17 answers

12 Year Old Daughter Swearing

It has come to my attention my 12 year old puberty driven daughter has taken up swearing. I have recently heard her using the "F" word and almost fell over in shock. I was wondering if there are any suggestions that will help get the point across that swearing makes you look stupid and is disrespectful.

1 mom found this helpful

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

What happened is... I at least feel that my daugher in not on a phycho path and is very normal. I have received good tips to help her listen to the little voice in her head that says "STOP" I will continue to assure her that she is not very pretty when she swears and it is not the most important thing to be "COOL" I am sure if I say it enough one day she will actually listen.

Featured Answers

Hi M. -

A good friend of mine told me the trick her mother used when she and her brother started swearing: her mom charged them steeply whenever a bad word came out of their mouth and they quickly stopped. I think it was $15. To a teenager who probably has some sort of allowance, it is going to come as quite a shock not to have any money at all (or be in debt!) as the result of spewing a few measly words.

Good luck
Dana

1 mom found this helpful

More Answers

Hi M.,

My 11 year old daughter is in the same boat. I try to help her understand the not-pretty, not-educated slants, but I also know that peer pressure and anger play a part, so I try to help her understand that there is a time and place for most everything, including swearing, and that she is responsible for choosing her language in spite of her anger/peers. I also tell her she can swear under her breath to minimize the "rebel against mom" slant as well.

Good luck!

C.

1 mom found this helpful

I always opt for honesty... have you told her that? Is she around a lot of people that swear? I know that for a while it was really cool when I was a teenager to swear,,, then I totally grew out of it.

1 mom found this helpful

Ha...but mom all the kids are doing it!!!!

Chances are she hears it at school and thinks it's okay and might even think it is the "popular" thing to do. I don't know your daughter and I don't know how well she listens at that age. But I would talk to her and tell her that it makes you sad when she uses that type of language. Ask her why she talks like that - does she think it makes her look older? Just talk to her without getting upset because then it's almost a positive that she will rebel against you.

Sorry, I'm not much help. I know I was there when I was younger and I just did it because everyone else did. GL :)

1 mom found this helpful

unfortunately...at this annoying puberty age...if YOU tell her that she looks stupid and disrespectful, it will go in one ear and out the other...Maybe if she has a cousin or friend that she looks up to, that is around her age...You could ask them to hang out with her for a little bit, she could slip up and say the word to look cool, and THEY could tell her...I swear, peers opinions are more important than ours at her age.

1 mom found this helpful

If your child is in school she is getting the message that it is acceptable probably. I've asked children to find a "successful leader" in our country who uses the word constantly. In the presidential speeches, board meetings, leaders in churches, highly successful businessmen, etc. When they didn't find it being used by successful people I'd point out it was needed by uneducated, unsuccessful individuals with limited speech. It worked great until a couple of years ago, when a child picked a teacher, and the young high school teacher, thought she was reaching out to the kids by using inappropriate language. That situation handled, it is still a way for a child to make the decision based on evidence, that successful individuals don't ususally swear constantly. Just a thought. Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi M. -

A good friend of mine told me the trick her mother used when she and her brother started swearing: her mom charged them steeply whenever a bad word came out of their mouth and they quickly stopped. I think it was $15. To a teenager who probably has some sort of allowance, it is going to come as quite a shock not to have any money at all (or be in debt!) as the result of spewing a few measly words.

Good luck
Dana

1 mom found this helpful

My daughter had trouble with it too. She confessed to me that she did it around school. I think it's because she hears it all day long there.

When kids hit puberty, they begin to note adult behavior, such as swearing and think that by modeling it, they are also being an adult...which in my opinion is not adult behavior. I share your same philosophy.

I've prayed for my daughter and have asked others to pray for her as well. It's helped quite a bit. I'll pray for your daughter as well. That God guard her ears and that He helps her to understand that it is disrespectful and it dishonors you and that she makes every effort to express her anger and frustrations with appropriate words.

1 mom found this helpful

I agree with many of the others that it's part of the age she is going through. They want to be adult, but they aren't there yet. It's time to talk about the consequences of her actions and how it looks as the adult she wants to be. I show my kids that companies are looking at Facebook and My Space accounts of potential employees that put "teenage" or "college" pictures on there and lost their potential job because of it. They also need to know that drinking, drugs etc. influence where they will end up in life. I have middle school kids and there is sexual activity starting and they need to know the implications from STD's to pregnancy from this behavior. Swearing is a place to start showing her how she can impact her bright future. I would only model positive behavior. Swearing yourself is not the way I would go. I simply find a teachable moment when I hear teenagers swearing and ask the 11-13 year old to tell me the impression they have of those kids. It isn't usually very favorable. "Do you want to be like them????"

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