Where Are the "Middle of the Road" Moms?

Hahaha--well you know what they say about all of those coffee travel mugs in the car drop off line at the schools--full of vodka! LOL

Seriously, everyone has stuff they're going through just like you. I think when a mom's kids are young 1-2-3 mothers tend to act like they are little Stepford children....but once they are all interacting in school--the truth comes out! bwahahahaha!
You are the norm. Remember that!

Are you having these conversations in person over a lengthy playdate, or are you catching up with women in the bakery aisle at the supermarket? Because if it's the latter, you're only going to get off the cuff responses. I know I would suggest drinking : ) But I wouldn't mean it, and if we were really talking about the stresses and it was clear to me that you were really asking for help/advice/sympathy, then that's what I'd give. Don't forget that it's a thin line between empathy and advice, and moms say over and over that they don't like getting unsolicited advice, so people might be biting their tongues.

Have a GNO, (or a girls night in) make it clear that you want to talk, and see how things go.

Good luck!

I know the feeling. My DD is 11 months, and still waking up plenty at night. She is also trying to assert her independance, and is into everything. BUT she also loves to play peek-a-boo and chase me! There is going to be good and bad in every parent/child relationship... The key is to focus on the good. lol. I thing most mothers have the feeling that if their kid is doing something 'wrong', it is a reflection of their parenting... And the people who complain about their demon children are the ones who are trying to weasel out of responsiblity by claiming that their kids are unmanageable. (Although, there are cases where children are legitimately mellow, or really harder to handle...) I get sick of being told to 'suck it up' when I want to talk about something my DD is going through. Right now, it's the stage of I HAVE TO TOUCH/PLAY WITH EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD!!! so I am constantly chasing her down to redirect her. (she does listen to 'no'... but it's a constant battle. lol.) I just vent to hubby... he gets it! LOL!

Dear S.,

I am so with you! I have a wonderful kid -- who drives me utterly nuts on a regular basis. And yet, he hasn't driven me to drink (excessively). I'm saving that for adolescence ;). In the meantime, I'm just searching in my hopelessly messy house for my long-lost patience.

And yeah. My son didn't master the potty until almost three-and-a-half. And honestly, it went so amazingly well that I'm now a big advocate of waiting until kids are all verbal and (quasi)reasonable. Same kid absolutely used me as a pit stop, multiple times in a night. Now sleeps beautifully and is super-healthy as a (possible) result of the endless gallons of breast milk he consumed.

Now if only he'd stop climbing on me, endlessly. And asking the same question 654,373,198,807 times a second. Then we'd be getting somewhere.

Oh, and [insert profanity]. Those parents with the utterly perfect children? Who are compelled to catalogue their children's perfections every time the rest of us let slip that ours are merely human and (gasp) sometimes annoying as hell? What I always WANT to say is, "Oh, that's wonderful. How extraordinary that a rude, insensitive person like you* could raise a child like that."

I mean, not YOU. The bragging, insensitive parent I'm talking to in my head. Okay, whatever. I'm off to shake my head with exhaustion some more.

S.

I'm going out on a limb here to say that the 13 month old still waking up multiple times is a huge contributer to your stress. That little rascal. Not being able to get YOUR sleep is a huge reason you're feeling so deflated right now. Huge. And I am with you on that, my friend. Well, I was in your same boat. My boy didn't routinely sleep through the night until he was almost two. (I can see you holding your head right now, because I know reading that was not encouraging) It is very true that some kids are just not good sleepers. But eventually it did happen. He got there. And yours will too.

Just think of this time as a hazy, sleep deprived semi existance that you have to go through and cut yourself some slack. You are not a bad mommy. It will all fall into place, I guarantee. I know you know that eventually your 3 year old will take to the potty training. And you also know that the food thing will get better. It's just hard to see past this haze right now. You probably feel stuck in this rut, this groove, that you feel like you're going to be in forever. My kids are the same spaced ages and it really felt like that for me. Be forgiving of yourself right now. This is a difficult time and difficult ages to be a mommy. These are the ages that - pardon the expression - make or break you.

But you're not broken. I promise it wont be long until you look around and say to yourself "hey ... I can kind of breathe again. I can see this part getting easier" It will. If it did for me, it can for you, too.

Good luck to you and feel free to vent here any time! You are among a lot of 'middle of the road' moms here.

