1 Month Old Won't Sleep in Crib

K., don't worry. She is too young to develop "bad" sleeping habits. My babies (3) didn't like their cribs either. I just tried to find a comfortable place abd way for them to sleep. All three of them have great sleeping habits and none have had problems with the crib. I didn't really worry about sleep schedules and arrangements until between 3 and 4 months old. And even then, it will only take about 2 to 3 days to get them used to their new environment. Just enjoy her being tiny and being able to let her sleep in some more unconventional ways.

Have you tried swaddling? My daughter loved to be swaddled TIGHT. I hated wrapping her tight (I'm claustrophobic so the thought of anyones arms tucked in is horrifying to me) but she would scream if I didn't do it just right.
Good luck!

Hi K.,

Congrats on your new addition! My son is 16 months old now and I remember this time very well. I couldn't get him to sleep in his crib either. In fact, he probably spent the first two months sleeping on me, craddled in my arms or on my chest. I still couldn't get him down anywhere else, not the swing, the car, car seat, bassinet, no where! At two months or so I started bringing him into bed with me. It was so much easier to nurse him in the middle of the night this way, and I loved having him so close. I got a lot of advice from people NOT to do this, because he wouldn't leave my bed, but by 7 months or so, I switched him to his crib no problems. He still took a lot of his naps in my arms (he would fall asleep after nursing). But after a while he became more of a sound sleeper and it was easier for me to transfer him into his crib after he fell asleep. He is weaned now, and I still rock him to sleep and then move him to his crib!
I just think she needs plenty of warmth and holding right now. My son never liked to be swaddled, but loved being held. I don't regret those early days of laying with him, they only do it for so long. I don't think you are getting her into any bad habits.
Also remember that young babies have different sleep cycles than adults do. When you think she is asleep, wait 15 more minutes before you lay her down! Even at 16 months old, my son's sleep is much different than when he was a newborn. He falls asleep and I can lay him down after 5 minutes, he's out cold!
Hope you find a solution!

S.

A O. month old is TOO young to cry it out! Please don't do that.
The crib may seem too ginormous to her. Try a bassinett or a Pack & Play or divide the crib in half so it seems smaller.
A newborn cannot be spoiled, so hold her, or rock her, or walk her to sleep.

Sounds like a normal 1 month old. Imagine what it must be like, she was in a tiny warm space inside of you, and shes just not comfortable in a huge open crib, she feels alone. The best thing to do is cradle her, she can sleep in her carseat, swing or on you and its just fine, shes just getting used to the big world, she feels most comfortable in a smaller space :) It will pass in a month or two.

1 month is WAY too young to cry it out. Don't do it. Your baby has only been in the WORLD for 4 weeks. Think about this. It's a big scary place. As a mom, you need to be compassionate and take care of her. Try a co-sleeper/crib that is side-carred to your bed. Or (dare I suggest it?) just take her into bed with you. Honestly this is what we did with both our kids. With my son, just until he was 3 months old or so, and he started out in the co-sleeper but "moved in" during the night. With my daughter, same thing, but she was in our bed for part of the night until 7-8 months old. Another trick you can try is to take a shirt that you've already worn and lay it down on the crib mattress. Your baby looks to you for comfort, and one of the things she looks for is how you smell (esp. if you're nursing), so this can help her adjust to a bed. Conventional wisdom is that you cannot spoil a baby under age 12 months, and your baby does not start develping any perminant sleep habits until at least 3-4 months of age. For now, do what you need to and get some sleep. And DO NOT sleep train or cry it out. All you're teaching your baby at this age is that you won't be there for her if she needs you. Not the message you want to send.

At this age, babies still need the comfort of Mommy. When my son was that age the crib was SO huge to him– all that space, it scared him. My mom had given me a bassinet when we brought him home, and so I just kept him in it until he was so big his head and feet were against both ends. That was around 2.5 months old, maybe 3 months. At that point I moved him to the crib (because he no longer fit in the bassinet) and made sure to surround him with all of his stuffed animals, simulating the bassinet enclosed feel. It was a perfect transition.

