Would You Tell the Mom About This?

I think it's round table discussion time. Both girls need to know that anything hidden by a bathing suit. should stay that way. I mean on some level it is within normal, but at 6 they should be getting a better hand of it.

"Butt show" lol...something mine would do.

I wonder what the child has been exposed to herself. I would stop sleepovers and make playdates closely supervised.

Personally, I would probably mention something at puck up like "seems like you've got a budding exhibitionist there..." So that the mom KNOWS she has more work to do on the topic.
But I really I think it's an age where they are body curious, etc. and I wouldn't discourage the friendships or alter their fun. Like I said--awareness is what I'd go for in this situation.
I gave it the "would I want to know if it was my kid" test, and yes, I would do I could clarify "appropriate" with my child.

If I were you, AND her mother, I would be totally concerned about where this child heard the words "giney show". This is language related to ONLY an adult experience and no 6 year old should be speaking it. Unless she has been exposed to it and one of the biggest ways that she could have would be from something harmful. If you haven't already I would ask her mother POINT BLANK- "I am concerned as to where your daughter heard these words and would like for you to tell me."
Additionally I would probably not permit a friendship here.

I don't remember being very crotch oriented when I was 6.
Neither was our son.
No one was pulling pants down and showing anything to anyone.
So, for us at least, - no it's not normal.
You get undressed to take a bath or change clothes.
You pull pants down to use the toilet.
It's a good time to talk about privacy and who gets to look/touch (parents or the doctor) and no one else.

what age?

I probably wouldn't do any more sleepovers at this girls house and I would watch her really close at mine.

you seem to think it's pretty innocent and it might be.

But if she isn't listening after the first few talking too-s then that shows me she isn't very respectful and didn't really get IT that this isn't ok.

edited: I never answered your question. if you are friends then yes i would say something to the mom, and then you and mom sit down wtih both girls and say NO MORE

My 7 year old would dance around naked 24/7 if we let her. At this age, some kids are fascinated with their privates. They don't really understand how inappropriate we adults find it (or they do understand, and that's why they think it's soooo funny to do). I think the bigger the deal you make of it, the more it will continue. I'd just tell the girls, "Okay, put your pajamas back on, the butt show is over!" and leave it at that. :)

oh gosh my brother and i mooned eachother when walking up the stairs and would yell "kodak moment!!!!!!!" and we were never molested, touched and so on....it's normal. they know its taboo and think its funny. i'd J. tell her before the next sleepover that your daughter mentioned they mooned eachother

I never allowed sleepoevers at that age. When we began sleepeovers it was only at my brother & SIL's house with a cousin or with one *very* close family whose kids were the same age. And when we did - the girls were at one house, the boys at the other. When they got older (5th grade?) I began to allow VERY limited sleepovers. My DD's BFF at that age had an older brother so sleepovers weren't allowed at her house since I had no contorl over who the brother's friends were. I trusted the parents and the brother but not any unknown friends.

As for this little girl and her desire to show her privates and see others'... this is not normal.. If it happened once it would be a nagging thing in the back of my mind - but something I could overlook. But - it's happened now a couple/few times and also at school. This child did not come up with this idea of her own. She's been exposed to something or someone inappropriate. Take your pick: uncle, cousin, neighbor, babysitter (or friend, uncle, cousin of babysitter....). Inappropriate stuff can be in person, on TV, DVD, internet, ipod, iphone, etc. Thereare sooo many ways bad stuff can get to our children in this "awesome age of information".

I would say something to the mom - casually since you're firends. Be prepared that she'll be definsive. She'll feel that you think her child is a deviant, or trouble, etc. And in her heart of hearts she'll wonder if her kid is too. But assure her that kids can see so much - suggest that maybe her child saw the babysitter's iphone, or from an older kid on the bus, a cousin, etc. Then back off.

One of your jobs as parent is to help your child make friends that are going to be positive for her. So while I wouldn't talk this kid down to your child, I would make a diligent effort to cultivate new friends. While it's nice to have friends who are upbeat, spunky and fun, it's possible to find ones who are also positive influences.

