D.H. asks from Brandon, MS on January 03, 2007
Whining & Fighting
My 4 (almost 5) year old is a constant whiner. I assume that it has a lot to do with the fact that he is the youngest but it doesn't help that my 5 (almost 6) year old constantly picks on him. This causes Joshua to whine, tattle, and scream. I have tried to teach him how to ignore Jacob but, as you can imagine, that really doesn't work with a 4-5 year old. I have tried to teach him also that he won't get anything, including attention, when he whines...that he needs to talk to me correctly if he wants my help with something. I have worked diligently with both of them about inside voices and continually remind them when they forget. I have put explained to Jacob why he shouldn't call people names and how he should treat his little brother. I have put him in time out, taken movies and video games away, and even put him to bed early when he is non compliant. By the end of the day I am like a time bomb. I want to come home and enjoy my time with them, not feel like I can't wait for them to go to bed. Any suggestions???
So What Happened?™
Wow...I was just reading over all of this after a very long time. I did not realize how long it had been. Bad thing is...I'm still dealing with this problem and now he is getting ready to turn EIGHT!! The two boys play together much better but Joshua is still a whiner and screamer. Granted, it is not nearly as bad but his temper is short and he is incredibly sensitive to remarks from others. But he instigates a lot of it. He demands attention. I have tried various disciplinary measures to no avail. I always discipline the behavior and I have explained why he can't behave certain ways. Just last night during a Bible study at our home he was disruptive and rude. I removed him from the room and explained to him why he could not behave that way and what his consequences would be if he continued. Although he improved it was short lived. I am so tired of fighting this battle with him. He cries about not having friends and says everyone is mean to him but we have told him that he is going to have to change his attitude and behavior if he wants people to enjoy him and want to be around him. No one wants to be around someone that is rude, disruptive, bossy, whiny, and demanding. I don't know what to do. My other kids do not have this personality. He is not on ant type of medications and he is most definitely not ADHD. He does extremely well academically but he does have some behavior issues at school (mostly talking out and bad attitude). Any advice??
S.A. answers from Chattanooga on January 04, 2007
Each time he whines - tell him, "We only speak English in this house - I don't speak Whinese" and ignore him until he can control himself. As for your older child, you really need to put a stop to the teasing now. It is probably affecting your younger son's self confidence. You should consistently punish him when he starts the teasing. And, of course, all of this could be because they are competing for your attention. So, try to set aside some quality time with each boy each evening. Good Luck!
S.L. answers from Hattiesburg on January 09, 2007
I had this problem with my daughter when she was about that age. When she would come to me whining I would whine back at her and tell her that when she could talk normal to me then I would listen to her problem. I wasn't making fun of her but I wanted her to realize what she was doing because to be honest I dont think that she understood that's what she was doing while she was doing it. I have found that a whine is the step just b4 crying. They wanna be a big boy or big girl so they dont cry but they just cant help the emotion or frustration that is there so a lot of the time it comes out in a whine. When you bring it to their attention that they are doing it sometimes it gives them a min to catch their breath and calm down enough to let you in on what is going on. I would start sending the older child to his room where he has no contact with anybody if all he can do is pick on his brother. Don't dismiss the younger child's frustration at being picked on. Along with teaching the younger one to ignore it, teach the older one not to do it. Thats just my two cents on it. Hope at least a word or two of it was worth reading.
Love in Christ
B.S. answers from Huntsville on January 04, 2007
HI it sounds like you have your hands full.it seems as though the kids are fighting because ,you work so they are playing for the first move toward mom whether it be good or bad att.they they are playing against each other to get to you.do you have a routine when you get off work?like watch a movie together etc.
A.B. answers from Knoxville on January 04, 2007
I had the exact same problem with my 4 year old girl. I started a new system with her that is working great. I made a list of "The B. Rules" (B. being our last name) and went over those rules with her...which included no whinning, no yelling or screaming when mad, no throwing things, no bitting, hitting, pushing, kicking, etc...use your manners, share, etc.... Then I made a chart and told her we were doing a X mark system. She gets a X mark for each rule she breaks. We are doing the 3 strikes you are out thing. If she gets 3 strikes in one day she gets a toy taken away or some privlage she likes to do. Then we total the x's up on Friday. Granted kids are going to be kids and they are not perfect I allow one x per day. So if she has 5 or less x marks she will get to pick something special to do that weekend. We have seen a dramatic change in less than a week! We just started this last Friday. Good luck!
T. answers from Chattanooga on January 03, 2007
I feel your pain. My son just turned 5 in September and he whines a lot too. He is the oldest. It actually makes me feel better to know that I am not alone. Maybe this is just a phase. I hope so. I have also tried to teach my kids that they NEVER get what they want when they whine. When they whine/argue/talk back they get "counted" and when they get to 3 they get a time out or a toy/privilege taken away. I wish I had more helpful advice. Good luck.