No kid is perfect.
Even perfect kids have Troll days and nights.
No parent is perfect.
No kid thinks their parent is perfect either. And we are NOT perfect either.
We irk them too. Really.
So we have to admit that.

My kids are 4 and 8.
They are so lovely and can be spawns from hell too. Either one at a time, or both at the same time.
Ugh.
Oh well.
Onto the next day.
Its worse when I am PMS'ing.
Its worse when the kids AND the Husband... are mis-behaving. All at the same time.
I err.
I am perfect.
I am not.
I am.
I am, either great or bitchy myself.
I am, human.
I am Mom.

I go by my kids' cues.
I get to know them. For who they are.
Even if that means, they have bad days too.
I tell them "Mommy is having a bad day too! High-five! Yeeha! Let's ALL scream at the same time!" and then that makes us all laugh our butts off and de-stresses.

Another day.
Another night.
They all blend in together at times.
And sometimes I think I exist in another Matrix. Where I imagine NO noise and NO fussy whiney anything.

Once in awhile, the day is smooth.

When I am just too stressed, I take "Hyland's Calms Forte-for adults" or drink Chamomile tea.
Or conversely, I drink STRONG coffee. I love strong coffee.
I can't drink. Have asthma.
Though I did in college.

On some hard days/nights... my Hubby will actually tell the kids "shhh, leave Mommy alone.... she's not in a good mood now." (wink). Phew. Then I realize, gee my Hubby can actually understand me. Sometimes. Ha, ha.

And do not fret... ALL MOMS, CAN RELATE TO YOU.
They are human. They just cannot or will not admit... that their kids, are kids and not perfect.
Some Moms will not admit difficulty with their kids.

all the best,
Susan

Honestly, those people that say their kids NEVER get on their nerves are LYING!!! hahaha

Seriously, though....my girls are the lights of my life. I would die for them in a second and cannot imagine not having them in my life. And they still drive me batty at times. They talk back. They outright defy. My older two (4.5 and 3) cannot fall asleep on their own and end up in my bed every night. My baby is on her own make-it-up-as-she-goes schedule with napping and nursing. My older two potty trained around 26 months. I could go on, but I won't ;o)

I try to move past the not-so-great moments as quickly as possible. I try to drown in the sweet moments; to really etch them into my mind and heart. Being a parent is the hardest thing you'll ever do - of course it's trying and stressful....but it's also infinitely rewarding and fulfilling, even if you don't feel like that every second.

Forgive yourself when you lose your temper. Apologize to your kids if it'll make you feel better. And try better next time. That's really all any of us can do.

I can totally relate to you on the potty trainning. My son wanted NOTHING to do with going in the potty. I tried several different times but all it did was drive us both crazy by the end of the day. So I let it go for a while. He turned 3 at the end of August. The last time we had tried PT was mid July. So about a week after his 3rd bday he walks up to me while I was on the computer and says the most amazing words. "mommy I think I have to pee" He never turned back after that day. He is almost totally potty trained. He has not had a pee accident in over 2 months and we have just started wearing underwear to bed. We have gone almost 2 wks with no night time accidents. He is still working on geting to the potty in time for #2.

My son is very stubborn also. I find that with him the best way to get him to do something is to make a game of it, sing a song, or be really silly. We are working on his attitude these days. He has started to have a little attitude with the way he responds.

I like to think of myself as middle of the road. I know my parenting is not perfect and my son is not perfect either. I love him more then I can even put into words. I can't imagine life with out him. But, there are also some days that I count the minutes until bedtime. LOL!

I also find that sometimes mommy's need timeouts during the day too. Its amazing how much better I feel if I get 15 mins of quiet time. We need to reenergize.

If you ever need to vent please feel free to PM me.

Wishing you a good nights sleep!

My MIL thinks that all of her 4 children were/are absolutely perfect. When she asked why my mom had to watch my kids (3 months and 3 yrs old) she commented and said, well, I didn't have anyone to watch my kids and took them everywhere.... potty training, well, you know I had their father (my husband) potty trained by 2).... eating, oh, their father was never picky, etc, etc...... I just learn to block it out. Personally, I think that the moms who have 'perfect' kids are in denial, and the ones who can't handle it are just not very organized. You just can't compare your life to someone else's. Anytime I'm feeling crappy about something, I always remember that there is someone out there that has it worse.

