July 25, 2008,
J.T. asks from Manhattan Beach, CA on July 21, 2008
3 1/2 Year Old Wants to "Try On" Diapers - Please Help!
My son who is 3 1/2 now has been potty trained for over a year. No fuss, it was a good experience and he was very quick to learn. In the past few months he has had an obsession with diapers. Not that he doesn't want to wear underwear / shorts, but he wants to put them on throughout the day. Couple things to note:
1) He usually shuts the door and goes into the bathroom or playroom
2) We have a one year old (which I heard it is very common for your oldest to want to wear diapers). I have asked him why and he just says "because I like them". I think he was so excited one day when he did it that one of them fit he thinks he needs them now. I don't think it is because he wants to be cuddled, paid attention to, etc.
3) My husband and I haven't gotten mad, haven't laughed, haven't really reacted one way or another (hoping that that would help). We have told him it is not good to waste diapers.
So, no big deal you say. Very common. I know, I just don't know how to handle it. I feel like it is getting worse because
4) I find him with his friends trying on diapers (both of which are potty trained - their moms are loving me right now!)
5) I found him trying on dirty diapers from our daughter. This REALLY BOTHERS ME. I can find them in her room of course and has gone in there to get them (while she is sleeping which again really bothers me).
I don't want him to go through 6 diapers a day but I also don't want to make a huge deal out of it.
C.V. answers from Los Angeles on July 22, 2008
If it is really bothering you then put the diapers where he can't reach them. Then try giving him some dress-up clothes like a Superman costume, or Spiderman, etc.
R.A. answers from Los Angeles on July 22, 2008
My daughter briefly did this, also with the pacifier, when my youngest was a baby. What I did, was I reminded her of all the big girl things she gets to do that her little sister can't. For example, I reminded her she gets to chew gum, play with barbies (toys with small parts), feed herself, have chocolate milk, etc. It took a few times, but she learned the joys of being the older sibling, and that though she "misses" doing the baby things, she would rather get to do the big girl things. I hope this helps.
D.M. answers from Los Angeles on July 22, 2008
We would comment to our kids that, 'isn't it great that you're out of baby diapers (call them baby diapers) and that you're a big kid now'. Do things with him that you don't do with the baby and comment that you can this now because he's a 'big kid' and that little babies can't do that. Comment on all that he can do as a 'big kid' that babies can't do. Comment that it must feel nice to be out of baby diapers without all that poop sticking to your tush and being stinky! My kids didn't go back to baby diapers :) Hope that helps!
J.L. answers from San Diego on July 21, 2008
Hi J., Boys who get together and try on diapers in my opinion is not normal, I have never hear of a child wanting to wear diapers becasue his youubger sibling is wearing them, I know my second sonwanted to wesr big boy underwer like his older brother so he was potty trained at 19 months. Diapers are expencive, I'm looking at the fact to that he is going into her room, getting into things that are not his, If this was one of my sons, I would be making a huge deal, and mjy husband being the father of sons, would be making an even huger deal, when things are treated their no big deal kids think what they are doing is ok. I have 3 and 4 year old in my daycare, that would not want you any where near them with a diaper. I would tell no more diapers, those belong to your sister, and your big boy underwear belongs to you, and I would tell you don't get into other peoples things. J.
D.M. answers from Los Angeles on July 25, 2008
My advice - remember you are the parent. Saying "no" isn't the same as making a big deal about something - it is just saying no. If he continues AFTER you say no, then he is being disobedient, and it is time for consequences. You have mentioned plenty of reasons why this isn't an arbitrary decision on your part (waste, hygine, bd example to other kids). Be firm, be consistent. Good luck.
J.M. answers from Los Angeles on July 22, 2008
While I believe,that you and your husband have done your best to make your son feel that his new little sister's arrival is a good thing,most sibblings, feel that they have been replaced by a (superstar) Your sons life was perfect. he was the center of attention in the perfect love triangle: mommy, daddy, and child. he had his parents complete attention the last 3 years. He never had to share his parents with anyone. I read this in an article,about seeing things through a childs eyes. "Mommy and daddy love you just as much." ("Then why is that baby always in your arms and I'm not?") "I need to spend more time with your baby sister because babies need mommies so much, just like you did when you were a baby." ("I'd rather still be a baby. And I need mommy, too. Besides, I don't remember being a baby.") It may very well be, that he doesn't remember,and maybe part of him wants YOU to remember that time to.I don't believe that his behavior is abnormal at all.I think, there are times he possibly may yearn to be small like his sister again.This is no fault of yours. You can't neglect the baby,because hes feeling envious.I wouldn't make a big deal out of the diapers. I think,I'd make sure he couldn't get to his sisters dirty diapers,and I'd put her other diapers up, with the exception of one, so he couldn't waste them.I think,his actions are more of an attention getter.I see no need to get upset,quite the contrary.I think I would bring out some photos,of him in diapers.I'd sit with him,and tell him what a darling baby he was,and how much you loved craddling him in your arms.I'd tell him how proud I was of him,when he began talking to you and walking...I'd tell him,that no matter how big he gets. Even when he becomes as big as daddy,he will still be your little boy,and you will still hug him.The word (special) goes a long way,for an older sibling.Being told,that he gets special privilages,because he is the big brother,can build his self esteem,and make up for time he feels hes missing with you.Going to get ice cream,or going to the park.Babies can't do that.BUT big boys can.I hope this little bit helps,I wish you and your darlin son the best.J.
