10 Month Old That Is VERY Demanding

I can HIGHLY recommend the book "the happiest toddler on the block" by Harvey Karp. When I first read it I thought the ideas were a bit.... hokey, but after trying them out they worked like a charm! My son was a couple of months older when he started acting out as well (12? 13?), but since using the methods he is much more willing to do the things I want him to do. I HAD to stick very very closely to his techniques, but they work!
basically, 1. don't ignore. she can't communicate with you clearly what she wants yet, and you can't blame her for getting frustrated with you when you ignore her. 2. repeat back to her what she wants. even if you're not going to give it to her. acknowledge that you hear her (as in "you want the cookie. yes, you want the cookie"). 3. start to redirect. This is a WAAAAy oversimplification - I can't speak highly enough about this book, but in case you don't have the time, at least stop ignoring her!
good luck!

totally normal. she is testing you as she is feeling more independant. she is trying to assert herself. this age is full of physical and mental milestones. her body and mind may be overwhelmed. just stick with the "no" and dont give in on that. otherwise ignore it all.

it will pass. also remember this age is also known for separation anxiety where they dont want mama out of their site. she is feeling like you are her entertainment and the toys arent interesting unless YOU are playing. it sounds like she is on target perfectly with her developmental mean. just stay consistennt and it will pass.

Ok, I will probably get blasted by some moms for this but I wanted my son to listen to me when I said no. So, I sat down at the kitchen table with him when he was 6 months old and set my glasses, or some other item I did not want him to touch that would commonly be a temptation, in front of him. When he reached out for it I said "No" firmly and gave him a spat (on the hand) with a spatula, saying "Don't touch" while I did that. We did this maybe 3 times over the course of a few days. Result, my son stops whatever he is doing, reaching for, or crawling towards when I say "No"- which is great since we have a woodstove. However, I did this when he just began really reaching for things; at 10 months the behaviour is much more ingrained and you might not have as much success. So there it is, some moms will think I'm awful but when I'm busy chasing my 3 year old and my baby is crawling towards danger I have a lot of relief that I trained him to listen to "No".

I leared by failures with my first son, that the FIRST time your child does an action or behaviour you do not wish repeated, you need to set a precedent for it to not be repeated. It requires forethought and quick thinking to prevent negative behaviours from becoming habits. In my opinion, to allow something at 6 months and then decide your child is "old enough" to discipline later, makes your child and your life much harder because you have essentially taught your child that these behaviours are ok, and now you must untrain, which is way harder. If you allow wiggling on the changing table at 4 or 5 months, you can't expect your child will just sit still at 10 or 11 months. So, always keep some toy at the changing table just for the changing table and at first signs of wiggling hold your baby firmly still and redirect her attention with songs and such.

I found it helped to keep an ongoing list of things that I wanted my child to learn or to avoid, and to work on them at times when it was not "in the heat of the moment" or when I was in a hurry or otherwise preoccupied. For instance, I practice with my 3 year old being quiet when mommy answers the phone by being on pretend phone calls instead of when I am actually trying to talk to someone.

As far as shopping, a sling is the way to go. Same for housework- by 6 months I had my son in a mei tai chinese back carrier, which allows me to garden,mop, scrub the toilet and anything else that needs doing. I also find afterwards he is more happy to spend time on his own playing when he has had his touching needs fulfilled by our closeness as we work together.

Since you are frustrated right now, get some good books to nurture your own willingness to provide all that attention your baby is requiring. I loved "Beyond the Rainbow Bridge- Nurturing Your child from Birth to Age 7", and "You are Your Child's First Teacher".

My one year old will fuss when he is bored, hungry, tired, or hasn't exercised. I have to plan my day accordingly and now I can pretty much take him anywhere.

he was walking at 11 months so we had to leave lots of time in the morning for running exploring and mess making lol. Then came nap time. Then a nice big healthy lunch. Then around noon he was all set to go and DO something...like go for a car ride, go shopping, go to the farm market and he would tolerate his stroller during the trips.

He also gets a job during these outings so he feels included, not just stuffed into a stroller. Like he locks the car and holds the keys. He picks out the bananas. He grinds the coffee (pushes the button) and helps pack the grocery bags(puts lihgt items into bags). Now he looks forward to the errands but again...all things need to be in place before we leave the house. I can't walk out the door with a bored, hungry, wet, tired, or energenic baby.

