Why Do Women Think Its Ok to Tell Me How BIG I Am???

I think people just don't know what to say, but they feel compelled to say something. Unfortunately, it almost always comes out wrong.

When I was 9 months pregnant with my 2nd child and huge, my MIL said, "You don't even look pregnant!" I said, "Thanks, so you think I normally look like a beached whale." She just smiled condescendingly. Grrrrr.

Smile and say, some of us get fat some of us get ugly, I guess I got big...and smile as you walk away!!! or if its a man some of us go bald lol Dont worry about it

One of my most embarrassing moments of all time was when I met a woman for the first time and she said, "Oh, when are you due?" And I wasn't pregnant! I never wore that outfit again. :^)

Somehow these days it's considered all right to say anything to a pregnant woman. The people who say things usually think they're just being funny. It seems as if making personal comments is in fashion! Does it come from sitcoms?

Can you fight it with humor? You have to be a pretty fast thinker. If a stranger said to me, "How many do you have in there?" I'd answer, "Six," and move on. If my good friends joked about me, I'd just laugh, and I'd try to make a joke about myself as well.

On the other hand, people you know who make REALLY rude comments aren't worth more than a cold stare. Don't dignify their behavior with a reply. They're not even worth a smart-aleck comeback. You have better things to think about. YOU'LL have a wonderful baby soon!

With a really sweet smile "Thanks for pointing out how big I am. I had no idea. That's just what every woman wants to hear." Just kidding - in reality, ignore them. I bet you are one beautiful pregnant lady! People say stupid stuff all the time - they just can't help themselves.

To make you feel better, I gained 50lbs and I am only five feet tall. My boss used to say to my face almost every day "You look like a weeble wobble" Nice, huh? But I just smiled and waddled away!

Both of my kids were 11 pounds, 2 weeks early, needless to say I was HUGE! People would ask me if I was having multiples, at first I would say, No, just one BIG one. Then the farther along I got, the more strangers that said stuff, I would just make up stuff like, yeah, I'm having 4, isn't that great??!! Or I'd say something like, Oh, I'm not pregnant, just fat and happy. Just make up stuff and I know you are pissy because of hormones too and people are people and wont change. Just count the days until your beautiful baby arrives! Congrats!!

It's NOT OK. And sadly, it's other women that make those comments all the time! You'll rarely hear that from a man.
I'm in your boat. 5'2", so I'm ALL belly when pregnant. With my 2nd, my belly measured 40" at 20 weeks. I had too much fluid, and that made me extra big.

My only way to cope was teaching those people that made those comments a lesson. HOpefully they'll never ask again. If someone asked me how much weight I'd gained, I'd ask them the same question in return. If someone tried to touch my belly, I'd touch theirs. Always worked! And gave me a good chuckle, too!
And if someone questioned me about asking that kind of a question, I'd just say that I figured we were OK to talk about that, since they brought it up.

Hang in there hon. I totally understand how you feel.

Molly, in a few months, your baby will be out (Congrats, btw!!), but those poor fools will always have foot-in-mouth disease. Have compassion on the idiots of the world and just brush off those comments.

I'm 36.5 weeks along and I also have a HUGE belly, and my first was over 9 lbs. as well, so I have been getting the same sort of comments for months now. People asking if I'm having twins or triplets, people asking if I'm due tomorrow then looking stunned when I say how many more weeks/months I have left, my three-year old telling me I'm huge, everything you can imagine. My dad even told me my maternity coat looked like an awning. I am also lucky enough to STILL be having terrible morning sickness, in addition to back pain and all the other joys of pregnancy, so I hear ya when you say you aren't feeling so great. Hang in there.
For whatever reason people suspend all common sense when they are faced with a big pregnant belly and they say all sorts of stupid things. There really isn't much you can do about it unless you want to have a confrontation with everyone (which sounds like a good idea some days, thank you hormones). Try to let their comments roll off your back and remember that your body is doing exactly what it is supposed to be doing, and you are growing a strong healthy baby. None of the rest of it matters in the end.
Best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy!

I don't think they mean anything by it. They're probably just thinking, "Of course she's big--she's pregnant!" and by that logic, assume it's okay to talk about it. Try not to let it hurt your feelings.

