14 Month Old Daughter Temper Tantrum?

Hello K.,
There is a difference between trantrum and meltdown. With autism, you will see meltdowns for no apparent reason, just their own anxiety, in which case they need a safe place to calm down. Tantrum is a manipulation to get what she wants. Identify the behavior that triggers the tantrum, change that process and perhaps the trantrums will fade. With behavior modification, you will often see it escalate before it fades. Remember, for every undesirable behavior, there is a replacement behavior. Tell her the replacement behavior that is acceptable to you (this may look like a distraction, for others it may be a consequence) and stick with it.
Good luck,
Wendy

K.,

At this age/stage temper tantrums are totally normal and sometimes that comes with hitting the head or face. But, you say in two different things that it's 'strange behavior' and then that in your 'In my heart & mommy gut wisdom, I think it's just her way of showing her frustration'...so I'd say that the best thing you can do is see if it happens outside of frustrating situations. Like if you are sitting and reading or having quiet time or doing something benign that doesn't garner an emotional response.

I think if it's stictly in response to frustration or anger than keep up the good work of redirecting her away from the 'tantrum'. You may also want to start explaining to her what her feelings actually are...if you aren't already...like when you are redirecting her explaining that 'you know she's frustrated but, let's do this...' I've done this with my son since his first major tantrum and it's done wonders for his verbal skills and also he's able to tell me that he's mad at me or sad because of something, and he'll be 3 in July.

Many people fear 'hitting' is something bigger...I know I did at first until my son's Pedi explained that if I kept a journal of when it happened then, I'd know for sure. That helped. If it's occuring outside of frustration then you might want to talk to the doctor...it could be things as small as teething, allergies, headaches (all no biggie) or something more serious like Autism or related things. But, don't worry what you described sounds normal.

Good Luck and let me know how it goes!

Hi K.,

I don't know much about autism, but it sounds like you have received some good advice about it from the other mommies. You can also google it and find tons of information.

When my first son was a toddler, he used to hit and bite himself when he became angry and frustrated. I didn't know how to stop him--he just bit into himself hard. He has grown out of it since (I don't remember how long it lasted, but it lasted quite a while--he is 5 now). He is a "spirited" child and is particular about lots of things--very high maintenance. Sounds like your boy is what is termed an "angel" baby. You can check out books at the library, such as the Baby Whisperer for Toddlers (the newer edition is called The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems) to find out more about ideas on how to work with different personality types.

It could also be that your daughter is very frustrated that she cannot communicate much with you. I taught my second son sign language (he has been signing for over 5 months now, and he is currently 18 months old). He rarely gets frustrated or upset, but when he does, we know why. He is much easier to deal with than my first son when he was a toddler, and my husband and I attribute most of it to signing. (He has a spirited streak in him, too.) You can take a look at my website to find out more about babies and signing--www.talkingbabyhands.com.

Good luck! I'm sure it will pass, it's just difficult watching them do things like that to themselves, I know.

Y.

Totally normal! Some kids just have a lower threshold for frustration than others and it comes out as a tantrum. My son was tantruming at 9mo, my daughter at 9mo just growls when she's mad. At your daughters age, she has the most physical control over her hands and arms and that's probably why she's using them as her "mode of tantrum." As she gets more steady on her feet and more conrol of her body as a whole... look out!haha I second the advice to tell her what she's feeling, and say it with emotion "Oh, you are SO mad right now. You must really be frustrated." then calm it down and say somthing like "Lets all take a deep breath together and find something else to do." then pull out a favorite book or quiet toy to try to redirect her emotions to something calmer. We don't yell, hit or have anger in our home either, but our son could really throw some whoppers - especially when he learned there was a new baby in mommy's tummy (he was almost three). He is just very emotionally charged - when he gets happy it includes squealing, laughing, jumping and when he gets mad it includes crying, screaming, and jumping :) Hang on and just try not to get too frustrated yourself (this is the hard part), she is her own person with her own emotions and her own way of expressing them - this will get harder with time, and then after the toddler/preschool years, it will get easier. Enjoy!

