14 Month Old Not Sleeping Well - at ALL! Wakes at Least 3-5 Times a Night!

I've bed-shared with all 3 of my children and around 11 or 12 months, my husband started to help put them to bed without the boob. Don't say "it's all my fault>" You've at least breastfed - which is an amazing gift.

All my kids were different, but I took a ton of calcium, which helped SO much. I could tell the difference without the calcium/magnesium - even in one night. You might want to try it, I'll be he'll sleep better. I've tried a bunch of calcium, but this stuff is inexpensive and has 7 different types of calcium - and has worked the best. I take 7 each night and I sleep like a rock. Let me know if it works for you.

www.worldlifesupplements.com

Have you considered co-sleeping? If you can do that, then both of you will get your needs met: your son's need for comfort in the middle of the nigfht, and your need for more sleep (rolling over and offering a breast is so much easier than getting out of bed to sooth a screaming child.)

Every behavior is a symptom of an unment need. The need (in this case his need for comfort) needs to be met, and cannot be "trained" out of your son.

In the words of Ruth Beaglehole, CNVEP, "Every behavior is a tragic attempt to meet an unmet need... tragic because the behavior in question will NOT result in the need being met."

It is our challenge, every time our child "miss" behaves, to determine what that unmet need is, and then help them to find a behavior that meets that need, rather than misses it!

Your son is getting up in the night and crying because he is trying to meet a need he has... and that need is an important component of his growth toward maturity. If the needs he has are not met, he will not reach the place you are envisioning he will reach one day.

The best thing you can do to remedy this in the long-term is to change your situation so that all parties can get their needs met.

Lots of Love,
Linda
www.RivieraPlaySchool.com

Hi S.:
I'm sorry to say,that I disagree with the majority of your other responders here. One responder believes as long as Babies won't have memories of neglect,your methods don't matter. Key being, they don't remember you doing it. As new mothers,we make the choice to breast feed,because we know that's whats best for our babies.Breast milk provides optimum nutrition for them.However the other good reason,is it provides A closeness with your child that helps your baby bond,and develop a trust.It provides warmth and comfort.Why would any mother,then abruptly cut those close ties she originally felt were so important at birth? It's like taking 10 steps forward,and 30 steps back.In my opinion,all your efforts,to build an intimate bond with your baby,were for not.Making your baby CIO or cutting him off cold turkey,makes him feel abandoned and neglected,and it will also be more painful for you.Introduction of any other food source,is the beginning of the weaning process,whether you realize it or not.I would guess,that you've already begun.If your baby becomes more interested in solids and liquid from a cup,interest in breast feedings will decrease.Liquid in a cup at meal times also decrease their interest in breast feeding. Start eliminating breast feedings during the day,making night time the last.Prepare him,by letting him know,that he needs to drink his milk from a cup his last meal.Give him something to soothe him at bed time.A regular routine,his bath, closeness with you,and possibly A lovey or favorite blanket. Keep in mind that as you wean your baby from your breast, you don’t want to wean your baby from you. Use the time to develop additional ways of interacting and soothing your baby. Some mothers incorporate baby massage as a way to replace some of the skin-to-skin contact. You don’t want to avoid spending time with your baby now,and you certainly don't want to diminish his trust,that you will be there for him. I wish you and your darlin sons the best.J. M

I honestly don't understand at all what people are saying when they so adamately disagree with the "cry-it-out" method that it's so "psychologically" damaging to their little one's! I can truly say and I have 4 children, one married, another away from home and our twins will just be starting 11th grade in August....so basically, ours are grown-up and all four are doing splendid, and we did the cry-it-out method with all four of them and it only lasted THREE days for all of them, so I get really upset when people start flying-off with all this psychological stuff that it hurts their children....they absolutely have NO memory of crying for 15 or 20 minutes, or even 45 minutes (if thats the case...whatever it is)...PLEASE ask any grown child that their parents did the "cry-it-out" method if they have any memory or knowlege of that and I think they would absolutely look at you like you were crazy because they don't even know such a thing happened to them. Once they started sleeping through the night (and I happened to do the CIO method a lot younger than your 14-month old) but then everyone sleeps better, everyone is happier...it's really amazing. I'm just amazed at people that won't give it a try or don't believe in it!

The Ferber Method worked great for us. It's not just letting them cry, you check in on them every few minutes. The book explains everything. It really helped us teach our son to be a great sleeper which is important because it helps them from developing sleep disorders (insomnia, etc.) later in life.