Only two months to go!

:)

My first surrogacy I was about 37 weeks pregnant and I was huge...and very self-conscience. I'm 5'3 (and three-quarters, thank you very much :D) so this huge belly sticking out in front was uncomfortable and very noticeable. One of the mothers at my daughters' school started asking me how much longer I had and rubbing my belly all sympathetic like. After three days she started adding that I was huge and there was no way I was going to make it to my due date. After three weeks of that (on my due date) I'd had enough. She walked up after school, put her hand on my belly and started the whole you poor thing you're huge routine. When she asked me when I was due (again) I told her today. She acted shocked and told me that I was huge and was probably overdue and that my due dates must be off (never mind the fact that I had IVF and I know exactly when 40 weeks is!)

I had had enough!! I reached out, put my hand on her belly and said "You're really starting to show. When are you due?!" She was appalled and stated that she wasn't pregnant...she was fat. I told her that if she didn't like me calling her fat, she shouldn't call me fat. I gave birth four days later...and she's still overweight.

It may have been rude, but it made me feel soooooo much better!

Just remember, you're beautiful. You're creating a little life and ignore the stupid women who can't celebrate you for the maternal goddess you are!

It's not OK, I think it is rude and insensitive to make comments about anyone's size, pregnant or not.

I don't think it's "OK" but honestly, you are creating a life. I wouldn't be that offended.

I think women probably think it's okay because we've been there. Of course, I wouldn't be okay with the comments you described here, but I had a 9 lb baby and I got HUGER with my second, who was on his way to 10 lbs but they took him early. Like sew-my-own-maternity-tops big, because the shirts I wore to the hospital to have my 9 pounder stopped covering my tummy and I still had 6 weeks to go! The bigger sizes of shirts in the store covered my tummy, but slid off my shoulders.

I think you can just chalk up these womens' comments to poor manners and come up with something funny or even polite to say back to them, so you feel better about it, instead of fuming about it afterward. You could say, "Well, you know, my last baby was a 9-pounder!" Wear it like a badge of bravery, lol. I do! I also used to say, "I carry my babies way out front, so I look huge, but at least I can breathe!" Or turn it on them and say, "Yeah, how big did YOU get?" You could, to be funny, say, "Oh, I'm not pregnant. I'm just overweight." That'd shut 'em up, but I don't think I'd have the courage ;)

I'm also 5'3" and same thing when I'm pregnant. It's rude and annoying to hear constant comments starting around my 6th month. One good thing - at least they can tell we're preg, not just carrying around a huge belly all the time. :) When someone told me I was big I started saying "yeah, I have a really healthy baby in there, I'm lucky." Even though I wanted to say "I'm 7 months pregnant - what's your excuse?" But I didn't. Wanted to.

I'm sure I was that big at 5 months-by 7 months I had my own zip code! What they mean to say-truly-is that wow-you are going to have a big , beautiful, healthy baby!

.

I remember this clearly. I'm tall and generally thin, so I don't look very big when pregnant. I'd get the opposite rude comments about how small I was. Both of my kids were around 9 lbs. when born, so appearances were deceiving and had nothing to do with their health or how huge I felt.

I think people just feel free to say anything when you're pregnant. Just wait until you get the unsolicited parenting advice. That comes next. :)

I had the exact same issue with my son. I didn't have a perfectly flat stomach to begin with and I did gain more weight than I wanted to so I was self consious about it. Hearing "you are so big" and "my god you look ready to pop any day" (when I still had a month to go) really didn't help.

I guess I should be used to things like that though. I'm 6' tall so I stick out like a sore thumb most times. People always feel the need to comment on that. I think my favorite was the guy in 7-11 across the coffee island from me. The convo went like this: him "hey" me "hey" (thinking to myself....creeper) him "I was going to say hey shorty but I guess you're not that short are you?" me "no ha ha...." him "how tall are you". OK first off, I was 20 and he was about 40 so, like I said, creeper. Also, do you see me walking up to people in public saying things like "hey. I was going to say hey skinny but I guess you're not that skinny are you? How much do you weigh anyway?" No! I think its the same kind of deal when you're pregnant. People don't realize you're uncomfortable with your size and quite honestly I don't think they could care less anyway. It shouldn't matter if you're uncomfortable or not, people need to keep their mouths shut either way. Just wait until you're not pregnant anymore and someone says to you "aw you still have the belly" as someone said to me the other day. Um thanks?