Now, I also don't DO certain things with him. I used to love shopping alone for hours and tryin gon clothes. Nope. Just don't do it any more. I shop online or go by myself when hubby can watch the baby. Certain activities are just not meant for babies. No more long leisurely lunches with the gals either.

As for getting things done around the house, have you thought about sticking baby in a sling? Then they can watch you do things and you still have a free hand. When my son gets clingy that's our solution. And it lets them learn things.

Good luck.

I feel your pain. I have twin 10 month olds and one is very demanding and wants his way all the time. He will throw things and flail his arms (whacking me in the face). I used to be able to leave them in the playroom for so long (i was only in the kitchen or next room). Now they cry at the gate when I try to leave. I feel at the end of my rope and can't get anything done!! And the one sets the other off - imagine!!!!

I don't have advice, but want you to know that you are not alone.

I strongly recommend that you (and everyone else who responded to this thread with suggestions about "discipline" for such a small baby) read up on normal child development. Your baby's behavior is totally typical, and at this stage of development, it is all about setting her up for success, instead of reprimanding her for failure. I can't believe someone recommended smacking a 6 month old on the hand. Seriously, people, these are BABIES we're talking about here. They're not supposed to be convenient. I realize they didn't come with instructions either, but there's tons of literature out there on child development. Once you understand where the baby is in terms of their cognitive skills, it makes it easier to understand the behavior, and to react accordingly.

Invest in a good comfortable carrier (Becco, Ergo, Patapum . . .) and toss her on your back. It'll save you a lot of headaches :D When she wants down, put her down in the room you're working in and let her "help" with things like the laundry & cleaning (give her something similar to what you're using and let her imitate you).

Emile,

Welcome to life with a newly mobile individual. She is excited about her new skills and wants to use them as much as possible. At the same time, she is uncertain and needs to know you are there to reassure her and keep her safe as she experiments and explores. Mine is 15 months and he is walking - running actually - and is very curious and loves to explore and try new things, especially if I am within veiw and he knows I am there to keep him safe and out of trouble.

Sometimes I am pretty shocked at what people do to teach their children self control. Discipline at this age and right up through toddlerhood is all about setting up the environment for success and creative redirection. Don't put her in situations where she has to be in a carseat, stroller, shopping cart, etc. for long perieods of time. Make shopping trips short and bring plenty to keep her occupied while she has to be strapped in. My little one doesn't like me to leave the room either but I reassure him that I am still there and coming back by talking to him in a relaxed voice from the other room until I come back. I know all of this is challenging and makes us crazy but it will pass and get better. You will remember how attached she is to you now when at 16 she rolls her eyes at you when you hug her goodbye in front of her friends.

Good luck and let us know how things are going!

S.

Buckle up, it is going to be a bumpy ride. i have 2 boys and a girl and my girl is the nightmare! she is very strong willed too. she is almost 2 and is less demanding, but discipline is an issue. for naughty behavior, i have been putting her in her crib with nothing, no blankets, pillows, toys etc and keep her in there for a few minutes. i can't say if it is really working or not, but at least it gets the tantrum in a different room.

Your daughter is acting totally normally for her age from a developmental standpoint, so don't panic. I have a 9 month old so i don't claim to know everything, but my advice - after having some trying times of my own - is to count to ten A LOT during the day and just try to teach her as much as possible the right way to behave. She's not going to understand all of it, but you can try.... and don't forget when you're frustrated that babies learn from example. Anger and frustration are normal but very contagious! She's going to pick up on whatever energy you have... just something to keep in mind during those difficult times. Good luck... you have a very smart baby on your hands!

E.,
I read some of your responses but not all of them. I agree that you need to come up with a positive attention plan. It is SO hard to ignor the negative behavior, but if you can let some of it go, and just step in when it is dangerous, then that might help.
My son is now 4 years old, and he has gone through several bouts of this behavior. I think that he started acting this way when he was about the same age as your daughter. Dinner time was the worst. He would throw things onto the floor, even after we told him not to do it, and then smile at us. So evil like, but he was just testing us and trying to get a reaction. Once we realized what was happening, my husband and I decided to kind of watch him out of the corner of our eye, and simply take the item out of his hand before he could get it onto the floor. No eye contact. No reaction. Then, whenever he took a bite of food or took a drink on his own, we would turn to look at him and just talk about something. Not necessarily the fact that he ate, but something. So, he got attention when he was acting appropriately, not when he was being bad.

