3 Week Old Will Only Sleep with Me

Updated on October 08, 2008
L.C. asks from Herriman, UT
36 answers

I had a gorgeous baby boy 3 weeks ago. He will only sleep with me either in the crook of my arm in bed or on a Boppy on my lap while I sit in a chair. I haven't slept in bed for 4 or 5 nights now because my husband needs his sleep. Every time I try to lay him in his crib he wakes up within 2 minutes and starts to cry. We have white noise machines, a wedge for him in the crib so he feels snuggled ... I don't know what else to do. I sleep in a chair in his room cause that's the only way I am getting sleep and I need my sanity. Is this normal and he'll grow out of it or am I doing something massively wrong? HELP!

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So What Happened?

Thanks everyone for the replies. I had been swaddling him but in the last week he seems to not like it anymore and kicks until he's out of the swaddle. I'll start establishing a routine at night and just ride it out. Thanks again!

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L.S.

answers from Fort Collins on

My son was similar, he did not sleep well flat in a crib. He always seemed to startle and wake himself up quickly, but he fought being swaddled tightly as well. He ended up sleeping in his car seat for months, which worked out well for him. I would pad the car seat with a couple of soft blankets and put him in, which seemed to be "cozy" enough without restricting him too much. No worries re the blankets because he couldn't roll in the car seat. It was also nice when he was congested because he was already sleeping slightly elevated. I just set the car seat right in the crib. My doctor had no problems with this and said as long as he was sleeping well it didn't really matter where he slept. I also thought maybe that's why he never got a flat head like some babies! :) Anyway, maybe give it a try, my son is 2 1/2 now and a great sleeper!

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J.R.

answers from Denver on

Hi L., I too just went through this I have a 6week old daughter. Someone shared this piece of advice with me when my daughter was about three weeks old, I only wish I had known this from day 1. Go rent from Blockbuster online or buy at the store a DVD called The Happiest Baby on the block. This saved my life, the crook of my arm and my baby now sleeps in her crib. I tried everything from putting her in the carseat to going for walks, or talking her on a drive in the car...get teh DVD Happiest Baby on the Block. It was the best thing I have done so far and I recommend it toall parents.

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J.N.

answers from Denver on

My daughter would only sleep with me for the first 12 weeks. I continued trying to put her down for naps and at night on her own, and eventually she would sleep for a little while and then when she would wake I would move her into bed with me. At 12 weeks it was like a light switch- she was ready to sleep on her own and could go back to sleep on her own after a feeding. We then moved her into a crib and she hasn't had a problem since. In the end, the time she spent sleeping with me passed quickly and I actually enjoyed it.

J. (mom to Zach, 2.5 years, and Talia, 10 months)

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T.W.

answers from Salt Lake City on

if you're nursing him, it's totally safe to take him to bed with you. better than sleeping in a chair. . . sometimes we don't want to take baby to bed, because there's some cultural stigma attached, but co-sleeping is awesome and safe for nursing babies and great for those who love sleep. other things to consider are that every few weeks/months they go through little milestones. ours would not sleep for like 3 or 4 nights and then be fine again for a few weeks and back and forth for the first few months. at three weeks, baby boy may not know when night and day are. . . .

i would caution with everything in my being, against going with any advice saying to cry it out. a couple of books. . . . no cry sleep solution, dr. sears sleep book. . . . dr. sears, foremost pediatrician in the field, says that babies do not learn to sleep if they are left to cry, they just learn that no one is listening to them. that alone broke my heart enough to know that i would NEVER let my little ones cry it out.

good luck, new babies are wonderfully wonderful and drive you wonderfully insane trying to figure them out as well, just try to stay in tune with your baby boy and who he is and don't try to make him into who you want him to be.

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R.K.

answers from Salt Lake City on

This isn't the end of the world. Just go to bed with him unless you or your husband are on heavy medications, drink, or are severely over weight.

Get one of those co-sleepers. http://shopping.yahoo.com/s:Baby%20Furniture:68605-Type=C...
Use this link and you can see several different ones.