Her falling asleep on you before naps or bed is perfectly fine. My son fell asleep in my arms until he was nearly a year old, and he still does about a quarter of the time (he is a year and a half, heading towards two). Treasure it! Once they stop, you realize how much you miss it. Babies are hardwired to want, need, and desire their Mother: Mother is safety, security, love, and sustenance. Hold her, feed her, sing quietly to her, rock her. She needs to feel safe; you can lay her down once she has been asleep a good ten to fifteen minutes.

Also, in laying an infant down, here's a tip: I ALWAYS held my son tight and close to my chest, and bent over until he was laying against the mattress of his bassinet or crib, and then and only then did I carefully let go and extricate myself. It was a tip given to me by a wise old woman. Sometimes, if you just hold out your arms/hands to lay the baby down, the change in air and movement will make the baby feel like they are falling, and they will wake up terrified– and crying. By holding them close and leaning and bending over at your waist, they remain feeling secure and safe all the way down to the mattress.

At daycare, if she sleeps fine in a swing or a carseat, she should be fine. Workers also know how to handle all types of children (most do, anyway) and will do just fine with her. That being said, if you discover any quirks or tips for your daughter, feel free to share them with the Daycare workers. Better to share too much than not share at all.

So to end this lengthy reply, she is so little for a crib. Try a bassinet, and feel free to cuddle, love, and hold her as much as she needs/wants. At this age you still can't love them too much. :-)

God bless!
M. D

wow, I remember having the same concern not too long ago. I smiled as I read this. I did everything you did, crib wedge, sleep positioner...concerns about daycare. My daughter would only get a good night sleep in the swing(it doesn't have to be on); if we were out somewhere we would put a blanket over her carseat and let her sleep in that. She HATED being flat on her back. I thought I was doing something wrong or needed to do something differently. What I learned is do what works for you. Don't feel bad about anything you are doing and don't worry about what others tell you, you should be doing. Your baby will grow into things. And to the other mom's point, daycare deals with this all the time-they had my daughter sleeping in her crib in no time (they reverse swaddle her). I personally don't care for the CIO method, but it's a personal choice. At 5.5 months my daughter still sleeps in the swing at times and I'm okay with that b/c I know she's comfy. Good Luck!

I think your 1 month old is fine. My kids were about 2-3 months old before they started sleeping in a crib. Things we did that helped: We used a bassinette for the first few months (I had big babies, so they outgrew the bassinette by 3-4 months, but it was worth it because it was nice to have them sleep in it in our room for the first couple months when they get up every few hours at night, and they slept so well in it, maybe because it was a smaller space.) We swaddled them using a velcro swaddle blanket (made by Kiddopatomus). I had tried swaddling using just a regular baby blanket, but they always wiggled out of it and then woke up crying. We let our kids nap during the day in a swing or carseat (our daycare agreed that if they fell asleep in one or the other, they wouldn't take them out and just let them nap there- they gradually worked them into napping in the crib), but at night time they had to go in the bassinette or crib. We started a bedtime routine right from the beginning, trying to get them on a feeding schedule where they ate around dinnertime, were rocked in a dark room and then went to sleep. We didn't start having them cry it out until they were about 6 months old.

We had a similar problem with our first baby. He would only sleep in car seat and stroller. Our stroller had a seat that would lay back and could detach so we just put that seat in his crib to help transition him. He also slept in car carrier in the crib. Also a key thing was a nice tight swaddle! Do u have any miracle blankets? They are AMAZING!
Good luck!

If she likes her carseat, let her sleep in her carseat! :) place the carseat in her crib so she gets used to the environment. It is important YOU get some sleep. Enjoy that little one! I am also a believer in letting babies cry it out...lots of opinions out there on that issue. I do daycare from my home and let all the babies cry it out for a few minutes.there is a difference between types of cries. They learn pretty quickly.

I was concerned about this as well. My pediatrician told me NOT to let my son cry it out - that he was too young. At 1-4 months, most babies still need to be parented to sleep - while crying it out - will wear them down - it is not recommended by my pediatrician. At 6 months old - my son only naps in his crib - and we are working towards night sleeping there as well. Good Luck.

A one month old should never cry it out. Babies run on instincts - there's something about the crib environment she doesn't like.

