also, explain to your daycare the home situation so that you both can come up with solutions to handle his anger. I'm not saying don't see a doctor, however, it is very little they can do at his young age. I hope this helps. Should you have additional questions, please email me at ____@____.com
K.M. answers from Birmingham on September 06, 2006
I had the same situation with my then 4 year old son. I tried to put him in a kindergarten (we had just moved from out of state where daycares prepare kids for kindergarten at 4). He stayed 3 weeks with his behavior getting progressively worse, kicking his teacher and coach, throwing crayon box, and spitting in another child's face. He too did not like to follow directions and he really likes to dictate how things will be done. The school made the mistake of calling me and asking me to come and talk to him during one of his fits. From then on his behavior got worse because he thought if he acted badly then he would get to see mom. They finally suspended him and asked him not to come back. I took him to see a child psychologist, Dr. Miriam Drummonds with Adult and Child Development in Southside. She is a wonderful doctor. She told me that he was having separation anxiety from me and to let my mother take him to school for me and he would have a much better day. She also advised me to not give in to his demands at home and to be consistent with discipline. If he is acting poorly, he doesn't get his way.
He also only gets to see his dad 4 days a month as he lives out of state. Our divorce was final October 2005 and he will be getting remarried the end of this month. This has created some new issues with my son that we are trying to work out.
S.J. answers from Knoxville on September 09, 2006
My daughter is now 7 and she still to this day has anger issues. Her daddy left us after 6 years and she holds that against me. It took her a long time to tell me what her problem is. She is sassy, hateful and ugly. She pulls her hand up like she is going to hit me and we have to talk to get her to understand that that behavior is not appropriate or respectful. I have had to take away all of her toys and tv...leave only her bed and clothes dresser in there....so she knows I am not playing. There is no reason to reward her, but I need to show her I love her, so we will read together and take the time to do things together. She loves me, but she doesn't deal with the anger well. As she shows me more respect and does things to help around the house, she gets more of her things back. If she gets ugly, I take some away. I tried her on ADHD medications, due to her hyperactivity, but she can control it just as easily with or without the medicine...be careful....Dr's want to put them immediatly on Ritalin and Adderol but I tried Vitamin B-12 Complex and it does the same thing for her and its healthier. Just be cautious and follow your heart on this instead of what Psychologists and Psychiatrists say. They just want the money from the pharmacies for pushing meds. Sorry this is so long....just be cautious and let your son know you love him but what he is doing is unacceptable.