Tips for Teaching Toddler How to Actually 'Go' on the Potty?!

You write: "I am starting to think that her stubbornness about going on it is more out of frustration that she hasn't gone in all of the times she has sat on it," and then summarize at the end that you are comparing her progress to other toddlers and are tired of diapers.

She could be picking up on your urgency and feeling that as anxiety, which could be making it much harder for her to relax and let go. Would it be possible for you to back off for a couple of weeks? You could perhaps still mention it from time to time, and go on modeling "how" occasionally.

But try to completely restrain yourself from laying your impatience or expectations on her. Emotionally healty potty training takes whatever time it takes. Your pushing, even if unconscious, could actually be slowing her down.

Otherwise, it sounds like you're doing everything right! Be grateful that she has such a cheerful and cooperative attitude.

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My daughter used to sit on the potty but would not go...so I got a little glass of warm water and poured it on her and it actually taught her how it would work and feel, and stimulated her to go as well. She also watches me and claps each time I go. She is young and obviously very smart...I imagine she just needs to decide when she's ready for "big girl panties".

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Her peers that are "potty trained" really aren't. Their mother's deal with wet clothes instead of a wet diaper (or worse). Their mother's are constantly harping about sitting on the potty and always alert to any body language that might signal impending accident. Yes there is the occational exceptional kid, but if you want her trained (and not the other way around) wait. She is two and will still have accidents until she is 3-1/2 or 4 (and so will her "potty trained" peers). Diapers are much easier that clothes to clean up so I would chill out for a year.

Forgive me, I am bothered by pushing babies forward to childhood. Enjoy the heck out of your sweet girl. Hug her and kiss her while she is still little enough to fit into your arms;)

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There are a number of things you can't make a child do--one of them being--go potty. You have laid the ground work, shown her the path, and now you need to back off. Don't talk about it unless she says something or it comes up in the conversation. One day you will be walking by the bathroom and she will be sitting on the toilet and going "pee".

Do you have those "pull ups" avail for her to use? Show her where they are and tell her what they are for.

She is the age and will move to being potty trained in her own time.

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And she's SMART --- what a wonderful relationship you two have--- GREAT job -. Here's a tip from a decades long- preschool career -- take bubbles in and have her 'blow bubbles ' when you think she needs to go - it really increases the liklihood that they'll pee!!!.

:-)
Blessings,
J.

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A.,

I know the feeling of being sick to death of diapers, I've been buying/changing the darn things for 5 years now. My son was a late potty trainer, and I had two kids in diapers for a while.

There's a book we have about going potty. The title is My Big Girl Potty and it's by Joanna Cole. My 18 month old daughter loves it. It's about this girl Ashley that learns to go potty and gets out of diapers. It covers every stage and in the back are some tips on how to successfully potty train your toddler.

You might also want to start having potty time every couple of hours throughout the day. I know when we were trying to get my son trained I noticed that about half an hour after he ate a meal it would be time to go potty.

Good luck,
M.

Here's a link to the book through amazon.com: http://www.amazon.com/Big-Girl-Potty-Joanna-Cole/dp/06881...

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sometimes the best advice is that we really want to hear, so I'm going to offer this in case you want to hear it (not because I think it is The Right Answer): I am a big fan of letting them drive the potty process. If you wait until they are ready, it's quick and easy (with the caveat in my case that my kids sleep like logs, so nighttime is still all about diapers) ... if you push it (if it is your priority instead of theirs), you guarantee problems. There are lots of methods to overcome or work around the problems ... but they will happen.

We have in practice always pushed it at least a little ... and have had problems directly proportional to the amount we pushed it. (Perhaps with number four I'll be brave enough to REALLY let him choose his own time ;). )

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We used a reward system with my daughter when we were potty training. She got one small piece of candy (which I let her help me pick out the candy, it was usually licorice bites) when she went pee & small sucker when she went poop.
I also made a big deal about buying her big girl panties, we made a special trip to the store for them, she picked them out.
Now with all that said I will tell you my daughter was stubborn! We started talking about using the potty when she turned two, she would sit on the potty during the day. We had occasional times when she would pee but it didn't happen very often. So as the months went by, some of her friends (younger)were doing it, I got more anxious about it & started trying various tips that other Moms had used (put her on the toilet every 45 minutes, let her go without a diaper which was horrible she just peed didn't care she was wet!, etc). Which did help some but still no where near being potty trained.
Right before she turned three she spent the day with my mother-n-law, who just simply told my daughter when you have to go potty let me know. Of course that is exactly what happened. She had a perfect day that day! That was it, she started using the toilet consistently during the day, next it was dry @ naptime & finally night time.
So my biggest advice is look for your daughters cues but also think about her personality when deciding which method to potty train because that may not be the best for her personality.
Good luck!