Think about this from your baby's point of view. ALL of his life he's been snuggled tighly with the warmth of your body, hearing your heart, your stomach, your breathing, and your voice...now you want him to sleep on a hard surface, alone, in silence...or in your case, a strange sound that does NOT sound like YOU. It's like being plucked out of your home and dropped into another world. Be patient with your little one...be kind. He's not trying to be a pain, he's just wanting the comforts of what he's used to...YOU.

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H.G.

answers from Denver on

L.,

My daughter is 18 months old and still sleeps with me, and I love every minute of it. This is such a precious time in their lives, that I want to maximize the time as much as I can!

Some things we have done: I used a bunch of pillows to create a comfortable semi-sitting up position for me, and she slept across my belly while nursing. This was surprisingly comfortable for the entire night. Then, once she was a little bigger, we mastered the side-lying nursing position, which makes it a lot easier to "sneak" away once they are in a deep sleep. My husband snores, so he decided a long time ago to sleep in a room down the hall, so we don't have to worry about that factor.

It is not unusual for babies to want their parents for their sleep time. Think about it- they don't know how to do anything on their own- they rely on you for everything. Nighttime is a very scary time, and they just want your comforting, loving embrace- how precious! Some might view this as absurd, but I love it and I love being with my baby while she sleeps and when she wakes. I wouldn't trade it for the world. Sure, it takes sacrifice and you won't find many that do it this way, but I just followed my heart and intuition and wouldn't change a thing.

If you would like some support or encouragement, please let me know! I really believe that our babies need us at nighttime as much as they do in the daytime. It won't last forever, and you'll be able to look back and say, "I have no regrets becuase I didn't miss any time with my little one!"

I hope you find a solution that is best for everyone in your family!
H. Gaitten
www.naturalchoices4baby.com

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A.N.

answers from Denver on

Hi L.! I had the same situation with both babies. With the first one, I did the same thing. I slept upright in a big chair, and just did what I could to get some sleep and keep the baby from screaming. :) With the second, I took her to bed with me and let my husband figure it out. He slept downstairs a couple nights, and yours could try the couch, too. It will pass, although I slept with my daughter until she was 2 months old (against the "rules" but heavenly!). Just take care of yourself and focus on enjoying the tinyness--mine is almost 8 months old now, and I miss that little tiny baby cuddling (it's over for me--she wiggles and plays and squirms unless she's sleeping, and she sleeps best in her crib!).

Some books talk about a "fourth trimester" when babies need lots of cuddling. Also, my favorite baby book is Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby by Dr. Weissbluth--it has helped me a ton. But the bottom line is that giving your son all the holding he needs at this age will not spoil him or create bad habits--it will help create a happy baby!

Good luck!

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F.S.

answers from Salt Lake City on

I would try swaddling him snuggly that may help him feel like he is being held.

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A.W.

answers from Salt Lake City on

Even before my son (now 7 months) was born I had decided along with my partner that we would co-sleep. The first two night we a little rough as he was uncomfortable without just the right conditions so he spent some time sleeping in a vibrating chair next to my bed. After that...well co-sleeping has been wonderful. Sure there has been a few times here abd there it has been difficult, but you might as well be sleeping in a bed with a baby rather than in a chair. Even if you put a monitor in your room, your husband would hear the baby cry until it woke you up to take care of him. Having your baby next to you is comforting at all times. I couldn't have slept without him near me. Naps are easy and even putting him to bed. He just falls to sleep himself on our bed. The bottom line though is that you need to do what works for you and for him. Just make sure you get some sleep so you can take continue taking good care of him. Try different things to find out what might help him feel more comfortable. If he is wanting to be held, or laying propped up a little, he might have gas. My son liked to be swaddled when he was little but with his arms free and hanging out. He would sleep with his arms above his head. After giving him a binki so I didn't need to be a human pacifier and learning this...everything was wonderful. Keep trying new things. Good luck.