Our daughter only wanted to be in her swing during the day - so, that's where she slept so she'd get a good nap. At night, I let her co-sleep with us because it was easiest for us to get a good night's sleep with a 2 year old as well.

Our son slept in the Pak-n-Play next to our bed for the first 9 months to make it easier on me when he awoke needing to nurse. It could be that the swing/carseat provide the warmth or confined environment that help her feel safe.

Personally, I'm one of the few moms who isn't big on hard-core sleeping regimens. Then again, I was diagnosed with cancer when my daughter was 10 weeks old (the day before her brother's second birthday). So, I needed the comfort of my kids near me as much as they did.

At 3.5, our son still doesn't sleep through the night. Our daughter, at 22 months, is a champ. Each kid is different. Good luck.

Read Night Time Parenting by Dr. Sears or go to his Web site. Your baby wants to be close to you after 9 months of closeness. Smart baby! Do NOT let her cry it out, crying is her only way to tell you that something is needed. Babies at this age have no wants, only needs. Be patient and enjoy this fleeting time in your lives.

I know how hard it is... but chances are she just needs you (warmth, affection,etc.). I frankly believe she is too little to CIO. If she is headed to day care soon, she will adjust rapidly to the routine there. Just give her the love and affection she needs.

For the record, there is no such thing as a newborn with bad sleeping habits. They don't have ANY habits at that age. Keep in mind that it takes newborns a long time to get used to a sleep routine that mimics our own (some experts say somewhere around 9 months is not unusual). They do not understand day or night yet. And they will rarely sleep for long stretches. So it is not unusual for her to want to have relatively short naps and to want to be near you. Remember she slept in fits and spurts surrounded by total warmth (you) for about nine months, so it is alot to ask her to sleep alone in a crib for stretches of time.

I had twins who were very needy (translation: I did not sleep for nearly 12 months!) and then another little one 2 years later. I know it seems like they ought to lie quietly in a crib but some babies just dont like that (or may have good reason to want to sleep inclined, in a swing or on you, like GERD) My three were always wanting to be held. Today, they are good sleepers in spite of no real effort to train them.

Hang in there, it will get easier.

-E.

Oh, please don't worry. She is so little, still. I know every kid is different, but I think it is quite common not to like the crib right away. I think our son was 6 weeks old before he ever slept in the crib at all and even then not for very long. I, too, was really worried about the transition to day care, but it turned out not to be an issue. They are used to the picky sleep habits of infants at day care. His first full nap in the crib (after falling asleep in my arms) was only a week or two before entering daycare at 14 weeks. It really is such a huge space for such a tiny baby. One thing we did that I think helped ease the transition was making the crib smell like mom. After washing the crib sheet (unscented everything) I would stuff it down my shirt (I know, crazy) and "wear" it for awhile to pick up some mom scent. I'd also put a couple of my (and hubby's) used t-shirts in the crib when it was empty to scent it up a bit. Our son became a great crib sleeper, but just not for the first couple months. Good luck and congrats on the little darling.

.

Let her sleep in the swing. She'll probably be able to do the same at daycare. If she's still sleeping exclusively in the swing (or high chair, as my daughter did) at 6 months, post again and you'll get lots of conflicting advice : ) I wouldn't worry about your return to work except to tell you to get in lots of sleepy snuggles now : )

I highly recommend the book "HealthySleep Habits, Happy Child" It changed my life when I had babies and has useful information for the changes that occur as the kids grow up. I suggest getting it a.s.a.p.
Good luck!

As a daycare provider I highly recommend the book Baby Wise. Also, your baby may have reflux. My son did. Try letting her sleep on her stomach. Reflux babies have to do this. Supervise her at first to make sure can turn her head by herself.

Well she's pretty little yet - both of mine took awhile to get used to the crib, and it was definitely after 1 month. The hard thing is, when you're at day care, they cannot let the baby sleep anywhere but a crib. With my littlest guy (who is now almost 6 months), I just had to TRY to put him in the crib every time I felt like he was tired. He would immediately wake up (if he was already sleeping) and cry and cry and cry. So, I would let him cry as long as I could stand it (which was usually no more than 5 minutes) and go get him and let him sleep on me. Even the swing stopped working for him. He basically went through a 2 month stage of fighting sleep. So, you just never know how long it's going to take, but rest assured that she will eventually get used to her crib and come to love it. Just keep trying!!

try the book "Good Night, Sleep Tight" by Kim West
it worked for me!