Yes. My kids are less than perfect. They are wonderful kids, not hellions, but they have their periods when they are trying. And make me crazy. Sounds like you. My son was SUCH a handful when he was a toddler... I couldnt step away from him for 20 seconds. I thought I would lose my sanity (joking, but really...)
Here's some comfort for you... it won't last forever. He was horrible to get to go to sleep from about 12 months to about 25 months. Since then.... breeze. Did things a little differently with the daughter and she has been a piece of cake sleeper since 6 months. (And thank goodness, b/c I NEEDed my sleep to keep up with her 3 yr old brother!!).
Some days it is worse than others, and that will always be the case. But when you are having one of those tougher ones.... try to schedule yourself a break from them. When hubby comes home, tell him-- It's been a hell of a day... in 30 minutes, I need to go walk around the block ALONE. or, I am going to the store ALONE. Or call up a friend and seclude yourself in the bedroom and talk for half an hour guilt free!! And when you're talking plan a girls time out together. Then, in a few more days, when you are having a really rough one, you'll have that day to look forward to.
It doesn't last forever. My stress maker is in the shower as I type this, getting ready for school. He is in 7th grade now. It goes by faster than you think it will!!

Girl I can totally understand your frustration. I can get short with my almost 3 yr old too. And he's being super-stubborn with potty training too. I've calmed down and realized he's just not ready with potty training. I take a casual "Do you want to use the potty?" during the day ("no!!!" he replies) and just before bedtime he knows he must pee in the potty (just before I put on his final diaper of the night).

I think the 'terrible twos' are over and it's now the "thunderous threes" or whatever you want to call it.

I think people who say their children are perfect are way off. They may be good eaters and sleepers, but I bet there's something else they do awful. They may run off at the store and not hold their parents hand or they may color on the walls or who knows what. I say not to worry about others. Come here to mamapedia for your comfort. We will help ya the best we can.

I think you have a great head on your shoulder. Just hang in there, take one day at a time. If you are going to make changes, do so one day or one week at a time: ie - you want to add one new food to your son's plate. Don't introduce another new food for a week. I've also seen a chart/grid where you write a list of foods to try and you try each food 10 times over the next month or two. Put a happy face or a frown face if your son liked it or didn't like it. He must try it a total of ten times. Studies have shown that after the 7th time they often will decide that it tastes okay. Also found this one just now. Not as huge as the grid I just mentioned. But another idea: http://blog.kidsfunplaza.com/2011/02/03/using-sticker-cha...

Hang in there, M.. We are here for you.

Your kids are at really tough ages. Mine are 20 months apart and I remember those early years being just a blur... not because I was drinking (lol) but because it's just so consuming and exhausting at times to do it all. Some things do get easier as they get older, but then you get presented with different challenges.

I hear what you're saying... it is hard finding people who are middle of the road. Many are either overwhelmed to the point that they can't deal with their kids and don't enjoy time with them or the parents that feel like any "problem" their child has reflects on them as a bad parent.

All I can tell you is that while the perfect parents may not have the same problems now, they will have something else to deal with or perhaps the same problem down the road. Kids' development is just one transition after another, and their son who eats so well now, may very well turn 4 and decide that he suddenly can't eat anything "mixed" or the food looks "weird".

Hang in there with your little ones. We do the best that we can with the information that we have. But do remember to take breaks to take care of yourself. Happy Mommy, Happy Kiddos. It gets better :)

I think I would qualify as a middle of the road Momma = )
I read post after post asking advice about nanny's and housekeepers...when I have been both and certainly Do work as a housekeeper now. I have three kiddo's all that I love dearly although I have my days when if I thought I could escape I might be tempted to run away ; ) My oldest son is 15, he is so smart it is crazy, he tests off the charts...but he gets bored easily, he does not like to turn in his school work and recently gave me the scare of my mommy life when he was arrested for drug possession and we got to go through the whole Juvinile facilities thing and then community service. Recently I was thinking things were better and through Facebook found out he had been car surfing...UGH...and no I have never felt like I was super mom but I sure Try to be a good mom and spend great vast periods of time wondering where in the world I am going wrong, my middle child who is as near to perfect as a child can be ( meaning she cleans her room and does not talk back!) has awful issues with both eczema and psoriasis that the doctors keep telling me are mostly stress related, adding to my I am not as good a mom as I wish I was...Then to top it all off, my youngest who will be 4 in June who just so happens to be on the Autism spectrum ( but I am trying not to make that part of the excuse) is no where Near potty trained, has recently starting hitting us...and short of calling Super Nanny I have no idea what we are doing wrong with discipline....I love my kids....I think you do too...the key to a healthy attitude is Just this...deciding you will have one. I wake up every day and even if I have to force it I smile...I look for the good things and I remember to be thankful for them. A BIG part of staying sane? Finding me time...it is hard...but if you make time for yourself then you feel less like a frazzled momma and more like a person...and for goodness sakes we do deserve to be both = ) It just takes a big effort. Also, just tell yourself....all those super moms out there...they are lying through their perfect teeth = ) EVERY momma has bad days and good days.