They think it's alright because they're idiots. Don't waste time or thought on morons. Have a safe delivery, and a healthy baby!

I have no idea.

Maybe I am wrong, as I have never been tall, but it seems to be that there is something about being short that makes people think it's OK to treat us as less than adults/equals.....and pregnancy just pushes it into high gear.

Or maybe I'm just sleep deprived & grumpy today and I am totally off base. But either way, it's NOT OK! They may THINK they are being cute/friendly....they may be reaching for something to say. But who likes to hear that they're huge - even if it's because a baby's in there?

HUGS!

You should try responding by saying how small of a head they have and see if they can read between the lines with that one. I honestly dont know why ppl think its okay to discuss or comment on your size just because you are pregnant. No one would have the balls to walk up to someone at random in a public place and say "hey you are too big to be eating that or you are too small to be working out here". Some ppl are just out right rude and need to know when to shut it. I am normally a really small person so when I was preggers I got what I thought was big and I totally got those rude comments to but I figured piss on them and I am healthy and happy and despite their negativity I am going to enjoy my pregnancy and worry about the weight thing after the baby is born and truthfully it wasnt a worry at all. The weight just melted off after from breastfeeding and then I received and still do receive very rude comments about how I am too skinny. Grrr ppl
Good Luck and Congrats and dont let others get you down

Hi, I totally feel your pain- I got all those comments during my pregnancy with my twins! Now I just get annoying twin questions, lol. I found that I had to do my best to have a sense of humor and assume that people mean well, even if they don't sound like it. Here's a link to some common, funny pregnancy questions, just for fun! Congrats on the new baby :)

http://thestir.cafemom.com/pregnancy/116191/10_best_comeb...

So not ok!!! I know with my last one this lady said every time she saw me "what,you got twins in there???" so annoying!! I think it is very rude!

I'd be tempted to tell them, "If you'd like to take over carrying it feel free, . and we'll start a pool on how big you get."

Oh, goodness, people just crack me up. All politeness and boundaries just fly out the window around pregnant women! I have heard all those comments, too. It always made me really wonder about them. One stranger came up to me one time and told me that I had dropped. Um. Really? And you know this because? Have we met? LOL I have a very short torso, so baby goes O-U-T! I imagine it looks like it hurts. LOL And, I always go late! haha. So, now, I just tell pregnant women how adorable they look, if I say anything at all. Oh, and I even get the "when are you due?" question when I'm not pregnant! I'm a size 8, so not big. But, people ask me. How do you respond to that? Yes, it hurts because I have been working so hard to be and stay thin. It doesn't come easily for me. But, my hips/legs are very thin, and I carry any extra weight in my tummy area. So, I guess I can somewhat see how they might maybe think possibly. But, I'm a size 8! That includes my tummy! LOL People just don't think, I suppose. I try to give them the benefit of the doubt. I am sure I've had some stupid moments in my life. LOL

I carry my babbies "in" so even though I am not little 5'8 170lb I always got comments how little I was, made me paranoid that baby was not developing right. I have many good friends who carry "out" and I have to say I said some of those things once or twice(they were never offended though, I made sure). I have learned not to say anything to anybody I do not know after I asked a girl one time how far along she was and she was not even preg.Hang in there....(((((hugs)))))) it will not be long.

Try not to get too upset. I know it's hard some days. I had people tell me they felt sorry for me. I said, "Why? I feel fine." I'm 5'1" on a good day and DD was 8lbs and I was ALL belly. I joked that I had my own ski slope. Well, that and I gained close to 40lbs....try to shrug it off as best as you can. If you had a 9lb baby before, then more power to you! I'm sorry you're getting a lot of negative. Go visit someone who is happy for you.

And sometimes, consider the source. Catty women are catty...about everything.

