4 Year Old Behavior

I have heard of something to do with the senses. Try calling First Steps. They are the ones who told me about it.

I have a nephew who at right about the same age went thru the clothing issues as well as tantrums. He was diagnosed with some mild sensory integration issues and had some, I believe, occupational therapy to overcome it. He had issues with seasons -changing from long pants to shorts, t-shirts to sweaters, sandals to gym shoes, etc. He is now 12 years old and completely outgrown the behaviors - still will throw a tantrum or two - but nothing out of the ordinary.

He sounds VERY similar to my 4 year old son! My son has Autism, and has been in early intervention programs since he was 2, so we are working past most of that stuff.
I would talk to your pediatrician, and look into getting him screen before things get worse. Even if it's nothing, it is worth checking into!

Hi T.,
My response is two part. First, I am so glad to read your question. I, too have a son that will be 4 at the end of this month. For the past several months he has been exhibiting the very same behaviors - except for the tag thing which we went through at age 2. So, it's very nice to know that other boys are doing the these things also.

Second, I am a special ed school social worker in a pre-k through 8 building. What I have learned from working with kids and families is that we all tend to want to label every behavior and give every kids some sort or diagnosis. My advice to you is to take a step back and look at your son objectively. He's just a boy. My friends who only have girls don't understand that boys are so different. My daughter(2) hasn't gone through hardly any of the same stages as my son. Relax. He'll most likely be fine, though we're not sure sometimes if we'll survive, right?

It sounds to me he might have some kind of PDD or something else on the autism spectrum. You might want to disscuss this with your docter. My son has PDD. One of his Kindergarden teachers were describing the same things. He did not know about personal space. He was having problems with social interaction. Does your son get stuck on one issue and not seem to let it go. I mean for my son it is like when he stresses out he becomes fixed on one certain thin. WHen he was littler it was boxes and robots. he had to have the same thing for breakfeast made the same way every morning. I hope this helps if you have anymore questions please feel free to email me at ____@____.com

Try not to see this as "naughty boy" stuff, but rather as sensory issues that he needs your help with. It is possible that he has more serious sensory issues as others have referred to, or that these are just preferences that he will outgrow. My kids outgrew those sorts of things, other kids do not. In any case, try talking to him about the challenges he faces, like explain to him what transitions are coming up and help him think of a plan to make it easier for him. Or explain, without judging him, why other kids might not like being touched, and ask him for ideas on other things he can do instead that might not bug people. He may have some compulsions that need some sort of release, but you can help him by offering your support in developing alternative ideas.

This reminds me of my son many years ago. He is now 20 and a chemistry major on the deans list at his university, so there is light at the end of the tunnel. I would check into the possibility of sensory integration issues. I know my son was overly sensitive to touch and sound in particular. Over the years, he did learn to deal with it, however, now I think there are treatment procedures for children with sensory integration issues. Perhaps you son would benefit.

K.

Maybe a sensory thing? My son has some sensory problems and he has fits as well. He is now almost seven. I keep a list of activities to re-route my kids from one thing to another and never, never have on anything, such as TV or stereo. I have to hear them at all times so I know when he is getting ready to blow.

L.

Hi T.

Does he have a rash? Is he allergic to anything? Has he had any recent trauma? Do you think he is angry about anything?

My bachelors is in psychology and i work in a behavioral health facility. Have a little knowledge.

It sounds like it could be alot of things-- or nothing.

Why don't you start out with a really thorough physical checkup? Also check some books out at the library.

God bless.

L. K.

T.,

I dont know about the sensory thing, my nephew is 5 and he can not stand tags, never could, his brother who is now 2 has his mom remove all tags. The older one will always wear two shirts. No matter how hot it is. Something that he feels he likes to do. As for sock half the time these boy dont want them on and when they are on the beg to take them off.

I have many nephews and nieces and they all have gone through phases about wearing, not wearing. It is a growing spot within the childrens lives.