I can tell from reading your post that you're a GREAT mom. Hang in there. Motherhood is the toughest job there is: we're expected to raise and lead other beings through a life with obstacles that we haven't always figured out ourselves. I've noticed that when I am short-tempered with my daughter, it's often because I'm comparing her to what I think other kids are doing, and comparing my mothering to what other moms do/did. It doesn't take away the problem, but it does bring me a bit of peace to take a step back and let my daughter be who she is at this stage.... I'm sorry, not super helpful, but hope that that brings you even the smallest measure of peace. Take good care!

Personally I think the perfect moms are lying to everyone and sneaking their children candy behind closed doors, and I wonder what ton of bricks dropped on the heads of the mothers who are the opposite.

My children are well behaved, and it isn't because they were just born that way, but because we've worked hard to make sure that's how we've raised them. We've had PLENTY of issues to get through...and they sound like your issues. It doesn't sound like you are dealing with anything any other good mother doesn't...food battles, falls while walking, baby waking up, etc etc...these are just hallmarks, to me, of happy, comfortable children.

I am sure you are doing a wonderful job...and it can get stressful with two young children, so just take a breather when you need one! :) I'm sure it will get better as they get a little older.

Well, first, I am so sorry that you think I am perfect or my kids are perfect.

My child rearing stories are exactly as you described...I wondered when nursing would end at times, the sleepless nights, the food issues.....

But sister, you should see my pathetic house keeping skills. I have spent the majority of my time tending to my kids, who are now more independent and good natured and doing well in life and sports and school and music....but my house is, quite honestly - EMBARRASSING. I stopped unpacking about 10 moves ago....but I plan on hiring another staging gal and professional organizer....

I have been in your situation for most of my parenting years - there are moments of calm where things seem to be running well, children are responding, and there are moments where I'm walking through fire - every day it seems. Like you, I've never understood the whole "my children are satan's spawn thing" nor the whole drinking every evening to get past the day's mistakes.
Bottom line is that we're not perfect. When kids are toddlers / pre-schoolers they suck up so so so very much of our time and effort. It's constant-all-the-time-never-a-break for moms. This season will pass - you'll have this in between time in your family before they're teens but when they're old enought to amuse themselves and play with the neighborhood kids (it's the time in your family when you get to regroup and prepare for the turbulent teen years).

As for potty training - my son was 3 yrs & 3 mos when he was finally trained. My mom called me at work and told me Dr. Phil was having segment on potty training and guaranteed a three day training period - I ran home on time to see it - and IT WORKED! It's all about positive reinforcement - no negatives. Have a mini-party when he uses the potty, tell him in advance how you're so excited that he's going to using the potty and then "dangle" the reward/positive reinforcement. For each successful potty attempt you celebrate - confetti, a cupcake, even soda or m&ms. Make a chart of 2 or three days - let him put sitckers on each time he uses the potty. Do not be negative about any mistakes - ignore the times her forgets or misses. Matter of factly change him into new underpants - jsut tell him you know he can do better next time and you can't wait to give him his treat/party/whatever. Tell him when he's used the potty for 2 whole days with no diaper you're going to have a party. Invite grandparents, a favorite aunt, or a best friend and his mom. Have chips, soda and a cake. Even sing "for he's a jolly good fellow". My son LOVED rescue heros at that age so we told him we'd have Billy Blazes call him when he used the potty. Our firend called, pretending to be Billy Blazes and talked to him, told him how proud he was, etc. Over a three day weekend he was finished with diapers. SO worth baking those cupcakes. :o)

