3 Year Old Not Wanting Anything to Do with MOM

My kids could live at my parents house and never want to come home either. Most of the time. Then at times they go through stages where they want to be with me and no one else will do. My oldest daughter never wanted to be home until her little sis was born then she wanted to be home all the time. this too will pass. good luck

C., please "run" not walk to the nearest parenting class. You are in danger of creating a Monster. Children need a parent to be a parent - not a friend or playmate. Your child is 3 yrs old; a perfect age to establish who is in charge. If you don't want him making demands and kicking you in the shin at age 6, you had better get in control now. Children NEED discipline with love. They want boundaries in order to feel secure. I never figured out why a young couple would train a puppy but allow a child to grow up without rules. Think about it.

S. Toliver, mother, grandmother & great grandmother

Yep. A stage he's going thru. My daughter did that- but the timing was bad- although almost like yours---she did that when I was in the hospital with our second baby. She was 3 then and didnt even want to come to the phone to talk to me! I guess just be glad your little man is going thru normal stages. I know it hurts but, at least he's not clingy and a whiney insecure baby.

Hi C.,

Three is a normal age for starting to show some independence. I can remember my son (now 16) at that age wanting to spend time anywhere but with me. It seemed that he always had more fun elsewhere...more things to do that were different than at home. Even though it's normal there are things you can do at home to make it more interesting...playing one on one with him more, doing something special with just you and him (zoo, swimming, park, etc).

I know it's tough now watching your son grow more independent but ultimately that's what you want to happen. It's not you that he doesn't want to be around...he's becoming a little man plus he's probably experiencing something different than what he gets at home with you. That's not a bad thing...just different.

Hang in there...your little man loves you.

W.

bingo you hit it on the head it is probably because your pregnant and he is jealous good luck

We just went through this too. It tears you up. My son turned three in January, and I had a baby in February. Honestly, it got worse after she was born, for about 5 weeks. Now he is just loud and sometimes wakes her up. Don't react to everything. I just started getting quiet when he would do or say something mean. It drove him nuts! Do something special with him that "only big boys can do". It will help a lot if he attaches to your husband. My husband now takes him outside to play ball, to the store, to the gym and gives the baby and I time alone. Then, when she is napping or my husband is home, I go and spend some special time with my little man. Look up some stuff about three year olds. I've come to find out they're more terrible than two year olds!!!

Totally a phase. Don't make a big deal out of it. He is trying to manipulate you... He knows it upsets you and he gets attention good or bad. Don't encourage it by giving him that. It's just what little kids do, they do what works. Especially since he has been an only child up and been spoiled as you said, it may be a struggle for him. Ask him to help you with the baby when he comes and spend some alone time with him but don't fall into the guilt... You wouldn't be doing him any favors. Good luck... He will be fine.

You're little boy is showing that you have raised him to be very independent and that's wonderful but he is also testing your disciplinary skills. You've done a great job raising him to feel like he can take care of himself but it's now time to tell him that he doesn't make the decision about where he stays or for how long. You and his dad control EVERYTHING he does. It is not bad for you to have him understand this - it's about keeping control or loosing it very early in his growing up. He will test you whenever he sees a chance. Now's the time for him to understand that it hurts your feelings when he acts this way and it also won't be tolerated. In a good family, everyone speaks and treats each other nice. This will also set the boundaries for how he treats his new brother, friends, etc. It is a stage, but one that you have to control. When he says he doesn't want to go home, tell him he has one chance to get in the car without being in trouble or he will still go home but he'll lose a favorite toy for a few days. Children have as much control over you and the situation as you let them. Especially with the new baby coming soon (congratulations by the way!!) he'll need to know he can't bargain with you on what is to be done. Our children have lots of freedom but they know when we say to do something we mean it and it's not up for debate. Enjoy the summer with your little guy!

He sees that it is bothering you drop him off with laughter and a big smile and have a nice instead of begging him to come with you he will change his little I am leaving you ask him how was his day and then tell him about yours which can consist of ice cream and the park kids are smart you let him win this one it will be a lifetime of getting the "ups" on mom.

Hi C.,
My 3 yr old went through the same stage and now my 2 yr old is. And I'll admit they BOTH went through it when I was expecting, now that I think about it!!! But it is just a stage and he will grow out of it, it hurts and they dont really understand what it does to us. good luck!!!