My teens have friends who they met in pre-school & kindergarten, and some who are newer friends. There have been many along the way who were left behind either becuase my kids shed them, or becuase I made a conscious effort to lose them. There's a 15 yr old on our street who reminds me of your daughter's friend, fun to be with, but had some disturbing behaviors. I made every effort to not be available for playdates when this child was around, and to ask my kid questions that would lead her to make her own conclusions about this kid years ago. I know, from this kid's mom, that she's constantly in trouble at school. And my son and his friends have told me the rumors that she's been sexually involved with many different boys at school. While I feel badly for this girl, I am also glad that my daughter hasn't been hanging out with her for many years. They say hi to eachother and go their separate ways. My son had a friend who also knew too many inappropriate things for a kid his age. Once was not a big deal, but after a pattern that disturbed me I just didn't allow him at our house, or my son at his house. The boy, and his mom frequently asked for playdates, and as they got older to "hang out". We were always "busy". Going to the movies with cousins, running errands, going to practice or a game, etc. I wasn't close enough to this mom to tell her of her son's disturbing behaviors (example - putting his hands on my daughter's and her friends chest when he was 8 and the girls were 12!!!) but I knew I didn't want my son to hang out with him! Eventually by middle school my son recognized him as trouble and I fully anticipate that he'll be one of "those kids" when he gets to high school next year.

I hate to be the bearer of bummer news, but this is a child who you want to grow away from. At this stage you have so much influence over your child and who they have as friends. As the years go by you have less & less influence, and their peers have more and more. You have these next 5-8 years to help them learn how to pick friends and by then they'll be doing their job of growing up and away from you. And who they hang out with by the time they're 15 - 18 can have such a huge impact on what happens in their life after that. Seems silly that at age 6 you're forming their adult years - but that's how it works. We only have a short time to instill our values before they temporarily lose their minds and become teens. Hurry!

Not sure what age these children are, but if they are really young it may be somewhat "normal" curiosity. That said, there is still a fine line between curiosity and sexual harassment, even with little kids. I remember seeing a story a few years ago where a 6 year old got kicked out of school because of some seemingly innocent behavior (I can't remember exactly, but I think he kissed another student?? but they called it sexual harassment.) In todays world you have to be careful about EVERYTHING.
I would probably talk to the other parent and explain that while it seems innocent enough, you're just concerned it could become a bigger problem. As a parent it is upsetting to hear your child is doing something you don't approve of, but I'd rather know and have a chance to do something about it than to know people have been talking about it, but failed to mention it to me.
For your child I'd take this opportunity to talk to her about how this is not okay. Use it to open the line of communication with your child. It's not always comfortable to bring stuff up, but when you see a chance, take it. Ask if she/he has questions, and be prepared to answer the questions that might come up. If she's young, answer only what she asks, be careful not to offer more information than she is ready for. Do your best to answer calmly so she doesn't get the idea that talking to mom about personal issues is bad.
My kids have caught me off guard a few times, and I've said "I'll need a few minutes to think about that" (code for -I'm going to another room to regain my composure and collect my thoughts. lol) Then be sure to come back and address the question in a calm and honest manner.
Good luck.

I'm sorry, but having been a 6 year old girl with many 6 year old girl friends, we NEVER did this, even when we were older. All of it sounds very abnormal to me. I look at it as a red flag, honestly, and there probably wouldn't be any more friendship with that girl. They're 6, for god's sake. What about innocence? Do you really want this girl negatively influencing your child & basically telling her it's okay to flash your girlie goodies whenever you feel like it? Weird, very weird and unacceptable. Silly nakedness at home, with family, is one thing, but this just seems very "off" to me.

Mom and auntie and sister and cousins to mostly boys.... TOTALLY normal. Put. It. Away. was something we heard a LOT as kids once we were back in the US (never a problem in Japan or Scandansvia, but nudity isn't fun or exciting there. Just normal. Here... Where its taboo... Oy Vey. LOTS of pushed boundaries.

As mom... Mooning EPIDEMICS at various ages/stages (hint: if something has a name; like 'mooning', it's fairly normal. Mooning, flashing -think Mardi Gras and getting beads for flashing your chest more tha pervert in a trench coat-, streaking, etc...). Unacceptable. So stomped on. But still present. Boundary pushing, and Taboo-Hilarity are just normal kid stuff. Kids of ALL ages.

Normal parenting stuff is to call halt.

(In cultures where ankles, thighs, or hair are taboo, the sand stuff happens with THOSE, by the by).

