Would You Be Upset If Your Child's Dance Teacher Did This to Your Child?

If that is really what the teacher is saying, then of course it's out of line. But could it be that what she really said is something to the effect of: "Stop socializing with _______ in class and pay attention! You two are a bad influence on one another!" Food for thought. Obviously you need to get down to the facts and then go from there. Good luck!

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You automatically believe this other child? How old is the child? Have you even spoken to the dance teacher? Have you spoken to the director? What issues have come up that have required the teacher to speak to you about your daughter's behavior and attitude?

I have a feeling we're not getting the whole story. Things like this don't happen out of nowhere in a vacuum. There HAS to be some back story for this to have happened and for you to want us to believe that you and your daughter are the injured party.

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Do you really believe what you heard from a child? Really?

Someone is not telling the accurate story and my money is on the other student you heard this from.

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Take this with a grain of salt - it came from another kid! Consider what might have happened was something like this: Teacher corrects another child. That child says "I was only following what Susie (your child) did". Teacher replies "well if I was you I wouldn't follow Susie..." If it raelly bothers you talk to the dance teacher - but don't put her on the defense. Say something like "I'm guessing this was not communicate properly but another child said 'blah blah blah' ". Do not blow this out of proportion - kids are notorious for getting things not-quite-right.

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Our child's kindergarten teacher in her letter to parents wrote this sentence which has stayed with me: "If you promise not the believe everything you hear about what happens in class I promise not to believe everything I hear about what happens at home". Do not add to the whirlwind by believing hearsay. Does your child enjoy the dance lessons? Go ask the teacher how she feels your daughter is doing and if she has any recommendations for her enjoyment and progress (leaving it open ended).

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See I am always the devil's advocate on these things. Although there are some awful teachers out there most of the time when it hits this point there have been a lot of ignored warnings and a lot of build up frustrations.

So could you perhaps tell us how long she has been in dance and what prior to this the teacher said to you about your daughter's attitude in class?

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So you are getting upset because of something a child said? Am I missing something here, have you even spoken to the teacher about this?

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You found this out from another CHILD. What is the rest of the story, here? Plenty, is missing.

YOU NEED to verify facts. Have you even bothered to speak with your daughter, or the teacher. IF she said and did this (doubtful, it happened in the way laid out,) then take your daughter out.

IF your daughter is not able to keep up with other dance students, then perhaps dance (or paid, or competitive dance) is not for her.

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I highly doubt that's what the teacher said. However, I would ask the teacher what she meant, since the kids in her class are "hearing" her say what your dd's friend told her. Either that, or your dd's friend is being mean and telling your dd that for her own reasons. Girls can be really mean to each other, I often find out that the "what she said about you" kind of talk usually means the child made it up.

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Have you asked the teacher if she said this? Why are you taking the word of a child that she did say this? It may be that the teacher said something to the effect of, "This isn't social hour, Julie. Now's not the time to be Jessica's best friend." - which would be TOTALLY in line with something every ballet teacher everywhere says in every class. Per standard ballet class etiquette, talking is not allowed amongst students. Teachers at our studio not only reprimand children for talking in class, but if it happens more than once, they're removed from the classroom for the duration of that day's class.

I point this out because I find it unlikely that a ballet teacher would care who is friends outside of class, but she probably does care - a lot - if your daughter and others are talking in class in violation of the class rules. You should speak with the teacher and find out, straight from the horse's mouth, what was said.

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I would figure out the real story and go from there. If that is what the teacher is saying, then yes, heads would roll.

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NYMetro Mom gave you a great open-ended question with ""I'm guessing this was not communicated properly but my child said that another child said 'blah blah blah'...could you fill me in on this?"

Everyone who suggests getting more information before making any decisions is right. Certainly, had there been previous attitude or discipline issues with your daughter, a telephone call should have happened quite a while ago. You don't say how old your daughter is, and there are myriad ways to interpret 'bad influence', so it's good to follow up as to particulars.

Is there any reason your daughter isn't 'working up to standard'? Is it an ability issue or an effort issue? If she doesn't want to put in the effort but still enjoys dance as a hobby, consider finding something less intense and less expensive through parks and rec offerings. If it's an ability issue, it might be worthwhile to talk to the teacher about what would help.

Whatever happens, it sounds like the situation needs clarifying.

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I would flip... and it would not be pretty... then I would calm down and see if it could be confirmed, because kids lie. So if more than one heard that from the teacher I would confront the teacher, if only the one I would ask the teacher what was going on, is their a problem with the girls? Some competition thing etc.

Good luck!

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consider the source.. a child told you this..

kids tell lies.. and even if they tell the truth.. sometimes they get the truth all mixed up.

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K., your profile is empty so I'm not sure how old your child is. But especially if these are kids under, say, 12 or so, this could be a case of the other child misinterpreting something that was said.

