Photo by: Ivan Salas

Confessions of a Stage Mom

by Courtney Price of "Vintage Ginger Peaches"
Photo by: Ivan Salas

After the past two days, should I call myself a stage mom? According to wiki:

“In the performing arts, a stage mother is a term for the mother of a child actor. The mother will often drive her child to auditions, make sure he or she is on the set on time, etc. The term sometimes has a negative connotation, suggesting that the individual is prone to obnoxiously demand special treatment for her child, or suggesting that the individual has placed inappropriate pressure on her child to succeed. Some believe that a "stage mom” is vicariously living out her own dreams through her child."

Well, I for sure don’t have any wire hangers, but… I do know that if your child really wants to be on stage, they better be ready for some heartache. It’s not always fair, directors are not always careful with feelings, and auditions are, well, usually really weird.

Here are a few things that you will see:

  • 1. Tone-deaf kids. I honestly think their parents don’t know. There is a simple test- have someone who knows test their tone matching skill on the piano. And let that person know that you would like them to be honest. Seriously, no good ever comes of not being told that you’re tone-deaf. Think American Idol auditions, see? It’s funny, not precious. And just because you can’t sing doesn’t mean you can’t be in regular plays with no music. That’s fun too!
  • 2. Strange Auditions. Don’t be surprised if someone whips out a kazoo mid-song or has a pile of props to use during their audition. It’s over the top and uncalled for, but directors seem to like it. However, you never know when this is going to bite you in the butt; it’s a game that we lowly audition-ers don’t know the rules to.
  • 3. Chaos. Every audition I’ve ever seen is the opposite of systematic. But let’s be honest, I’m sure Broadway doesn’t run like this, but if you’re in a small town, expect a little less. It’s not mean, but if they are a stellar, ground-breaking director, they often won’t be in a small town. Of course there are probably exceptions, just because I haven’t seen them, doesn’t mean it isn’t the case.

The key is to know what you’re getting into and be as prepared as possible. Come prepared with what they want and if they want a song, I highly recommend you come with a pianist. Even if they say that have one, it’s always better with someone you’ve practiced with. And in a small-town, they may use the term “pianist” very loosely. And that’s okay.

Prep your child that it’s often more about numbers, age, height, and hair color. Seriously.

And don’t give up! If your child really wants to do it, go to every audition. They’ll improve- take constructive criticism (ask the director for some) and work on it. You’ll get a part eventually. After all, a lot of getting a part has to do with who you know— and they will know you if you keep coming back.

Long story short, S. had a horrible time at the last audition; there was some rude stuff that was a little too much for a 7 year old! But now she’s nine and willing to take it on again because she just really loves to be on stage. She has a part that she tried out for Monday and Tuesday night; not without some drama (in the form of not making a call-back, then oops, oh yeah, she did). I look forward to working with this director that I’ve never had contact with before and I hope I can give a stellar review! I honestly think the process bugs ME more than it bugs S. So, does that make me a stage mom?

Maybe so. But I really hope not!

Vintage Ginger Peaches is a blog devoted to creativity in all it’s forms, written by Courtney Price (mom of 4).

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16 Comments

As a former HS Drama Director, I think the best pieces of advise here are 1. to practice and be prepared and 2. to explain to your child that a casting decision is often based on factors beyond his or her talent. The director must consider the physical suitability of each auditioner for each role, the chemistry between the actors who will be working together, and sometimes just an inexplicable gut feeling that someone is just right or wrong for a part...

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I am definately a 'Stage Mom,' was a 'Football Mom,' as well. Theater/Performing Arts is Not for the Weak or faint at heart. Auditions are 'Creative Processes'
and you never know what the director wants. It's really better that parents don't stay for auditions.

Individuals that want to perform have to be emotionally prepared to understand that it is never 'about them' but it is all about what the director wants. Criticisim is a significant part of the process of encouragement...

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I am a stage mom for real. My third son is a musical theatre major at Indiana University in Bloomington who has been acting since he was seven. If I told you all the stuff he went through as a child, with other children (at school, in the company, in the family!) you wouldn't believe it.
The kid has to want it more than anything and we have to train ourselves to believe it's HIS or HER dream and not ours. It's hard to see your kid be second to others...!

