3 And Sleeping in a Crib

Updated on July 16, 2012
R.S. asks from Chicago, IL
18 answers

Ok, so I thought I was doing this wonderful thing by buying a "big girl" bed for our daughter, who, turns 3 in ten days. She was super excited and, as is expected, we have been having one heck of a time getting her to stay in it at bedtime. She pops in and out and it can take up to 90 minutes before she finally conks out. During this time, she would occasionally ask to sleep in her crib and she would point blank tell me that she likes being in her crib, that it's "cozy". Tonight, as I was putting our son to sleep, my husband was putting her to sleep...I passed by her room and noticed that she was in the crib. I freaked out (bad parenting, I know)....and burst out at my husband a whole bunch of stuff related to her development, etc, and that it sends mixed messages to put her back in the crib, bla bla bla. My husband feels strongly that she simply is not ready to handle the level of freedom that the bed offers her and that since she is expressing the desire to sleep in the crib, we ought to just let her. I'm not sure...I think if I had the time each night to rest with her a little in it, maybe she'd feel better about it. Maybe I just didn't do a good enough job transitioning her. We kept the crib in her room because in a few months when her baby brother sleeps through the night, we'll be putting him in it. Also, although she starts out in the crib, my husband moves her to the bed before he goes to sleep so that in the morning, she is able to get up on her own and use the bathroom, which she does.

So, do you think this is okay? My instincts would say no, no, no, it's not okay, she needs to be in a bed , etc etc, but I think I'm way overreacting because I somehow think 3 is an age where a child should be in a bed. The truth is, she is clearly telling us that she prefers the comfort and feeling of safety her crib offers....so why push her?

Thanks.

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S.G.

answers from Grand Forks on

Many kids start pre-school at three, and with school comes playdates. When she starts having friends over she probably won't want them to see her crib. The only other problem with the crib is if she has to pee at night it's dangerous to climb over the rails to get out of the crib to get to the washroom.

Updated

Many kids start pre-school at three, and with school comes playdates. When she starts having friends over she probably won't want them to see her crib. The only other problem with the crib is if she has to pee at night it's dangerous to climb over the rails to get out of the crib to get to the washroom.

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X.O.

answers from Chicago on

Why the rush? As long as she fits comfortably, and is not climbing out on her own (safety concern), I'd let her sleep there. My oldest slept in his crib until he was 3.5, and would have kept sleeping in there if we didn't need to move him into a different bed so the baby could use the crib.

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M.S.

answers from Washington DC on

You are thinking way too much into this. What is the rush? She prefers the crib. Why not let her stay in it? It will not scar her for life. My son slept in his crib, turned toddler day bed, until about 4 and LOVED it. He also said it was cozy. Once she is ready for the big bed you won't even need to "transition her".

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

Any person, will have to adapt and transition to something new and different. Adults can be like that too.
Your daughter has known her crib since birth. Her "bed" is something different. An unknown. Thus, apprehension. A normal reaction.

My son: even at 3 years old, he was in his crib. Why? Well he LOVED his crib and slept SO well in it. And he is a tall kid. But he still fit in it. But then one day, he told us, he wanted to be in a bed. So then we did. A mattress "bed" on the floor. And he slept there fine.
He was ready.

The thing is, the main thing is that she gets sleep. So if that is in her crib or in a bed, or in a mattress on the floor, or sleeping on the floor (which my kids did at times and during phases), I didn't mind. They slept. And I did not force them, to be IN a bed.
One day, she will not be in her crib.

You can try talking to her, or making her be in the bed... and convince her, or have "battles" about it. Because, any "change" tweaks a kid.

Or, with her bed, let her keep Loveys in it, and anything else that is comforting for her. My kids, have TONS of stuffed animals they sleep with, IN their bed with them. My daughter calls it her "nest." Fine. It makes their bed comfy and cozy for them. It is childhood. I did that too, when I was a young child. It is what kids do.

Or ask her, how she wants to make her bed???? Or what she wants to keep in her bed, with her, to make it cozy??? It is her bed, after all.

Don't, parlay your anxiety about it, to her, or because you want the crib for your son.
And, will the baby be in the same room as her?
That will be another, "change" for her.

