27 Month Old Having Sleeping Problems

It sounds to me like he is just going through a phase where for whatever reason (scared, growing pains, ets.) he just wants to be close to you at night. It won't last forever and what's wrong with him wanting closeness to you? I know it is inconvenient to not get the sleep you need, but think of how he feels...this is all new to him. He's going to change as he grows...he won't always sleep well. You did not spoil him by letting him sleep with you. Take advantage of the closeness while you can...he will eventually not ever need you at night...and it will come faster than you think.

Take control, he's learning how to push your buttons and get his own way.

It's important to be consistent, so when it comes to bedtime, maintain the same routine every time. Don't give in to his excuses once you put him to bed. If he gets out, put him back in, tell him goodnite and leave. Keep repeating that, and within a short time, two or three nights, he'll get the message.

If you can determine that he's really scared, try to find out what is frightening to him. My grandson at about 2 1/2 had to have somebody "chase out the shadow men" before he would go to sleep. We made a ritual of it for about four months and he eventually didn't need that anymore, but established the habit of going to bed without a fuss.

D. P.

Hi L.,

I have a 2.5 year old too and I know how difficult they can be when they switch things up. I think our culture can be a bit too harsh with our children when it comes to wanting them to be independent. I know that I like sleeping with my husband more than I like sleeping alone. Some people are the opposite. So, let's not think of your little guy as trying to manipulate you or control you, let's just think of him as another person coming into his own.

He's at an age where he's becoming more aware of his emotions and of his environment. A few months ago maybe his imagination wasn't as developed or "scary" things didn't make sense, but now they do. Your job as a parent is to ensure your child feels safe and secure. You know as a mom how quickly kids go through different phases. This may be a more insecure time for him.

Getting a big boy bed may be a fun way to help him adjust to growing up. Keep to your routine, it's a good one. I wouldn't confirm his fears by spraying anything in his room - this only can let him know that you believe there's something to be afraid of too and we need to do something to prevent them from coming.

My son went through a phase that he needed me to lie down next to him for a few minutes before falling asleep. He comes into our room 2-3 nights each week at around 5am and we snuggle and sleep until morning together. Because he's my second child, I know how quickly this comes to an end! My daughter did that too but now, at age 5.5, she doesn't need that anymore. She stopped needing that kind of nurturing around age 3.5.

I am a firm believer in boundaries, please don't get me wrong. But since when does it make sense to make a 2 year old sleep all by themselves if they feel insecure? Follow your intuition - your heart rather than your thinking mind. We let rationale, reason, practicality and our culture's obsession with independence make our parenting decisions for us.

Get him a toddler bed, follow your routine, set up the lullabies, leave on a light, take him back to his own bed without much discussion. If he comes into your bed once in awhile either take him back without discussion and tuck him again (as many times as you need to) or let him come in with you to share a few hours with you. Those are my fondest memories with my parents as a child - safe in their bed, in their arms.

You're a great mom, it's obvious from your post. So trust yourself on this too. You know what would help him most. If you want more support with this, visit my site at www.noblemother.com

I, personally, don't see a problem letting him come to your bed. But if this does not jive with you and hubby, then I'm sure you don't want to encourage it. Just think real hard first. Are you OK with him sleeping with you? Some times? All the time? Are you more worried about what other people have said or will say about sharing your bed with your toddler? Would you be less worried by his need to come to your room if no one ever knew but you?
In our house, the family bed is always an option. Our little one is around the same age as yours. He slept in our bed for a long, long time. Now he goes to sleep in his own bed. But many nights he wakes up and comes to our bed, which we allow and don't mind. We actually like it. We still enjoy waking up with him in the mornings.
Although the family bed is very common, in many households, our so-called modern U.S. culture (yes, I'm being sarcastic) frowns upon it. For all the wrong reasons. Sooooo, my point to all that rambling is to say as long as you are not worried what "society" says, why not just let him come to your bed. It will probably not last long (contrary to what non-family bed people will tell you) and surely won't last forever. They are constantly going thru phases. Growth spurts, learning new skills and language and people. These phases usually show their effects at night.
I can tell you from my own experience that our toddler can go back and forth pretty easily. Many nights he does not need us at all, some nights he needs us some, some nights he's in our bed all night. We just keep ourselves available to him and he's not "spoiled" on it nor is he "manipulating" us or "running the house". My theory is that all this is teaching him he can trust his parents no matter day or night and also not to be afraid of sleep. Which, now that I think of it, is something he is dealing with right now. All of a sudden he's afraid of the dark. So we've been making sure there is a light on in his room all the time. It has helped. Also, if he wakes at night, we try to comfort him in his room. Often he goes right back to sleep (but now WITH a light on!) and stays in his bed all night.
I guess I'm not much help since I don't really see this as a problem, just something toddlers so (heck, even older children do this!). Here's some good reading from Dr. Sears about toddler sleep and what's it's like for most families.

