Is This Normal?? 8 Month Old with Temper tantrums...don't Know What to Do

I don't know if this will be helpful to you or not, but serves only as another possible idea.
There may very well be somthing else going on, and in that sense it is always a good idea to have your child examined and evaluated by your pediatrician to rule out any physical ailments that might be causing this upset.
If that is ruled out, another possible idea is something that I learned from my mother early on. Children are extremely intuitive. They are hypersensitive to their primary care givers moods, tones, actions and values. Is it possible something has been bothering you to a high degree and your daughter is sensing the lack of peacefulness you are feeling? If this is the case, the situation only tends to get worse as now you are also upset and concerned about her in addition to whatever it is that might be bothering you in the first place. Do you have a difficult relationship with a significant other, a co-worker, or just a hard time keeping up with all the stuff you now have to do daily as a new mom? If this is the case, the answer lies within you. Finding time to take care of yourself, meditation, time away with your friends, whatever you can do to be more internally satisfied will in turn help your baby. If you need to pick her up from daycare but are harried and upset, see if you can mentally wind down before you interact with her. Try as best you can to feel peaceful before you are with her. It may help. And let me know if you need any ideas in how to go about this if you think it might help.

Good luck! You have support!

Mel

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With the other responses I have read, everyone seems to be giving you great advise. Have you tried maybe giving your daughter her own remote (batteries removed of course) I agree with walking away too, she very well could be testing you. Ignore the mom! Maybe you werent like that, but how does that have anything to do with your baby! Keep an extra cup in the tub, if she wants one, use the other. Dont take this out on yourself. It is never easy being a parent and a 1st time parent at that! As far as the affection goes, she is starting to gain some independance. Believe me, when she wants it, she will get it. When she is older (like my son who is 12) you will never get any and you'll be an idiot (in their eyes) if you try to push it on them. I doubt she will be a terror! If you cant make her happy all the time, thats ok! This phase will pass!!!! Be patient!

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M.,

I remember when my daughter was at this point at a year and a half. I thought I would LOSE MY MIND. She is now 15 and a half and wonderful, respectful, smart, caring girl. She had a phase at a year and a half for about eight months. I would half to walk away and pray, "God, help me, I am losing it, I do not know how to handle this"...Your child is too young to understand your words at this time. I would put her in her crib, let her act out whatever frustration she has, and then come in the minute she is calm. You might at this young of an age have her ped check her and make sure it is not something physical.
Until you have her checked out, just walk away, breathe, and know you are doing the best you can. Which it sounds like you most certainly are. Please dont be upset if she doesnt want to be touched or held during this, it happens and generally hasnt anything to do with you.

K.

PS....I did teach preschool at one time and I have found that no response to their actions and walking away will make them want to please more.

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Okay lots to go through, I have two children, a 37-month-old girl and a 6-month-old boy. My little boy is just starting to do some of this with the changing table. I have to belt him down (some changing pads have this on them) I do it even to change his clothes. It does help. My daughter did this also but she was close to 8 months. Also while changing her you may want to give her a book to look at and talk to her while changing her.
Now as for the hitting, my daughter did and every once in a while still tries to hit me. When she was young like around your child’s age I would hold her hand and tell her that hurts mommy and makes mommy sad. She went through a long period where this completely stopped. But I think she is repeating it now just to see what she can get away with. Now if she does it she goes straight to her room for 3 minutes and then we have a talk about appropriate behavior. I am going to try and see if this will work for my son. But each child is different; you have to find a method that works for you and your child. Just be patient and things will get better.
As for her getting upset with things that she is not suppose to have. Divert her attention to things that she is aloud to have. Don’t take the object away immediately because that will just make her even more frustrated. Just tell her as she is looking at the new object that is hers and what she has is mommy’s. Just realize that she is learning along with you how to handle things. She is learning her boundaries and you are setting them.
Also remember when you get frustrated with her, she is getting frustrated with you. Put her in a safe place and walk away for a few minutes and come back to her. Sometimes with a breather you can come back feeling like you can handle what ever she dishes out.

