Working Mom Feeling Guilty

Hi J.,

This sounds exactly like deja vu. My husband and I had our first daughter back in July 07. I knew that once I had her, I had to go back to work to financially support the 3 of us. Luckily, the company I worked for at the time was very supportive and understood the needs of me being a new mommy. Unfortunately, I was laid off in October 07 which was such a bummer because I loved what I did there, but the bonus was I got to stay at home and raise my daughter for 9 months. Well, I'm back to work now full time, and although I love what I do now for my job, the commute is about a hour ride home at night. I find myself preparing to leave ahead of time so by the time 5 o'clock rolls around, I'm ready to bounce out the door. I get home around 6 pm, and I only get to see her for just a few hours before I give her a bath and put her to bed. (My husband gets home first and gives her dinner).

I guess what I would like to say is although it's very overwhelming and I feel guilty for leaving her everyday, the best I way I try to look at it is I know she's got great care during the day (she's in a daycare program with other kids her own age). It's very cute to see how she will crawl/walk over to them when I drop her off and start playing with her "friends" It gives me piece of mind that she's happy. I'm a mother, and although financially we can't afford for me to stay home, I am not only a wife but a mom and as my responsibility I need to provide for my family. Everytime I feel like I'm going to get teary eyed or feel guilty, I try to remind myself that my daughter is happy, healthy and that I'm providing for her. I'm not sure if this helps. Just remember you're a wonderful mom, and you love your son very much. Try to hang in there. Have you also considered working from home options? I'm working with the Pampered Chef and I'm able to set my own hours with that, which is nice =)

Good luck!

I would suggest you look into working a different shift than your husband. I did it for about a year after my last son was born and it worked out great! I got to be with the kids all day. and my husband was with them all evening. We only needed a sitter for two hours a day. (2:30 - 4:30).

Hi J.:

I feel your pain and understand your position, both personally and professionally. First, I want to tell you to please not feel guilty. The fact that you are working also benefits him, not just financially but emotionally and socially as well. I understand that you have a desire to spend as much time with him as possible and miss him tremendously during the day. I am also working full-time and have 2 children, ages 5 and 3. I took my traditional 3 months maternity leave and then returned to work full-time after that. I am not sure what kind of job it is and whether it's possible for you to start work earlier so you can leave at 5 pm. Because that's what I did, I changed my working hours while still keeping the total number of hours worked. In fact in the summer I start at 7:30 am, work through lunch and then leave at 3 pm so that I can spend more time with the kids at the end of the day. I agree with you that getting home at 6 pm and by the time dinner is prepared, eaten, cleaned up and bath, there is no time for free play with your child. I was in the same boat. Even leaving at 4:30 pm vs 5 pm made a big difference b/c I was not in traffic as much when I left earlier. I hope things work out for you and that there is some flexibility for you to start work earlier so that you can get home at a decent time to spend time w/ your son. Good luck. C.

J., you do what you have to do in life.... If you need this job, you do what you need to do. However, I will tell you from experience that you will never regret time spent with your children. They are truly an investment in your time and talents. I was at a party over the weekend and a woman of an infant and a seven year old was saying how she longed for monday and daycare..... I started to feel sorry for the woman, not so much the children, because she obviously isn't getting what it is to be a mother..... Why have children if you don't want to make the commitment to be there for them? You obviously understand what a source of joy (and frustration) they can be.... Your soul is trying to tell you something and you must have the courage to listen. Good-luck in whatever you decide!

I have also gone through this same feeling where I feel like some coworkers whose kids are grown or do not have kids judge me for leaving work as soon as I can...but I know that I am doing my job well and that I am much more efficient with the time I am there. I also do a lot of work at home when my son is asleep, and I am sure to mention that to coworkers who I feel are judging me! Anyone who has worked and had a child understands why you leave work as soon as you can...because you are a good mother!

hi J., I know it is hard to leave you child to go back to work I have the same problem that is why I started my own small business. I think you might be interested and if you are please go to my website at

Good Luck,
A.

www.themomteam.com/achabre
____@____.com

Hi J.,
I'm a working mom who works over 40hours a week. It is normal to feel all those thing. Everyone says everyday will get eaiser and that is true sometimes. Than the kids get sick and need mom. The way I look at it is there it's just the way the world is now. Mom's have to work and it's not a bad thing. My kids know that I can leave them and I will always come back. They are learning more at daycare than I could ever teach them. I have met other moms and have made some of my own friends. The key is to find daycare that makes you feel like your baby is in a safe loving enviorment. Once that is done everything else falls into place. Love your baby and everything will be fine.
Good Luck with your new job.