As for his tantrums, all children have them. Even as they get old my pre-teen nieces are at it often. Not getting their way or someone has something kool at school and she has to have it to.

Children are all different but then have many same characteristics. I belive that it is all a part of growing up. Wait til your children hit the teens man I have been through it 3 times all girls. I survived.

J.
www.noahbyjodi.com

T.,

The tag/clothing this is a classic "sensory" issue. It could be a sensory disorder, or it could be a symptom of ADD. I would recommend getting him tested - talk to your ped. This doesn't mean you have to medicate him - there are other therpies or holistic options available. The best thing is to get him tested and diagnosed early so that that he and you can learn to deal with the behavior in a way that works.

Good luck!
L.

I have a niece who is about to turn 5, and she has a similar problem with clothes - tags hurt, she can't wear turtlenecks, winter coats always bother her, hates jeans, socks and shoes have to be on just right, etc. She also does have tantrums (and my sister uses the sticker chart, too). So, I guess you're not alone at least - not sure if it's normal.

Hi, T.. You know that there is something off in your child: not just your education, your training, and your experience as a teacher tell you this, but your instincts as a mother. LISTEN TO YOUR INSTINCTS. You know that his father doesn't want to hear that there is anything wrong with his spitting image, and your friends don't want to hurt your feelings by being honest. Start with your pediatrician for referrals, and DON'T STOP until you get the right diagnosis - and the right help - for your child. Pull your head out of the sand and hold it up high, and GET TO IT NOW for all your sakes. good luck, A.

Hi T.,

Your son's adversion to tags, long sleeves, pants, etc. is not unusual and neither is his social interaction with others. When my son was 3 years old I was at my wits end with his behavior and I contacted Tuesday's Child, http://www.tuesdayschildchicago.org.
Please do not be alarmed by the responses suggesting ADD, ADHD and Autism, it is entirely possible that you son does not suffer from any of these. People were constantly suggesting my son was ADD or ADHD, I had him tested and he is neither of these.

There are many reasons for his sensory issues, it could be as simple as the laundry detergent you are using is slightly irritating your son's skin, i.e., why he has a problem only with material that is tight on his skin. There could be many reasons for his social interactions also. I learned SO much about not only my son, but all kids through Tuesday's Child and my son really enjoyed going with me. Parents go to a group session and then break up into smaller groups and the children all play together in another room, it's like a preschool atmosphere.

I also have information about non-irritating laundry detergent if you are interested.

Best of Luck to you!

J. Penfield
www.teamwahu.com
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Hello T.. First off I want to apologize for all the other mothers going right for your son having some kind of disorder or issue.

I might be wrong and he very well may have one of the many medical issues those other mothers listed, but I put myself in your shoes, and reading all 22 what I'd call negative responses would make me very sad. And I'm apologizing for them if you felt that way.

A lot of the things you mentioned clothes issues; My son too, I just figure my son's picky. and he'd get over it which he has. The tag thing I totally understand I don't like tags either; their itchy! He's 5 by the way. The tantrums; he still has when he doesn't get his way;power struggles. The yelling, hitting people or throwing things only happens when he's really upset. Usually talking to him to calm him and trying to reason with him works. He is having some issues at preschool as well similar to your son. Eating other peoples food, drinking their drinks, and not keeping his hands to himself. Which he denies all of it. When I've packed him his own drink, and food. I still can't figure that one out. And he just won't sit still for 5 minutes, we're working on that at home.

I not for one minute thought or will think that my son has any "issue" or "disorder". He's just a normal preschooler adapting to the new rules, environment, people, etc.. Maybe I've failed him by not teaching him things I should have previously, but I feel he's normal. I'm the only one (besides maybe grandma) that truly understands what kind of person he is, and where he's coming from (I think I know what he might've been thinking when he was drinking someone else's drink). And it was innocent, I'm sure.

sounds like it could be a sensory issue. My son has some of the same issues. I would call the local school system & have him tested by an OT. My son saw an OT for 2 years - you would not believe the changes. He has since tested out & just receives Speech & is in a preschool class. Testing is free - it couldn't hurt & it may put you at ease.

sounds like a sensory thing. could be an autism spectrum disorder. have you discussed these behaviors with your pediatrician?