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M.S.

answers from Denver on

swaddle him. the "happiest baby on the block" video (from a few years ago - check the library) has a great segment on how to swaddle.
also try a "heartbeat" noise. we got a teddy as a gift that made a heartbeat noise. didn't really use it but have heard from others it can work wonders.

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K.J.

answers from Salt Lake City on

i would put him in his bed and let him cry. he enjoys sleeping with you, and nothing can truly replace mom. go and comfort him a little to help him know he isn't abandoned, and realize he will fall asleep eventually

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D.K.

answers from Denver on

Make sure he is wrapped tight in a swaddle.
Then as bad as it is, let him cry and lay him down awake not after he has fallen asleep. Stand by the crib if you have to and rub his back , hum to him and talk softly, but do not pick him up right away. Make sure too it isn't reflux as that is painful when laying down flat.
My son used to wake in the middle of the night and the only way he would go back to sleep was on my chest. It didn't last long but I had to be the one that ended it as nobody was getting any sleep at all either. It took me a month to get him to just go back to sleep without me having to pick him up and lay him on my chest.
This happens and now is the best time to try and do something different so it doesn't become a habit. He is very young still and just needs that extra hug and warmth. Make sure he is layered and warm enough too as that was a problem with my daughter if she was cold. If he is layered, swaddled and you lay him down while awake, put a music box on and walk out of the room. Putting him in his crib awake will be your life saver ongoing. Good luck and congrats! This phase passes and onto the next, but a blessed time. I miss the newborn stage believe it or not! :)

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K.I.

answers from Denver on

Have you tried swaddling him in his car seat? Also stick in a t-shirt you have recently worn so he can smell you. With both of my kids there was a period when they would only sleep bundled up in their car seats which I propped in the bassinet by my bed. I know I also tried propping the bassinet mattress up and then putting the boppy at the head. I could then swaddle the baby and lay him on the boppy nice and snug. Do whatever works. We've let them sleep overnight in a swing as well. You have got to get some rest too!

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C.H.

answers from Boise on

I am sure other people will tell you that you MUST find a way to make him sleep in his crib...but I had a baby girl who was the same way! Believe me, we tried everything, including the "let her cry it out, she'll stop".... hahaha, 2 hours later my husband and I couldn't take it anymore! I gave up, and slept propped up in the guest bed with her curled up on my chest, for several weeks. Like you, I just figured whatever I had to do to get some sleep! Eventually, I could co-sleep with her beside me in the bed, and once in a blue moon she'd sleep in a car seat next to my bed (like I said, we tried everything!!) Guess what - even though other parents hassled us about it, we all got sleep, and we lived through it. She's 11 years old now, and yeah, she'd still sleep with me if she could :) But she's a great kid, and we are really close, and I say you do what feels right and works for you and your little family, and don't feel like it's "wrong" because someone else tells you so.

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M.H.

answers from Denver on

I would try swaddling and having him sleep with you. If it bothers hubby, can you try one of you in the guest room for awhile? Even putting a mattress on the floor of baby's room where you can lay with him while he sleeps would help you all get a bit more sleep.

My daughter has struggled with sleep since she was born, and is FINALLY getting things figured out (at 27 months!) so I understand and sympathize with how tough sleep issues can be. They are certainly a challenge. Good luck and hang in there. I think swaddling could help, and if you get desperate, they can sleep pretty well in a swing, carseat, or bouncy when they are that tiny.

I see one poster recommended Babywise. Please do not let a baby this tiny cry for 15-20 minutes. Even most sleep training advocates recommend waiting to sleep train until at least 3-6 months of age! Babywise is a highly controversial book that has been linked to failure to thrive in many cases. The American Academy of Pediatric Medicine disagrees strongly with techniques taught in that book. Babies that small do not yet have a sense of self, and when you are gone, they don't know you are coming back. Even if you choose sleep training and cry it out methods later, (which I do NOT recommend) it is way to early for that at this young of an age.

Good luck!

