We have two sons. They are about 16 months apart. The older son was born prematurely and is still small for his age. The younger son is very large for his age and weighs more than the older (not overweight; he just takes after my 6'2" husband).
The boys are young now and don't seem to notice the size difference between them, but people have started to mention it. We don't want our older son to feel inferior for being so small, or our younger son feeling awkward because he is so tall -- nor do we want ill feelings between them because of the size difference (particularly the older son being sensitive to always being shorter than his younger brother).
Have any of you dealt with this issue? How do you keep yours kids from making it an issue between themselves? What do you say to people who mention it (which happens at least once almost every time we take the boys out), especially when they do so in front of the kids?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
All of my husbands little brothers are taller and bigger than he is. He just calls his younger brothers his "big" little brothers. He said it was never an issue growing up. It wont be one if you dont make it one I suppose. The two brothers will love each other and be proud of each other and I doubt height will destroy that bond.
I agree with the Mom who says they will take their cue from you. Don't comment on it yourself and don't dwell on it. If a friend, or stranger makes a remark about the younger boy being taller you can turn it into something positive...."Yes he is the one who is going to be able to reach things off the top shelf for me when I need help" or ruffle the smaller ones hair and say "Good things come in small packages you know!!!". Or say something about the younger one must have gotten the tall genes from his Daddy's side of the family...BUT...the smaller one got....musical talent, athletic ability...whatever positive trait you can apply to your older son.
You be positive about it and they will be too!!! Children are like little sponges they absorb so much from us and they are watching and listening and learning...even when we don't realize it!!!
Your children will take their cues from you. If you don't make an issue of it, then they probably won't either. If they see that you think it should be an issue, then they will be self-conscious about it. I'm sure the older is gifted in some areas that are weaknesses for the younger. And, visa versa. Just accept them for how they are, and teach them to do the same. It really shouldn't be an issue at all. Height is not something anyone can control. It should be a non-issue.
well, my favorite comeback for strangers would be "He's not short, he's fun sized!" we have the same thing in my family, my older brother is the shortest of the 4 (full blood) siblings. It was a complete non-issue between him and our younger brother, but of COURSE I have to give him grief over being shorter than me (It also helps my case that he is an NCO in the Marines. I tease him about having 'little man syndrome' lol.) Of course, he teases me back mercilessly about my R. hair, and being 'too tall' for a girl... Among siblings, teasing over every little thing is going to happen... as long as it doesn't get out of hand or one sibling is cruel about it.
if you don't make it an issue, that will be the easiest on them. raising your sons to be confidant in themselves and good people will go far to erasing this "non issue". as far as other people, just give a half smile (not necessarily encouraging but the kind of smile that says, wow you are rude but i'm going to rise above you) and simply say, "isn't it interesting how genetics work..!"
My 13 year old son is taller than my 16 year old son (somewhat recent development though).
We get alot of comments on it, mainly because 13 yo is so incredibly tall for his age. Our strategy is to just focus on the gifts of both kids.
It is also not uncommon for younger sibs to be taller (my youngest sister is taller than me).
Good luck to you and your little guys.
just stay relaxed and humorous about it. if you get defensive and uptight on their behalf it will show and it will affect them. have a few stock replies on hand and don't let it ruffle your feathers. it's really not a big deal.
khairete
S.
It happens often. My sister who is 7 years older than I am will say she is than I know she is. I may have made some remarks about it, but probably due to someone else pointing it out.
As for making a big deal out of it, my daughter is off the chart or near so and it is other people who make a big deal out of it and she hates it. She tells me all the time she wants to be average height like her friends. I just remind her that everyone grows in different patterns and they may catch up to her eventually.
Sounds like me and my younger sister. We are 13 months apart, Im 22, she is 21. She is also 6'0 and Im 5'6. The whole time growing up everyone thought she was the oldest sister. People still think that. She also looks older than I do. She could get into bars without being carded at 16, I cant even buy scratcher tickets from a gas station without being Id'd. When or if your older son starts realizing the height difference, just tell him its going to come in handy some day. He will look younger longer.
My sister was 2-years younger than me and passed me in height when she was 3 and I was 5. People always said something. It never bothered me. However, I am a girl. With a boy, it might be different. Give him ZINC. My mom always used to say, "Look at them Louisianna boys! It looks like they are walking on stilts. I say it must be the ZINC in their soil. It gets into their vegetables and makes 'em grow." Now that could be just an old wives' tale. But give it a shot anyway.
Wow, I could of wrote this question myself! Mine are almost 15 months apart. My oldest was born on time and he is just smaller by an inch and half. He is 7 now, has had blood work and an x ray to check his growth plates. ( he is always in the 5th % since 2yrs old.) He is measuring 2 yrs behind, this means he will grow(catch up) when he hits pueberty. Contitutional growth delay it is called.
They have always been asked if they are twins or friends or even if my younger one is the older one. They start to laugh now because it is so funny on how many people ask this in a day. There teachers have mixed them up even the nurses at school have! We try not to make a big deal out of it because people just ask because they wonder. I have always said people come in different sizes and everyone is made differently. AND just because someone may be small/big now does not mean they will always be like this. They may be but not always! Try not to make a big deal of it. Easier said then done, I know.
I have a friend with the exact same thing. The younger is more athletic, taller, and bigger. The older is smaller, and not quite as rough and tumble. She tries to keep them in different sports. Younger played flag football this year, but older played baseball. That way they aren't being compared on the same sport (besides, older probably wouldn't like football!) I don't know what she says to people that say it in front of the kids, but my guess it would be something simple and to the point like "yes, isn't it amazing how God makes all of us different for different reasons" and leave it at that. I would hope people would get the point, especially in front of the boys, that it is a sore subject. You don't have to explain to every Tom, Dick and Harry that your oldest was a preemie. As for making the boys make a deal out of it...I guess you just have to try to talk to them about it. If it comes up, talk to them individually. Explain that God makes everyone different for different reasons. There is a reason people look different and are different heights and have different abilities. If no one was short, would we have Jockey's? If no one was tall, would basketball be as fun to watch? Etc. And just let the lines of communication be open. Explain to the older one that his younger brother can't help what size he is any more than he can, and vice versa. Maybe that will put it in prospective for the older child. You might also explain that people grow at different rates and even though they are close in size now, most boys have a growth spurt at around age 14-16 and who knows who will end up taller. Also, I think most boys average out in high school, although that is a long time away from now! Hang in there
Alright, this is my expertise. I'm a bigger younger brother and I can tell you my older brother resented being reminded by others that I was an inch or two bigger since he was 5 yo (and we were 20 months apart). Now we are both adults and I am 8 inches and 30-40lbs bigger and we are both fine with it. I will warn you though that I was constantly verbally abused by my brother growing up, any character flaw he could find he would exploit it...especially when his friends were over; probably to make him feel better about the size diference. When I was 13 and he was 14 we stopped speaking to each other all together until he was 21. Something changed in him and we are good friends and we spend a lot of time together (catching up I guess).
unfortunately it will be hard to avoid. i know. i was a lot taller than my older sister at a very early age and you just learn to accept it. my mom made a point to make me feel proud of my physical makeup (as i was taller than all the other kids in school including the boys) as she did for my sister. in the end i can tell you that it made me extremely confident (and her too).