T.,

I know how frustrating it is to deal with this behavior. My daughter (Tracy,who is now
30) behaved in a similar way. The worst thing
for her to wear was a bathing suit-which she would complain about the "bugs" in her suit.
She was extremely sensitive to fabrics, food, light, heat as well as being an emotionally sensitive soul. Tried to keep her in natural type fabrics-cotton if possible. She did eventually outgrow most of the sensitivities.
The clothing tags are a nuisance to many people.

M. G

Sounds like he might have autism? I would go online and read about it and I would also make an appointment with his doctor. There are good doctors out there who only see patients with autism.

Good luck and Gods Blessing to you
D.

Have you had your son tested to see if he is on the Autism spectrum? Most of the signs you have described are atypical behaviors I also believe that Autism is not a issue or disorder but just a word and i have seen that a lot of responses have told you to check out the out of sync child but I also think if the diagnosis do turn out to be on the spectrum then pick up the book ten things that every child with autism wishes you knew. Keep in mind it affect 1 in 166 and boys more often than girls it know no color no race. my son by looking at him seems normal up until he has a behavior and throws something etc. I think that if in your gut you feel something go with it. i would also reccommmened visiting you care provider to see the behaviors in action. A lot of people have mention Autism but it is more than just "bad behavior" and a few sensory issues there is a lot more signs and that is even with a high functionining child like mine. please feel free to contact me I am always willing to talk or help in any way I can. -myangelwith autism

At some level, I still think must of this is within normal range for 4 year old boys. All of my friends with boys in this age group (mine is 6) are complaining of variations on this theme. That said, there's a growing school of thought around something called sensory integration disfunction that refers to difficulty processing different kinds of neurological input. Some are oversensitive, some are undersensitive...sometimes a little of both depending on the input. A lot of what you described has happened with my son. He can't stand to wear button down shirts because the buttons bother him, the seams in his socks make him crazy, loud noises make him completely unglued (he can't bear auto-flush toilets, for example). In any event, you might check out the book "The Out of Sync Child" and/or seek an evaluation from an Occupational or Behavioral Therapist specializing in sensory integration disorder.

Good luck and try to have as much patience as you can and know that your little boy is working hard too.

Hi T.!
I know it's been a while since you've posted about your son's behavior, but I just signed up on mamasource.
I am relieved to hear my son is not the only difficult one - and that's exactly what I leave it at - difficult. No disease, no disorder, just being a growing boy.
My son HATES socks - it was an issue EVERY morning with socks, and the only thing that solved it? Buying all sorts of different socks until we found the ones that didn't bother him. Before, he would try on about 10 pair every day to find the one that fit "perfectly."
As for tags on shirts - my nephew had that issue - so, all tags were cut off all shirts!
All in all, it's more than likely just a phase. Although it's a constant test of my patience, I've learned to accept it.
For me, I've found that enrolling in sports (we started football and teeball at age 4) helped a lot - we'll be starting our third year of football this year, and we are trying soccer this year instead of teeball. For my son, it gives him a positive way to get out his "energy" in a positive way.

T.-

My nephew was the same way- Especially with buttons on his shirt! He was diagnosed with Asbergers (a type of Autism) I would talk to your family doctor and get their thoughts- It could be nothing at all!

Good Luck!

T.,
My daughter has the same sensory issues. Tags are the worst, but she previously had issues with balance (going down stairs)and was not speaking at the age of 2. She was tested and her sensory issues were not her biggest issue, but the did say that they were common in kids with other developmental delays like her speech delay.
I am happy to say, she just turned 4, she speaks better than other 4 yo kids she knows and her balance issues are gone. The tag issue remains, but I can definately live with that. Her speech therapy and occupational therapy worked miracles with her. I am so grateful for all that was done for her.