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J.S.

answers from Salt Lake City on

Have you tried swaddling him? My kids did exactly the same thing unless they were swaddled tightly. They have a great thing now at Babies-R-Us (and I'm sure other places, too) called a "Swaddle Me." It's basically a blanket with some velcro to keep baby from wriggling out of the swaddle. Also, if an independently sleeping child is important to you, it is never too early to encourage kids to fall asleep on their own. When mine are this young, I watch for the first sign that they are sleepy (thousand mile stare, yawn, eye rub) and then I swaddle them & set them down in the bassinette/crib. If they fuss, I don't pick them up. If they cry, I do pick them up & comfort them & try again in a while. It worked really well for 2 of my 3 kids. They both ended up sleeping through the night (8:00 - 7:00) by 4 months of age. Good luck!

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C.C.

answers from Salt Lake City on

Congradulations!
This is a wonderful and sleepless time of life. For most new parents. You are your babies best expert above all trust your mothers instinct which will grow stronger as your baby grows and you get to know him better.
I have a book called "Good Night Sleep Tight", a gentle way of getting your baby to go to sleep stay asleep and wake up happy. by Kim West. This has been an invaluable resource for me. She teaches so much about the mechanics of sleep as a baby grows. Others have mentioned wonderful resources as well. I am also Completely against crying it out that teaches a baby that they cannot trust you to meet there needs. You will have some tears, but you don't have to just let them cry and cry. Your baby is still very young and it will be a little while before he sleeps through the night, but even at this young age there are gentle things you can do to start teaching him how to sleep. Sleeping is a learned skill it takes time and patience just as any other skill. I like the idea that the first 3 months of a babies life are the fourth trimester, and you can do whatever you need to to help him feel the safe warm closeness he felt before he was born. Sleep when he sleeps even if it is not long enough for you to go to sleep the rest will benefit you. This book also talks about schedules for playing and eating ,and that helps the sleeping too. Rest assured you are doing just fine. There is plenty of time to learn and grow with your baby.
Good Luck to you. Also don't hesitate to ask for help, friends, parents, siblings. Someone that you trust let them take him for a few hours so you can rest.

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J.L.

answers from Boise on

My baby did this for about the first month as well. What I did is I simply did not give up. Everytime he would fall asleep I would lay him down alone. Eventually he did learn to sleep on his own. Also the swing became a huge help. I would rock him to sleep them put him in the swing. Also try a routine. My baby almost never went to sleep nor would he stay asleep with out being in my arms unitl i established a routine. (He also had his days and night confused!) What I did is I would give him a bath at the same time everynight. then I would lotion him with the nighttime lotion, put him in his PJs and read a short book (it's never to early to read to babies!) and then feed him in my bed. When he fell asleep I would lay him in his bassinet and leave the room. I found that after just a few days of this routine he was sleeping more soundly and was falling asleep more readily. The one down fall was his skin dried out a bit (we didn't use soap for every bath so his skin would not get too dry) but by that time the routine was well established. Now we can skip the bath and move to lotion and changing into PJs and reading a book then feeding and he lays down just fine. In fact he is only 3 months and we are starting to lay him down with out rocking him at all and it is going great. Also try a swaddle. We just stopped useing one for our son, but it was invaluable. Often times tiny babies are woke by their own involentary movements, te swaddle stops this. I was shocked to learn how much babies rely on routies, now if for some reason we are not hime in time for his bedtime, he still passes out! I hope this helps!

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S.S.

answers from Salt Lake City on

YOu need your sleep. Take care of yourself so you can take care of baby. He may take time to settle down at night but he has to learn to sleep without you holding him. Try the others suggestions. My daughter kicks out of her swaddle if the blanket isn't big enough and tight enough. good luck.

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L.E.

answers from Provo on

my babies have done this (and one currently does it) when they are not full, even when well swaddled. if you are breastfeeding, i suggest offering each side twice before trying to lay the baby down. good luck!

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S.C.

answers from Denver on

You are not doing anything wrong. My son (now 8 months) was the same way. What worked for us was making him a bed in the car seat (don't use fluffy blankets) and letting him sleep in that most of the night. Then when he woke up I would bring him to bed with me and let him nurse himself back to sleep. I just made sure we both had warm clothes on and didn't sleep with blankets the second half the night. It helped me get some desperately needed sleep. By the way, he is still sleeping with us and we love it. Good luck!