Getting over something (her crib) or anything a child is fond of, can take time. They are losing, what was.
But no kid, sleeps in their crib forever.
So keep that in mind.

It does not have to be, a battle.
There is no rule, that says a kid has to be in a bed, by 3 years old.

To me, the issue is that, the crib is wanted because your son will be put into it. Then it will not be your daughter's anymore.
And for her, you MIGHT have to explain to her, "why" the crib is not "hers" anymore.

Then the other issue you may have is: once you put your son in HER room, to sleep... then what? Will your daughter get a good sleep that way? Will she wake him? What happens when your son wakes during the night or makes noises? Will his noises, wake her? Will she even like... that the baby is in her room? Will she be expected to control her behavior, and how she is in her room... just because the baby brother is in there with her? Will they, inhabit the room, well? Or not? And in her room... she has her own things and toys... and how will that affect the baby? Babies, should not be around certain objects, per safety and choking hazards, etc. So, how will her room need to be changed, in order to accommodate the baby brother? There is a big difference between a 3 year old and a baby.

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S.L.

answers from Kansas City on

Why do you feel the need to push her to a bigger bed? When I was little they were called 6 year cribs and believe me kids slept in them that long. It is just to keep them feeling secure and safe and your daughter will be grown and gone sooner than you think so I would let her sleep in it and I would guess that by the time she's about 3 1/2, or before, she will want to sleep in the other bed. There are many changes from almost 3 to a little over three. I had to move some of our kids out of necessity but see no need in doing if there is not some urgent need. Let her enjoy it for awhile. When you are ready to do it though, stick to it and don't confuse her and you and your husband should discuss it privately and agree on the timing. There is no magic age for children to do anything really. Just when it is necessary or they are ready and then you do see that they do it. Until then, relax and enjoy this little child.

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M.M.

answers from Chicago on

Personally, I think you're overreating, like your second thought.
If she's happy in the crib, sleeping well, and not trying to vault out where it might be dangerous, leave her be!
If I could've kept my 4 yr old in a crib that long, I'd be so excited.

My 2 yr old will be in hers until she climbs out. Otherwise, I think 4 is about the time for a transition, becuase they can sleep with pillows/blakents just like you would. Before that, don't fight it. Keep your sanity and leave her in there.

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L.A.

answers from Austin on

Take down the crib. Just place her new bed where the crib was. Let her fix her bed so that it is cozy.

Our daughter used to make a nest of stuffed toys and books in her bed. Some times, she slept on the flor with a nest she built, sometimes with her head where her feet traditionally was.

As I told another mom on here today. You are the mom. You are strong. Parenting is not for the faint of heart.

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V.P.

answers from Columbus on

Have you considered putting long bed rails down each side? It might make her feel more comfortable and ease her transition. A lot of bed rails are only half the length of the bed, but I know Babies R Us had full length ones that we got for our kids -- my son still uses his on his loft bed.

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R.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

Because you will be using the crib for your younger child in a few months I would dismantle the crib, store it in the garage until you need it, you can leave the crib mattress on the floor for her to use and buy a new one if she's still using it when he's ready for the crib. Get a small princess tent and put it over the mattress for her comfort and security. Otherwise you are setting yourself up for having to have her sleep in her bed and she will resent baby brother for forcing her out of the crib, which could then lead to extreme sibling rivalry or other undesirable behaviors. So you deal with the problem now or later.

3 is around the age that children learn the imaginary "boundaries" and how to stay within them on the mattress, being on the floor you won't have any reason to fear for her safety and her falling. Plus she can be completely independent in going potty on her own, which goes a long way towards helping a child feel more mature and carries over into other areas of their lives.

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K.B.

answers from Detroit on

My daughter was just past 3.5 when we got her out of the crib - we had gone on a vacation where she had to sleep in a regular-sized bed, and she did fine with it, so we realized she was ready. I don't think there's a certain age that they have to be done with things - we parents tend to get these ideas in our head, but kids don't care. We just took the crib down and got her into the bed - without the crib there, there was no way for her to try getting back in. She does like having lots of oversized stuffed animals and pillow pets in with her, and sometimes arranges pillows in a line between her and the edge to "box" herself in, calling it her "fort". As long as she isn't able to hurt herself by climbing out (my daughter could climb out but never fell), and you don't need the crib for another child, you could just let her have the crib back, then try again in 6 months.

