my 3 year old son has started a pattern of waking in the night and going into the living room. We have a strict bedtime of 8:30 and by 2 am he's up and in the living room playing. Sometimes quietly, sometimes loudly. Sometimes he'll even make himself a bed. I've asked him if hes scared, we gave hima nightlight, we've talked about it. My husband will get him back to bed the first time but then by 6am he's back out there playing. I'll send him back to his bed and he'll sleep till 8:30. HELP!! This is a nightly occurance now!!!
Ok so I've been super hesitant to write back in as all moms know what happens when you do. As soon as I say that we've got the problem licked, we'll have another rough night..BUT! The party's over for Justice!! OK, so we tried the kid gate, he climbed over it, we tried putting then taking away the nightlight. I even went as far as to try and eliminate the mid day nap (painful as that was). Here's what finally worked. I cut down the nap from 2-3 hours to 1.5. At first he was mad at the thought but quickly got used to it, then added a 2nd book to bedtime. I think the biggest help was a big boy bed. He refused it thusfar and even turning his crib around with the rail off(like a big boy bed)freaked him out and he'd act like he was gonna fall out. Finally we bit the bulet and took away the option of his crib. Please don't be upset he was still in a crib, he's my first and I didn't have mamasource then. Crib gone.?... no more teaparty in bed by nightlite with his chums, they'd fall out. No more flips in bed, he'd fall out. He just went to sleep. And stayed asleep. As for coming out to the living room once he awoke in the night(partying), We made it as dark in there as possible (fishtank lite out) and put every toy and blanket away before bed. He had nothing to come out to and went back to his bed. And stayed there. Now I'm sure tomorrow night he's gonna get up and party down just because I've reported success. Its been consistent over 2 weeks now so I'm ok with a long nite now and again. I'm sure my Jesse Boy will be just as fun soon. Luckily he looooves to sleep. :) I LOVE MAMASOURCE!!! THANKS FOR ALL THE SUGGESTIONS!!!!!
Get a gate and put it at his bedroom door. This is definitely a safety issue. If he gets around or over the gate, put him directly back in his room and tell him NO. Keep it up until he gets it. You may need an alarm or sensor to let you know he has gotten out but jump on this right away.
Also, find a reward system that matters to him for staying in his room. This is an integral part of this.
Good luck!
+B+
Hi S. -
I know this is frustrating, but I love the way you describe it as partying...and that's exactly what he's doing. The kid does not want to miss a thing!
A couple of things to consider:
- Not every kid needs as much sleep as others. My son (now 15) has never needed the 'recommended' amount. He would do pretty much the same thing as your child. We'd put him down at 8:30, and he'd be up by 2 or 3. Or (worse) 5.
- Sleep patterns, once established, are difficult to break. While you might be able to get your son to stay in his room and play quietly, you probably are NOT going to be able to get him to fall back asleep after he wakes up. Please keep in mind that this is NOT a discipline issue. He is waking up and is WIDE AWAKE and cannot just fall back asleep. I'm sure you've woken up in the middle of the night and have been unable to fall back asleep, no matter how hard you try. Now imagine doing that when you're three, and there's so much fun stuff to do outside of your bed!
- To break this cycle, you're going to have to change his sleep pattern for a little. Pick a time when there aren't a lot of stressors in your family life, and then:
= Make sure he is getting plenty of exercise during the day, but not too close to bedtime (no more than 3 hours). Increase activity if necessary, like take him to the park and let him RUN before dinnertime.
= Make sure he is getting 'quiet time' activities one hour before bed - bath, snuggling, books. No rough-housing!
= Get him an alarm clock and set it to the time you want him to get out of bed. Remind him that unless he needs you for something, he is to stay in his room and in his bed until the alarm goes off. Those are 'sleep times', not play times.
= Here's the kicker. Keep him up until 9:30 or 10:00. Make sure he is truly sleepy before you pop him into bed.
If you need to, keep him up until 10:30 or 11 -- until he can sleep through the night again (or until the alarm goes off). Once you've gotten there, you can back off his bed time by 1/2 hour until you're back at 9 or 8:30.
If the sleep problems persist, ask your pediatrician for a referral to a sleep clinic -- Stanford's is very good, for example.
GOOD LUCK! (been there, done that!)
J.
Put a child safety gate at his door. I do this with my 2 yr. old. After a few nights of yelling at the door he will soon realize he can't get out and the pattern should stop. Good luck!