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M.B.

answers from Denver on

This is sooooo normal! Infants need to bond with mom, you will be able to gradually wean him off of this, try to enjoy this precious time and sleep when you can! You can try the "wrap" wit the blankets like the nurses do so well in the hospital. I don't think I got a good nights sleep until my kids were at least ten weeks old. Good luck and hang in there!

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L.V.

answers from Denver on

Definitely keep him swaddled. The best technique I've seen for swaddling is on the Happiest Baby on the Block video.

Also, try putting a heating pad down in his crib or bassinet before you lay him down for maybe 10-15 minutes. Remove it before it is time for bed, so he will have some where warm to lay.

My son did the same thing and it is completely normal. I would sleep with my hand on my son's chest/stomach while he was in his bassinet until he fell asleep. Your son will eventually learn to sleep longer. I would suggest if you are going to try breaking this start in the daytime, so night won't be as hard. Remember, he is VERY young and you cannot spoil a baby this young. He is way too young to let him cry it out. Most experts agree that you can let babies around 5-6 months old cry for 5-15 minute increments.

Good luck!

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S.L.

answers from Fort Collins on

L.,

First, congratulations on the birth of your son! Your first baby is the most exciting and scariest thing ever. Second, you need to understand what normal sleep for babies looks like. If you want a book, I really enjoyed "The No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. It was very informative about normal sleep, plus it gave tons of great tips for getting baby to sleep more. Despite the hype, it is neither normal nor desirable for babies to sleep all night long. Their tummies are very small and they need to eat often. Breastfed babies will nurse anywhere from every 1-1/2 to 3 hours around the clock for a good 12 weeks or so. This is normal, and it is GOOD for them. (Not so good for us, I know, but you'll get through.) Bottlefed babies can go longer, but they still need to eat during the night. The idea that babies can sleep through the night at 12 weeks MAY be true, but you also have to understand what the medical definition of sleeping through the night is - one stretch of 5 consecutive hours of sleep. That's it. Baby's frequent waking is a protective mechanism for him, and it is a good thing. In fact, many sleep experts believe that one of the causes of SIDS is that babies fall into such a deep sleep cycle that they are unable to rouse themselves and their brains shut down.

The first thing to understand is that night-waking is perfectly normal, and it actually protects babies. The next thing to understand is that it is normal for baby to only sleep when you are with him. Think of it this way - your son has been not just near you, but actually inside of you his entire existence. He has always heard your heart beat and the swooshing of your blood. He has always been wrapped tightly by your body. He has always been rocked by the motions of your movement. He has no concept of what it means to be "independent," nor should he at this age. Babies are biologically conditioned to be close to their mothers. They are incapable to taking care of themselves, so their bodies and brains are programmed to keep them close to you. Now, that being said, obviously you need to find something that works for you and him. I suspect that sleeping in a chair in his room is not the answer.

I would go back to bed and take your baby with you. I, too was concerned that my husband get his sleep because he needed to work the next day. I finally realized that I needed to work the next day too - I needed to take care of my precious baby, and that was just as important as punching a clock. Parenting is a 2-person job. If you are bottlefeeding, let your husband get up for one feeding during the night. Trust me, he can handle it. If you are nursing, then life will be even easier. Learn to nurse your baby lying down, then you can nurse him in bed while you doze. You will not roll over and crush him, and he will not fall out of bed. There is a wonderful book called "Sleeping with your baby" by James McKenna. It's very short and an easy read. I read it in less than 2 hours. It talks all about the benefits of cosleeping, the many ways that it can occur and how to do it safely. Baby can share a bed with mom, or he can be in a bassinet next to your bed, or he can be in his own crib in your room. I suspect that once you master nursing lying down and just let your baby sleep with you for a while, you will all be getting more sleep. Because he is close to you, you will find yourself responding more quickly, so he is unlikely to go into full crying mode. All my little ones had to do was to roll close to me and start whimpering, and they were quickly being fed. You and your husband will probably be surprised to find that the baby won't disturb him at all.