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about the remote thing, just give her an old one or non working remote without batteries that she can play with, thats what I did with my daughter when she was going through the remote phase. i wouldnt tolerate any hitting if i were you, its only going to lead to her walking all over you now and in the future.

My son is 9 months and is very similar. Changing diapers, clothes, wiping him off after eating, all result in him throwing a fit and screaming/crying/thrashing around. Also, getting into everything he's not supposed to. I think that the reason they act like this is because they want to start being more independent. They don't like us telling them "no" and when we do, they get frustrated because they are trying to communicate but have no words yet. Trust me, you are completely normal to feel mad and frustrated. It is really hard when they are so defiant, I find myself yelling and even feeling rageful at times, but what you have to do is take control and do what you need to do. (change the diaper, clothes, bath time, show her you are the parent). All you can do is make sure she has what she needs and if she is still throwing a fit put her in her crib and walk away for a few minutes. she will eventually realize that you won't tolerate that behavior. it will get better when she starts talking.

Hi M.! Your little one sounds like my 1 year old........ everyone used to always say how quiet and kind he was be sometimes I think he's possessed now!! LOL
I haven't found anything that ALWAYS works yet either..... not the 'no', not 'that hurts Mommy'......nada......... sometimes he even hits me and laughs!!!!! Hopefully someone posts a idea or something to help us both!!! Until then, break out the hockey mask and keep changing those diapers and giving the baths!! :-)

I've been there too... and I dreaded diaper changes the most. Two things helpes - 1st, and I am NOT condoning anything other than a corrective tap - is to flick or tap her inner thigh while you are changing her. it took two times of this and my daughter (now 14 mo) looked at me and allowed me to change her with no fuss. the other option, is to change her on the floor sandwhiched in bewteen your legs so she cannot flip or wiggle. This made my daughter very mad, so thats when I tapped her thigh for correction. Since then, we have had no problems with changing her.

We also have placed her in her high - chair/booster seat facing the wall for a minute when she tried to hit us. She only was gone a minute, and immediately calmed down. We stayed (trying not to laugh) in the other room knowing that she couldn't hurt herself. I'd caution placing heer in her crib for punishment, it may send the wrong message at bedtime.

Remember you are the mom... if she hits you while eating or bath time, hold her hands until she calms down - she is testing her boundaries.

We also started to read a book called "training up a child" can't remember the authors, but they recommended the corrective tap to cause a sting and provide a correction.

GOOD LUCK - Don't doubt yourself - this is just prepping you for the 2's :)

Let us know how thing work out.

I remember bed times being absolutely HORRIBLE, along with diaper changes and bath time. Here are some things we did with my now 3 year old:
Bathtime: He showered with someone. I have lived with my parents, my ex's parents and both our sibilings (who ever was in the parents house when I lived there)...as odd as this sounds now, my son has showered with everyone. Some people wore bathing suits with him but he has been in the shower with each of them and he LOVES the shower. It wasn't until he was 2 and half that he really liked baths again. He doesn't like to swim much either. Just his personality I guess.
Bedtime: I co-slept some because (then and Now) I was a full time student and worked two part time jobs. He slept better with me than in his bed. So in order for me to sleep I shared a bed. Then when he was about 2 or so I spent three very long nights listening to him scream it out and walking him back to his room to break it, BUT now he's wonderful in his own bed. It was the solution for us at the time.
Diaper changes: This was one time I resorted to slap his outer thigh. He would flip and turn and poop would be on the carpet or all over me, so I slap his leg three times total and after that he did'nt do it any more. When he started to I would say: DO you need your leg slapped? and at that he was on his back and not whinning. We also gave him a toy to play with or a book to read or someone at his head playing with him and talking to him through the diaper change.
I don't know if this helps but it's what I remember doing.