Is he still taking a nap during the day?? If so, he probably is at a stage where he needs less sleep and his nap is interfering with his night sleep. Good luck with this... I know how frustrating the sleep issue can be with toddler boys!!!
Dear S.,
You may have to adjust your little boy's sleep times.
My children always slept all through the night, even when they were little, little babies.
They were active all day and slept all night.
However, it was really difficult for them to go to sleep at the usual times especially during summer when it stays light out later. Then in the winter, when it was dark and stormy by 4:30, they wanted to crash by 6pm.
Your son's little body clock might be out of whack and you can adjust for that a bit.
You can't FORCE a child to sleep. It can't be done. You can make him stay in his bed and in his own room, but you can't force him to sleep.
Try taking walks as a family after dinner and let him get some energy out. Then a nice warm bath. Shoot for having him ready for bed by 8:30 and then try reading or making up your own stories or relaxing visualization. Get him one of those Play-School cassette recorders that he can push the button and play by himself that plays ocean sounds or something that is calming in the night.
That said, I am 3 years older than my sister. We always shared a room until I was a senior in high school. My little sister always ended up in my bed. I'm not sure exactly when it started, maybe when we were 8 and 5. But we used to get up in the night and have "pickle parties". The night it began, she told me she was hungry, so I snuck her into the kitchen and we raided a brand new jar of pickles. We were super quiet and went right back to bed. We were certain no one would know of our covert operation, except for the fact that a new jar of pickles was half empty in the morning. Our mother never said a word and this went on for years. We would even plan it. "Wanna have a pickle party tonight?" We called them pickle parties even is there were no pickles involved. Other people might call them a midnight snack. We never made noise, we never made a mess and we were so sure we were getting away with being secretive and naughty. My mother always knew. But we had our snack, snuck back to bed and went right back to sleep.
We didn't realize it at the time, but our "pickle parties" bonded us so closely. And even to this day, (I'm 45 now) when I go with my kids to stay with my sister, her husband and their kids, my sister and I still have "pickle parties".
Don't be surprised if your two kids become partners in "crime".
Best of blessings!
Hi S.,
First, that is sooo cute! What a little night owl! There are a couple in my family too. Although for such a little guy that could be dangerous. I think it's possible that he may grow out of it soon.
Good Luck, M.
My sister got what is like a tent/net that goes over the bed so that her son can't get out. That might help. I'd be freaked out he was up when I was sleeping! Good luck,
C.
I found that the night light was doing it for my son. He need the night light for comfort to feel safe when he would go to sleep. However, in the middle of the night he would wake up, and I realized that the light was helping in that department. Once I started turning the night light off after he was fast asleep, he stopped waking up in the middle of the night.
Oh, boy. That is not a good pattern to be in. Soooo...couple of things...is he still taking naps? If so, you may want to start cutting those out. Both my girls were just over 3 when they started going to sleep later and later or waking earlier and earlier, and once I cut the naps out, our nights were much more predictable and sensible. The days were a little long until they got used to being up, but it was the right thing to do.
If he keeps waking, I'd just tell him that we don't get up in the middle of the night, except if he has to use the bathroom or if he isn't feeling well (needs mommy or daddy for something), but NOT to play. And walk him back to bed. You may have several nights where you do this, but as long as you're consistent, maybe it won't take too long.
If he keeps doing it, I'd consider taking away whatever toy he got out of bed to play with...make a big deal to put it up high and remind him a couple times the next day why his toy is up high.
Good luck! And hopefully sweet dreams!
My 3 year old did the same thing and the scary part was when I woke up at 4 am and she was opening the front door!!! her bed time was 8:30 and I was strict on that too. But at that point I definetly relaxed that and I started putting her to bed when it gets dark outside. Of course you can only do that before fall but we have plenty of time. I found that putting her to bed to early wasn't always the best.
Have you tried puting a baby gate on the outside of his bedroom door so that when he opens his door the gate is there, that way he can still open his door and won't be scared but he can't leave his room. If he can't get out then maybe he will go back to bed if not at least he will be safely in his room playing. I have not personally tried this but I did see it on that show on TLC Jon & Kate plus 8 and it seems to work for them. Good luck!
Make sure he gets lots of exercise during the day. That will almost always cure sleep problems.
I had to stop my 3 year olds naps. She wouldn't sleep at night. Cutting out a day nap could be useful.