As your son gets older, you can transition him out of your bed, and it will not be a traumatic event. My girls both started out in our bed. They were in a bassinet next to our bed by the time they were about 3 months old. By 5/6 months, they were in their own crib in the nursery for part of the night. By around 10 months, they were in their own bed all night. No tears and plenty of sleep for everyone. Now they are both great sleepers and sleep through the night - all the way through the night, not just one 5-hour stretch! One thing to keep in mind is that all the reputable sleep training books recommend against trying to teach a newborn to fall asleep on their own. They are incapable of learning it. It's like trying to teach a 5-year-old trigonometry. Even Ferber, the father of the Cry It Out method does not recommend his methods until baby is AT LEAST 4 months old.

Anyway, I hope you and your family are able to find something that works well for all of you. Unfortunately, the first three months can be pretty tough no matter what you do. However, they pass faster than you can believe. Remember that at this point, you cannot spoil your son. He is NOT manipulating you. Until he is around 6 months or so, his wants are his needs. He needs you to stay close to him. One of my favorite parenting quotes is this, "A need met goes away." On the flip side, if you ignore a child's needs, they just become more intense. This is when you get hysterical screaming fits that last for hours, night fears, and super-clingy babies and toddlers. Your son will grow to be independent when it is appropriate. Now is not that time. Treat your son gently and with loving compassion for his feelings and needs, and you will never regret it.

Best of luck,
S.

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N.W.

answers from Salt Lake City on

you are warm. his crib is cold. put him down gently and then keep your hands on him for a few minutes. pat his tummy if he wakes up. let go slowly when you think he's not going to jerk himself awake.

I've heard good things about the happiest baby on the block, too.

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N.P.

answers from Salt Lake City on

warm his bed with a heating pad on low....sometimes it works. Sometimes I think babie just want to sleep with you and you just deal with it for a while. When I was desparate, I put my baby on his tummy. He loved it. Or I just slept with him. Newborns are so wonderful but sooo hard! And sometimes I just feel bad for them, cause they are so used to our warmth and our heartbeat for 9 months, it doesn't make sense why they can't still have that all the time, right? You are not doing anything wrong. I don't think you can even sleep train babies for a while. I loved the book healthy sleep habits, happy child. It helped me to understand my baby's sleep needs. Good luck! You'll get through it!

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S.W.

answers from Salt Lake City on

Sounds pretty healthy and normal, unless he's *really* never content, or not putting on weight.
As hard as it might be to appreciate in your sleep-deprived state, you're on your way to raising a sensitive, people-oriented human who will learn to respond to others' needs because of your responsive attitudes.
I really, really love my Arm's Reach Co-Sleeper. It's like a shallow, three-sided crib that attaches to the side of your bed. You could make your crib a sort of side-car against your bed, and that would save your sanity. My third baby is seven weeks old now, and I think I get lots more sleep because my babies are always near me. I can roll him into bed to nurse him, and then roll him back into the co-sleeper when he's really "out."
Consider nursing while laying down--it's such a relief to take some of the work out of mothering! Consider getting in touch with your local La Leche League Leaders for help with breastfeeding questions.
I also really love "The Baby Book" and "Nighttime Parenting" by Dr. William and Martha Sears, "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley and the DVD of "The Happiest Baby on the Block" by Dr. Harvey Karp. They have lots of good, gentle ideas to get you through this as well as reasurrance that you're not doing anything wrong at all.
Dr. Sears talks in his books about the "limp limb test." When you're thinking of moving a baby, pick up an arm or a leg and let it drop a bit. If the baby sleeps through that, it's likely OK to try to move him and set him down somewhere. If he flinches, you know he wasn't in deep sleep yet. Sears has also done extensive research on SIDS and reminded me it's actually good that babies sleep only lightly and erratically at first--it's a protective mechanism while their bodies are so new. Also, the fewer calories a baby burns crying in distress, the more calories he can use for learning and growing.
Dr. Karp talks about "the fourth trimester," and reminded me that babies are accustomed to constant movement. Consider swaddling him and then trying a baby swing--it will be a back-to-the-womb feeling.
And yes, he will outgrow being this needy, but you'll never regret being responsive to his needs. My big kids sleep contentedly in their own beds now. . . the little baby time really does end and I'm so glad I got as many snuggles as I did! Hang in there!