boy does this sound like my 9 month old son!! well except the hitting thing he likes to poke you in the face and pull my hair even if i put it in a pony tail! he also started this bitting thing a couple weeks ago after he bit me twice once in the arm and once in the neck i'd had enough so i bit him back(not hard just enough to startle him)then i told him no bitting bad! he hasn't done it since.he also LOVES remotes and phones and throws a fit when i take them away he doesn't put them in his mouth he just likes to hold them and push buttons so when my mom asked what to get him for christmas i said a remote! she thought i was kidding.oh and forget changing diapers and getting him dressed he just rolls over and laughs as hes crawling away and when i try to hold him down he still manages to roll over so i figured out if i let him play with another diaper then i can change him just have to do it very quickly!and im not sure if this is normal either but my son hates getting his nose sucked out with the syringe it takes two people one to hold him down and one to do it and he still screams and moves and i feel bad but it has to get done.im suprised at how strong he is at this age like for example he just got his 9 month shot monday and he laughed at the nurse when she did it and didn't cry!!sorry i don't have any advice for you just wanted to let you know that your not alone!im praying that its just a phase and they will grow out of it! good luck!

I think you should take her to a doctor, a pediatrician. At 8 mos old, an infant will be unaffectionate towards others but it is unusual that she would be unaffectionate towards "mom."
Then again, I could be wrong but I feel she should be checked out. Just my opinion

M.,
Much of her fit throwing could be because she is teething. Some babies take longer to cut teeth than others and may have a harder time. If you are sure it is not this, I would then rule out the possibility that it could be an ear infection (watch to see if she pulls at her ears). If you are sure that it is not these two things, it is most likely her budding personality. She actually sounds a lot like my mother described me as a baby. She said I was always frustrated and acted like I couldn't wait to get out of my baby body and do something. I was also not affectionate and did not enjoy being touched, hugged on or kissed. I was and still am quite strong willed. Your daughter might be a stongwilled kid. That is not a bad thing, it is just the way God made her. The important thing that you want to begin to do with her is to set clear boundaries and make sure that you follow through! No, it is not too early to start now. Strong willed kids will often try to buffalo their parents and try to call all the shots. They will repeatedly test to see what their parents will do. This is quite normal and the best thing you can do for her is to keep her reined in. This will give her the security that she needs. What she is really doing when she is testing you (even though she may not understand what she is doing) is seeing if you have what it takes, if you will follow through with what you say. When you do, she feels secure and that you will be able to take care of her and keep her safe. I would NOT allow her to slap you, take care of that NOW. You could give her a slap on the leg, as the other lady suggested after telling her no firmly Or you could give her a little pinch or slap her on the hand. Whatever you do, do not allow her to keep hitting you. It is important that you set up the boundaries now. I hope this helps.

God Bless you
J. F.

Hello,
I went through this with my daughter and to a point I still do. She started about that age of hitting me and making everthing a struggle. Let me tell you I understand what you are feeling. I got to the point that I hated to do any of the care taking of it all.
My mom let me in on a clue. She is testing you to see how much you will her get away with. When she does something like that, then just simply stop what your doing and get on her level and tell her that you love her and that hitting people is not nice. Then put her in her bed or in a special chair and leave her there for a minute. That will give you a minute to gather yourself and she to gather hers. Then try it again. You have to let her know that you will not put up with her doing that.
Like I said I still have to do that sometimes with my girl. She is now 30 months old. We don't have so many problems like that now. She still tries it every now and then. The main point is stay consistant with it.
I now that sometimes it may seem time consuming to stop doing what your doing at the time, but take my word it will be worth it later. You can't have your child hitting you now think what she will do when she gets older.
Just rememver that everytime she does that to look her in the eyes and firmly telling her no we don't hit, then taking her and putting her some where save. Then take her back to the action. Keep doing this action as many times it takes. Sometimes I would have to do it five and six times. I would just take her right out of the tub and dry her off and put her in the save place.
She was worse in the store in the cart. She used to try to bite my hands or dig her nails into my hands.
Just whatever you do don't let this continue. It will only harm you and her and the relationship down the road.
I also bought the book the happiest baby on the block and the happiest toddler on the block. My daughter's doc told me about them.
Good Luck to you.

Hi M.,

I think your right. Your daughter is awful young to be acting like this. I would definitely speak with the pediatrician about it. One of the moms who responded said to make sure she wasnt teething, ear infection, etc.. WELL, if she is ONLY acting out when she doesnt get her way I doubt its that. As far as the affection goes, I agree that may be a sign of something else. All I can suggest is to speak with her doctor. GOOD LUCK
K.