Co-sleeping: Yes, No, Sometimes?
http://askdrsears.com/html/7/T071000.asp

31 Ways to get your baby to go to sleep and stay asleep
http://askdrsears.com/html/7/T070300.asp
(this includes some tips appropriate for toddlers too)

1. He is definitely ready for a big boy bed. Put it in the same place as his crib or if his bed is a convertible crib take the side off. No nets! Rule is when they learn to crawl out your move them up to the next bed!
2. Has his 2 year molars come in yet? If not, that might be the problem. You can give him Motrin (lasts 8 hrs) before bed and see if he sleeps all night or at least 8 hours.
3. continue being consistant with whatever your routine is
4. Enjoy the cuddle times Mommy, He will not want to cuddle with you when he is 10!

My daughter started the same thing at the same exact age. I moved her to a toddler bed and put up a gate. She also would wake up screaming in the middle of the night. I bet your son has a wild imagination like my daughter and is having nightmares. My daughter finally stopped doing that every night but she has her moments. She is 4 now and will run in my room screaming about a bad dream. I think they start to have crazy dreams at that age.

I just read the other responses and I agree with the brave spray or something like that. I used to have to give her some of my Dark Power at night. I would put my hand on my heart and tell her to open her hands and give her some of my Dark Power. It sounds stupid but it helps. Now she gives me her different powers she thinks I am lacking it is really funny.

This sounds stupid b/c you obviously feel like what you're doing isn't working, but keep doing what you have been - sort of. It's been less than two weeks and since you're sleep deprived it probably feels like months...That is about the age they start having scary thoughts and dreams that can be really intense. That yours is doing this at similar times each night is likely a sign that is what's going on - he's at the dream part of his sleep cycle! We have used "Be Brave Spray" - or Febreze diluted with water in a spray bottle I decorated - the Febreze being so that the child actually smells something and believes n it. If he wakes up like that we go back in and I get him to help spray and say "Be Brave spray makes scary things go away Be brave spray helps me be brave". I'll stay in there for a little while to calm him but no rocking etc. As far as the falling asleep the first time at night I would stick withold routine and maybe add some spray to it (or whatever brave thing helps) and TALK to him. At 27 months the Ferber method or any other is silly UNLESS you have talked to the child. He is old enough at this point to understand simple directions about what is expected at sleep time and that Mommy is going to follow through. Whatever you choose to do - good luck, be sure you can and want to follow thru with it b/c you feel its a good idea for your family and just stick with it. This too shall pass and you'll probably forget it happened 8 months from now.

My son(3.5)told us there were monsters in his room a while back. my husband would go in his room and they would"clear" his room of anything scary before he would go lay down. But that didn't always work so he bought him a keychain flashlight he can use to scare them away. Another thing I have heard people use is a water bottle full of water and they can squirt the scary things with "insert cute word here" and make them go away. The only thing is, my son does still come in my room at night with Daddy being gone but I think thats more b/c he wants to cuddle and less b/c he's scared.

He is definately ready for the toddler bed. He is just spoiled to the few nights he slept with you and your husband. It doesn't take long. Why move the night light out of the room? It is probably a sense of security. I hear so many of these same questions. I guess it is the changing times. I know medically and physically it is better for children to sleep in their own beds but I have grown children and they always slept with us and when they started preschool they recognized it was time for their own room with not problem. It is a maturity issue. What young parents need to realize that they will only be little for a short time in their life (shorter than you realize)and that the parents not getting a full nights sleep won't be the end of the world. Children are trying to find their way. Good Luck!