I know easier said than done, but I do try to ignore it. I'm only 5 months and have people saying "looks like you must be due any day now".... REALLY?!?!?
To play devil's advocate, I think people are inheretly social, and think that your pregnancy is a good conversation starter, and forget ALL other social know-how for the situation. I can't personally understand, because I have a self-rule that I NEVER bring up that someone is pregnant. What if they aren't? What if they already had the baby and haven't shrunk back down? What if the baby isn't healthy (and they know it), What if they have a horrible inoperable tumor? 1,000 reasons someone with a protruding belly may not want to discuss it, so I don't bring it up!!
I really don't mind talking about the fact that I'm pregnant, but would rather not discuss how huge I am. When the conversation turns to "it must be twins..etc." I say "yes, thats the way I carry babies, I'm not real comfortable with my size though, so I don't like to talk about that part"
Hope its helpful.

I hear you! Both my sons were over 9 pounds at birth and I'm only 5'1". I put on 40 pounds with each pregnancy. For my first, friends (?) called me "Buddha." For my second, my family said I was the "great, white whale."

Luckily (?), the only really rude comments I got were from family, specifically my mom and sister. EVERYONE else was very kind, particularly the high school students I taught. You would think they'd be the meanest of the bunch, but they would go on the warpath whenever they thought someone was being mean about my huge belly.

But, to answer your question, it's NOT ok. Kindergarten rules apply: if you can't say anything nice/positive/kind, keep your fool mouth shut. I didn't have the guts when I was pregnant, but if it were me, today, I would say something like, "Are you aware of how incredibly RUDE your comment was? We do NOT know each other well enough for you to speak to me like this. Have a nice day!" Then, swan (waddle?) off with all the dignity you can muster.

The one thing I loved best about my 9+ pound babies was that they slept through the night at 6 weeks and have ever since. So, while all my "gain 14 pounds and have 5-6 pound babies" friends were sleep deprived for months, if not years, the only time I missed my zzzzz's was when my boys were sick. That, by itself, was worth every extra pound I carried.

Hang tough, sister. We short, round women have to stick together!

Not ok, even though it's mostly them not having a clue instead of trying to be rude. My 1st pregnancy, I was six months when my SIL started talking about how huge I was. By nine months, I was ready to scream "it's a BABY, what's YOUR excuse?" everytime she looked at me (she said it everytime she saw me). I think the best bet is to use humor, not for them, but for you to laugh at them LOL. Like when they ask how many you're having, say a litter :) I'm on my 2nd pregnancy, and just four months. When I told a friend I was pregnant the other day, she assumed I was like six months. Ouch. Nope, barely four, but since I'll be giving birth twice in 14months, I didn't loss all the baby weight from last time. She stared at me so much I think she wasn't sure if I was joking or not!

It's not OK...Pregnancy is h*** o* different women in different ways, and we should be supporting each other! All I can say is maybe those women commenting on your size thought they were being funny and didn't realize they might hurt your feelings. You should come up with a pithy reply you like, in case you hear it again. Keep your chin up!!

When I was pregnant with my twins i would get comments all the time. I was once at the store and a woman came over to me and asked me carefully, "Do you have more than one baby in there?" I was one week shy of delivering my twins. I think women are just fascinated with pregnancy, so common sense and tact go out the door. It's like the people who think they can rub your belly. I know it's hard to do, but I just let it roll off my back. Then, you can be amazed at all the compliments you can get once you get back into shape! I'm 22 weeks with a singleton right now, so I know the comments will be starting soon.

Also, for a witty response, my husband always tells me I should say, "I swallowed a beach ball." Either that or you can tell people, "Yep, I grow them big!"

Okay... with both my pregnancies, my tummy was HUGE.
Everyone thought I had multiples in there.
Nope.
My kids were born at over 8 pounds and 21" long.

For me, I carry my pregnancy outwardly. My tummy really protrudes. Versus, some women are pregnant, but you can't even tell, because their tummy is not protruding much.

MANY people/strangers would ask me if I had multiples in my tummy.
Whatever.
I told them, NOPE just 1 baby!
And I am a short person. So my tummy looked huge on me.
I did not care.