Cry it out mama...u have to..i waited til my son was 9 months..you're not doing your son any favors by giving in..the first night i had my son ..who by the way i bf'ed til he was 3..so i understand the whole putting them to bed w/ booby..well the first night he cried for 28 minutes..i was going to give in at 30 mins..then the next night he cried for 5 minutes..
ever since he's been a really good sleeper..and believe me he was tough..i think he might have been a colicky baby..but just do it slowly..u need to get sleep..and he won't learn how to just fall asleep and could have problems thoughout life w/ sleep.
so start off slow..don't go in the first time he cries..he's totally old enough to CIO
My son sleeps through the night but lately he sometimes wakes at 6am and that kills me for the rest of the day..so i can just imagine how rough this must be on u...
after i had my son CIO and he started sleeping thru the night i was bummed i waited til he was 9 months to do that.
don't do it all at once..work into it..don't give in..you'll see that in the end you're doing him a favor when he and u both start sleeping through the night

Hi S.! I totally sympathize with you! My almost 18 month old just started sleeping through the night when she was 14 months old. I was an exhausted, grouchy, breast feeding zombie. I was constantly tired and really not enjoying life. I breast feed her, wore her in a sling as a baby, would almost run in every time she cried to immediately tend to her every need and tried co-sleeping out a desperation. I was opposed to cry it out, as it seemed very cruel and I knew how tough it would be for me. My daughter would not co-sleep, well she would move around waking us all up which just made things worse. I read the No Cry Sleep Solution, which offered some helpful tips. The obvious ones are: putting them on a bedtime routine, which we already were doing, but we fine tuned our routine; Making sure they are filled up with food, water and breastmilk during the day. Unfortunately that and all of the other tips in the book did not work for my daughter after being patient for 3 1/2 months of applying all info.

Out of complete desperation, I told my husband we would try the Ferber Method for only 1 week. This is where you let the baby cry, go in after 5, then 10, then 15 minutes, until they fall asleep. Here is what happened, when we tried this with a VERY attached, high demand, breast fed baby:

Night 1- cried for 45 minutes at bedtime, woke 4 times, cried 15-25 minutes each
Night 2- cried for 4 minutes at bedtime, woke 2 times cried for 2-10 minutes
Night 3- cried for 20 seconds at bedtime, woke 2 times, cried for less than a minute
Night 4- wimpered as I set her down at bedtime, woke once and cried for less than a minute
Night 5 & beyond- began saying "Night! Night!," as she held her stuffed monkey & may occasionally have a night waking for a few seconds.

I was so opposed to this method! I cannot deny the results though and how fabulous it worked for our child. Some kids take longer, some not as long. What really helped was having my husband do most of the settling, something we learned after the first night. I even put a sippy cup of water in her crib and showed her where it was. I fill it up each day, sometimes she uses it, sometimes not. Anyway, the first night was HORRIBLE for me. And I don't recommend doing this with a younger child either. We do not have her cry it out at her naps yet, as she was crying for too long and I wasn't comfortable with that. I wasn't seeing the results like I did at nighttime. I did notice that she is less apt to have a crying meltdown during the day though. I think she realized that crying over everything doesn't work.

You adjust to what works for you. Consistency is the key though, so once you decide what method you're going to try, stick to it for awhile. You & your husband must be comfortable with whatever method you choose! Best of luck to you! I hope that you can find a solution that works for you and your family!

Hi S.,
I agree with the other posters below who said to let him cry it out. At his age, he knows that crying gets him what he wants. He should have been able to sleep through the night at six months old. And that stuff about "sleeping through the night is 5-6 hours" is true for an infant, but not for a toddler. By the time they are 9 months old, they should be able to sleep for at least 8-9 hours at a stretch.

We let my daughter cry it out during the night when she was 9 months old. She cried for 15-20 minutes the first night, 5 the second night, and less than a minute the third night. She's been sleeping through the night since then, with some exceptions for colds and teething.

My sister-in-law and a coworker both used the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" and they have wonderful sleepers. The doctor who wrote the book says it's never too late to start. He also says, and I think this makes a lot of sense, that the brain controls sleep and the stomach controls hunger. I know there are times I've woken up hungry in the middle of the night and been able to go back to sleep. I agree with the other posters who say to put a sippy cup or bottle in his crib with water. He'll get over it after a few nights of crying and you will sleep so much better.

Good luck!