I am also a Mom of an 8 month old. I have noticed recently that my son is also getting more upset about things. When something is taken away that he wants, he will also cry in protest. He is a very active baby and does not always prefer to be changed and sometimes it's difficult to do.

I personally feel that 8 months is a very young age to be labeling this behavior a tantrum. I think that right now our babies are trying to figure so many things out. They're learning to express feelings of anger frustration.

Having said that, I don't think that 8 mos is too young of an age to start responding to the childs actions. When Asher screams out of what seems to be anger, I do what you do. I say firmly in a low voice No. I'm pretty positive he still doesn't know what I am trying to tell him but I think that in time he will.

If it gets too stressful, don't forget to take a break. Just leave your daughter in a safe place and take a breather okay? I hope that this is just a phase she is going through and that it gets better!

Your baby is healthy, normal, and full of personality and life! Congratulations! Please, please don't hit or flick her - our babies watch us so closely and learn to do what WE do: http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T062100.asp
Toddlers pick up on this behavior even faster, so best to decide now while she's young to learn & use other parenting approaches besides hitting, flicking, pinching, holding down (unless your baby is about to get into something severely dangerous and holding's the best way you can protect them at that moment).

Our actions are much more powerful than our words - so if you flick her, expect that she's learning how to flick you, her future siblings and friends, etc. Ditto on the hitting. If you are respectful to her (that doesn't mean permissive, just respectful in the way you show her the boundaries), she'll have a good model from which to learn respect.

So, when she's got the remote, it's your job to be creative and try to:
1) PREVENT it in the first place by keeping the remote out of the way (she's 8 months old, fer cryin' out lout - she cannot be expected to understand "no" and process that to mean "oh, I should let go of this" - absolutely unrealistic!)
2) DISTRACT + REDIRECT, or DISTRACT + SUBSTITUTE (this should be your mantra while she's this age and for the next many months!) Show her to another interesting object or activity if the remote does get left and she finds it - and when her attention has switched to the new object, put away the remote where it's not a visible, reachable temptation for her.
3) When you do have to remove something from her hands and tell her no, or "not for baby" or "ouchie!", tell her and give her something SHE CAN play with. Teach her what IS ok to touch.

It's so important to understand that babies really learn through exploration, experimentation, touch - these are GREAT qualities in your baby. Try to keep that in mind when she's going for the remote for the 30th time tomorrow morning. ;) Really. She's determined to figure out what that thing is! Yes, it may require a little more preparation on behalf of the parents (creating a space where it is ok for your daughter to explore without hundreds of "no's" - make a "yes!" playarea). And yes, sometimes it's tough to be creative on the spot (easier to grab something from your daughter, but not necessarily best - better to get creative and distract/redirect!)... but with a little practice, you can do it. :)

Best advice I can give is to find out:
1) what is *normal* developmental behavior for your daughter so that you understand she is normal (and likely advanced!)
2) THEN read up on strategies you can use that are appropriate to your daughter's age/developmental stage
3) if you need support, I suggest attending the monthly API Circle of Columbus parenting group which meets on the third Saturday of every month from 1 - 2 p.m. at Wild Oats Community Room, 1555 W. Lane Avenue (questions? contact Karina Brown ____@____.com)

Some good books to start with:
Dr. Sears' "The Baby Book" does a good job of giving information on each age/developmental stage. And his "The Discipline Book" is also a good starter reference for ideas/strategies.

"Becoming The Parent You Want To Be" is an excellent book with lots of different strategies to use with your quickly growing girl - LOVE this one!

Lastly, if you feel yourself starting to be irritated, resentful, grumpy with your daughter (which happens to all of us at some point - parenting is a demanding, intense, wonderful, exhausting, amazing job!), try to give yourself some alone time to recharge (a 10 minute walk while your baby naps in a stroller, a friend or relative to watch the baby for a few hours while you have some personal time, time at the gym, etc.). I find I have my worst mothering days when I'm overtired and haven't had any time to myself for a while.

Best of luck, and congratulations on your daughter!