We went to my sister in laws wedding (out of town) this past week. We found out we are expecting right before the trip. We were not planning on telling anyone for a couple of reasons. 1) It was my sister in laws special day and I didn't want to "steal her thunder" 2) we had some complications last Jan and I wanted to go to the doctor before we said anything to our families. During the trip we found that my father in laws health is worse than we thought. We decided to let my MIL & FIL know we were expecting as we aren't sure if we will see him again before his health gets even worse :-( but let them know we weren't telling anyone yet. I received a phone call from MY mom yesterday asking if I was pregnant. She works at a bank and someone who banks there (she didn't know them) congratulated her on the new addition. I am highly irritated because as of right now I am only 6 weeks and wasn't ready to let everyone know. My hubby doesn't see what the big deal is, but it wasn't his mom that had to find out from a complete stranger!! He got to be the one to share the news with his parents, and that option was taken away from me. My mom and I are really close and I wanted to be the one to tell her. I know we can't change the fact that someone leaked the info, but would you have your hubby confront his mother or should I just let it be? My MIL has never betrayed our trust before....
I would not have told them anything until I was ready to tell everyone. Health concerns or no. There are people who don't know how to keep their mouths zipped.
CONGRATULATIONS!!!
I would be pissed and stew in my pissed-off-ness for a while, without confronting anybody. Then I'd eventually get over it and move on and concentrate on the new baby. Congrats, BTW!
As soon as you told your IL's you should have told your mother. Don't blame your MIL.
I hate to tell you this, but it came up in WWll. Three people can keep a secret if two of them are dead.
Its hard to keep a good thing secret. Its hard to keep a scandal secret.
Tell your mom how it happened. She'll understand. She may tease you about it, but she'll understand.
NO, I wouldn't be upset with anyone about it. Does that mean you'll be changing your screen name?
Congratulations. Good luck to you and yours.
The damage has been done, no sense in confronting your MIL and making her upset.
I'm sorry your mom had to find out that way! I would just work on smoothing things over with your mom. I'm sure if you let your mom know how upset you are that you didn't get to tell her yourself and why you told his family I'm sure she'll understand.
Oh just let it be.
Its real hard, for anyone to keep things like this, a secret.
You BOTH, you AND Hubby, jointly decided, to tell your FIL and MIL.
Because of his grave health condition.
Just explain to your Mom.
It was not a personal affront to her. It is because, your FIL is ill.
I would be worried, about MIL. How is she coping with her dear Husband, being in such a grave health status?
Assume your inlaws thought you meant you weren't telling anyone at the wedding, so as not to steal attention from the bride and groom, not that you just did not want to tell anyone period, until some more time had passed. Maybe hubby can gently clarify that with his parents and ask that they please do not share that info with anyone else until you let them know you are ready to announce.
for a quick moment, & then I would move on....
Your FIL is ill, they needed happy....& you provided that.
Explain it to your mom & she'll understand.
maybe your MIL assumed that when you said you weren't telling anyone, that didn't include your mom.. your mil must know how close you are to her, right? Therefore, she may have assumed you told her. However, you say your reasons for telling your in-laws you were pregnant was because your FIL is so sick. That said, to me, the bigger picture here and as your husband pointed out, what's the big deal... his dad is VERY sick and you are wasting precious time on matters like who told who...your husband doesn't have time to confront his mom with matters like this when she is dealing with her husband being so ill as is your husband.. lighten up.. allow others to indulge in some happiness.. big deal you didn't tell your mom first... it's not like you were victimized...and you probably know darn well your MIL wasn't out to as you say, "betray you."..... those are harsh words.. seriously, don't you think she has more important things on her mind than to cause you hurt.. in fact, I have to imagine it's the least from her mind..
you're allowed to be bummed and have justification but I don't think you have a right to confront her. She may have thought you didn't want people at the wedding knowing. Or maybe she was excited and told one person that wasnt in the family not knowing they would run into your mom. Either way you yourself said her husband may die, so I'm sure this isn't the time to argue over who told who. Also if yours your husbands dad dying, he prob has a lot to deal with so to burden him with having to worry about his mom and wife fighting is a lot
No. Let it go. Just remember in the future that if you don't want something repeated keep it to yourself.