But people, take notice of pregnant women. They like to comment.
Whatever.
I never took it personally.

I gained probably 30 pounds with my 1st pregnancy and 15 pounds with my 2nd.
My Doc, was real strict, about how much weight I gained with my 2nd pregnancy per my starting weight.

Anyway, don't let other people make you self-conscious.
Everyone carries their pregnancy differently.

I'm sorry. I think sometimes when you're pregnant other people think it gives them the right to comment left and right about how your body is looking. Like that's what they're supposed to do or something. I had one friend who was 6 months a long and had to go to a family reunion. She said she had people coming up and saying "you look like your about ready to pop, when are you due?" She was like "ummm in like 3 months." yeah she felt pretty bad. :( I had another friend who was thin and only gained 30 pounds total but she just had one of those belly's that really stuck out so she had people asking if she was having twins all the time. Yeah she hated that. Me on the other hand I get the opposite remarks which can be just as annoying. I am 5'3 have gained 19 pounds and I'm 32 weeks. I carry really small with all my pregnancies (this is #3) and so I always gets remarks like "are you sure your baby is healthy?" or "are you sure your eating enough?" It really upsets me because why would someone come out and ask me if my baby is healthy? Of course I want an healthy baby and if there was something wrong with my baby I don't think I would want to talk about it with random people at a store. So anyways I think it goes both ways. Pregnancy is just hard. Hang in there. You are in the home stretch and then you'll have your sweet little baby.

I agree that I would never feel comfortable making such remarks to/about a perfect stranger. Regarding the "...two months to go" comment - perhaps she thought she was empathizing? a sisterly bemoaning of the trials of pregnancy? just a thought. Often people don't intend to be rude. Could be ignorance, or sometimes just an awkward attempt at connection...

I don't know why people do it. But I'm sure everyone has some type of insensitive comment said to them while pregnant.

For now, just try to keep in mind what they are seeing is a baby belly not you being big, ok!

Best Wishes!

Lol--I've gained way more this pregnancy than my first and way sooner than before so I feel really self-conscious--getting back a high glucose test today isn't making me feel better either. It is annoying to hear how small or big you seem to be when you are pregnant like there is some exact way your body should carry this fetus or something! Just remember that you are beautiful and pretty like a big watermelon (As my 2.5 year old tells me alot lately)! Cheers me up:)

Happened to me too!!! I had an older lady ask me if I was having twins. I was so mad. But the worst was people at walmart would stop and rub my belly. Mind you these are strangers I have never seen in my life. So rude!! Congrats on the baby!!!!

This is so awful! I'm so sorry you're getting these comments from such insensitive people. They obviously forgot how it feels to have pregnancy hormones going crazy, diabolical fatigue and swollen ankles, I guess.

While it's no justification, I think people do this for a few reasons:

1. They figure pregnancy is a temporary condition, so it's not the same as telling someone they're fat.

2. If they are also moms, they assume an immediate (and inappropriate) sense of camaraderie - they've been there, done that too and like to compare experiences or initiate conversation bc it's something you have in common.

3. The more mean-spirited ones are perhaps remarking to make themselves feel good about not being pregnant, how they looked or handled the demands of pregnancy

Whatever the reason, there really is no excuse. It's hurtful to make comments that make other women feel self-conscious about this miraculous process.

My first born was 9lbs 9oz, born at 41 weeks. I worked up to a couple days before he was born and wouuld face the near constant, "How much longer do you have?" "How many you got in there?" "You must be ready to be done!"

Uh, no. I loved being pregnant and was sad when it was over. I've never been a slender girl, so it was nice to have extra of me to a purpose.

My second pregnancy was twins. People would ask, "When are you due?" Then look wide-eyed when I told them. Then I would say, "But there's two in there," and they would sigh in relief. Yes, I'm sure it was a big load off their minds.

I'm sorry you are getting fed up with.... well, the typical behavior of the herd. I imagine it boils down to old-fashioned, petty jealousy. You are currently engaged in the most awesome of endeavors.... any woman who isn't has probably has a little bit of whistful envy. Maybe they "remember when" or they really wanted "just one more" .... something incomplete about themselves and the only way they can deal with that is to focus on the discomfort and size that comes with this miraculous gift..... I don't waste a lot of energy pitying these people, but it does help to choke down the rude comments.