My kids also went through a time where they only ate a few things. We had seasons of hot dogs, mac & cheese, baloney, etc. So I'd make a big bowl of mac & cheese and heat up some for my DD at meals. My son would eat grilled chicken for breakfast - so wht - at least he got protein. IT's not worth making yourself crazy. I never had kids who ate well and slept prefectly. My brother & SIL's kids were perfect sleepers & eaters. They'd sit quietly eat their brocoli with lemon squeezed on it, have whole wheat crackers as a snack. But now that they're older my kids are more willing to eat different food than their kids are. Who knows?
And the yelling thing - it's tough. By the time night comes we moms are wiped out- spent. I always said I'd never be one of those moms - I'd never yell at my kid, never scream or anything. But I recall very vivdly times when I screamed so much at my toddler who was lying in bed at bedtime that he looked scared to death of me. How ashamed I was - what kind of horrible mother would yell at her kid that way and actually terrify him? Another time my daughter was having a tantrum in the grocery store parking lot. The groceries were packed into the car - it was a hot day, the ice cream and other frozen foods were melting in the back of the minivan - and I began to have just as big a tantrum. Screaming at my 3 yr old like a crazy person - people walking by staring at me with their mouth hanging open. It happens - we're not perfect - we make mistakes. But if we can be good mothers the other 99% of the time that's not a bad ratio.

I really believe God's grace covers our flaws - assuming we're not abusive or addicted. Our positive parenting goes way further than the negative moments. I also pray alot and ask for God's grace to cover over my flaws, I seek His guidance & discernment for my kids. This parenting thing is much harder than we ever thought it would be. But we will get throught it. We'll have tough times, our kids will have their ups and downs - but if we truly express our love to them and apologize for our mistakes we set a good example for them to realize that when mistakes are made, we make amends, pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and try again. Isn't that a valuable life lesson?

Good luck mama - you'll do fine.

I have a 2 year old and we've had our share of struggles but I don't think he's abnormal and I honestly wouldn't trade my job as a SAHM for any job in the world. I have found the most kinship with other parents who are realistic about their ups and downs with their kids because in the end that's what bonds us as parents. We can be excited together for accomplishments, laugh at the silly things they do, and we can commiserate about issues. Then we can all, at the end of the day, agree that we love our kids and wouldn't change anything in the world. I've met a few parents with perfect kids, I've met a few parents with awful kids...and I think that says more about how tuned in the parents are to their children in the cases that I am thinking of.

My mama mantra is that "this too shall pass" and faster than you can imagine when you are going through it. Try to focus on the positives, the funny toddler wobble, the cozy cuddles of a nursing little one checking in with mom when they are out exploring the world too. The picky personality of a 3 year old expressing himself through what he will/wont eat and their funny observations. Let the struggle be background noise, this whole thing will fly by in the blink of an eye, be grateful for the moment and be present for it! :-)

You poor thing! My oldest is 3 too, and your description of your son made me laugh. I also have a 4 month old, so I've been getting about 3 hours of sleep a night for a while now. The moms who act like their kids are perfect angels are either lying, or delusional. The moms who call their children horrible spoiled brats who drive them to drink - well, whose fault is that?

The best place I've found personally, for meeting real moms with real kids and real advice, is MOPS. You can check their website www.mops.org to search for groups in your area. My first meeting I was so scared that the other moms would judge me because my son (7 months old at the time) screamed when I tried to leave him in the nursery and my hair was a mess and I had spit up on my clothes. Then during the group discussion time, one of the other ladies admitted that she sometimes locked herself in the bathroom just to have 5 minutes where nobody was hanging on her. It was so refreshing to hear that!

S. the best words of wisdom I can give you I got from my sister in law more than 20 years ago. I still utter them to myself even now. "This too shall pass" My boys are 15 months apart. Life was very hard for a stretch of time. I can give you one tip right now. Set your nursing times and stick with them. At 13 months your youngest should not be grazing on demand anymore. that is draining you physically and mentally. he should be sleeping through the night. recently another mama asked a question that stuck with me. she asked why were people so adamant about taking babies off of bottles at a year old but let nursing babies nurse for ever. feed your son at appointed times and make him have a cup for random drinks/sips. your getting short with them cause it sounds like your tired and need a break. schedule in some "me time" every day. even if all it is is 15 minutes in the bathroom with the door locked and no little fingers poking under asking whatcha doing? good luck. and remember it will pass. pretty soon they will be each others best friends and you will wonder when it happened. The potty training will happen when it happens. yelling doesn't help lol. but my older son was almost 4 and the younger just over 2 and suddenly they were both trained. feed them a good snack before bed and that shoudl help with the sleeping at night.