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Leave it alone and enjoy the coming of you blessed event.
What's done is done.
You still did the right thing telling your in-laws when there was opportunity to do it in person, considering your FIL is in poor health.
Explain that to your mom. She'll totally understand.
Don't do anything to escalate this like complain to your husband or confront MIL.
Congrats on the baby!
I would be upset only if you very specifically explained to her not to tell anyone... some people just can't respect other's privacy, but you guys were the ones who took the chance to tell. It almost always gets out, no matter who you tell. But really, what can you do now? Let the stress roll off of you. Honestly, I would call up your mil and very calmly and nicely tell her you are disappointed she told when you asked her not too because it ruined your plans to tell the family. I would be gentle though, she is going through a lot as well, but she has every right to know her actions affected you.
this happens alot when you are pregnant and only tell one (or two people) I told my mom when I was pregnant with my son and told her not to tell anyone, well before I knew it EVEYONE knew. Same thing happened with my cousin. She told me and her parents and her dad told everyone.
I'm sorry, did you ask your MIL to pinky swear that she wouldn't tell anyone? Because unless you specifically told her this was a secret, than she assumed it was public knowledge. Anyone would.
I do see that you said you were not telling anyone at this time, but still. It's the only good news she has right now. I'd let it go.
No, I wouldn't say anything to MIL. Why worry her when her husband is sick?
I don't understand why you'd be angry at your In-laws. You said someone at the bank told her. You did not say that the information came from your MIL - maybe we were to infer that? Anyway, if it did come from MIL, let it go. She obviously is excited and how was she to know that this person would see your mother? In her excitement, she might have forgotten to tell them it's a secret. Sorry the opportunity to tell your mom was taken away from you, but I think what's more important is that your father-in-law and mother-in-law got to hear the great news at a time when they probably really needed it. Suck it up; be an adult and move on!
Explain to your mother exactly what you explained to us. If she loves you, which it sounds like you are very close, she will completely understand why you told your in laws first.
L.
Eau Claire is pretty small. My Aunt and Uncle have lived there forever. Hope it wasn't my Aunt that spoiled the surprise!
yes you have every right to be ticked! she took something from you that you will never get back. not just from you, but from your mom.
rant about it to your girlfriends. get it iff your chest!
but then try to let it go.
dont confront her, or make a big deal out of it with them. sadly, there is nothing to be done now.
do not create a rift between you and ur MIL during such a difficult time with her husband.
she is going thu alot, and maybe this was the one bit of Good news she could share when people ask "how are you doing?"
put yourself in her shoes for a min. and think about the joy it might have given her, during a very difficult time, to speak of your blessings.
maybe that little happyness can make you feel a little less slighted?
You absolutely should let your MIL know that you are disappointed that she shared your very personal information, especially when you told her that you weren't telling anyone!
I would be upset too. How sad that people can't guard their tongues.
If it was for sure your MIL that told this lady at the bank who then told your Mother and you specifically asked your MIL to keep it quiet then yes I would be furious. We didnt wait to tell anyone because we are just big kids at heart that cant keep news that big to ourselves but both times we told everyone that we told to wait until you say anything to others because WE want to be the ones to tell not you
Im sorry this happened to you but a big congrats on the pregnancy =)
Congrats, everything is going to be ok. It's such an exciting news, it's so hard to keep it confidential. The only time something is a secret, when you keep it to yourself.
Yes, I would be upset but not enough to confront my MIL over it. This is the very reason that if you want to keep a secret, you don't tell anyone. Whoever leaked the big news probibly only did so because they were excited and it is such happy news. But what a bummer that your mom found out from a stranger. But whats done is done, you can't unring a bell. Congrats!!
I would take a few deep breaths and see how important it is for you to confront MIL. Do you think you can explain it to your mom and tell her why you didn't tell anyone yet and why just FIL needed to know? I would talk with your mom first and then if you still are angry about it, confront MIL. But in my experience with MIL, it is best to choose your battle's wisely. Congrats to you and your family.