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P.B.

answers from Denver on

My little one is 9 weeks and we're working on the sleep routine. She does quite good overnight, 2-3 15 min wakings during 11 hrs sleep. But, not so good yet with day sleeping. Just yesterday, she stayed awake for 11 hours straight!! except 3 little cat naps. My sister said "have you tried putting her down wide awake with music in the bed?" I didn't think wide awake would work -- but, I put her down with a paci and ocean sounds -- and she fell asleep! The problem was that my constant rocking and holding WAS over-stimulating her.

My advice from my recent experience:
Expect progress in very small increments over weeks of time. Even if you say 'it won't work', put him down in the crib/on sofa/on floor EACH time he sleeps - 7 a.m., 10 a.m., 12 p.m., and so on. Over the course of the day, you get 10 opportunities to practice this, many times he'll fuss and you'll pick him up. But, if at least 1 time works, that is great and in one more week it will be 2 times, and so on.
I agree with the post-er who emphasized a routine. Do the same things all the time, including before naps. Before naps, you might not do the bath and lotion, but if you do the same exact soothing routine/rhythm, it becomes distinct from other soothing rituals and is like a "switch".
3 weeks is too young to expect the same schedule each day. But, start your night-time ritual at the SAME time every night even if he remains awake thru it -- do everything that means YOU are slowing down for the night. By the time his circadian rhythm kicks in (which will be invisible, but happening in his nervous system), you will be guiding him with your ritual during those critical days. Since you don't know what day or week exactly that's going to happen, you just do it every night so that it's happening exactly when his bio clock kicks in.
If you can get through 3-4 more weeks using all the techniques (kind of like watching the calendar, waiting for a vacation to start :-), you will look back and know it's gotten better. During this time, where it seems like you're wasting your efforts with "methods" b/c they're not working, you are not. You are using these methods to ritualize them for YOU. Then when he's ready to respond to them you're already doing them, and don't have to start a whole new thing. It's really like being disciplined with the diet. It's not the FOOD that needs to change it's ways (i.e., the baby), it's ME eating the food that needs to get a ritual about eating. Then, somehow, the weight starts moving!
I say this all as a single mom who does this by herself, and I know how EACH single sleep/nap time seems like the one you NEED to be the better one b/c you can't take it anymore. Sleep's a tough one, but 'this too shall pass'. Good luck!

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A.C.

answers from Salt Lake City on

Hi L., I have 4 children and 2 of mine did what your little boy is doing. As soon as I would lay them down, they would wake up. They would only sleep if I was holding them. I just rode it out. I held them and slept on the couch every night and when they woke up for their first feeding, I would feed them and then put them in their crib. Most of the time they would stay asleep after that, but sometimes they wouldn't. I would just go back to the couch until their next feeding and then try putting them back to bed in their crib. After about 6 weeks they both grew out of it and became champion sleepers in their cribs. It's hard the first couple of months, especially with your first. Hang in there and good luck!

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J.P.

answers from Salt Lake City on

IF you have a way to put a regular bed in the nursery, All of you can get rest. My daughter brought her son home from the hospital 16 months ago. She and her husband believe in co-sleeping, because it is healthy for a baby to feel loved and protected. Some babies feel abandoned when put in their own bed and made to sleep there. Babies need nurture all the time, until they feel more secure. Your baby is probably one that needs 24 hour of nurture right now. YOur husband also need you, so try your best to balance. Good Luck

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K.G.

answers from Pocatello on

Have you tried swaddling him really tight? that is the only thing that would work for my nephew. If you don't know how, you can find instructions online. Also, with my son is was kind of the same way. I know a lot of people are against it but I took him to bed with me... that was the only way I got any sleep! That way I could nurse him without us both waking completely up and we both slept much better. I know there are dangers in this and I tried to be very careful, but we both did fine. Try the swaddling first and see if that helps.