I hope you are able to enjoy the rest of your pregnancy, despite the rude comments.

IMO it's not "OK" but that doesn't stop people from saying foolish/insensitive things. My coping mechanism was to try to maintain a sense of humor (when my hormones would let me otherwise all bets are off LOL) - I'm 5'3" and carried twins to (this is not a misprint) 41 weeks and the babies pretty much stuck straight out. My coworkers said that if they were walking behind me around the office they couldn't tell I was pg until I turned a corner and then whoa! beach-ball belly! I started getting the "boy that baby must be ready to pop out any day now" comments at 6 months and just replied "naw, there's two and they're not due for another 3 months".

Next time just say, "What are you talking about? I'm not pregnant!" Just for fun. :)
Sorry it's hurting your feelings - I understand why. But really, I don't think people would say it if they really thought it was negative. I really think other women think they're being sympathetic toward you. If they were thinking, "Wow, she looks fat" they would never say a word. They don't think that, they think, "Wow, that baby is going to swallow her up, poor girl!" But I get it. Hang in there!

I think maybe you may be a little more sensitive right now because of all the hormones. I remember taking things a little more personally when I was pregnant. With my first, we didn't want to find out the sex. One day my husband's cousin said "I would never do that. I'm way too organized not to want to find out". On the other hand, I have a friend that is pregnant I when I see her I tell her her tummy is bigger....only because I miss being pregnant and I think it's awesome that she has a little one in her tummy that is getting bigger each day. I don't mean anything other than it's exciting :-)

Oh just wait - the next comments that will come will be about how fat your baby is!

It isn't okay for people to say that. I mean, if you were not pregnant then no one would DARE utter a word about how big you are. But since you are, it's free game. And I completely disagree with the first poster! Just because you're pregnant does NOT give everyone a free pass to be "fun or funny" and no, not everyone enjoys being pregnant. I don't think you're being neurotic at all - I'm sure her comments just made you feel soooooo much better, too. Now, not only are people calling you big you have someone calling you neurotic and not normal! Yeah, that's really supportive /eyeroll

I tend to be a little sarcastic (you think? lol) so I would have replied with "I've got one in here. How many do you have in your big belly?" if she was obviously not pregnant.

I am the same way when I am pregnant. My belly gets absolutly huge. I don't gain much weight but, I look like I am having twins when its only been one each time. Women say wow you are getting huge are you having twins? How much longer? Two months. Oh really..... People have come up to me I mean perfect strangers and start rubbing my belly. I wanted to draw a hands off sign on my shirt. I mean really because, you are pregnant it gives other people the right to feel you up.LOL People loose thier mind around pregnant people and babies.

It's not okay...I had exactly the opposite with my second. For some reason, I didn't get very big. People would ask me if I was sure everything was okay with the baby. I would respond, "My doctor says everything is just fine" or "My doctor hasn't mentioned that it is a problem!"
People, especially women, can be so rude! Just keep strong!

its important to jeep things in perspective. i mean, if you're fat, you're fat. its not like she's insulting you. she's just saying you're big which could be a compliment about how big your baby will be.

i think we need to stop being so sensitive and even pretend that being fat is okay. its bad for the baby and it is bad for your marriage. we need to do what we can to lose the weight, even though pregnancy is a good excuse.

i mean, thats why men dont want to have sex with pregnant women, we just look nasty

good luck

It's okay because to most of the world it's fun, funny, and one of the most enjoyable parts of being pregnant. People take professional photos of their bellies while pregnant. People get casts done to display of their belly while being pregnant. It's interesting to see how some little girls can be huge or big girls be little or average girls going either way. It's NORMAL for woman to compare belly sizes and NORMAL for people to have an idea in their mind of when you should be popping and be surprised when you still have quite a lot of time to go.

It's not everyone elses fault in the world that you are neurotic about this. Try lightening up a little bit and just enjoy the pregnancy and your blessing that follows. Being grumpy will only make it seem so much longer for you and for all the people close to you.