Hi S....I have twin boys who are almost 17 months and they have been sleeping through the night for 11 to 12 hours for a little over a year. At 14 months I believe that your son should be sleeping through the night without issue. He is not waking up because hes hungry he is waking up because you are his pacifier. For us...we did a cry it out method once we knew they were not waking up because they were hungry. When they would cry I would go in immediately to make sure nothing was wrong and to put a pacifier in their mouth and give them a kiss goodnight. If they continued to cry I waited 5 minutes and then I would go back in and comfort, soothe and put back down. Then 10 minutes...then 15 minutes. Im not sure I ever got to 20 minutes. You would be surprised how quick they learn you arent going to give in. I think the most important thing is you dont give in and you stick to a method and make it habit. Try it for a week and see how it goes...if you see improvement then try it for another week. I would bet after 2 weeks he will be sleeping much better and so will you!!

Ugh...I totally feel your pain! We went through the same thing. We do not believe in the CIO method, and are very much into attachment parenting. Everyone kept telling me "you have to just let him cry it out - it will just take 3 days"...well, I couldn't do it.

I was going to hire a sleep trainer, and then two of my friends (who also do not agree in the CIO method) gave me some amazing advice.

One friend said, make sure you put some sort of comforting item in the crib with your baby...something that if he wakes up he'll see (or hold it) and it will make him feel safe and secure. Sounds a little hokie, but ok...so I put this really soft GUND plush lion with a satin back on int...its like a small pillow. Since he loves to rub satin while he sleeps, I thought this was a good option.

The other friend suggested getting a sound machine. So, I bought one, and I turn it up fairly loud on the "ocean" sound (creek works too), and I leave this on all night long. This has helped eliminate any outside noise he was hearing from his window (even though the window is typically closed), and also from us inside other parts of the house.

I still breastfed my son (he's 10 1/2 months old now), so I expect him to still wake up once in the middle of the night for a little milk. But, ever since I got the sound machine and his lion in his crib, he has gone from getting up 4-6 times a night to 1-2 times a night. This has been going on since the beginning of April.

I highly recommed trying it. You WILL begin to sleep again, and feel rested. I feel amazing!!!

Good luck.

We hear constantly about people who just don't have time to read - or to have both parents read the books and be able to work together as a team in recapturing control of their schedules and minimizing sleep deprivation.
Below is a link to a clip of a DVD that could help.

Jennifer Waldburger and Jill Spivak have a huge following and a thriving L.A. area practice. If you can't afford the $800 for a private session, their DVD is the next best thing. Thay also have books and CDs, but the DVD condenses it into a nice, tight time frame and you can watch just those chapters that apply to you. It comes with a nice outline booklet and log sheet to help apply what you see.

BTW, if you decide to order, enter "Thanks25" as a coupon code in the shopping cart. It's a special code for repeat customers and it will take 25% off the price.

http://theparentingspace.com/films/sleepeasy.htm

It might be time that he learns to fall asleep on his own. But it's not an easy process. You're saying you don't have time to read the books, but then you're wondering about the ebooks... I can send you the one I bought (just give me your email) but all of them involve you following some steps. You have to stick to a plan for a couple of days. I was successful with sleep training my son when he was 6 months old and at that time I felt the way you feel right now. I had my sister-in-law help with the wakings for 2 nights. We would take turns in comforting the baby while he was waking for his bottle. We slowly reduced his bottles at night (replaced the milk with water or unflavored pedialyte) and therefore he started eating his calories more during the day. He was protesting of course, but just for two nights. I can't image being sleep deprived for this long... plus, your little one needs good stretches of sleep for good development. He’s going to resist the changes even more since he’s older. Pick a long weekend when you’re all ready to do it. Let me know if you want the book and good luck!

Hey S.. Well, this was me a little over a year ago, so I absolutely know how you feel (exhausted). My son is now 2.5 and we just stopped bf-ing a month ago with zero issues. At 15 months I was at my wits end because he was still waking up like your son all night long (and we did and do co-sleep). A lot of people told me I wouldn't be able to wean at night without moving him to his own bed, but I did it without much difficulty, actually. Whether you co-sleep or not, I know the same thing can work for you. I started talking to him during the day, and telling him that he was getting to be a bigger boy, and that there was going to be no more milk at night. I talked to him about it a lot throughout the day and reminded him when it got to be bed-time. During that final nursing of the day I told him we wouldn't have any more milk until it was light out. The first few nights he woke up looking for it, but I reminded him, "no more milk at night", and offered him a sippy cup with water instead. He cried and fussed the first few nights, but I think he could feel I meant it, and after a few minutes he would settle and go back to sleep. If you're not co-sleeping, it will probably be even easier. Make sure you wear something to sleep in that makes it hard to access the boob, and when you go in to comfort him, bring a sippy cup with you, and just remind him he can have milk in the morning, but no more at night. He'll probably get worked up the first few nights, but don't give in, just comfort him. And hang in there. My son was sleeping through the night within a week, and I felt SO much better. Good luck :)

I might get hit for this, but really, who cares? Sleep dep is it's own particular form of torture, and psychologically speaking... well we don't need to go there. It's a LONG list, and actually stands up in court right there with insanity.