Hi S.,
I'm sorry you are having a rough time. My "Angels" seem to have halos that have been a little low lately so I can relate. I think people make others feel bad by saying how great their kids are to cover up some other issue they are having or say their children are little monsters because they are not sure how to handle a situation so they ignore it. Although my children are older than yours I can assure you people have your problems even if they say they have no idea what you are talking about. My daughter doesn't eat very well so there is always that fight and I thought she was going to go to kindergarten in a pull-up (thankfully that isn't going to happen). My oldest son (12) is still a terrible sleeper. My middle boy thingks chores are everyone else's problem not his. I have taken to going in my room, grabbing a pillow covering my head and screaming at times when I just can't come up with anything better. Sometimes I'm just not Super Mom and I have now idea what to do or how to make it better. Remember to cut yourself some slack because eventually they will be in college and you will long for these days!
Best Wishes!

you arent alone. i have a very VERY opinionated 4 year old girl. yes i love her to pieces but some days i want my space.

heres what i would do with your son-
hold off on potty training unless your sure he is ready.
start no letting him out of his room at 5am. tell him that he is not allowed out of the bedroom until the sun it out.
food wise when my daughter did that for a year straight i finally had enough. i started serving one meal for dinner that what was to eat and she could eat it or not. after a week she now eats just about anything i put infront of her. yes we have found a few foods that she just doesnt like and i dont make her eat them.

as for your daughter hang in there :). maybe try xing out one feeding a night :) so you get more sleep.

over all hang in there. it will get easier. when they are in bed for the night draw a hot bath and have a glass of wine (if you drink). when my daughter goes to bed i go in my room and just enjoy the quiet lol

I don't have time to write...as my own little insomniac needs a diaper change, but just wanted to say I'm right there with you!!! =0)

I am going to throw some good old Texas advice at you...the next time a "Mommy" says to you, "Johnny is perfect, he is so well behaved, eats his broccoli and is eager to please me with his potty skills"...you just have to do ONE thing...call bulls**t on her!!!! WHY? 'cause she is selling somethin' that you shouldnt be buyin'...

:)

i have a very good, well behaved child, and a very funny but mischievous child, i guess that makes me middle of the road.

My 18 month old wakes a lot at night to eat too!!! you're not alone there! and it's so frustrating when ppl complain about their 8 month old that woke up ONE time the night before! geez I can count on one hand the number of times my baby has slept thru the night AND only woken up once! My oldest didn't sleep thru the night til at least 2 years and then she was up til 1030or 1100! She was a picky eater and my youngest just won't eat! Yep I completely get where is the middle of the road or at least someone who gets it's not complete hell but it's not a piece of cake either! words of comfort...they're so darn cute when they do eat, sleep, pee that who wants to blur it with alcohol?!?! LOL Have a great night!

You're not alone at all! It is hard when you have 2 and both are so young. Mine are 2 and 5 now and some parts are getting better. My 2 year is good mostly but she's still 2 and into everything. My 5 year old is bright and creative..and defiant and high energy. He definitely has his "demon child" moments. On the other hand I know plenty of kids that are perfect in front of mommy and terrors the rest of the time.

My son also was not potty trained until past 3.5 but he got it mostly by 4. He wears pull ups at night still but sooner or later he will grow out of it. You might want to talk to the pediatrician about the picky eating thing. Sometimes if the picky eating is about the food textures overlaps with sensory issues and might be improved by OT or other therapy. I only bring it up because you would need an evaluation before he turns 4 to get Early Intervention services (if he were to qualify). I missed the age cut off and ended up having to pay for an evaluation (after an insurance run around). Then again he could just be a garden variety picky eater like my 2 year old (who would probably live exclusively on string cheese and pasta if I let her). The Out of Synch Child Has Fun is a book full of exercises for kids with sensory issues including some with food for picky eaters.

I definitely have my days of being short tempered (my older one really brings this out) and it is usually when I am extra tired, stressing about something or just in need of a break. Apologize if you need to and move on. Ironically, I was working as a child and family therapist before having kids...so it happens to everyone no matter how prepared you think you are.