So, don't be afraid to get your son tested. It may be the best thing you ever do for him.

Sounds like he has some sensory issues. I suggest that you read the book The Out-of-Sync Child. My child has issues like that and he is currently six years old. I would talk to your son's pediatrician and get him to recommend a developmental pediatrician. By the way, sticker charts work for my son also. It helps to have a simple kind of reward for a certain amount of stickers. Good luck.
K.

I have a 3 1/2 year old boy, and have been seeing some of this lately too - hates tags in shirts, pants are too tight, etc. The behavior issues come & go. I tend to be less reactionary than most parents & try to wait things out - see if it's just a phase. I think it's mostly "pre-school boy stuff" - they want to be in control of everything. I would not be paranoid about autism, but I'm not a worryer. However, a call to your pediatrician/family doctor certainly couldn't hurt if you are really concerned. Good luck!

My sister-in-law gave me a book called "Raising your Spirited Child" which I have recently begun reading. I think you might want to pick up a copy as they describe the 'spirited' child as a child who is simply MORE of everything - more sensitive to how things feel (like tags on clothes), more figidy than the average kid, more vocal about their likes and dislikes, etc. It's been pretty interesting so far, and has given me some tips on how to handle my spirited child by understanding her way of thinking and feeling. Good luck!

Hi T.,

It sounds like he may be struggling with some sensory issues....the new buzz word is sensory integration disorder...both my nephews struggle with this a bit...My one nephew couldn't stand tags or the seams in his socks...he also struggled with transitions....He's 9 now, and still struggles a bit but is doing a lot better....My other nephew is 19 months old and is receiving some therapies to help with speech and sensory issues......there are a lot of good books out there...I also was a first grade teacher but now I stay at home with my 20 month old daughter...I had several kids who struggled with sensory issues and with a few modifications to their schedule and their personal area (desk) they did very well....there's several books out there about sensory stuff....

If you want more info. I can connect you with my sister-in-law.
M.

Hi T.,
I have a five year old girl and she recently went through what I call a "phase" regarding the socks and the long sleeves and other clothes issues and it drove me insane especially because I work full time and drop her off at preschool in the morning on the way to work. Personally, I think it is a phase and with my daughter I believe that it was more acute or severe when she was tired or had not had a nap,I also really think that this is a control issue with her. When my daughter was going through the "phase" she kept telling me that the pants were "too stretchy" and "too tight" which made me laugh to myself as it was all of sudden, after wearing the same things forever now they are "tight" or "stretchy". I handled it by trying not to make a big deal out of it and appeasing her by being patient and allowing her to wear short sleeves if there was a shirt readily available. I think it is normal and is just something they go through. As far as the "bugging" thing, my daughter does it to me, I think it is an attention thing and she will do it to the point where I have told her ten times to please stop it as she pokes me or touches me. I then use my "super nanny" technique where I get down to her level and talk to her about it and why it is not nice. Not to be redundant, but I think they are all phases they go through and it is about control and attention. Ages 4 and 5 are difficult because they are becoming so independent yet they have little control over things and this is how they test the waters. Hang in there. I hope this helps.

I have a son that will be 4 on the 8th. He is special needs and goes to HopeWall in Aurora for preschool. The clothes thing, and the bothering other kids, he does not do, but the tantrums, hitting the door, hitting us screaming, and I mean piercing screaming he does do and it is so hard sometimes although, he has gotten better. And with moving him from one thing to the next, if he is not ready to stop, UGH! Look out. That has gotten better too. This past week was spring break and it was hard. He does not do good with that, as many special needs kids dont. Erik is almost 4, but more like a 2 year old really. He is about 2 years delayed.

S. Bailey CLD
Aurora
www.tendermomentsdoula.com