Does Mother Know Best?

It is now 11:30 AM on a Saturday morning and my fifteen year-old twin daughters are still asleep. I actually like them better this way because it gives me a break from their waking torrent of questions, comments and (saving the worst for last) unsolicited advice.

For your amusement, I have written verbatim some of this past week’s highlights:

(While making a left hand turn into traffic) Did you even SEE that car?
My guess is probably not, but I refuse to take driving advice from someone whose only license was obtained exiting the Autopia ride at Disneyland.

Your pants are too short.
Now is this compared to other pants I own or other people’s pants?

Can you turn that down? Everyone can hear you!
Sorry, but turning the volume up when I hear K.C. and the Sunshine Band on the radio is a 35 year-old reflex response. Is it really my fault that it happened precisely as I swung around the corner to pick them up from school? Is it??

This is kind of a curious comment, because ironically I do not play their music loud enough. I guess my hearing/taste/equilibrium are all off kilter.

(Standing in the grocery store next to a large display that read “Bell Peppers 10/$10”)
“Do peppers grow on trees?”
“Can we get 10?”
“Do you think this display is filled all the way to the floor?”
“Are they new?”
No, No, No and…say what? At least now I know where the expression ‘peppered with questions’ comes from.

(After using a crosswalk at the mall) I can’t BELIEVE you didn’t even look before you crossed the street!
I thought that was supposed to be my line? How does she suppose I made it this far without her help, sheer luck? Trust me, my luck in not that good.

Grammy told us you were good at math. Is that true?
Hard as it is to imagine, that statement is actually true. Probably had something to do with the fact Pythagoras was my geometry teacher. Yes, I am that old, which leads me to…

What? He took a shine to you? I’m not even kidding right now, what could that possibly mean??
Apparently there are many expressions that have not filtered down to the ‘internet-enabled’ generation. If you, too, are scratching your head over this one, it means someone likes you. At least I don’t call the refrigerator an ‘ice box’ like my parents do.

How did you live without a cell phone? I mean, like, if you were meeting someone and running late, like, how did you let that person know?
Well, we had several options available to us back in the olden days. For example, you could call them from a pay phone, or call the place you were meeting and ask them to relay a message, or (the unthinkable) the person could sit and wait.

Now before I go, does anyone have a question about the Pony Express?

Cathy Kobre lives in Carmel, California with her twin daughters, and Japanese Chin, Penny.

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Have any questions/comments/helpful advice you received from your teenager that tops this list? Please share below.