When DD was in the crib, she liked having blankets draped over the top, so it was more fort-like. I kinda miss that. We took a picture of how she liked it set up before the crib was taken down.

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S.W.

answers from Amarillo on

Well you could take the crib down or buy another one. Whatever you do you have to make it work because baby will be needing it soon. You want your daughter to be happy and sleep in the big bed. How many bedrooms do you have? Can baby stay in your room for a bit before you move him to her room if needed? Will she accept baby brother in her crib in her room? That's another bridge to consider.

It's going to be a change and it is going to take a bit of time like six weeks for it to sink in. I think I will have to go with your husband putting her in her bed so she wakes up in it. Have her take her naps in the crib as well so that it is not so foreign.

Good luck.

The other S.

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D.C.

answers from Pittsburgh on

My usual advice would be that it's fine to leave her in the crib. My only concern is this - what if you are ready for her little brother to move into the crib, and she's still not ready to move out? The last thing you want to do is make her feel like she's being kicked out of her bed by the new baby.

If Indeed you know, for sure, that in a relatively short amount of time (less than 2 months) you are going to HAVE to make her move, then I would say take the crib down so she has to get used to her toddler bed. I don't like this advice, really, because I like to let kids decide on their own for stuff like this. But if you have another baby that needs the crib...

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J.K.

answers from Kalamazoo on

My dd was doing the same thing. We had good intentions if moving he before the baby needed the crib. It didnt happen so she ended up getting moved once the baby was in there. She asked a few times to sleep in it again, I just said sorry, the baby is in there, see, and of course he was. She stopped asking and started sleeping in her bed. We sometimes have to do rewards for staying in bed, it seems to be worse at naptimes. So we tell her she will.get to.do something fun later, like play outside or watch a movie if she stays in bed and takes a nap. I wouldnt rush her. Once the baby needs the crib, there wont be an option. Start her in her big girl bed, no biggie if she ends.up in the crib. Just want her that soon baby will.need the crib and she wont be able to use it anymore, so its not a shock.

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C.B.

answers from San Francisco on

Get her one of those bed tents and then let her "cozy" up the bed with her favorite stuffed animals. I don't know any kid who doesn't like a bed tent!

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S.R.

answers from San Francisco on

We converted our daughters crib to a toddler bed when she was a little over 3. Now she's almost 4 and getting so tall (43 inches) that she's almost out of that bed. We'll be converting her bed before the end of the year to a full size bed.
Having both beds in there is probably giving her mixed signals. I know it can be hard to keep them in their beds especially in the beginning. I like the other post about the bed rails, it could give her the security feeling and could help her want to be in the bed. good luck.

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C.J.

answers from Dallas on

I don't think you are overreacting. If you all have agreed to something, consistency is key. I also think this is one of those moments where you can begin initiating the concept of mommy and daddy are a team and what we say goes. Not calously of course, it is just one of those little moments that can help set the stage for the future.

The only reason I would push her is the fact you will need her to vacate the crib for little brother. It could send some jealousy cues if she is out at the same time little bro moves in, ya know?
Have you considered getting a bed rail (the ones they use to keep kids from rolling out of big beds) to make the bed more "cozy" but also allow for the transition and the ease of in and out?
good luck!

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M.C.

answers from Washington DC on

My daughter was in the crib until around 3 1/2y. On purpose. I didn't change her crib to a toddler bed until right before her 4th birthday. We did a whole room transition between nursery and toddler room. Then when she turned 5y we changed the toddler bed to the full bed because she was too tall for the toddler bed.

Please let her stay where she feels safest. I know it interfers with your plans for your son, but if you push her to move when she isn't ready, you'll have a battle over the crib later on.

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J.T.

answers from New York on

Even though it is a pain, take down the crib... otherwise this could be a problem after the baby arrives. But more importantly ask her what she needs to make her bed more cozy. Can you put it in a corner so she has walls on 2 sides? Maybe get some extra pillows so she feels closed in a bit?

Explain to her with your husband there to back you up that the crib is gone and you want her to be happy in her bed. Explain what you are wiling to do just for her, and then see if she has any suggestions to add.

Good luck!

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