2 1/2 Year Old Eating Behavior

I have an almost 2 year old. He likes to graze at times too. I am very firm with him (usually). He either sits at the table and FINISHES a bowl of soup or whatever or he doesn't eat. That may help. Discipline with a huge motivator ("Justin, if you don't swallow that food, there will be no stories before bedtime.") works really well for me. I have found that a set order of events helps us both. I would give him one chance to eat or he goes to bed hungry. He'll get the clue; he's smarter than you think. ;P He won't starve. But, honestly, do what you feel is best. Good luck!

I agree with Julie. You do not need to withhold food from him, but you need to teach him that meal time is meal time. And your husband needs to be on board. It may be hard at first, but if you stick to your convictions it will get better. If he throws a fit then how about a time-out?

My daughter had a problem with staying at the table during her entire meal when she was 2-1/2 to 3 yrs (she will be 6 in one week), but we started a rule of having to ask to be excused and once your excused from dinner (except to be excused to use the restroom) you are done. If you do not ask your plate will be removed and you are done with your meal. If she starts throwing a fit (which when this was first started she did - 2 times and that is it) she goes to her room for a time-out. We do not restrict her food, or my son's food, and they do have snacks like fruit and granola bars and yogurt between meals and sometimes a bit after dinner if they get hungry again.

Hi Jackie. I see you've got quite a bit of advice on this - some of which I think is quite horrid. (Spanking a 2-1/2 year old because he or she won't sit still is neither reasonable, helpful or appropriate in my opinion. Perhaps it makes the adult feel like they're "taking charge" but your real goal is giving your child the social skills they need to succeed not dominate him.) Our daughter, also 2-1/2, is very active and most often cannot be expected to sit more than 5-10 minutes with us at meals (sometimes less). This is at times very frustrating for us. However, we have accepted this and do not take her places that aren't age appropriate. The best advice I was given was to imagine your child at 21 - will she still be behaving in this annoying way? Probably not - so just give her a little time. She WILL figure it out. You WILL eat together as a family. You are not being a doormat of a mother by allowing her to act her age in this matter. Good luck!!

My dd (who will be 3 in Jan) was like that at restaurants since she was 3mo old-no intention of sitting still, just wanted to explore...ironically, in the last few months we've gone back to trying restaurants with her and she does sit down with us, even if she only eats a few bites. At home, we just have it "quiet time" during the meal, she eats a few bites, says she's all done-she can get down but can't pull mommy or daddy away from the table nor does loud music or tv get turned on-to keep that "dinner time" slot sacred.

In regards to food-I know of a lot of people who really want to insist that their child in this age range eat only at "meal time" (usually only 3 times a day) which, to me, seems odd since they process food faster and a healthier metabolism and eating habits seems to stem from responding to when the bodyis hungry and only eating till satisfied (not full)... my daughter seems to have that knack down and I'm pretty ok with it, since if an adult was hungry between meals, I don't think I'd tell them to wait-but again it's just me...you gotta find out what works for your family and know that this phase will pass :).

We have the same issue with our son who is 26 months. He is just so busy doing other things he won't take time out to eat.

One solution is to offer him food only when he is REALLY hungry. I'm not saying to withold or anything just don't have him sit with you at dinner time unless you know he's ready to eat. My little boy eats soo much better when I wait until he says "eat, eat" and goes to his chair before I start making his dinner. If he is really hungry he sits, he eats and then it's over, no mess and no battles.

For a while I felt that family dinner time was important, that we all needed to sit down together to establish a routine, but this simply goes out the window at this stage because it turns into more stress and crying and battling then it's worth. Not only is HE not eating but then I don't get to eat because I am constantly getting up to pick up his cup he drops or food he is throwing etc. If you want to sit him down with you make a rule that he can eat while he's sitting but when he gets up he can't have any more. Take his plate and refridgerate it until he shows some interest in food later. When he is hungry later just reheat his left overs. Be careful though, he can turn this into a game. If he gets down I would suggest making him wait at least a half hour before reseating him otherwise you could get stuck playing up and down, up and down.

Also, be careful not to give him other snacks or alternatives when he doesn't eat. My son would sometimes not eat what I make him so that he could have yogurt or cereal later. I finally caught on and ended that, thus the left overs reheated.

As far as restaurants go, we usually opt out of dining out with him as its far more stress than enjoyment. If you find yourself stuck in a situation when you have to go out, keep a small back pack in the car with restaurant friendly toys. We use Mr. Potato Head, a small magna doodle, some hotwheels and some little Mickey Mouse Club House figures and Play Doh. He ONLY gets these toys at restaurants so they keep his interest through the meal.

Hang in there this is tough, but this too shall pass. And he's growing like a weed despite his picky and unruly eating routine right now!

ahh! i have to agree with this last woman. what terrible advice you have gotten - to hit your toddler for not sitting still! that's what toddlers do - little bundles of energy. if it was "dinner time" and you or your husband didn't feel hungry, what would you do? well, you just wouldn't eat right then. if you were feeling all wound up and really wanted to take a jog, what would you do? you would take a jog! not force yourself to sit still! i personally think it should be the same for our kiddos. they are people just like we are who deserve respect! anyhow, my son goes in and out of wanting to sit still for meals as well. i would maybe suggest making sure he is actually HUNGRY when you go out for dinner. Try not to let him fill up on too many snacks for a few hours before you go out. and if all else fails, try to pick a kiddo friendly restraunt - like the mcmenimans with play areas - to dine at so if he just can't sit still, it is no big deal. Good luck! and please people - don't beat obedience into your kids. that's just sooo wrong.

i watch 2 children around that age in my child care. when it is lunch time - it is lunch time. everyone sits down and if you choose not to eat that is fine but you will sit there with all the other kids. if they were to throw a fit, which i haven't encountered, they would go in time out until they are ready to follow the rules.... like everyone else.

maybe you are giving him too many snacks during the day and he doesn't want to eat??

maybe try only giving him veggies for snacks during the day that way he is still getting nutrients and vitamins.

by you giving in and not have him eat dinner with you he is only learning that if he throws a fit he will get what he wants.