I had to do the ferber method with my daughter when she was nine months old, because I made the mistake of letting her sleep with me. That was definitely not the right choice for us. It is great that your little one slept fine on his own until he learned to get out of his crib. Two things you can try. First, if he gets out and leaves his room you immediately take him back and put him back in his crib. Do very little talking, just say this is your room and your bed , go back to sleep. Keep doing it all night if you have to with very little talking and he should get the picture that he needs to stay in his bed. It will probably be a couple sleepless nights, but remember back to infancy and that isn't so bad. But, you cannot let him sleep in bed with you, even a couple nights and they get used to it, it is a really hard habit to break. You can also try putting a mattress on the floor to see if he would like a big boy bed, make a big deal out of it and also keep taking him quietly back if he gets up to let him know this is his space and where he needs to be. Hope this advice helps. M. Parfitt, Durham

Cosleeping is simply no longer fashionable, but there is nothing wrong with him needing to be close to you at night. Regardless of whether you are ok with him sleeping with you, please think about how you would feel if you were locked into bed, in a room by yourself, every night........Did you get a solid mental picture? Personally I wouldn't stand for it, and I'm an adult, while your son is only 2 years old. What kind of emotional scarring is happening when you exercise that kind of force over another human being? That's what putting a tent over his crib (preventing him from using his newfound skill) amounts to- locking him in at night. Yet this is what our culture throws at us as parents and offers as a safe, effective solution to this problem!! While at the same time we are told that his sleeping with you or even in the same room will harm his emotional development and ruin your marriage!!

Many of the great men (and women) in American history grew up in homes where it was common for small children to sleep in cradles and trundle beds in their parents rooms. (With the prevalence of soft bedding- feather pillows and mattresses- cosleeping wouldn't have been as safe then as it is now.) It didn't seem to affect their parents ability to have marital relations- Benjamin Franklin was the youngest of 17 children! Nor did it negatively impact their ability to succeed in life and do great things and have successful marriages. So many naysayers of cosleeping argue that having children in the room will have a negative impact on the marital relationship and on the child's development. This is a narrow cultural fashion, with no basis in reality. Many many cultures cosleep and we are not just talking 3rd world countries- and yet their divorce rates are not higher than ours.

Your son is old enough and developing enough of an imagination to have scary dreams, as you noticed he is getting fearful and wanting lights on, etc. That's probably why he is reaching out to you now. A pallet on the floor, or a crib mattress slid under your bed as a trundle bed would alleviate his fear without encroaching so much on you and your husbands space. I know kids kick and squirm and not everyone has a king sized bed. You don't have to cosleep to calm his fears, often just being in the same room is all that's needed. He doesn't have to start the night in your room either- you can still have him sleep in his own room in his new big boy bed with superhero sheets or what-have-you- but having the bedding there, where he can pull it out himself to lie down when he wakes at night and wants you, might help disturb you less while giving him the comfort he needs during this stage.

This too shall pass- before you know it he'll be sleeping away from home on camp-outs and overnights with never a homesick sigh. The years go by so quickly and soon he won't want to cuddle. My 3 year old just told me recently that he "hates loving!" He is still good for a lap and a snuggle, he is just repeating words he heard a cousin say- but I know that all to soon he will be 11 or 12 (like my oldest son) and too big to ever want me to sing to him or sit in my lap, or need comfort during a thunderstorm.

Even if you decide that the *best* way for *your family* to handle this is for you to continue to get up at night and take him back to his room- know that this stage will pass soon enough- and he will be happier and better adjusted for knowing that you care, secure in his attachment and free to become independent in his own time- rather than locked in alone, his emotional needs ignored.

Tents do have their place- for autistic and otherwise mentally delayed children, who will get up in the night and rip the house apart, hurting themselves and others- but not for little boys who are just scared of the dark, abandonment, or that monsters might have eaten their families.

Hope this helps!

If he can climb out of his crib, now would be a good time to move him to a toddler bed or twin size bed. I would make a big event-a big bed for a big boy!

That said, he might be going through a growth spurt, making sleep a bit harder-we went through this as well. I wouldnt change routines however, and I would put the nightlight back in his room and keep the door shut just like before-changing things because of this gives him reason to think its ok, kwim? And get some lavender essential oil and put about 20 drops in a spray bottle and then fill the rest with water, and spray it around his room before bed. We do this, call it the "Scare Away Spray" and lavender is good for promoting restfull sleep. We spray it all around the room before bed and say "see! Nothing scary is gonna come in here!" If he gets up and wants to come to bed with you, calmly explain that he sleeps in his room and you and daddy sleep in your room. and take him back to bed. Another good thing, if you arent doing this already, is to put a cd player in his room and play some soft music like lullabies, you can set it to play all night on repeat.

My opinion would be that he's realized his crying gets your attention and you give in-your tired! I understand!-but its better to put an end to it now and show him that 1-there is nothing to be afraid of and 2-he is *not* going to get to sleep with you guys.