Bottle.

Children can't sleep when they're hungry...and many many many have little teensy tummys. So, for me, I'd say screw his dental development for a month and get some sleep. (Their teeth are really mobile little things until after their adult teeth come in, anyway.) You can train him off a bottle once you've got you heart & mind back.

Good luck

Wow - I can't believe how many moms and their babies aren't sleeping! :( I know all babies are different but your 14 month should definitely be sleeping through the night (from what I have learned).
YOU ABSOLUTELY need to go to www.3daysleep.com and get Davis' video. I threw ALL my books out after doing her 3 day sleep solution (yes, she says you will see a different baby in 3 days if you follow her program - and you will!)..
It's the BEST $39 you will ever spend and it's quick and easy to watch! Both my babies were sleeping 12hrs/night by 3 & 4 months. SHE IS AMAZING!! You need some sleep as well as your baby.
Good luck! :)

Try Good Night, Sleep Tight or Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child.

You poor thing! I feel your pain. I remember it actually hurting to be sooo tired.
I would start nursing him outside the bed. sit up and nurse him then put him down ( in your bed or his ) after he falls asleep again. he is old enough to learn how to sleep with out boob in mouth. That is what I did with all of mine. it starts the weaning process slowly and after a few nights of not eating in bed he won't remember and just snuggle instead.
You got to be consistent. once you decide only to feed him outside of the bed, don't go back. soon he will just associate sleeping with bedtime and then he won't wake up during the night anymore to eat.
my daughter is 22 months now and I did this when she was 16 months, it took 10 days and she slept thru the night.

good luck!!!

keep your chin up- this too shall pass!

:)

-C.

Oh S.!
I went through the same thing with my second son! He would wake every three hours until he turned 15 months old and all of a sudden one night he didn't wake to nurse, and into the next day he didn't reach for me to nurse, so I didn't offer. He was done nursing just like that. He now sleeps from 7- 5am. yes 5am. Still early but at least he sleeps straight through!
Good luck and stay strong!

Ultimately, you have soothed your son for the past 14 months, which is why he is still waking- it is a habit. He needs to learn how to soothe himself- he is going to cry as he complains about this change, so you have to change the way you see crying and realize that it is just part of the process. 14 months is a more difficult age to do this than say 5 months- but it is for sure possible and necessary for both of you... it just may take longer and the crying may be accompanied by calling "Mama" or other words he knows.

How are his naps? What is his bedtime? What is his sleep environment like? What is your bedtime routine?

Three (short) recent posts to consider:

-http://www.lullabyluna.com/2008/12/happy-new-year.html

-http://www.lullabyluna.com/2009/04/article-review-day-5-i...

-http://www.lullabyluna.com/2009/04/sleep-ponderings-from-...

Feel free to read these, answer the questions, and email me back.

C., mother of 3, sleep consultant, sleep blog writer www.lullabyluna.com

try the DVD called "the sleep easy solution". i didn't have any time to read those how-to books either and we suffered through sleepness nights until my son was 20 months old. i was fortunate to have an in-person consultation with the woman who wrote the book, jill spivack. but if you can't do that, she does have a dvd. check out their website at www.sleepyplanet.com it may not work for everyone, but it worked miracles for us. it sounds like a cliche, but it really is life changing.
good luck!!

It's probably his teeth, hunger & that he wants his mother. My daughter is the same. She tricks me with some easy nights... only wakes twice, suckles & goes back to sleep... then she nails me with some terrible nights. I've pretty much resigned myself to the fact that she is going to sleep like this until she is not a baby anymore. (Maybe age 3) She is pure instinct at night. How can I argue with nature? All babies are different. These babies need a little more. Wish there were a village to pitch in -- aunts, grandmas, etc... but it's just us lone, tired mommies. Best of luck to you! Curious for an update about your cry-it-out adventure.

I used the book that Arimada offered (she sent it to me about a week ago) and it's been a life saver. My son is almost 9 months old, and has gone from waking usually twice a night to sleeping 11.5 hours every night. He still cries a little when we put him down for the night, but it's half-hearted and he's much happier now that he's sleeping better. We're having a slightly tougher time with naps, but they're coming along, too.