I think any mother or parents that claim their kids are perfect live in a dream world honestly. Don't get me wrong....my own two kids are very good kids overall and I have been blessed BUT just like every kid they have their moments and there are certain things they do or say or behave that drives us absolutely insane!!!! Sometimes I feel as though my kids are the worst kids and sometimes I feel like I seem to be the only one going through it-but I know I must not be the only one-can't be right? Anyways its okay mom-take a breather and I don't believe in seeking out alcohol to deal is the answer. I don't know if it would help you any because I myself just found out about this book today and I cannot wait to get it and read it but its written by Catherine Hickman "Regret Free Parenting". It is a christian based book but from what I have heard of it and read reviews about it-sounds like an awesome read!

Hi,

I completely understand what you are going through~ My words of wisdom are: take a few deep breaths when you feel like you are getting short tempered with the kids. remember, they will only be little once! that gets me through rough days when i want to pull my hair out! See if your hubby can give you a day each week to go have mommy time--take a walk, bath, read a book, call a friend, etc. Something that is just for you--no errands or chores! It will help tremendously. As for your kiddos, when you are feeling like your reserves are out, tell them that YOU need a time out and take 2 min or so to sit down, relax and take a timeout yourself. When you are regrouped, go back and smile and tell them you are better now. It works wonders. Hang in there and there are tons of mamas in the same predicaments as you--me included! PM me if you want to chat sometime.

Take care,

M

take a breath, and realize you're not going to be able to fix everything at the same time. so rank your issues with priority to figure out what to solve first...... my 2 big things would be the potty trianing and breast feeding.

is your son in preschool at all? it might be worth it for just 2 days a week - i struggled all summer with potty trianing my daughter.... within 3 weeks of going ot school - she was fully trianed. i'm not saying let school train him... but the impact of being with other kids (other than his sibling and his mom) may make more of an impact. also need to find the "it" thing for him for a reward. my daughter it was M&M's. she got 3 M&M's (since she was 3) everytime she went on the potty (and a whole funsize bag when she pooped - that was a bigger issue for us for her constipattion). using the pullups backfired... she'd say mommy do i have underwear or a pull up - i'd say pullup and she'd say OK then pee..... so i finally had to bit the bullet and go to underwear (the cotton trianing pants are great they absorb alot).

get the book - how to solve your childs sleep problems.... there are various chapters on different issues - one is weaning your child from middle of the night feedings.....

I think it's all perception and picking your fights if you will. My son is a very good! He's very smart, has a ridiculous memory, he's always smiling, sleeps great and always waits to take his turn at the playground. But....... he crawled late (though when he did it was up on all fours perfect posture - no army crawling for him.) He didn't walk until he was almost 15 months old! He's a horrible eater - I sitll buy him Earth's Best soups and pureed veggies. Though he now eats chicken and fries, waffles, cinamon toast, grapes and various cookie type snacks. And he went from loving the bath one day to flipping out - we still can't get him in the bath. Instead of making ourselves crazy - he takes a shower with daddy a few times a week. Just try not to pay attention to the things that drive you crazy and focus on the things they do well and you will notice a change in all of you. The rest will just fall into place naturally. Believe me the mom's with the perfect kids have had their share of concerns it's just how they handled them that's different. Look for compormises where possible.

We middle-of-the-roaders are out here, don't worry. I guess the 2 extremes stand out more, that's all. I'm not sure that most people aren't in the middle - I think they are - but the better stories and greater drama are at the edges.

I think it's about balance, about choosing battles, and about attitude. For example, on the potty training - it's in the kid's control, not yours. For some boys, 3 is early for potty training. Your kid isn't ready. I get that you are sick of diapers, but what can you do? Let that one go. I promise he will not go to kindergarten in diapers, and he will figure this out. I believe in having a potty there, and in having books about it (you can always read them to your younger child and see if the older one listens in!). I believe there are techniques to use to train - but I also think they only work when the kid is developmentally ready. Mine was closer to 4 when he trained - it was incredibly frustrating but it was so much better when I realized that he had all the cards.

The food thing is a little more flexible. You can hide nutrition in food, you can figure out that he won't go hungry if he skips a meal just because he doesn't like what you put out, and you can keep offering things to try knowing that kids need something like 10 tries with a new food to know if they like it. You can take away his dinner if he doesn't eat it, and then put it back out in an hour when he's hungry - rather than making something new. You can put some sort of fun clock in his room and teach him what it needs to say before he can come out of his room. He doesn't have to sleep, but he can play quietly and he cannot wake up the house. Or put up room-darkening shades since the longer days brighten the room so early.