FYI--there is no such condition as "tone deaf". It's a bit like being unable to read, only different. A few kids teach themselves to read, most don't. Most kids teach themselves to match pitches they hear in their head or externally, a few don't. I had a choir teacher who prided herself on reforming "tone deaf" kids, because matching pitch is a learnable skill. If it something your kid REALLY wants to do--they can do it, but they may need help

Great advice for us up-and-coming stage moms! I already do commercial work here in the Washington DC metro area, so I have knowledge of auditions. And my two-year-old daughter has actually already booked two jobs with me! So I can see entertainment/performing arts in her future...maybe...but it's good to know how prepared I'll have to be with her when it comes time for some of the "bigger gigs". Yes, I will bring my own pianist! (smile)

When my son was young, I went through the same thing. He was cast in multiple roles when competition was minimal. Then, as he expanded his territory, it was more difficult. But once a stage kid, always a stage kid. He did end up going to a performing arts high school, where he majored in theatre. Ultimately though, he ended up a film major at NYU and is about to graduate this May. I am quite certain that all that driving and encouragement when times were hard was the right thing to do...

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As an independent filmmaker in DFW, I try my best to make sure from the start that the moms (or dads) know what to expect. My last casting consisted of several roles for children from 7 to 16. Some were late coming to auditions. The moms with agents for their kids stayed off to the side. One called to tell me she was in route but the auditions had already ended a half hour earlier. I do not believe in props for the children because I need to see if they can be directed and if they can act...

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Hi there, nice article.
I just feel the need to say that as a voice teacher with over 25 years experience, tone "deafness" is often curable.

I've seen great improvement in a half hour. It is a matter of providing bio feedback, as I call it. Helping the singer feel when he or she is matching pitches. Often they start by keying in to pitches that resonate with the original pitch.

I've had wonderful singers that started out "tone deaf"...

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Well if it means your a stagemom, it just means your one of the good ones, as parents we do for our children, I take my 6 children all over the place to help them develop into their own. Good luck with S and god bless!
On a second note my almost 3 year old wants to act and sing when is a good time to start that and where do I begin?

You are so right to let your child in on the fact that audition decisions are so often based on things we have no control over like our "look" or if we're too tall for the leading man and other silliness like that. There are many talented people out there and the competition is ruthless as you move up through the ranks. FYI, very few people are really tone deaf. Some are more gifted then others, but people can be taught to match pitches even if they don't come by it as easily as others do...

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I live in an area with lots of Community Theater, and my children have been in several productions. I disagree with your statement about being tone deaf. The idea that a child should not try for a musical because you've had "someone who knows test their tone matching skill on the piano" is very old-school. I've seen excellent music directors and voice teachers who have been able to teach students to better hear themselves...

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Hey Courtney,
As a casting director (and Mom) in NYC for 20 yrs., I just wanted to comment that you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and a healthy attitude towards the often difficult (and weird) process of auditioning. I've worked with countless kids, and the "night-mare stage moms - and dads! - surely exist. It's always extremely clear who wants the role, the child or the parents. If your child truly enjoys performing, support them, for the business can be wicked...

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I have been in the Performing Arts since I was 9, and quite aware of the rigors of that field. On the other hand, if any of my children are really interested, I would support them 100%. A an occasional voice coach dance instructer, I have seen many talented children who have a lot of potential in the performing arts, but are not interested. They are there on the behest of their parent. I do not think that our dreams should be lived through our children. if a child is not interested, they are not...

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To Rosie: yes there is such thing as tone deaf as I am a really weird case. I play piano, clarinet, some oboe and recorder (when younger). I can tell instantly when I hit a wrong note, but not with my voice! I know I can't carry a tune. It has to do with an auditory/perseption disability that makes human voices more difficult to hear(especially in crowded rooms)...

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Holy cow, Beth, you are the only other person I know with my exact same problem! I also played piano and oboe when I was young, and I have trouble distinguishing voices in crowded rooms. I can actually hear when other singers are off, but not when I personally am. And yes, the babies love my singing, but everyone older isn't as enthused...

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