2 Year Old Kicking and Hitting

Updated on June 27, 2010
A.A. asks from San Diego, CA
6 answers

Hi moms,

My sweet 2 year old is going through a not-so-sweet phase. She starts kicking and hitting when I attempt to change her clothes or diaper.
It seems like I've tried everything.... letting her dress herself, letting her choose her clothes, time outs, etc.......with very limited success.

Any suggestions?
Thanks you.

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N.W.

answers from Dallas on

Is it possible she any sensory issues that make clothing uncomfortable?

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G.R.

answers from San Diego on

She is looking for some independence, so choose your battles. Give her choices or control over certain things. These should, of course, be choices with boundaries that you are comfortable with. For example, give her options on what she wants to wear. Ask her whether she wants to change her diaper now, or in two minutes, then show her on the clock when two minutes would be up. Think of other times throughout the day when she could take control and make some choices. This will make her feel in control of somethings and less likely to become upset if there is a situation where she has no choice.

Another thing, always warn her when there is change about to happen. What I mean is, if you are at the park and you need to leave, tell her that in five minutes (or whatever time you want) it will be time to say good bye to the park. If you wish, you can also follow up with a 1 minute or 30 second time. Then, when time is up, say, "OK, it's time to say good bye to the park. Let's say good bye. Good Bye Park!" This may help her feel respected, her time matters to you.

Finally, never let her think it is OK to hit you, or anyone for that matter. Say, clearly and look into her eyes, "You hurt me and you may not hit me. It hurts mommy and I feel sad when you do that." She should respond to your feelings. Then move on and love on her. If she doesn't, then you could tell her that you feel too hurt and need 3 minutes alone,a time-out for you. This is a different kind of time out. It is not a punishment, rather a time to regroup, calm down and come up with a solution that is safe and works for both of you. Kids usually do not want to be told you need a time out because that means you need a break from them.

Kids really do want to please, but they also want some control over somethings. I hope this helps. Take care!

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R.J.

answers from Los Angeles on

Have you became the best actress ever and over dramatized the bad effects of wearing a poopy diaper to long? As you are changing her distract her with a long story about rashes and seeing the dr and how it would hurt you to see her in so much pain. Just from wearing that poopy old diaper for too long because she wouldn't let you change her. Or you could take this opportunity to start potty training? But let me tell ya that's a whole new type of headache! Best of luck! This too shall pass.

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J.L.

answers from San Diego on

Hi A., try discipline instead of punnishment. it's more effective, and more impacting. J.

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A.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

Be patient they dont call it the terrable 2s for nothing she will get over it be patient all will be well eventually good luck raised4 and now have 7 grandchildren A. no hills

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J.C.

answers from New York on

Ummm. Not a big fan of smacking a two year old, but to each his/her own.

This is very normal behavior as frustrating as it may seem. Most children go through this independent phase. My son, who is about to turn three, is on round two of this power play. He is not kicking or hitting this time around, but he sure is giving us a run for our money.

I know that he is a bit older than your daughter, but I made a very elementary behavior chart for my son. There are three things on it: a picture of a diaper (we are almost fully potty trained), a picture of shorts and a shirt, and a picture of a pair of shoes. That's it. I printed out a whole bunch and he gets a new one every day. Every time he gets changed without a fight he gets to pick a sticker etc,etc.....
He is very proud of his stickers. He gets to pick them out himself and place them on the chart. He loves showing the chart to his Dad and he loves looking back at old charts and how many stickers he earned. Maybe you could just make one for diaper changes for your daughter? I just Googled a a few pictures and used Word to make the chart. Super easy.

I know how frustrating it is and I have found myself losing patience, but I just bite my lip and remind myself that I will look back and laugh at these times. Hopefully.
Peace.

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