I do have to let my kid CIO - the book gives great suggestions of how to be there for you child, either staying in the room altogether or checking on him and reassuring him, but that just made my son more angry. Still, the book made me feel much more comfortable about his tears, and, as I said, has worked a miracle. My guy started STTN on the second day we did what the book said.

S.,
you don't need a book to tell you that the only way to stop this is to NOT give him the boob. NO matter what.
No matter how long he screams and cries, he WILL fall asleep. Eventually.....could take hours for the first couple of days, but he will learn quickly that he is not going to get it....if you are consistent. You are confusing him. You really need to make up your mind about it. If you replace it with a non drip sippy cup with a little water and just keep it in his crib for him, he will eventually learn to drink that instead. Feel free to stay in his room to reassure that you are there...just don't give him the boob. I usually turn on the TV and shut my door. You learn to drown it out. Some times my 24 month old will not want to go to sleep when her cousins were here for a visit. Even though she watched them leave, she will ALWAYS give me a hard time for bedtime. I just went through this a few days ago, and she cried for and hour and a half because she wanted out. She finally fell asleep at 10:00 pm. I just went in there to see if she was ok, and then I said I love you, good night. I think i went in her room about 6 times. I have a fear of her having a poopy diaper. One time I let her cry for a 20 minutes and she had a dirty diaper. After I changed it, I cried for like 10 minutes...I felt so guilty!!!!
Anyway, it's all about consistency. You just have to say enough is enough and not give him the boob. You need your sleep. Like I said, it may take as long as a week to work so be patient...I promise you ,it will be worth it in the end!
Good luck!

First of all - I'm so sorry you've had to deal with this for 14 months. In my own experience (and I've had a similar situation)the only option is to let him cry it out... I know that seems hard - but if you keep giving him what he wants it will never change. You will continue to be exhausted. It's temporary torture, but it will solve the problem. On average, it takes about 3-5 days of allowing him to cry it out for it to work. But in some rare cases it can take longer. It did with my son. But I just had to do it. He's 5 and a half now and has been sleeping through for 5 years... I did it earlier... Couldn't handle the exhaustion. He's completely well adjusted and it didn't affect him emotionally at all... Good luck!

S.,

All this is very helpful but the one thing I know to be important is to make sure the child is not subluxated. During the birthing process the bones in the neck can slip out of position and cause pressure on the brain stem and spinal cord. This is kinda like a rock on a hose and if this is what is happening getting the child adjusted to relive the pressure can allow not only better sleeping but also over all the body will function better.

Let me know if you have any questions ###-###-####-ask for Dr. T.

S. R

I only nursed my children for six to seven months, however, I did supplement this with a water bottle so the transition to a bottle was smooth. Your son is beginning to learn to manipulate his environment and explore what is in and around him. So sleepless nights will be common, cat naps will become normal. If your son wants a drink at night leave him with a bottle of water, this will help. Also, you might try to begin his eating cereal before bed, he could still be hungry and not satisfied so he is unable to sleep. I hope this helps, good luck.

Hi S.,

I did and am doing the same thing. My son is 2 and still goes to sleep at the boob. I take my nipple out of his mouth and let him get comfortable however he wants on our bed. He prefers to sleep on his belly. He usually only wakes up once when he gets himself comfortable after boob. If I fall asleep with him (happens often!), he wakes up every two to three hours. That makes me nuts! I realize though that it is because he can smell my breastmilk and wants a little snack! My son wakes up way more often when he's teething. Whenever he is teething, I start considering weaning because I'm so exhausted. Stick with it. I know it is tough but it is worth it and the bond is wonderful. If you want to wean, they say it is best to do it without you. You should sleep in another room and keep his sleep place the same. Let your husband tend to him and go back to sleep with water or back rub. My husband is not so hot on the patience while tired so I think when we finally wean, I'll let him stay the weekend with grandma and grandpa. Good luck!

Maybe he has some food intolerance and he is dealing with discomfort. It seems like a lot of work, but you might try a makeover on his diet (AND YOURS, since you are still breastfeeding) and see if that helps. Eliminate Dairy, soy, legumes, and all other high allergen foods (google it) for a week and see if his disposition improves and he sleeps better. My best friend has a daughter who can't tolerate dairy very well. When she was four, she told her mommy that she did not want ice cream because it hurt her tummy. (this was after four years of waking up multiple times a night) She eliminated dairy and while it still takes the child a long time to fall asleep, once she is asleep, she sleeps just fine. It can't hurt to try and it is probably less painful for everyone than letting your son just cry it out!