Hi K., If it was autism she would display this kind of behavior even when she was not mad. I have had 2 children in mt daycare with autism and they acted a certain way period not just with anger. If it is a tatrum, nip it in the bud right away, you and your husband need to agree on some sert of discipline and be firm with it. I believe your 11 year old never threw tatrums, I have 3 and they didn't throw tatrums. J. L.

Hi K.,

Tantrums are normal at this age. Is your daughter starting to talk at all? Sometimes kids can get frustrated when they have a hard time communicating. Is she showing any other signs of autism? I am a Shaklee distributor and I was just at a meeting last week where one of the women said when her daughter would have trantrums or act out she would give her daughter a dose of the liquid vitamin, Liqui-Lea and it would calm her down. Sometimes we don't think about our children's diets and health when it comes to tantrums or behaviors and it's actually highly related. Hope this helps.

C.

I know you will get some good advice on this. For whatever reason she seems to be taking her frustration out on herself then i'm not sure what the clapping is about. I will be interested to read responses you receive. Sandy

Yeah, the angry or frantic clapping part, paired with an odd mouth/hand behavior sounds like Rhett's Syndrome, which is one of the few forms of autism spectrum conditions that can be diagnosed with a blood or genetic test (I forget which). It occurs in girls more often than boys, which is the opposite of autism in general. So your treatment plan of attack may be somewhat different. I am an early intervention teacher specializing in Autism, and mother of an Autistic teenager. As you know, teachers don't diagnose, but we see things...this is something to check out. I am pretty sure even if it is Rhett's syndrome, that you would want to start early intervention services, and ABA, etc. How is her development other wise?
Talking? Eye contact? Responds to her name by looking at you (right away), points with her index finger? Tries to get your attention to share things with you (toy, food, show a bird?) Those are the biggies. If one or more is lacking or questionable, definitely get her checked out.
You may have trouble finding a Dr. willing to diagnose her that early, keep looking til you find one who will. "Wait and see" is never a good thing to do. If she is and you wait, you have lost precious months when she could be improving, closing the developmental gap, rather than letting it widen. That being said, don't panic yet. Also look into her diet and vitamins. Are you sure she is getting enough of all essential nutrients? The reason I ask is, my older boy (not autistic) had severe facial tics, which were cured with a mega-dose of B6 and magnesium, that he had to take throughout childhood, but not as a teenager or adult. So nutrition is much more important in so-called "mental conditions" than anyone realized (the tics would be diagnosed as part of Tourette's Syndrome, which would fall into that category.) And the clap, mouth thing itself could be a large motor tic. You can get a free intake evaluation from Inland Regional Center ###-###-#### and ask for intake, to see if she qualifies for free early intervention services. If you are not in the Inland Empire, ask your pediatrician for the number of your local Regional Center. You don't have to get a referral, you can self refer. If she is diagnosed, and you are ready to panic, write to me privately, and I'll tell you what to do next. But don't discount the vitamin thing, and be aware that your doctor probably won't believe in it. B.

If she doesn't have any other signs of autism than maybe try getting her a special pillow she can hit when she is feeling angry. You can show her how to do it. It might help stop her from hitting herself and it will let her get her frustration out. We had to do that for my 2 1/2 year old at preschool because he was pushing the other kids and/or hitting other kids when he was frustrated. Now he goes and gets his pillow out of his cubby and it's safer for everyone. He rarely even needs it anymore.

When she is older and she can verbally communicate easier, she will probably not do it anymore either. However, my 2 1/2 year old can verbalize just fine and was still doing it even though he could have just "told" someone how he felt. I think because he talked so much it was easier for us to view him as "smarter" and "older" than he REALLY is. We had to take a step back and realize he's only a little toddler just learning how to cope. Now when he is angry or whining I tell him over and over to "use his regular voice" or "use your words" and he is catching on.

You can also try reading the chapter on this age group in the book "The Happiest Child on The Block" the author might suggest you do something like mimick her and say things in a child's voice like "[name] is angry." "[name] is mad." "[name} doesn't want to do it......" etc in an actual screaming child voice like she is using. I have used this technique on my son when he is in meltdown mode and he stops instantly becaue they see that you "understand" them because you are mirroring thier behavior. I don't know why but he stops within seconds instead of minutes and long drawn out issues because before we use to get frustrated too and everything would escalate. It works better than saying "NO" or "STOP IT!"