3 Year Old Help!

There's a great series of books called "Your ___ Year Old" by Ames and Ing. I'd suggest getting the one for three year olds. For one thing, you'll find out what's normal for the age (and it does sound like he's acting age appropriately) and also what discipline techniques work best for the age. I love the whole series and get them out of the library whenever one of my kids hits a trying phase. Good luck. I'm sure time will help too. :)

I think almost every parent of a three-year-old has been in this situation at one time or another. I have a six, three and 4 month old so I have days where my three-year-old tells me no all the time. Something that has always worked with both my kids and my neices and nephews is to give them choices. If he is doing something he isn't supposed to give him two options to choose from. For example, if he is throwing a toy and you ask him to stop and he says no, give him a choice. Say, " you can either stop throwing the toy or I will take it away." Let him choose and if he refuses to choose then tell him you will choose for him. I always tell my kids that if they don't decide then I will choose for them and that's usually all it takes for them to make a decision because they know that mom will probably choose the one they don't want. It will take a few times for him to see that you are going to follow through with whatever he decides but then he will catch on. My six year old was really hard at this age. Everything seemed to be a fight with her. Even simple everyday things like getting her to brush her teeth became a struggle. So I started using choices for everything. I gave her choices like: which color of toothbrush did she want to use or if she wanted to brush her teeth before or after her story. It made all the difference with her.
The other thing is to use logical conseuences instead of discipline tactics like spanking or time out as much as possible. If He spills something on purpose, make him clean it up.
I wouldn't worry too much about the disiplining going on at his mom's and just be very consistent with what you do at your house because kids are great at discriminating. They learn quickly what they can and can't do with different people and in different places.
I hope that this will help you and good luck with your boys!

i would reward them when they listen and behave what you tell them and if they don't take something away. my daughter was like that and when she did't want to listen i said no she loves watching movies in her room and so when she don't listen no movie i took awhile but she got it and know she is my little angel. that is how my husband is he tells her yes on everything. i put my foot down and said i am her parent too and we need to do this together otherwise she is going to be out of control when she gets older. good luck

Read "The five Love Languages of Children" by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell, M.D. I recommend this book to all parents, but for weekend parents, it is probably even more essential to understanding how to love those children. They're crying out for love and acceptance, and your challenge is to discover their languages so they can understand you when you try to express love to them. I only wish I'd had the wisdom of this book while I was raising my two "bio" kids and 5 adopted kids. There were plenty of challenges involving love and acceptance. Remember to try to see things through their eyes - life must be pretty confusing to them.
J.

My son had the same problem, what helped was setting up a behavior chart and when he got so many stickers on his chart for listening, or whatever it was, he could pick the sticker and put it on. After so many stickers he got to pick out a new toy or read 2 stories at bed time instead of one or something that was important to him. When he did something "naughty" he didn't get a sticker or had to take one off. It might help.

sounds like most 3 year olds. i feel i'm a very positive disciplining mom,, and my 3 year olds(both are 3 right now) act this way. it's like having two wild monkeys in my house right now. maybe the two boys mom has different ways of raising them, doesn't necessarily mean she doesn't disciplin them at all. maybe just different. maybe this is something everyone needs to sit down and talk about so for the sake of the boys, all parents are on the same page as far as what is acceptable and what isn't. and compromises may need to be made on both sides to come to an parenting style/rules that are acceptable to both sets of parents. imo what's important is the stability of the kids.

usually what works for my two three year olds right now is when they do that ignoring me when i talk to them, i squat down right in front of them and say it again. sometimes i will ask them to repeat to me what i said. ask 'what were YOU doing?'.. when they recognize that they AREN'T doing as i asked.. then we do a high five and then i scoot them on their way away from what they were into. but i think they hear us talk so much that our voices are easy to tune out. i've had to decide on a list in my head what is a time out'able offense and what isn't. it's hard when my emotions get involved and i get angry because then i want to always put them in time out..lol lol but if i keep my emotions out of it and realize the three year old isn't doing this to just annoy me,, they are doing what is age appropriate for a three year old.. then i don't get upset or take it personally and don't feel i need to punish. an 8 year old not listing should get some sort of punishment,, a 3 year old.. that's not on my punish list yet.

I have a stepson who is 10 and we are going through the same thing wtih him. We are still going through the same thing but the only thing is we have custody of him now. And he is not really getting any better. The only thing I got told is be consistant and sooner or later they will break on it!
sorry I could not help ya much

Hi S.. I am a step mom to two son's who are now 21 and 20 and have two daughters who are 8 and 6. It sounds like you might be expecting too much of the three year old. I can assure you that with discipline or not, the three year old would still be telling most of us no. My six year old was emphatically telling me no this evening. As parents we need to repeat every lesson thousands of times...it is a bit dull and majorily repetitive, but necessary. Spanking is not something that ever really worked for us. It just teaches them to be beligerent. I think we spanked one of the girls once and the other one never (she just thought she was going to get a spanking). The best way to get a three year old to stop doing something is to distract them with something that you think is okay for them to do. Like if he is pulling a lamp down, firmly say no, then walk him to a toy or book or whatever. You will need to do this every time until he stops, or move the lamp. Or whatever the scenario is. Parenting is hard. Step parenting is harder. I have had many jobs that were demanding and stressful, but none as tough as being a parent. Being a good parent is very hard. Being a great parent is nearly impossible. What is possible is parenting with love, understanding, compassion and forgiveness with our natural and step children.

Also, moving between homes is tough for much older children, so it is probably confusing and stressful for these little guys. The good news is, but the time your three year old step son is out of the challenging age, you three-month old will be entering...so thankfully only one toddler at a time!

Enjoy getting to know all of these young boys..they'll bring you much joy when they are older!

CK

Take it from a child of divorced parents: it is SO hard going back and forth between 2 houses! You just get settled into the routine of one and it's time to go to the other one. The best thing I can say is be patient. Keep doing what you're doing and BE CONSISITENT with your disciplining. The older they get and the more used to the change of houses the easy (hopefully) it'll get. They need to realize that at YOUR house the rules are different and it'll be easier for everyone (including them) if they'll cooperate. Plus keep in mind that they are 3 and 4 which are difficult ages anyway!