B.M. answers from Los Angeles on July 24, 2008
Gee, I don't know . . . you don't say (unless I missed it) if he is USING the diapers when he "tries them" or still using the toilet. I would say that if he is not "using" the diapers, that you need to explain as best you can that the dirty diapers are OFF LIMITS!!! - "Dirty," "yucky," "nasty," "gross," whatever - you may need to put a "lock" on your dirty diaper receptacle - or use a Diaper Genie. Then as far as trying on clean diapers - if he is not using them! - put them up where he can't get them - I know it's a pain in the (sorry for the pun!) butt to not keep them handy! - and give him ONE that he can wear. Maybe even put his name on it with a marker, make it special for HIM. Or give him a couple - or his own diaper bag, whatever - but they are EXPENSIVE! and you don't want to be out when you need to put one on your daughter.
(Btw, I ate baby food after my brother was born, and I was five! - I like the bananas with cottage cheese, which seems ironic to me, because I hate cottage cheese!)
L.M. answers from Los Angeles on July 21, 2008
This is something that I haven't heard of before. I've heard of younger sibling wanting to wear their older sibling's big girl/boy underwear, but not the other way around. I would like to ask if you are letting him help you while you change your younger child. Maybe he is thinking that you are spending so much time with the baby while changing diapers that he wants the same "diaper time". My other thought is that because he was around 2 1/2 when he was potty trained, he doesn't really remember wearing diapers himself. Maybe he just wants to see how it feels. Either way, this is just another one of those little mysteries that children do. I'm sure he will lose interest.
J.S. answers from Los Angeles on July 21, 2008
Sounds like he is just being curious. Definitely you need to stop the dirty diaper business. He's old enough to understand about germs.
I hope your hubby doesn't freak out at this idea, but get him a doll that he can put diapers on. There are boy Cabbage Patch kids and let him pick out a "baby" stuffed animal. then he can reuse the same diaper all day. You can also get him some undies to dress up the baby in. You can tell him that he's learning how to be a good daddy for when he is grwon up, like his own daddy.
Perhaps he is just trying to imitate you both and how you act with his sister. If he has his own "baby" and diaper stash, it should hopefully elimnate the negative problems and help your son grow into a nurturing father down the road.
V.M. answers from San Diego on July 25, 2008
To me, this is pretty clear-cut. You need to tell him NO.
You don't have to get mad to the point of rage, but you need to be very clear and firm in telling him that this is not appropriate. That diapers are for babies who don't know how to use the potty yet. That he is a big boy who uses the potty and so he doesn't need the diapers. You should be disapproving of this behavior so that he doesn't think it's okay to keep doing it. At this age, kids are more likely to do things that they are praised for and will stop doing things that we get upset about because they don't like to be in trouble (time-outs, etc.)
My daughter has been potty trained for nearly a year. Recently, we had a lot of dramatic changes in our lives (big move, change in pre-school, etc.) and then we went on vacation to see my mother (4 states away) and spent a lot of time in the car. Once we got there, she had her first accident and pooped in her pants. I didn't get mad, I understand that she's feeling the stress of these times in a different way, and she doesn't understand what's going on. She was upset and crying and I comforted her and told her it was okay, it was an accident. But then it happened again. I again told her it was okay, no one was mad. This time she wasn't as upset. When it happened a third time, I said okay, that's enough. If you have an accident, that's one thing, but you need to be trying to go on the potty, because you are a big girl now and big girl's poop in the potty, not in their pants. If you keep pooping in your pants, we're going to have to start wearing diapers again and that's not good. And she agreed and guess what? It didn't happen again or since.
Don't be afraid to say no and set boundaries. This is when you are creating the guidelines by which they understand what is acceptable behavior and what is not. Let him know that this is NOT acceptable.