I'd just (long sufferingly) call up my friends and say 'Look ma, we've got mooning.'

It's not a huge deal. Just boundaries and socio-cultural norms we need need to shoehorn the kids back into.

My girls have each taken turns being obsessed with their privates. It tends to go on a rotating basis depending on the current stages of development. No matter the stage, my girls are pretty footloose and fancy free with their privates with each other since two of them bathe together (the youngers) and sleep in the same room (again, the youngers).

However, they don't and have never been anything but modest when there are friends over or they've been over a friend's house. Not even BFF's. I never did that with BFF's. I never did that with sibs either... I was eldest of three (brothers).

Since the parents took action before, or so they say, then yes say something again. It made your daughter uncomfortable.

I've got to say, though, that it's not fair to your daughter to continuously put her in these situations because you and your husband want to maintain the adult friendships. This girl is not being a good friend to your daughter at all and sounds a little ... ummm... I'm not going to assume she's been abused but this isn't typical behavior.

No more play dates where the girls aren't supervised the whole time. No more sleepovers. If it were my child, I probably wouldn't let the girls play together out of respect for my child. Just let the play dates trail off and not pick up again and stick to the grown-up get togethers. This just is NOT fair to your daughter.

I just do not allow this kind of behavior with the kids whether it's normal or not. When there is a sleep over I take a lot of quilts and blankets and make a huge pallet on the living room carpet in front of the TV and the kids use the couch cushions to make a slanted pillow so they can kick back and watch movies til the wee hours of the morning.

I supervise the whole sleepover. It does not take much to make sure they're not doing things that are not appropriate.

Can you imagine how this made your daughter feel? If she didn't want to do it but felt pressured this is just the same as someone sexually abusing her. She talked to you about it because she wanted you to do something to stop it.

Kids that are sexually abused often act out with other kids, what was done to them, this is how it is passed on. They act it out on kids who they can manipulate and control.

Is the girls mother ok with you sitting down with the girls and talking about the issue, without her? And vice versa? I think if she is in your house doing this, then you should be the one to say something. Find out why they like doing these "shows" and just have some girl talk with them. Then firmly but nicely let them know that these kinds of actions by them are not ok, you don't like it, and if it continues, you will have to minimize their visits to lunch or dinner with a parent, ONLY! There will be no more alone time for them. Sometimes, coming from another parent, other than theirs, children tend to listen more. I do think they are being silly, but I agree with other posters, this may be a sign of something more. Which is another good reason to sit down with them and talk that girl talk. With Moms permission of course.

So to answer, telling Mom is up to you. You may just want to ask if you can address inappropriate behavior, should it happen, and that you in turn would be ok with her talking to your daughter in such events. But I personally would condition that I would want to know if it had to happen, and the details. If she doesn't request the same, it would be at your discretion to disclose things.
If this child is being abused, it could be happening in her home, and building a bond with her that she could count on and giving her someone to confide in, just may not be a bad thing.

Best of luck!

I didn't read your other responses, but I would say maybe cut out the sleepovers completely and provide more supervision (at both houses) on the play dates (no going into bedrooms or bathrooms alone). It's not just "normal silliness". It's inappropriate for six year olds, heck even for three year-olds and it needs to stop for once and for all.

As the parent of older teens I agree with NY Metro Mom.

May be innocent, may not be. Like Lillym said - keep your eyes and ears open. Let the mom know in an matter-of-fact way, because her daughter is not listening to her.

Yes, you should tell.
It's idle curiosity, but you should still tell.
Why do you keep allowing sleepovers and play dates?

I don't know if I'd talk to the Mom again about the same issue. I'd still permit a friendship, but I'd nix the sleepovers for awhile. The next time your DD wants a sleepover I would tell her no because her friend continues to behave inappropriately around body parts that she knows need to be kept as private. 6 is really young for a sleepover anyway. Offer an alternative activity for them to do together. I'd make sure they were under closer supervision in any case. And make it happen for your DD to get busy with other friends and activities as well.

I don't think I would mention it, since it didn't just happen. If it did happen again, I might mention it.

I would however nix the sleepovers. That is when the trouble seems to start.

We asked our daughter's pediatrician about this kind of behavior. She said that some kids are very curious and some kids never are....so sounds like your daughter's friend is on the very curious scale.