2 Year Old Faze

I think picking your battles is the best advice you can have....make sure the consquences are always the same....for example if he is trying to use the doors to the outside he must be disciplined because this is dangerouse.....pick your punishment...time out or whatever. At my house it was always 3 swats on the diaper...never more than 3 and diapers are wonderful padding, whatever it is you decide just remember to stick to it....he might not understand that its dangerous to do but he will understand that every time he does it he gets punished. Conserve your energy R. because they might be called the terrible twos....but in my experience the threes are even worse.....lol!!

First off, the "terrible twos" start at about 18 months and last until about 2 1/2.
Second, the primary reason your are going insane is that you are trying to do so many things at once. Surviving a toddler is not bad unless you try to get something else done (like taking care of other kids).
He is acting up for a few reasons. He is exploring his world to see how things work. He is testing the limits so he can get a feel for how far you will let him take it. He is punishing you for ignoring him, and he is begging for your attention.

The key to getting out of this behavior is to be consistent and to pay attention to which of those reasons he is misbehaving. If he is just exploring, then make your house a place he can explore without getting into trouble at every turn. Put things he can't touch away, put gates where he can't go, and child proof everything. If he is testing your limits, then show him where the line is. Allow him to immediately test it again, and show him the line again. After about the third time in row that you dicipline him, he will get the point and move on. If he is upset that you are paying attention to something or someone else instead of him, then give him a cuddle and a kiss and something really exciting to do while he waits for you. Try not to discipline him too hard when he is just asking for your attention because it will just backfire. Don't allow the behavior either, but sometimes the best response to him hauling off and hitting you is to get down to his level, give him a love, and say "I know you want mommy to play with you, but I have to feed Jane first.. then we can play trucks. How about you go get all your trucks and line them up right here for us."

Also, whenever you talk to him, get down on his level, face to face, hold him facing you, and speak clearly and calmly. My 20 month old turned from nightmare to very obedient the day I started getting off my butt and walking to him to speak to his face. That was all it took.

The baby stage is so hard because you aren't getting any sleep and you feel like if you hear one more minute of crying you'll go insane. You can't wait for your baby to grow to be a toddler. The toddler stage is so hard because they test everything, they get into everything, and they have unlimited mobility with unlimited energy. You can't wait for them to be preschoolers and calm down and understand the rules. The preschool years are so hard because everything is "why", and "how", and you have to explain everything from the color of water to the most complex theology lesson. You can't wait for them to start school, learn more, and ask easier questions. The school years are so hard because the kids are learning nothing from you anymore and everything from the kids at school. They suddenly have attetudes and words you never thought you'd hear in your house. Next thing you know, they're teenagers and you can't understand why you were in such a big hurry to get here. You just wish you could hold a baby that loves you and can't talk back. You'd take crying/testing/asking any day of the week.

Take time to yourself every day, don't feel guilty for making your husband take over for 15 minutes when he gets home while you "run away". Be as relaxed as you can be so you can enjoy everything that your son is. Experiment with whether it is easier to take care of him at home, at the park, at a friend's house, etc. My kids are so much easier to handle when we go out.

I also have a two-year old that will look at me and do exactly what I've just asked her not to do. I've found one way to at least ease the issue a bit is to have her help me with things.

If I'm emptying the dishwasher, she will take out the spoons and hand them to me (obviously this is after I took the knives out etc) or if I'm folding clothes, she chooses which shirt I'll fold next. It makes her feel involved and important.

Meantime...pour a glass of wine and take a bath when hubby gets home or go get a pedicure on the weekend. That's the hardest part for me to do...pamper myself. We mothers are just programmed to put ourselves last, but it doesn't do anyone any favors.

The best advice is to let some stuff go. Keep him away from anything dangerous and baby-proof your house, of course, but if you're trying to constantly discipline him to keep him from 'getting away with things he shouldn't be', you'll just exhaust yourself and miss all the fun things that are happening. It's the hardest advice to follow, I know, but you'll be happier and it'll go easier during this rough time.
My son at that age was a handful, everywhere at once, like there were five of him at any given time, but I just kept track of the important things and let some stuff go for my own sanity. If he dumped his food out, I told him it was too bad because he'll be hungry in an hour and all his food is gone, then an hour and twenty minutes later he was always ready to eat without a mess. If he threw things or made messes, I picked my battles. Throwing soft things was fine because nothing could get broken or hurt so I let it go. Throwing wood blocks was a no-no. I surrounded him with soft things so throwing didn't matter. Spilling the magazines was fine, I'd pick them up later, but spilling the silverware was not, etc..
We also gave my son toys that demanded concentration, like wood blocks, colorful buttons to push, etc., because it kept him entertained long enough for us to get a brief rest before he was onto something else.
If he's into absolutely everything, make him his own bottom kitchen drawer full of safe things he's allowed to pull stuff out of and play with anytime he wants. Just make sure you have a safe-guard on the drawer so he can't slam his fingers in it. If he can get to dangerous stuff too easily, next time he's asleep, get down on all fours, at his eye level and go through your house. Once you're at his eye-level you'll be able to see what temptations have to be removed to keep him out of danger (and out of trouble).
My son loved playing with small pieces of fabric, because all the different textures and bright colors and patterns were so interesting to him, so I'd recommend getting him a small box-full to keep him entertained. Be sure to wash all the fabric first before giving it to him.
This time will pass, trust me. Our son is 14 now and doesn't even remember those years, but we do. Good luck!