Two and a half is the toughest age, in my opinion. It's a real transition period between toddler and preschooler ages. I don't think it's anything you're doing wrong, and I also don't think there is anything you can do to make it better. This is a developmental stage and you just have to make it through the next few months. The closer he gets to three the better things will get.

In the interim, if you absolutely MUST go out to eat - make sure to eat in the "off hours." Go to the restaurant no later than 4:30 p.m. - you'll beat the dinner rush which is good for a number of reasons. First, you'll get seated and served right away. And second, you won't disturb anyone else. And, be prepared to get your meal to go because this is just the way things are going to be for a little while!

At home, you can minimize the "grazing" by placing the meal on the table and giving him the opportunity to eat. When he gets up, you don't say a word but you remove the plate. He doesn't get it back and it doesn't matter how he cries or shrieks. (You can offer him another meal in an hour - but NOT before.) Basically, he knows that he can do what he wants when he wants - and, being a toddler, he wants to toddle off and do more interesting things. (Plus it's a power thing.) As soon as he understands that meal times are for eating, he'll settle down and be more inclined to eat when it's first put on the table. This will also give him a better idea of what to expect when you take him out to eat.

Frustrating!!!! My 18-month-old daughter has just started this behavior. Restaurants -- same thing. The kid freaks when we even go to put her in the high chair.

Check out this website (it helped us a lot with our perception of the situation): http://www.askdrsears.com/html/3/T030800.asp

The tip that helped for us was understanding the idea of "grazing" at her age, and that this really is just a stage. I've started offering her healthy snacks throughout the day (like a big plastic cup of a small amount of frozen blueberries or some string cheese on the go), and it has worked a LOT better. At first, our attitude was: This kid WILL understand meal times. But then it quickly became: This kid needs healthy food and when she's older (has a longer attention span and we can reason with her), THEN we'll get the meal times down.

(And I LOVE Nancy's idea about the portable DVD player and play doh!)

Good luck!

I have the same issues I have just found that as long as you are introducing the family dinners it is ok for them to get up and down and as they get older you put more enforcing behind the sitting through meals. Remember children of this age have a very very short attention span and a full meal is hard for them to get through so they need to be able to change tasks. Also as for the resturants I take coloring or toys for while we are waiting for our meals or maybe read them a book at the table it really does help

I taught my son (3 1/2) from the time he was able to join us at the table that he was expected to be there if there were people eating. At one point (and still on occasion), he started screaming and throwing a fit. We simply told him that dinner time is family time and as long as there are people eating, he needs to be at the table, whether he is eating or not. My bf doesn't like the screaming, and on occasion when he absolutely couldn't take it, stormed off, but for the most part, he sits there and deals with it. The only way you are going to get you child to sit through dinner at a restaurant is to have him do it EVERYDAY AT HOME. Your husband needs to be supportive and DEAL WITH IT. Kids scream...mom's don't like it either, but you have to deal with it. If you give in everytime your kid screams, they will walk all over you and you will not be in charge anymore. Once your son gets the idea that you will not give in and let him down from the table, he will stop the fits. He continues them because they continue to get him results. Your husband will just need to sit through a few of them. Besides, with him down from the table, you won't have a peaceful meal either because (if he isn't doing it already) you will have to continually get up to stop your son from doing/getting into whatever it is he shouldn't be doing but is able to because you are trying to eat. I would recommend waiting on the restaurants until your son is able to sit through a meal at home with no fireworks. That will make it easier on everyone involved. Good luck with this frustrating situation.

My son is 3yrs 3 months and we still stuggle with getting him to stay at the table and actually eat. Sorry, I can't offer any advise in that area. I do have a suggestion for restaurants though. What we've started doing is we bring along the portable dvd player for him to watch while the rest of us eat and enjoy our meal. It works great! Also, have you tried bringing play doh. They make those tiny cans of it and we keep 4 or 5 of them in the car just for restaurants. It's always worked pretty good. Good luck.

This may be a control issue. And right now, it sounds like your son has the upper hand. It needs to be clearly established that you are the mommy, your husband is the daddy, and your son is to obey you both. Things need to be in order in the home before you can expect things to be together in the public with all the distractions available. He needs to be taught this. Don't raise your voice. Sit him down, and if he moves or whines it is unacceptable. I highly recommend spanking. But he should be spanked when he is willfully disobeying, and is trying to control you and the situation. Don't let this happen. So him patience and love. Let him know why he will be spanked. Tell him you love him. Let him know that what he is doing is wrong. Give him his spanking. Then let him if he is able to, explain why he got spanking. And hug and kiss him, again letting him know that he is loved, and that the behavior is wrong. But that he can do good. Let him try again. This is a long process, as much as 20 mins. But please be patient, and don't give up. This is only the beginning, and he will be trying to manipulate and control both you and your husband to fulfill selfish desires if you don't teach him that it is selfish, and we do this because....