LeeLee's answer is a good one to consider -- the teacher may have been calling the kids out on doing too much talking to each other in class, and this child interpreted it as "don't be friends." Give the adult the benefit of the doubt until you know more, because the source is a child.

Do talk to the teacher. Be sure to do it in private, which can be difficult in a dance studio environment; teachers don't exactly have private offices where you can shut the door and be alone together, and you do not want to have this talk in a studio or lobby where anyone could walk in or walk past.

Is the person accused of saying this a dance teacher or the director, or are they the same person? If it's a teacher, talk first to her and ask (as someone already suggested), "I wanted you to know that a student, not my daughter, came to me with this...is it possible that actually what happened was....?" If the teacher gets huffy or defensive or treats you rudely, talk to the director immediately and let the director sort it with the teacher. Most directors won't stand for teachers being anything but either polite or at least noncommital with parents. They know you are a paying customer.

I noticed that you said the director says your child is "not working up to standard" which apparently is an issue or flaw. I wondered about your child's age, because if she's only been dancing for two years, I am surprised they're talking like that about her, unless she is an older student (older elementary?). The phrase "not working up to standard" sounds more like it would be in a discussion between a director and a parent of an older student who had much more class time under her belt, or who was in a serious training program in dance. So I'm confused about why you're hearing that about a student with only two years in, if she's young. If she's older (9-12?), consider whether this is a studio that is very serious about training and aims to have its teens going on to summer programs at professional companies; doing a lot of performing; etc. That indicates a studio where they will be looking harder at a dancer and want to assess whether the dancer is serious about continuing and putting in the work. It's not necessarily a bad thing to say - it may be the director's way of letting you know your child does not seem very interested in dance or isn't attentive in class.

If this is a school with competitive dance "teams" that aggressively pursue trophies, then all bets are off and they may be saying your child isn't as competitive as other kids. I'd find another school pronto if that's the case, one where there is not the competitive element and your daughter can just enjoy herself without pressure.

Do you get to observe classes? Does the studio have windows or two-way mirrors so you can watch from outside? If so, stick around for classes and try to observe: Do the girls talk to each other a lot? Is the teacher a "yeller" who always has to raise her voice? Does the teacher have good control over the class? It could be that the class simply has an overall issue with chattiness and lack of attention and/or a teacher who doesn't have good control. But take what was allegedly said with a grain of salt until you know more. Please update us here.

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Kids misinterpret a lot of what is said and how it is said. I would get the facts before I ran about accusing the teacher of anything and getting all worked up based on a conversation with another child.
It sounds a little odd for any kind of teacher to do this... but there are some doozies out there. If what this other student said turns out to be true... yeah, I'd be ticked.
Good luck~

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Of course I would be upset. That's so outrageous I find it hard to believe. I think you should ask the dance teacher if this is true, and if it is, you need to find another dance teacher for your daughter. But the scenario is quite possibly more like Leelee described it.

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Have you talked to your daughter? The dance teacher?

I'd do both and find out what's going on.

My daughter is 9 and starting her 7th year of dance with the same company, I can't imagine anyone doing this. I think Dance Mom's on TV is very skewed from what I have actually scene and experienced from being on he competition circuit for the past 3 years...and this sounds a little too much like that show.

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I definitely would be upset b/c there is no reason a teacher should behave like that. However, you should make sure you have all the facts. Do you know for certain the teacher said your daughter was a "bad influence"? And what is the context? Was your daughter acting out in class and the teacher told other kids not to give into her bad influence?

If your daughter likes to dance but is not as good a dancer as the school would like, find a new dance school. Some schools are more into dancing for fun whereas others like to focus on competition teams and producing great dancers. Either type of school is fine, but you really should find one that fits the goals/needs of your family.

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I would talk to the teacher about this. I would try to make an appointment with her and tell her that you have heard some rumors and would like to find out what was really going on so you can tell your daughter.

That way it's not up in her face "I heard you don't like my daughter and tell everyone to stay away from her". She may be in a more relaxed mood and you'll be able to glean more information about the situation.

You can tell by her body language if she dislikes your child. I would also just barge in and observe classes. If they have a strict policy against parents in class them you have to decide what your plan is. Our dance teacher has that policy too and if the parents are visiting or the kids are distracted due to mom or dad being in sight then the parents get asked to go upstairs. But if they come down to the tap studio she is not going to piss them off by telling them they have to leave. She would not stay in business too long if she did. There are signs posted all over the place that parents will be invited to one dance class per trimester and to please ask for directions to the parent area if they plan on staying in the building. It is on the mid level floor right above the gym. They cannot see dance class from this area.

I would find out what the teacher has to say about this situation, watch her closely to see what her body language tells you about how she feels about your child, observe the class several times to see how the girls act towards her, then make a decision at that point to either tell daughter that you aren't seeing any signs that this actually is going on or move her to a different studio.

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This sounds like a bunch of really immature stuff.
Have you actually talked to the teacher or are you relying on gossip?
Buck up Mom --and talk to the teacher directly.