D.

It seems like he is doing all of this for attention. Since you run a daycare and are devoting your time to every child, including him, he might be jealous of the time and attention you are showing the other children. Have you taken him to a child therapist? They will evaluate the situation and his behavior towards you and your husband. Does your son only act this way towards you? There are other things you can do to have him evaluated. My son did pretty much the same things except for the hitting. I would wake up to get ready for work and all the eggs and milk would be all over the floor in such a big mess. He would flush things down the toilet like my beautiful gold necklace with pendant. He did this for 6 months. After that he just wouldn't listen and act up all the time. So I know alot of what you are going through. I had him evaluated for ADD and ADHD. He had neither but I was glad to have him tested. His behavoir went on for a couple more years. After he turned 8 he became the sweet child I knew he was. He is such an amazing kid and nothing like he use to be. I hope this helps you in your quest for answers. You also need some alone time for yourself to recoop. I would suggest maybe a Saturday just for you and or you and your husband with no kids.

A.

I too have a two year old who's very . . . strong-willed.
My husband and I decided with our son that we had to lighten up on some things, but stay firm on others. I always ask myself, "Is what he's doing right now really a big deal or is it just bothering me?"
Of course anything dangerous or disrespectful no matter how small is always a big deal!
I try to let him make some decisions at home. Like letting him choose what clothes he's going to wear. (for example: I pick two shirts and let him pick one or two pair of underwear and let him pick one.) I also let him have the choice between two snacks, or the choice between two activities.
I feel that by doing this, I'm not making all the decisions for him. You know, "stop that, put this on, quit doing that, eat this!"
It has helped us a lot and it makes me feel better because I'm not constantly onto him. Also he loves to be included!
Well, I truly hope this helps . . .and I'm glad you wrote for advice because on the days I get stressed out I'm going to remember that there are other moms out there dealing with the same things I am!

Your child is trying to get attention while at the same time testing the boundaries. There are other children around and he wants to know he is still the most important because he is yours. Include him in things whenever you can. Get his help to set out supplies or help serve crackers or whatever you feel he is up to. Make him a part of what you do. He is home, so he shouldn't also feel he is at child care.
Make a special little chair or cushion in a corner and let everyone know that is the naughty corner. When someone misbehaves they go into the corner. A timer is set one minute for each year a child is old. A two year old gets 2 minutes. Never just place a child there without giving them clear explanation of why they are going there and for how long. Let them listen quietly for the timer so they can tell you when the time is up, then they apologise and ask if it is okay to come out of time-out. I often ask a child to tell me what they think they did to get into trouble as this gives realization of what is okay and what is not.
I raised 5 children. I made a special cupboard in the kitchen that was for the youngest each time. In it I placed big spoons and bowls and containers of all sizes with lids. They played there happily while I cooked or did dishes and then together we placed everything back into the cupboard with a little lesson on sizes etc.

Hope this offers some help. We turned the terrible twos into my favorite age! I love those twos as they are the most adventuresome of all. So much to learn, so much to try, so quickly they are gone. Value those years, and all that is to come.

R.,

The two's are about starting to express/exert their independence. Try letting him have a few freedoms. Give him the choice of a blue shirt or a red shirt to wear for the day. In small matters let him make the decisions. I know it's hard, but start to loosen the bonds in small things that still keep him safe. One thing we did with my son when he was that age, was let him start walking with us in the stores, instead of in the cart. However, we'd tell him that if he couldn't stay with us he'd have to get in the cart and ride. When he wandered off or stopped listening, he got to go in the cart. It was his choice though.

Two, for us, was all about becoming more independent. Three he started trying to talk back, and now at four he's trying to be the boss of the house.

It will, eventually, get better and he'll start another phase.

Hope this helps,
Supportively,
Melissa