(I edited this after reading others)
He is just being 3. My daughter (nearly 4) does this for a few days almost every month. They don't realize that it hurts our feelings. He will probably continue to do this as his own personality develops more. Just be prepared to handle that your little man is becoming a little bigger man. :) I do agree that there is a discipline line during this stage that can't be crossed. You are still the parent and have to let him know that he does not control where he goes and how long he can stay. It's easiest to give choices that are both okay with you so he gets to assurt his own independence a little without going to the tantrum stage.
J.

Wow, I do not necessarily see that you need to go to parenting class. I am the same age as you and have a 3 year old as well. My daughter does this from time to time at her "Nana's" and daycare. I believe it is because they are more linient on her. She knows when she comes home mom expects certain things and behaviors of her. Just because we are young mothers does not mean we are trying to be friends with our children rather than parents. I am probably more strict on my daughter than my mother was to me; and believe me my parents were strict. Just didn't want you to get down on yourself or think it is something you did. Your child is not going to become a Monster and it takes a lot mroe to raise a child than to train a puppy!

This is my own personal theory, but i have noticed that, when mom is preggers, the youngest one will go through a stage of either extreme clinginess, or pushing away. I think they kind of sense how much things are going to change, so they instinctively get ready for it by either grabbing up as much time with you as they can, or starting to get used to being more independant.

Either way, most kids do this. Boys, between the ages of three and five, will pull more away from mom and really need time with dad. But, whatever the reason, I know it hurts your feelings, so remember that it is a stage and will go away.

Hon I just read where that one person told u to go to parenting classes! This woman is totally off her Rocker !Your little guy is just going through a stage nothing to worry about, they all do this at one time or another,he just is being a typical 3 year old. I do have a little advice when u bring ur new buddle of joy home, include him in the care of the new baby if its nothing but bringing u a clean diaper or the baby wipes, let him watch you bath the new baby anything to include him,and spend some "special" time with him. My kids (adults now) were 18 months apart and I made sure my daughter helped with her new brother it made her feel like the "big sister" and we had our time together when brother was sleeping.So don't worry it sounds like ur a great mom, all kids go through stages at different times in their lives, so just so him all the love and understanding amd let him know ur always there for him. Best of luck with ur family

OK...I really don't think that "parenting classes" are necessary....

First, it's just a phase that kids go through. No biggie - actually, you should be proud that you helped to encourage this little independent spirit! He feels confident in himself, and safe that you will always be there for him, no matter where he is. It probably also has something to do with your pregnancy as well - and your pregnancy likely has a lot to do with your being upset about it (I'm 31 weeks along myself so I feel ya).

Now, I personally wouldn't pretend like I was upset to try and get him to come home. He's *3*, you're the adult parent, so he comes home when you tell him to. No arguing, questioning, or whatever.

By fake crying or whatever, you're teaching him that manipulation is the preferred m.o., which isn't something that needs to be carried on throughout life. At the time it can be fun and kind of funny, but believe me (I've watched this with my in-laws and SIL and her kids' escapades), it ends up backfiring in the long run because they will not take you seriously. The spoiling does not do them, or you, any service either.

But just hang in there, act like it's not a big deal to you (go cry in the bathroom if you need to!), and without playing games just tell him factually that it's time to go. Period. Good luck!!

He is pushing your buttons! Pretending to cry is a response he felt that he "caused". Don't encourage his control over you or you will regret it sooner rather than later. Teen years are tough enough when they know "who" is in charge, and it had better be the parents! Trust me!! I had a very obedient child and also one who loved controlling her parents. It's no fun for the entire family. When he tries to control you at age 3, you can take control of the situation. You might need to just ignore the behavior he is exhibiting by not wanting to be around you. He really wants to, but he is enjoying the reaction he is getting from you when he pretends that he wants to be away from you. Three years old is mighty young to be controlling you. Stop it now or pay later. He needs to know that you are the parent and you are in charge. Good luck!

I understand how you feel. My son goes to his Nanas and Papas all the time. Sometimes he will stay two or three nights there. It hurts sometimes cause he doesnt want to come home. I think my son is just used to always being around them. We lived with them for over a year when he was born. So thats like a second home to him. Also over there they do things different. My son is spoiled also. He is really a good child and there are times he just wants to be away from mommy. It hurts but he is growing up. there are days he just wants mommy and then there are days he wants papa. So I understand how you feel. Your not a bad mom its just a stage they go through.
Glad your son is back to wanting mommy again. I hope everything else is going well.

Congrats on the little one soon to be here.

S. T.
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