The 13 month old needs to put himself back to sleep. He needs the rest, and so do you. Is he waking up and wanting to nurse the way he does during the day? Or can he not self-soothe? It's long past time for that to get worked out, for everyone's sake. You may have the added problem of the little one waking up the big one, and then the big one is still up at 5 - you didn't say. But I can imagine the frustration if that's going on.

All 3 areas - sleep, food, potty - are the ones where kids exercise control and independence - we can't force them to eat, sleep or pee on the potty. We can force them into a car seat, control what toys are available, arrange their play dates (or not), and stick them in the bathtub. But those other 3? They've got us. Somehow, they figure this out.

I think you might want to choose ONE area for each child, and work on that. The youngest might need to be sleep-trained. He does not need to eat during the night, and he cannot use you as his lovey and comfort every time he becomes conscious. By the time you get this figured out, he will have mastered walking and won't be falling so much - LOL. Or, he'll learn to pick himself up and realize he's not broken! Once he can do that, he may ignore you for every pit stop - you can also try "in a minute, sweetie" instead of always being quite so available. I realize that screaming will ensue. But maybe he'll get bored with that more quickly than you think. Don't pick him up every time he falls, don't let him nurse when he's not really in need either physically or emotionally (choose the key times - you can read him well by now), and don't run into the room every time you hear a thud. Try redirecting him with a toy instead of endless comfort if he's not really hurt, just frustrated and using you out of habit.

For the older one, it might be time to work on staying in his room. If you can get that down in a week, then work on the food. For my son, who was a picky eater, I realized that I had helped create the situation by giving him his favorites and then getting him into a habit that was hard to break. There are many techniques on food (lots of books, lots of wisdom on this site if you ask for ideas), and lots of recipes for disguising new foods - I was a master at putting stuff in pancakes that you cannot even imagine. I turned it into a game for myself and kind of enjoyed it.

So I think it's important to choose the key areas to work on.

And yes, we DO understand!

Sounds like you have perfectly normal kids. About the 13 month old, you
are the boss. There is no reason why a 13 month old to be up so much or
nurse many times furing the day. As far as other people go; some do have
really good kids and some have kids from hell. Not everyone is honest and
put their kids on pedestals and others might be having a bad day and feel
their kids are the worst!

My boys are 18 months apart, rigth now they are 5 months and 23 months. All I can say is BREATHE mommy! Try try try again to get an hour or so of alone time. Do something completely for yourself if you can. I know how it feels to have the kids either screaming or refusing to eat or doloring on walls etc... Do you have access to a babysitter, maybe one night a week, to do somethnig just for you? I joined my city's choir, and I absolutely LOVE it! Its really the only time I ever do something for me, by myself, and have pure moments of not having the boys on my mind. I hope you find your L. something to decompress, just try to remember, your youngest wont nurse forever, and your oldest wont be indifferent to the pottyt forever. Good luck mama!

I can't totally empathize. Here's my trick with my 3yo. Provide food. If he doesn't eat, don't sweat it. It's his choice. If he's hungry, he'll eat at the next meal you offer. Offer food on a schedule. Don't give him more than 16-24oz of milk a day either. Some kids drink milk in place of food calories.

with the baby- what is the baby waking up to do?
eat? - at 13 months it's a comfort reflex, put off the feeding 5 min. first night, 10 min second night, continue stretching in 5 minute increments.
teething? give ibuprofin for infants- read the bottle or call your doc for dosing. it'll reduce swelling at night which will make it easier to rest all night.

if the baby sleeps with you and hubby maybe you guys are snoring??
hard to say-

when you feel yourself getting short- take a mommy break- sit at a table, read a book, go in your room and scream into your pillow, etc. Just disengage for a few minutes. When they nap- do something for yourself- for at least half the nap- or take a nap.. =D

Good luck-

Oh, S. - 2 words: new friends! No, I'm only half kidding. It sounds like you're going through very normal childrearing challenges. I have six kids and can relate on any given day with what you are describing. Lack of sleep is the worst - it colors your perceptions about everything. But seriously, getting adequate support is vital to your mental health and problem-solving skills. Do you have at least one supportive friend whom you can confide in? A support system like your church or family? I have found that with certain people, it's best not to share my challenges because they are more hurtful than helpful. Pray for wisdom! God bless you!.