This testing behavior comes in waves. You'll think that you have a well behaved child for a while, and then she'll test you again. Be prepared. Try not to over react to the negative, and remember to cuddle during the good moments. Oh, and one more thing... Mom's and Dad's can take a time out too. If you think that you are going to lose your cool with your daughter, then put her in the play pen, and walk away for a minute or two. When you are composed, then go back. Children can be a joy 99% of the time, but when that 1% of the other type happens, remember that you are human. :-)

Developmentally, 10 months is the start of separation anxiety, the understanding that she is a separate person from you. This is a huge cognitive feat. That is why she wants you around, because when you leave her sight, you effectively disapear. My now 17 month old was very clingy at that age. Instead of trying to change her totally normal behavior, I made sure that she was secure which meant that I changed my behavior.

I suggest getting a good baby carrier and wearing her instead of putting her down. The Ergo is excellent and you can wear her on your back and do amost anything. She'll let you know when she wants to get down and explore. You CANNOT spoil her by doing this. She and you will benefit from the closeness and you will benefit from having free hands and a happy, secure baby.

My daughter was the same way... One suggestion is that while ignoring the bad behavior.. you have to reinforce the good behavior. Play with her, snuggle her and praise her when her behavior is good... Take time out of your day to be with her.. housework can wait... I used to not notice her when she wasn't whining.. So she whined for my attention.

Welcome to independance and seperation anxiety. Yes this is a phase and will pass, however it is a long phase and will take months to pass. As for the discipline, I think she is too young. You can give a quick explanation of why she should not do something (instead of saying no), and then distract her with something else.

Totally normal. She is becoming her own little person.

You can't (and shouldn't try to) discipline a baby. Don't even think about it! Kids don't really understand consequences until about 2.5 years old.

Make sure you give her plenty of "fun time" where she can play and explore new things, and you're not just carting her around on errands all day.

My daughter, 15 months, is the same. Unfortunately, it only gets worse when the start walking, unless you nip it in the bud now. What you need to do is ignore the bad behavior, and only scold when it's absolutely necessary (i.e. dangerous). Any reaction from you, positive or negative, is good in your daughter's eyes, so you need to stop it.

Also, if there are things you absolutely don't want to do, you have to be very consistent in providing a negative consequence - either by taking her away to a corner, or taking a toy away from her, whatever. Consistency is the key. She'll figure out that's a bad thing eventually. Good luck.

How about using a walker so she can follow you around (at least at home)? My daughter is turning 6 months next week and is a bundle of energy.... grabbing for things, throwing things around,etc. She and my dogs also team up and she will throw something of hers, then the dogs pick it up and run away and she laughs. It's enough to drive anyone insane!
My husband is a stay at home dad so he deals with this more than me, but I must say that in my opinion, at this age (and for probably the next year at least), all that can be done is encourage her to continue to explore the environment, and most of all in my opinion don't leave her alone to sort of cry it out. I personally don't want (nor does my husband want) our daughter to feel like when she is upset we are not there for her. At this point, babies are still dealing with the idea of that fact that you exist even when they can't see you! Imagine how scary that would be. You might be interested in looking into the tenets of attachment theory if you're not already familiar with it ( I did my PhD dissertation on it and it has really allowed me to see a lot of these behaviors in a different light).
My daughter is not crazy about the stroller, but she will tolerate it if there's a toy around and I do a lot of talking to her. But what she also loves is a carrier I can wear (the brand name is Combi and I got it because it goes up to 35 pounds) so we can look at things together etc.
I know it seems like she's demanding, but for once I will quote my father when I was telling him how my daughter hasnt taken a nap during the day in the past 3 months. He said ," Hey, look, if everything was new and exciting to you, you wouldnt want to sleep either!"
Take care
A.

"The Scientist in the Crib" is a fantastic book about why babies act the way they do as they grow, and I found it very helpful.

This is a sign of your daughter asserting her independence. It also shows strong intellect and curiosity.
Don't think of it as a negative she is going to be very bright and learn quickly and most likely develop at a rapid rate.

Play classical music during her bath time and you will have a tiny composer on your hands(lol)
She is a sponge absorbing her surroundings, just be patient and don't teach her discipline by hitting or yelling, in my opinion that only teaches her to hit and yell by example.

My son is 21 months and his sister is 7 months and I went through this (still going) with him as well.