2 1/2 Year Old Hitting Me

My daughter is doing the same thing. At this point, I think she is showing frustration over things she can't control (being told no, not being able to do things by herself etc.). I don't hit her back, as I believe it just teaches that hitting is ok. So instead, I say, "MORGAN!. We don't hit." Usually, she starts crying and comes over to be cuddled, which I do. After she settles down, I make her go and apologize to who or what -ever she hit. If she hits me, I take myself away from her. Meaning that I leave the room, or put her down, etc. Since she is very much mommy's girl right now, that stops the hitting every time.

C.; first of all most kids can potty train the pee, but most get the poo down later, dont push the potty thing, do what you can when you can, second, hitting is not allowed, children need boundaries, if its not ok for you to hit her , why is she allowed to hit you , you are sending mixed signals, its ok to take action, if something does not work, its ok to find a punishment that does, a good swift swat on the butt wont hurt her, i think its padded there enough with a diaper and all that butt fat, dont use other items, just your hand will do, if the butt dont work a small slap on the hand and a firm no, will also help, never hit in the face, and dont use hitting as a game, or let it be allowed to anyone, but she will know that hitting for discipline is way different than hitting for just hitting, discipline does not always have to be hitting, and it should not, use it when its needed, when other things dont work, you are not a bad parent for disciplining your child, what makes a bad parent is one allowing the hitting to continue, and also a bad parent is one who hits all the time, you are not doing this, you dont want this to continue, it will shock her that you took action, it might be hard at first, but just be firm, no laughing, that will only continue it, a good strong firm grabbing her arm while in motion too might do the trick, and a strong NO! then maybe a time out, do what you can, but just remember if you need to use the swat on the butt, its ok, just dont ever misuse it, and youll be fine, well dont know if it helps, D. s

My granddaughter had a problem with hitting, she thought it was a game more then out of anger. Her mom would hold her hands down and say "don't hit, it isn't nice" That didn't seem to work very well. When she hit me, I turned my back to her and wouldn't look at her or talk with her. This really bugged her and she tried to pull me back around to look at her. I gave her this "time out" from grandma's attention for a minute, then I turned back to her and said "Grandma doesn't like to be hit, she rather have hugs and kisses" She started hugging and kissing on me and spent probably 20 minutes giving me all kinds of love. Now if she forgets and hit, I just say "grandma doesn't like to be hit, she rather have hugs and kisses" and it seems to get through. She seems to be thinking twice about hitting and will stop and give me a hug and kiss instead. She is 20 months old.

Mine kicks when she does not want to sit down to have her diaper changed, or when she does not want a particular outfit. I just stop her feet or hands, and firmly but gently say "Don't hurt Mama" And she stops and just looks at me. Wish I knew what she was thinking, but it has worked everytime. I think kids can have a pretty strong sense of guilt. Because I have always said that kind of thing, "don't hurt your sister, That doesn't feel very good when you do that, or Why are your hurting him?" It settles them down really fast, I can see the look of guilt on their face, and they say they are sorry.

Hi C.
I had the same issue with my son about 8 months ago. He thought that it was okay to hit when he was mad or tired. It was really upsetting to me because I am a big advocate for not hitting and nobody hits in our home. I tried time-out, putting him in his room, taking away toys, etc.... You name it, I think I tried it. The only thing that I found to work (and to help me keep my patience) was to sit behind him and hold him in a "bear-hug" until he was able to gain control. You don't squeeze them tight, just cross their arms in front of them and "cup" their elbows with enough pressure so that they can't free them to hit you. While I would hold him, I would continue to tell him in a calm voice "we do not hit in our house. when you hit, we will sit like this until you have control." If he would try to kick, I would put one of my legs over him to hold his legs and tell him "you may not kick mommy. kicking hurts." The first couple of times it took about 20 minutes of him being angry and crying before he found his control and could say sorry. Now, I am happy to say, he does not hit. It takes ALOT of consistency and follow through - but it worked. There were times that I was cooking supper and had to put all of that on hold just so he knew I was going to be consistent. There is also a good book that reinforces not hitting called "Hands Are Not for Hitting." Good luck! I think hitting is the hardest thing to get control of.

The only real way to get through the hitting phase is to be consistent with punishment. At 2 1/2 they do not really get it right away. But punishment is necessary. I went through it with my older two and am going through it with my 2 and 1/2 year old. Although he has found that he gets just as much attetions with hugs and kisses so we try to encourage that for attention. I would hold potty training until you have the hitting under control. But 3 is a good age to train them. A good book for training is toilet training in less than a day. You can get it a most libraries. Read the whole book first, but it worked for our two oldest. Good Luck

I would back off potty training for now and work on a positive relationship. Have you tried isolation in a specific consistent place following each time she hits you? She hits, she can't be around you (for up to 5 minutes possibly). Explain this in a moment of non-conflict. Then, when she tests, The less words, the better. Total silence would be good, simply remove her and set the timer. Talk to your daycare and make it consistent there too. Is she hitting your provider?

These questions helped me w/my strong willed child:
then, in moments of non conflict,
how much positive attention are you giving her on a regular basis? How much positive touch? How often do you look her in the eye and smile? compliment her?

I realized for myself, that I was focusing all my attention on my child in moments of conflict and ignoring building a positive relationship. Wow...how humbling and what a difference it made.
A.

At 2 1/2 years C., hitting back won't actually do the trick. She is old enough to know that hitting hurts and isn't 'nice'. She's doing it because she is trying to get a message across to you and hitting is the language she is speaking.

