My 4 year-old son (who has been sweet most of the time) has been out of control lately. He is not in any summer programs, but we try to keep busy enough. He yells at me, started hitting when he doesn't get his way. He is terrible to his 2-year old sister. Takes EVERYTHING away from her just to be mean. He certainly understands the words I am telling him, but refuses to do what I ask or does just the opposite to get me upset. I am wondering if this is normal behavior for a 4-yr old boy? Is he just testing the waters to see what he can get away with? Is this something I need to worry about? I am tired of fighting with him to get him to do simple things like get his shoes or brush his teeth. I feel like all we do is argue all day and I am tired of it. I feel like a once very close relationship is now at constant odds! Help, MOMS! I want my sweet little boy back!! Thanks for any advice!
O.k. So after reading this and some of the responses already posted, i do not feel alone. My 4 yr. Old daughter has been someone different lately!the sassy mouth, defiant behavior, not wanting to share, and yelling. I was thinking it could be jealousy issues as i am due to have child #3 in 4 weeks.
Sounds like he's trying to grab your attention any way he can get it. Kids go in and out of phases so quickly. Just be patient and consistent with him. (I-2-3 Magic is a good program to check out). Don't let him get the upper hand with you. Arguing all day with a 4-year-old is exhausting. Praise the good stuff, especially when it involves his sister, but set reasonable consequences for the negative. (i.e. if he likes reading at night....his reading time may be limited if he doesn't do his bedtime routine efficiently.) RE. summer programs - there are so many nominal programs out there. Our community churches just hosted their Vacation Bible School - the cost was $10 for children. Would be a great way for him to interact with other kids. Libraries have so many fun kid's programs that are free to nominal-in-price. Sounds like you're just doing your best. Good luck!
The behavior you are describing sounds just like my 4 year old daughter. I have been quite exasperated with her and wondering the same thing. She is involved in other programs and those directors and other parents have told me that she does not act out with them, so I think you may be right that he's testing the waters. I feel your frustration, but continuing to be as consistent as possible and rewarding the good with your praise, I think will help shorten this phase. He certainly has to be held accountable for being nice to your younger one as well as any other kids he is around. Good luck (for both of us!!! :-))
No idea. I have been having similar problems with mine (who just turned 5) but a lot of me tends to think it is his personality. But more and more of my friends with children similar age say similar things. Must be an age. Know that you are not alone and I look forward to reading everyone's responses!
Read Smart Love by Martha Heineman Pieper and William Pieper. They have it at the Oak Park Library. It gives really good advice on parenting. One of the keys is to avoid fighting and when you have to set a limit to do it in a way that doesn't add tone, so that it is more a discussion rather than an order. Your little fellow probably is himself upset and needs a little more loving, even though it is hard when he is acting like this. Children that age don't really have intent. They aren't doing things to "make you mad". They are doing them because they want what they want when they want it. That is pretty developmentally normal. Some of the things that we fight about don't need to be fought over. For instance, he may have to brush his teeth but you could get his shoes. Sometimes we are fighting in some sense because we feel a child should do what we say. Obviously, health and safety issues always need to be addressed but see what of the others you can just let go of for a while. You are right, being angry is very very tiring. Good luck.
Check out the the website www.supernanny.com . It is a show on ABC. I have gotten some really go ideas from her show and website about when children are acting up. Watch that show once and you will think your child is an angel.
Just an idea.
S.
Funny to read this today...I just sent a similar email out to all my mom friends last weekend. I have an almost 4 year old girl and we are experiencing the same things. My mom friends all assured me this is normal behavior for this age as they test the waters to see what they can and can't get away with. Last weekend I did feel like all I was doing was yelling and it was so frustrating, and then this weekend she was back to herself again. From the responses I received from my friends, it starts around 3 1/2 and continues for a short time, but those reaching the age of 5 definitely have slowed from this stage, so there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Hang in there!
Totally normal! I honestly think that the terrible 2's were a cake walk compared to age 4. Our daughters are now 5 and 7 and I swore more than once when they were 4 that they would be lucky to get to age 5. You have to use "the naughty step" or time outs consistently. The first real time out our youngest got took over an hour for her to complete her 4 minutes. Also, pick your battles right now---really. Won't put on shoes? Then don't go where you were planning to go or pick his butt up stick it in the car seat and put on his shoes yourself. Also if it really doesn't matter let him win a few--- for example....doesn't want to wear a coat and it's cold...say ok you'll figure it out when you start to freeze (of course carry his coat with you). It is exhausting....but you and he will finally get through it.
