Which Rooms for 2 and 4 Yo in a 2 Bedroom House?

Updated on March 30, 2010
J.J. asks from Bethlehem, PA
13 answers

Hi Everyone. You all have been so helpful in all my past situations. So now my most recent dilemma... I am a single Mom living in a tiny 2 bedroom house. Initially I had my daughter(now 4) in my room, and my son(now 2) in the other room. I did this until he was around a year old and my daughter was 3 and a half. Then I moved them in together into the other room. It went okay at first, my daughter would go to sleep first and then my son, and on his first waking I would bring him to my room, where I would either put him on the crib mattress on the floor or in my bed. Now the dilemma is, my daughter wants her own room(She will be 5 in June), but doesn't like sleeping alone. However my son still wakes at night and occasionally wakes her and she has difficulty going back to sleep. So should I move my son in with me and give her, her very own room, and hope she gets used to sleeping alone? Or should I move her back in with me and try to train my son to stay in his room? With that situation, I worry we will all end up in my room every night, but the other way I worry my daughter will not sleep well alone. Honestly my son seems to sleep best when he is alone, so I would opt for moving him to his own room, but I worry he is so used to coming to my room that it will be hard to stop that. He still comes to my room every night and even if I take him back, he comes back over within an hour. Or should I just leave well enough alone and keep them together hoping all will work out eventually and they will become happy roommates? So I am in a real dilemma here. What would you all recommend doing? Thanks!!!!

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So What Happened?

Thank you all for your responses. I don't feel a need for a room for myself because I am never in my room except to sleep. So that is not really the issue. My concern is what is best for the kids. I can't have their own space in their room as it is so tiny, I only have 2 beds and a dresser and there is very little room to even walk in at this point. I think my daughter wants her own room to have a place to be hers, since our house is so tiny, they can't play in the kitchen, and they don't play in the bedrooms because there is no room, so that leaves a very small living room and two of them can barely play there. They do have a space in the basement that I made a play area, but there is literally no more room, and I think she wants to get away to her own space. I wish we could get a bigger place, we are low income housing and I am eligible for a 3 bedroom, but there are none available at the price rate they are giving me. So we are stuck here for now. If I would move one of them to my room, there would be a tiny bit more space in the other room, but whoever was in my room, would need to play on the bed then since there would be no floor space. It really is a tiny house. I do have an air purifier running in their room all the time which provides white noise. I have considered a cat for my daughter. I know that because they are not the same gender they can't stay in the same room for too much longer anyway, so I just still don't know what to do. I am tempted to leave well enough alone but then I think they might be happier if they had a place they could go separately. I just don't know. Maybe I could try a trial of splitting them up and if it doesn't work put them back together. Eventually I hope I can get another bedroom.

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C.S.

answers from Victoria on

I would keep them in their room together, but maybe seperate the space. Maybe something like putting their beds on opposite walls & seperating spaces with dressers being put back to back. Add a noise machine to the room to muffle the younger ones noises so she doesn't wake & it may help him to stay asleep too. Maybe get a princess tent & make that be her own special area or something like that. My sister did this, she cleaned out the closet & decorated it up cute with storage on one side & toddler bed on the other and put her toddler in there and then the room was the older brothers space. she put all there clothes in a wardrobe & it really seemed to work for them. Once the toddler was big enough, she got a bunk bed & added more storage in the closet. I've seen some single parents take the bigger master bedroom & put both kids in there & they took the smaller room so there was more room to seperate the spaces out. best of luck. they always keep you thinking.

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R.L.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Well, I guess I am going to be the "odd woman out" here and say that I disagree with all previous comments. I am also a single mom and have been for 19 years (yes, 19 years!). I have dealt with this situation with my now 19 year old son and I am dealing with it with my 6 year old daughter. So, here is my take on it...

I allowed my son to stay with me any time he felt he needed to. HE was my priority, nothing else. I calmed his fears and made him feel safe and secure. At the age of 8, he very quickly and independently decided it was time to sleep in his own room and has never looked back!

My daughter has ALWAYS slept in my room and still does. Every once in a while, she will sleep in her room for a night or two ("so she can get used to it"), but always ends up back with me. And I will let her until she is ready to move on. Again, SHE is my priority. I will do whatever makes her feel safe and secure.

I have no reason to NEED my own space. If I did, I wouldn't have kids. There is plenty of time for me to have my own space when they are out of the house. They are only young once, and we only have this time to give them the security they need. ESPECIALLY as single moms!

I really hope this helps. :-)

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B.H.

answers from Seattle on

I would keep them together, Eventually it will go smoothly!

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J.B.

answers from Philadelphia on

I would recommend keeping your kids in the same room but in order to do this you will have to first get your son to sleep throught the night. We just went through this with my son. It was not an easy thing to do. We do not believe in cry it out. We did something else, a modification. If I were in your position, I would let your 4 y/o stay in your room until your son is sleeping through the night which may take a few nights to a week. Meanwhile let your son sleep in his room (the room the kids sleep in together now). When he wakes up the first time, tell him it's time to sleep, give him a kiss and say goodnight. If he doesn't go to bed do this again up to 3 times total. if this still doesn't work, the 4th time and each time thereafter, give him the kiss goodnight, do not make eye contact and do not say anything and leave and go back to your room or the common room if you think this will keep your daughter up. Continue with this until he sleeps through the night. It took us 3 whole nights but we did it and it is such a relief. Once he's sleeping though the night, put your daughter back in the room with him. If she complains, tell your daughter that she just can't have the room to herself at this point in time. Eventually she will get over it. Basically each time my son needed me, I went to him and gave him the comfort of seeing me and would not let him cry it out. I really hope this helps and you get back to a normal life. I totally understand what you are going through. Up until about a month ago I hadn't slept through the night myself for 2 years (my son was in my bed every night basically)!! Yikes! Good luck and feel free to email me with any questions.