Instead of punishment (which doesn't work either) ask her why she is hitting you. YOU using words will help HER to use words.

Let her know that you would prefer it if she used her words instead of her fists to tell you what she wants, needs, or is angry about.

Put words in her mouth like: "Are you angry with me because I took away your...? because I asked you to....?" being specific to whatever is going on.

C. - a two year old girl is smart and knows the score already. She is picking a fight with you because she is angry and cannot express it OR feels that expressing it isn't working with you. Are you listening to her actions and facial expressions? This is a good place to start.

Read: Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary S. Kurcinka. The world of smart children needs to be well understood if you are to have a good relationship that will last a lifetime.

Potty training is a lengthy process that also requires good communication. Pushing it is not advised... she will potty train in time. But if she knows that not potty training is another good way to express herself, she will use it.

It's time to get down and understand how this little, smart, savvy girl operates C.. Reading this book will be your best best.

wait til she's ready! tell her what she needs to do next time "tell mommy if you need to go to the potty! we don't go potty in our big kid pants". thought of treats? we used 2 m&m's and it was great and did not lead to a long addiciton :)
also, w/ hitting i think you need to firmly say "we do not hit int his house" and simply stop her by holdnig her hand down. it will probably continue as long as you let it be an issue (meaning she sees you are upset by it)

What are the situations in which she is doing this? Usually the hitting, tantrums, etc, are in response to feelings of anger, frustration, sadness, etc, and the child doesn't know of any other way of expressing this. Is she verbal? If so, encourage her to say it ("I don't want to put away my toys now") instead of hitting, or you could tell her what you think is the problem (You seem really sad right now. I know it's hard to leave when you're having fun, can Momma give you a hug?). I don't know where you are at with discipline, but I think a predictable discipline strategy is key. (I'm still working on that myself. I hear time outs and 1-2-3 Magic are effective.) Is your daughter in daycare while you work? Are your rules the same as at daycare, or are the rules different there? Good luck to you, this is a difficult age.

Hi This T.
It is important that early on in our relationships with our children that we set boundries hitting you should've been one of them. You must take control shae is only two in a half put her in time out be consistant just because she cries dont remove her. Honey you need to regain that control over your daughter. Nothings wrong with showing her how it feels to be hit. I'm not saying hurt her but when she hits you find a way to hit back. Tap her liitle hand and get down to her eye level and tap her and say no stop it.
A little about my self I am a mother of five I set my boundaries early on in my relationship with my children I do spnak my children when necessary. I do alot of positve reinforcements before it comes to that. I take away things that they enjoy but im consistant. It is wrong once that its just wrond not the next time its cute and let it pass. be carfulchildren dont come with insruction but she keeps this up soon you'll be in public humiliated and think about her growing older doing the same thing to you. And with the potty you need to be consistant but also work with readiness just constant reminders do you have to go potty and some sort of reward system I would do this when I would get my kids to go potty I'd make a big deal call the older children and we'd all praise the child and my baby would just feel so proud and motivated. Once you get her in undies keep it that way they tend to get confused when you go back and forth between undies and pullups I hope that this info can help if not a lot a little good luck.

I think it is best to do things in this order:
1. resolve hitting issue
2. tackle potty-training (as long as she shows all the signs of being ready to start, that is)

I think she is trying to get a rise out of you when she hits you. Consider how you respond to her hitting you. Are you getting angry or crying or reacting in any way at all? She is hitting you because she is getting a result she finds fascinating, a result that makes her feel powerful. We all know how children that age are into power and control. If you simply put her in a time-out chair or in her bedroom with the door shut for two minutes (she is 2 years old, so 2 minutes--when she's 3, it's 3 minutes, etc.) every time she hits you she will make the connection between hitting and bad result and she will eventually stop. Be consistent, show no emotion. Simply put her in the time out and do not use any words other than "no hitting" (don't yell!) and it will take a lot of work on your part but it will be worth it. Kids this age are so very much hard work for us. Visualize a daughter who does not hit you ever at all and who uses the potty whenever she needs to go...this is your somewhat distant future but it will happen soon. Until then, you may be feeling a little lost. Not that you would, but never, ever respond with hitting or butt-swatting/spanking...as this only perpetuates this type of behavior and you'll never be at peace.

With the hitting, maybe take her hand and show her how to be gentle to you. I know when our daughter did that when she was younger, we would take her hand, have her kind of pet us and say, "Nice Mommy" or "Nice Daddy".

As for potty training, I find that it is best not to push it too much. When she is ready, she'll show you. The big sign I saw with my daughter was she took off her diaper to go use the potty. Then, I tried panties on her and she's been great with it since, very few accidents other than some poop ones but she got over that pretty quick too. When your daughter DOES use the potty, give her a sticker (my daughter LOVES stickers) and put the stickers on a piece of paper. Just do that every time and at some point, she'll decide she wants to just use the potty. If you haven't already, get some panties too.

She is too young to get the connection between playing out side and her actions. You need to discipline her immediately after the action. Take her hand firmly in yours and say sternly, "NO HITTING." Do this every time she does it. Do not let it go by even once. She is trying to assert her self over you and she needs to understand that she can't do that. (Think of the power--this little 20 something pound kid can unravel this big adult.) I used a slap on the hand if mine didn't respond to the first method. She will not think it is a game if you are consistent at disciplining her for this.