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R.S.

answers from Denver on

Well the good news is that he is only 3 weeks old, and everything changes almost daily with a baby that young. The bad news is he is only 3 weeks old so it could take you both a while to solve this issue.

1st of all burp more frequently and talk to your pediatrician. Perhaps try Mylecon drops. I would call your pediatrician today and make sure you mention he is only happy with his head above his tummy!

2nd Is your son having a hard time breathing when laying down (does he have a cold?)

3rd Worst case scenario, I would give him a ride in his car seat every night at bedtime (just for a while to get him used to the idea of falling asleep without you). Then I would let him sleep in the car seat (it is good for his digestion anyway.

4th If this continues keep in mind that babies with silent gastric reflux (heart burn) act the way your infant is right now. However you do not need to get super worried it is normal for babies that young to have reflux, but it isn't normal for it to hurt!

So if you are nursing you need to cut caffiene, chocolate, garlic, citrus, tomatoes, onions, and high fat foods from you diet. If your son has painful reflux you should notice a slight change (takes 2 weeks to get that stuff out of your system).

Signs of reflux are the sleeping habits you listed above, sour breath, arching during feedings, over eating or undereating, drop in percentiles on weight and height, stools may also have blood in them.

If it turns out that you and the dr think he has reflux get him referred to a pediatric gastroenterologist their experience and advice are priceless in dealing with a baby who is miserable everytime they eat!! (oh and you can always email me)

**Oh and their is an awesome sling you can get that fits over the whole 1/2 of the crib mattress and straps the baby safely in....This allows you to incline the mattress and keep his food in his tummy vs. his esophagus! Saved me many hours of sleep with my second child. Let me know if you need more info. on that. They only cost $30-40.

Hang in there!
R.

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R.C.

answers from Great Falls on

I went through the same exact thing. I refused to let my now 2 year old sleep on his stomach. I was so scared of SIDS. He slept 15 minutes at a time unless I was holding him.

Try the car seat or the swing. At 2 months, we found out he would sleep in a swing. Started putting himself to sleep every night at 7 pm and then slept 3 hours until his next feeding. It didn't take long before he was sleeping 5 hours at a time and then through the night. We transitioned him to the crib between 5 & 6 months & it went very well, we just took it one thing at a time. I have other friends who used the bouncy seat or car seat.

Basically, this is normal and you need your sleep to stay sane. I really thought I was doing something wrong at first but after asking around & realizing it worked, I felt so much better.
Congrats & good luck!

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K.M.

answers from Denver on

Hi L., You desperately need to swaddle the little guy! Please get the DVD or book "Happiest Baby on the Block" by Harvey Karp. Also, I recommend the Miracle Blanket (really, just an easy to use swaddle). Go to www.miracleblanket.com . It's pricey at $30 but worth every penny. My 2-month old loves it!

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D.T.

answers from Denver on

Ever heard of a family bed? Check it out, my little ones slept with me and made life so much easier!

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M.M.

answers from Denver on

I had the same problem. I let it go too long. I first reccomend the book Baby Wise. I DO NOT reccomend co sleeping, it just gets harder to get them to sleep on their own. My nephew has started school and still has to sleep with mommy.

Crying will not hurt them, for 15 - 20 mins at this young age. It is actually good for their lungs and cardio development. It hurts you more than them. They need to learn to comfort themselves and you are the only one who can help them do that.

My son was almost 4 mos old with many sleep issues. I could not even leave him with DH because he needed the "mommy rock". My husband made me leave at nap time for a long weekend. He let him cry it out (40 mins)each day, but I could not be there. I was mad at first about it, but it worked. I am thankful to my hubby now for being strong. The more you do to comfort the more they will demand as they get older. You are in charge. You are teaching them a life long skill. We moved our boy to a twin bed this month and we have not had one issue. He goes right to sleep because he learned that is what you do long before.

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