DO NOT CRY IT OUT IN AN INFANT THIS YOUNG.
i wanted to make sure you heard that. it is VERY important that you do your best to always respond to an infant; they have needs, and they dont know anything else. they just spent 9 months inside your body, not ever having need or want for anything, this cold, disconnected, lonely world is NOT something they understand. you have to respond to your baby.
that being said, there is nothing wrong with taking a break, and nothing wrong with putting her down when you are at your wits end and feel like you might "lose it". please walk away when that happens.

other than that, this is normal for a baby this age. completely, totally and completely normal. and i will tell you that babies sleep MUCH better near their mothers. your breathing, heartbeat and etc are something that shes used to hearing, and it helps her to regulate her breathing and misc. (ie; prevents and helps avoid SIDS!) so keep her near you as often as you can.

im assuming soon would be like 2 weeks (i hope?)
whomever you have to care for your baby should understand baby needs (if they are licensed by the state they have training and should know all the needs of babies, nad will understand that babies need to be held a LOT)
if the person is not trained and licensed by the county, they will have to be told to understand that babies need to be held, no questions asked. remember that responding, holding and comforting your baby will reduce the amount of crying she will do overall, and i have plenty of life experiences to back that up.

www.askdrsears.com will be your lifesaver. anything by william or martha sears is awesome. their kids also are well known; robert sears and jim sears (from the show 'the doctors')
a sling might be a lifesaver for both you and the care provider; i HIGHLY recommend the moby wrap, although, any sling is better than trying to get her to sleep alone at this point.

you really have to think about it from your baby's point of view. you are used to being warm, comfortable, snuggled, fed at all times, misc. now you get cold or hot, you are lying flat in a bed, alone, without the sounds and heartbeat and breathing of mama.... its a lonely place to be. and obviously, thats upsetting, and normal, and it should be. its the way it is. you just do your best to respond to baby often and right away; she wont have the mental capacity to know anything else until MUCH later; 6 months at the earliest (but babies dont know the difference between needs and wants until around a year old).

anyway im sure you have had plenty of opposing advice. but trust me, you do NOT have to do anyhting that makes you or your baby upset. even if you are going back to work soon, you dont have to "train" her to go to sleep on her own in her bed (we train dogs not children). she will learn to sleep on her own through nurturing and trust - which means she has to learn to trust that you will respond when she needs you (or any care provider for that matter. make sure that your care person will respond to your baby!). kids who arent responded to learn that their cries dont matter, because they dont get any attention through them. crying is the only communication she knows at this point. its just the way it is. crying is normal and healthy. i cannot stress that enough. you dont have to do anything different just because you are going back to work. mother her as if you werent going back to work and you will really come into your own as a mother. listen to those instincts that you have, trust your gut, trust your baby to tell you what she needs, and trust your heart to be able to guide yuo. you have those feelings for a reason. use them, and they only grow stronger! i have had a FABULOUS time with my 3 year old son (among other kids i have had in my home due to my own child care business) he trusts me completely, which made a HUGE difference in knowing what he needed when he was 2 and couldnt quite express what he needed. you know? so you will NOT regret just being what she needs. you dont ever have to train her to do anything - sleep, be without you... you just have to be her mother, even if you go back to work, you know that you can keep being the mom you want to be just by responding to her when you are with her. you know? im kinda blabbing, but seriously, you wont regret it.

the thing about babies is they are exhausting, frustrating at times. but they do have needs, and you are a major part of that right now. it will change over time, and before you know it you will have a 3 year old who doesnt need to be held all the time. but you know what? i would rather have the 3 year old i have who lets me snuggle him and kiss him and hug him and be connected to him than to have the 3 year old of my friends who wont let their mamas do that. i know that they see how i raised my son differently, and i know that they will do things differently next time because of it. i know because they have told me. dont make choices now that you will regret later, be as connected as you can to your little girl. it will help you a TON when you are back to work. trust me trust me trust me. you dont have to make her do anything differently just because you are going to work. just be her mom, fully and totally. write to me if you have any trouble understanding me.