16 Month Old Now Won't Sleep Through Night Without Nursing

I nursed my son until 3.5 years, and I can tell you the hardest ones to give up (for the child) are usually the ones around the sleep cycle. I'd look at your reasonings behind wanting to wean her. There's nothing wrong with cosleeping or nursing at any time, and it's very natural for childern that age to nurse more at night. Most parents (and studies) realize that children nurse more when they are reaching another developmental milestone. Usually that's also when the parents get exhasperated with it!

K., my dd (now 5) nursed more at night as a toddler than a baby. I also used the "Pantly Pulloff" when she turned two. It helped some. A few months later I introduced the idea of not nursing at night. She could nurse before we went to bed and anytime she wanted in the day, but not while we were in bed together. It was hard for her, and she kept saying "Why, Mommy?" It helped a lot, but I think she wasn't quite ready, because somehow we slipped back into night nursing. I tried this again when she was 3 and it worked perfectly. We talked about it for a week or so to prep. Once the first night she started to say "can I nurse" but remembered halfway through the sentence that there was no nursing in bed, and asked me to sing to her instead. Occasionally she would wake and I would sing her to sleep. I had been worried she would wake up earlier so we could go on the couch to nurse, but that didn't happen. It's hard to tell when they are ready for night weaning. Sometime you just have to try, and if it's h*** o* them, you have to weigh it against how it's affecting you and maybe conclude it's too early.

Hi K.,
I know that this is frustating. There might be any of several things going on here. Your daughter's night-time nursing may have nothing to do with habit and everything to do with life. First, look at what is going on in your house. Is there some upheaval? A major change? Stress? Even if you think that you've hidden it from her, she can pick up on the emotions around her. Are you extra busy with some project? You might not realize it, but you may be giving her less attention, so she seeks it in the middle of the night. Nursing is very comforting for a child. Is she working on a new skill? Often babies and toddlers need some extra reassurance when they are learning a new skills. Their brains are very busy and they wake easily in the middle of the night. She might be going through a growth spurt and need a few extra calories. Did you change something? Even using a new soap or cologne, or changing your hairstyle, can be upsetting and your baby seeks reassurance that Mom's still there. Rest assured that eventually life will return to some semblance of normal. Once that happens, something else will change. That's the way of things with children. Believe me, she will sleep in her own bed and on her own soon. Then you'll miss her.
I nursed both my now grown children. One weaned at 15 months, the other not until 3.5 years. In both cases it was baby led weaning. Both slept with my husband and me off and on at various times. Neither went to school or college still nursing or sleeping in our bed. They're both fine, independent young adults.

Hi K.,
I can completely feel your pain. I went through almost the exact same thing with my youngest (now 2). He actually didn't sleep well (ie, all through the night) until he stopped nursing...at 19 months.

So, while I have no advice for you, I just wanted you to know that I think its pretty normal (that doesn't help, does it?). One of my friends told me that her daughter began sleeping well once she weaned and I didn't believe for a minute that it would be like that with us. Well, he self weaned at 19 months and within a few days, he was sleeping through the night like a champ.

Good Luck,
B.

WOw, I"m reading all your responses and am a little disturbed by it. Your child won't have anxiety issues if you sleep with her! Nor will she not want to go away to college or go to college still nursing. I'm nursing two and my almost 3 year old consistently sleeps through the night now and my 11 month old sleeps with me and nurses at night and he will do so until he no longer needs to. I've heard that Dr. Jay Gordon's night weaning method works good. His theory is, you pick a 7 hour block of time that you want it to work for and then go with it. He also still encourages bed-sharing while night weaning which is great.
Here's the link: http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp

I night weaned my daughter at about that age because I was pregnant and very tired. It was pretty easy just by talking to her and there were a few tears but always in my arms and I felt ok about it. She's still nursing at almost 3.

Good luck.