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Nope...wouldn't tolerate it. I would address this with the owner of the studio ASAP. Have her speak to the student directly to confirm this is actually what is happening. Kids do lie at times so this kid could just be creating drama where there is none. If confirmed then request a meeting with the owner and teacher. I would let her know this is totally unprofessional and you will not tolerate it. If she can not teach your child while giving her the same respect she herself would want then she can not teach your child. Either move her to a different class with in the studio or demand a refund and move to another dance studio.

Peace and Blessings,
T. B

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Um, yes. It seems to me like this would absolutely be grounds to demand a refund. I think you could probably take her to court for slander (don't - I'm not recommending this, but I do think you could use it as leverage).

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Absolutely inappropriate and out of line. I would not tolerate it for a second. I would also alert other parents to her conduct. I know I wouldn't send my child to a school where the director behaved that way, even if my own child was unaffected.

HOWEVER, I think she owes you an explanation for two reasons. First, she just owes you an explanation period. And second, I agree with Jo: there may be more to the story than you've heard so far. I'd probably pull her out no matter what, but this just sounds so weird, it might be worth investigating, to make sure there isn't something going on that you haven't been told about.

Sorry this is happening!

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Are you sure the child is telling the truth? Have you asked the teacher? Asked her what she said? Maybe the child misinterpreted or is telling a tall tale.....I wouldn't get all riled up about until you know the truth, the whole truth etc.

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I have always told my daycare children's parents that i will believe half of what the kids tell me about them (the parents) if they will do the same about what the kids say about me lol. You need to talk to the teacher in a non confrontational way and say I am concerned that "X" feels you don't like him and are saying this..... and ask. It may be as simple as the teacher said something like don't copy "x's" movement as they are not correct. in a child's world if the teacher says he isn't doing it right it means I am a bad person no one should like me. check it out before you assume.

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Yes - I would be upset. That is unprofessional.

Verify the story/facts. What your child reports to you may not be 100% accurate.

If it IS true - pull her out and put her in another dance studio.

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Sounds like the dance teacher needs to grow up. I can't imagine an adult telling kids not to be "friends" with someone.

I would talk to the director and possibly look for a new dance studio that is taught by more mature individuals.

Yes I would be upset. I'd try not to go on a fact-finding mission right away regarding exactly what was said. Instead take a critical look at the big picture. Is something off? The director says your child "does not work up to standard" What does that mean? Is this a serious school or more of a recreational program? Is the dance school too rigid for your daughter? Are they kind of frustrated that she doesn't have more of an aptitude for dance or a higher skill level? Is there a behavioral issue? Is your DD bored or just not that into dance, possibly off putting the teacher? What is your impression of the dance teacher? Loving and fun, or serious and strict? Does your DD like her? I would talk to your DD about how she feels about dance class. If her heart isn't in it, I'd let her quit and not pursue the teacher issue. If that isn't it at all, and she just loves it. Then I might ask the teacher directly why she thinks student X would say that to you. Does she not like your DD? Maybe she can help fill in the gaps in the story.

I would question where you're getting this information from -- this is so out there, it sounds suspect. But, if it is true, I would confront the teacher (not in a mean way, but to confirm what was said and find out why it was said). That is a terribly juvenile and unprofessional way to behave as a teacher. The interpersonal relationships between her students are absolutely none of her business.

this is ridiculous...I would request a meeting with the teacher and the director (if it is a school) and confront this head on.......be as specific as possible, demand a refund and withdraw your child......no kid deserves to be treated this way. This just goes to show that is teacher is not a good teacher........teachers are to encourage kids to be their best not discourage kids from being friends with someone who they think doesn;t measure up to their standards...

No, that is certainly not acceptable. You do need to talk to the teacher and hear her side of the story. If she is not the director, involve the director in the conversation.

If your daughter isn't living up to the standard of dance that they expect, it doesn't sound like it's the right school for her, or perhaps dance is not the right activity for her.

You need to confront the teacher calmly and with the understanding that this other student may have given you wrong information. Be open to what the teacher says. If it's even a little bit true, I would ask for a refund (not two years worth, but at least a month or two) and leave the school immediately.

Ask your daughter how she feels about things. Does she like taking dance classes? Does she like her teacher? Does she have friends in class?

You need the whole story and then you can make the right decision for your family.

That is awful and so unprofessional. I would pull my child out of that program and make sure that the teacher and the instructor know why. Makes me mad to think of it!!!

I haven't read all the other responses...

First I would contact the mother of the child that said she was a bad influence and see what the mother can gather.

Based on the results of that conversation, I would "innocently" say to the instructor...

Somehow the other kids are under the impression that my daughter is a bad influence here....do you know what is going on? Have you heard the kids talking? What has been your observation? If she squirms...you probably have your answer.

I probably would find another dance studio...where I live, there are tons of them.

Go to her and ask her. If she is , take your daughter out. She will most likely say she is not. I would let her know that students are telling you.