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J.K.

answers from Mansfield on

keep them together. I have girls 2 years apart- they share a birthday and a room. They have since 1 and 3. They have each learned to sleep through the other waking up.. oldest has bad dreams and will not get up at night (Even to potty) without me so she yells her head off until I make it upstairs and into their room. The youngest doesn't wake up much at night anymore and when she does she is quiet about it but when she was younger she woke to potty or for whatever.
You need space and sleep. They will learn to sleep together. Your daughter (like mine) probably doesn't want her own bedroom (as in sleeping area) she wants her own space. Her toys, books, etc. things only. Her choice of purple walls and flowery curtains. Not having to pick up her brothers toys or dig through his trucks to get to her doll, etc. Make her a space that is all her own (in her room or elsewhere) and she will probably stop wanting her own room, so much. Your son is getting old enough to learn to stay in his own bed... it will be hard at first and you might all lose some sleep but come up with a plan explain it to him (and let your daughter know what is going on) and be consistant to keep him in his own bed- asleep all night, so she can sleep too.
Hope this helps :)

M.H.

answers from Philadelphia on

You could consider getting her a dog. Dogs are excellent bed company. My nephew enjoyed this as a solution, because he had trouble sleeping alone too, and it was clearly time for him to have his own room. If not a dog, then maybe some other pet so she has "someone" in the room keeping her company.

C.S.

answers from Charlotte on

I would keep them together. I'm sure your daughter is your little princess, but you are the Queen and you really deserve your own space. Try creating her own space in her room with a tent over her bed or some kind of curtain. Something that will provide some separation from her brother when she wants some alone time.

FYI - I'm married and it's tough raising kids; single mothers are my heroes!

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R.S.

answers from Allentown on

I have not read any of the other responses, although I did glance at the first few. I have to say that I completely agree! They can share a room. I have 4 kids and right now 2 share a room. But at one point 3 shared a room (a temporary living situation after my divorce), one of which was a baby. We moved when he was about 21 months, so I'm sure I've been there.

I would recommend putting your son to bed first, then your daughter. Eventually they will get used to it. I say stick it out. Your daughter may say she wants her own room, but she is 4 years old. She doesn't need it! Believe me, I have a daughter too, mine thinks she is a diva most times. Don't feed into it! LOL!

Good Luck!

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K.W.

answers from Philadelphia on

In my own opinion, you need to be the adult and have your own space. They can share the room and get used to it! Lots of kids do and are just fine! Tell your daughter when you have a house that has 3 BR's she can have her own room, but until then, she shares. End of discussion - that's just the way it is. Don't give in!!! She's not the adult - you are!

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G.B.

answers from Tulsa on

I think your situation is common and the thing you need to plan for is getting a 3 bedroom apt or house. You need to start saving or getting on waiting lists for low income housing. Your kids are quickly getting to an age where it won't be appropriate for them to share a room, if they were the same gender it wouldn't be as much of an issue. Once your daughter starts school you should be moved into a home in the school district you want to live in so now is a good time to start looking and seeing how you want to go from here.

You might also try Habitat for Humanity. They give a hand up to families that aren't low income as much as they try to help people get an affordable home. You have to meet income standards, they have to do that so they can make sure you can make your house payment. They work with you as part of your sweat equity to pay off bills and get things taken care of so you can be a good home owner. The homes in my town that are Habitat houses are all around $200.00 a month for the payments. They have been in their homes for about 10 years but their homes were donated and rehabbed. The organization only charged them for the supplies put into the homes so they were relativley inexpensive. As they started buiding from ground up they are a bit more expensive but not horribly. It would be worth a phone call.

Here's a link for the Habitiat in Lehigh Valley:
http://www.habitatlehighvalley.org/

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K.M.

answers from Boston on

You need your space and boundaries and so I would keep them together for as long as you can do it. If you let your daughter call the shots on where she sleeps you will have them both with you as soon as he realizes that kids call the shots on where to sleep. So hold the hard line now.

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J.D.

answers from Philadelphia on

My daughter will be 5 tomorrow, and I can't imagine her telling me she wants her own room. She shares with her sister, even though we do have 3 bedrooms and only 2 kids. (we moved them in the same room because our front room which we re-did for our oldest when she was born, is in front of the house and we thought the traffic noise might be too loud).

I think if we were in your situation though, i would probably tell her that it just isn't possible! You are the mom, and you need a room for yourself. Even if they come sleep in the bed with you at night, it should be your room.
maybe you can make her side of the room special for her? is she just looking for some space from her brother to play by herself?

D.S.

answers from Allentown on

Hi, J.:
Leave them in their own room.
They will learn to cooperate with each other in time.
You need your own private space.
When they are adults, they will need to rely on each other and
they need to learn to be reciprical while they are young.
Good luck. Patienct my dear. D.

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