Hi K.,

My fourth child is now almost 11 months old and the only one that has wanted to nurse past 9 months. I was going through the same thing except I have to get up at 4am and go to work. A month ago I finally started giving my little guy baby food with protein at bedtime then I would nurse him and lay him in his crib. He is finally sleeping all night without me. Before he was always in our bed and would wake up to nurse all night long. He has awaken twice during this past month. One time I kept him in bed and he wanted to nurse all night again. The other time I nursed him and then put him back in his crib and he slept the rest of the night just fine. When I first started getting him use to the crib I would put him in it during his naps only. Then after a week I started putting him in it at night time too. He does cry for about 10-15 minutes but then he falls asleep. We are all actually getting better sleep now that he is in his crib. I know you don't want to let your little one cry it out. My second child I did not let cry it out and it seemed as though she was attached at the umbilical cord till she was a teenage. She still has some separation anxiety issues and she is 15 now. Our ped. said it was important to get them into their crib by 1 year or it would be more difficult and they would develop anxiety issues. Take if from my experience...get your little one into her own crib asap. Good Luck!

Blessings,
L.

My 2 year old doesn't nurse at all during the day but at night, she sleeps with me and nurses several times. Both of my sister-in-laws babies do this also. She only nurses for a couple minutes and she's back to sleep. It's totaly normal. Now that she's better with words I can sometimes "talk her out of it" by just telling her, "okay just a second", and just that gets her back to sleep.

My experience has been that once sweet pea is near the juice bar, she will want some and so I put her back in her own room and did 2 nights of cry it out. That was all it took and she now is a great sleeper and I am well rested too. 2 nights of crying in the scheme of their life won't hurt them. I think it is harder on the parent but in the long run everyone is happier. Sleep is like food, deprivation does bad things to everyone - parent and child alike. good luck.

I night-weaned my first daughter at 2, but she was taking a pacifier and I would just pop the paci in her mouth. It took some time, but I would remind her (if she really woke up) that mommy's nursies needed to sleep and I would rub her back and "spoon" her. Sometimes babies "reverse cycle" too where they nurse most whenever they are with you most (if you work, etc then most nursing will change over to be night nursing.)

With my current nursling, she is nursing probably 4 times a night at 14 months and I have no problem with it as we don't fully wake to nurse. It sounds like you are on the right track. She could be having a growth spurt, fighting off germ(s) or teething too. I notice more nursing also coincides with more independence and hitting milestones.

Good for you for extended nursing! :)

M.
(nursed my first til 3.5 yrs, now nursing a 14 mo old)

Hi K.,
My son is just like your daughter. I'm still nursing him and he is almost 17 months old. I also read Pantly's book and didn't find it helpful for us. When my son was 8 months old, we started letting him sleep all night in his bed (we used to bring him in bed with us after we went to bed). He would wake up 4-6 times per night. I was torn emotionally. We did not want to let him cry at all, but I was not doing well without sleep during the day. It was affecting me greatly and making me very impatient and crabby, which wasn't good either. We started letting him cry a little bit, and "weaned" him down to 4 feedings, then 2, and just a month ago I stopped feeding him at night. It has not been easy, but it was necessary for me as I was not functioning without sleep. He is doing very well. The only time he wakes up (if he does) is at 5am. He will ususally go back to sleep in less than a minute.
My son was the type that nursed more at night than he did during the day, not because I wasn't home, but because he was too distracted during the day to focus on nursing.
If I can be of any help, please feel free to PM me. I would also suggest reading a copy of The Sleepeasy Solution. I found this approach to weaning babies off of night nursing great, and can be done with minimal crying.

Good luck to you! I hope you get some sleep soon!
T.

www.ReadandGrow.com

K.,
I breastfed both of my boys until 14 months. You may not mind her sleeping in your bed now, but believe me if you do not break the habit, she will be coming in there at 5 years old. I made the same mistake, and now my 5 year old comes in our room every night. My younger son who is 3, mostly sleeps through the night. Once and a while he does wake up and I am so tired that I bring him into bed. However, when he was little(like at 1 year) he was waking in the middle of the night to nurse. He then unfortunately caught the stomach flu and every time he nursed at night, I would lay him down and then he would wake up and get sick. I was forced to wean him for the night feeding. It was very hard to do but necessary. I felt horrible. I would suggest, going in and rubbing her back to try to get her to fall back asleep when she wakes in the night, or give her a sippy cup of water. It is really important when she goes to bed at night that she learns how to put herself to sleep...no rocking, nursing etc. We started a routine(teeth brushed, book, prayer, sleep), and I did have to stay next to the crib and rub his back, but eventually he would fall asleep. Now, he asks to go to his crib when he is tired. Falling asleep on their own is totally a learned behavior. They have to teach themselves how to relax etc. Start now so you don't always have to share your bed. Good Luck!!!!