Whining & Fighting

I feel your pain. My son just turned 5 in September and he whines a lot too. He is the oldest. It actually makes me feel better to know that I am not alone. Maybe this is just a phase. I hope so. I have also tried to teach my kids that they NEVER get what they want when they whine. When they whine/argue/talk back they get "counted" and when they get to 3 they get a time out or a toy/privilege taken away. I wish I had more helpful advice. Good luck.

I personally have never had this problem. However, a very close friend has 4 children, 3 girls and 1 boy. Her son is one year older than the youngest. He whined so much that it was starting to get embarrassing. She worked outside the home as a paralegal and knew one day that her babysitter would be late. So ... she left the children with her extremely responsible 11 yr old sister in charge for a few hours until the babysitter was due to show up. She knew this info about one week in advance and talked with all the children about it at length. However, that morning her son called 911 because his sisters would not play with him. The Sheriff's dept called her at work and there were almost serious charges against her and her husband for child neglect, however, everything was explained with interviews with the 11 yr old teachers/counselors and neighbors, etc. The mommy was so upset because her son STILL did not understand why he was punished because it was his sisters who would NOT play with HIM. Out of frustration, she took him to his pediatric dr and was told that the allergy mediation her son was taking sometimes caused this tiredness which made his whiny. We looked up the Rx on the net and this symptom was NOT listed but the dr insisted that it was not listed because it was extremely uncommon but he just knew of it due to his practice. There was an immediate positive change in her son once the new medication was administered.

That was approx. 5 years ago. Her son is an absolute joy to be around and extremely popular now. You didn't mention medication with your son but ... I write to you with this story for 2 reasons: 1) if you son even takes OTC meds - check it out and 2) Hang it there. Hopefully, in a couple of years you'll laugh at the "old" problem.

I had the exact same problem with my 4 year old girl. I started a new system with her that is working great. I made a list of "The B. Rules" (B. being our last name) and went over those rules with her...which included no whinning, no yelling or screaming when mad, no throwing things, no bitting, hitting, pushing, kicking, etc...use your manners, share, etc.... Then I made a chart and told her we were doing a X mark system. She gets a X mark for each rule she breaks. We are doing the 3 strikes you are out thing. If she gets 3 strikes in one day she gets a toy taken away or some privlage she likes to do. Then we total the x's up on Friday. Granted kids are going to be kids and they are not perfect I allow one x per day. So if she has 5 or less x marks she will get to pick something special to do that weekend. We have seen a dramatic change in less than a week! We just started this last Friday. Good luck!

HI it sounds like you have your hands full.it seems as though the kids are fighting because ,you work so they are playing for the first move toward mom whether it be good or bad att.they they are playing against each other to get to you.do you have a routine when you get off work?like watch a movie together etc.

I had this problem with my daughter when she was about that age. When she would come to me whining I would whine back at her and tell her that when she could talk normal to me then I would listen to her problem. I wasn't making fun of her but I wanted her to realize what she was doing because to be honest I dont think that she understood that's what she was doing while she was doing it. I have found that a whine is the step just b4 crying. They wanna be a big boy or big girl so they dont cry but they just cant help the emotion or frustration that is there so a lot of the time it comes out in a whine. When you bring it to their attention that they are doing it sometimes it gives them a min to catch their breath and calm down enough to let you in on what is going on. I would start sending the older child to his room where he has no contact with anybody if all he can do is pick on his brother. Don't dismiss the younger child's frustration at being picked on. Along with teaching the younger one to ignore it, teach the older one not to do it. Thats just my two cents on it. Hope at least a word or two of it was worth reading.

Love in Christ

~S.~

Each time he whines - tell him, "We only speak English in this house - I don't speak Whinese" and ignore him until he can control himself. As for your older child, you really need to put a stop to the teasing now. It is probably affecting your younger son's self confidence. You should consistently punish him when he starts the teasing. And, of course, all of this could be because they are competing for your attention. So, try to set aside some quality time with each boy each evening. Good Luck!