At our 2 year checkup my pediatrician said this about potty training: "Give him a couple of books and a video to watch whenever he wants and that's it. Once he catches on that you actually WANT him to go on the potty, it's all over and he won't do it. Just let him take his time and he will get curious about it on his own and do it when he's ready."

A friend of mine with 3 kids remembers trying to push her oldest to potty train and still feels guilty about the time she told her to stay on the potty until she went and then she fell asleep on it! Well, all three of her kids are potty trained now (the second did have an extended period of bedwetting though).

I'm guessing that there's a lot of pressure on parents to potty train their kids on a timeline and this pressure and stress gets passed on to the kids. Sometimes I worry about how and when my 26 month old son will ever potty train on his own and then I realize -- do I really think he won't ever learn how to go on his own? Of course not! If a situation ever comes up where it's "absolutely direly super-emergency necessary that he be potty trained at that precise moment!!", I'm sure we can find a way to cope with it at that time. In the meantime, I think it's something that really doesn't bother or affect *them* really and as one less thing we can stress and worry and freak our kids out about -- for now. :-)

this is actually a very good step for her. now to get her to actually "produce" as she sits on it... try this.. when you change her diaper.. dump what you can from the diaper into the big toilet so she can see where it is supposed to go. You can even get silly with her and say goodbye to it. (sometimes kids really don't want to "let go" - they see it as a part of themselves that they don't realize is supposed to leave.... )

she may not be physically/emotionally ready to actually use the potty and she isn't even 2.5 yet.. so try to be patient.

another idea might be to have her watch YOU go or even better yet see if another mom will let her watch their daughter close in age use the potty. That did the trick for a couple of my kids.

and rewards do help! I kept a small jar of skittles or m&m's near the toilet. Each time my child went they got 2 or 3 depending on how old they were (and I had them help me count them) after the routine was complete (which included washing hands). In addition we had a week long goal.. that when they had a certain success rate each day they got a smiley face i would draw on the calendar and when they accumulated a certain number of faces they got a reward... then I moved on to consecutive days of smiley faces. It really did motivate some of my kids.

Over all some kids will do it when they are ready, no matter what you do -and sometimes in spite of what you do. Make suggestions, but don't beg or plead or coax her...she will see it as a way to control you - and that is not the goal.. the goal is to help her become more self-sufficient as she gets older.

best wishes..

J.

My daughter is 1yr and I have been doing some early "potty learning". Not training at this age, just getting her used to the idea of a potty. We have a Baby Bjorn "little potty" that I have on the floor next to her changing table (sitting on a waterproof pad) and I put her on it at every diaper change. Sometimes she pees in it, sometimes she doesn't. If she does I clap and say "yay! Peed on the potty!" and sign "potty". If she doesn't, I just pick her up and put her diaper on. She is pretty regular about her poops too (almost always just after breakfast) and I catch about half of them in the potty. I started this when she was about 9m old and had a habit of always peeing right after I took her diaper off. I decided to take advantage of her predictability.

Anyway, for your daughter I would suggest doing the potty at each diaper change or at least more often than once a day. Maybe that would help her get more of a corellation between the diaper and potty? Put her on the potty when she's been running around w/o a diaper but has not peed for a while (so you know she needs to go). Really pay attention to her schedule, when she usually goes and when she is most likely to need to go and try to put her on the potty at those times. An almost garanteed pee in the potty for us is right after nap time and when she gets up in the morning.

You need to convince her that going on the potty is in her best interest. We did this by giving M&Ms as rewards. I would also recommend leaving her naked for a few hours a day once she goes once. It may also help to get her with one of those potty trained friends and let your daughter see her go in the potty, get praised, and then let your daughter see the pee in the potty is a good thing. I once trained a boy that refused to go in the potty but knew how. His big sister helped out by peeing on the potty chair and that is all it took.

A.,

I just want you to know that I really think you are doing everything right.

Potty training is stressful for us moms, particularly with our first, because there is no set formula to use - what works with one child doesn't work for another; what motivates one child doesn't motivate another.

On top of that, children are physically and emotionally ready for potty training at different times - your daughter could be physically ready but not emotionally ready. She could wake up next week Monday and be completely ready.

The best advice is to not compare her to others.

However, I want you to know that almost no mother I know (including myself) has never fallen into that trap from time to time.

All that being said, I would just keep on doing what you're doing - read potty books to her, let her "watch" you go to the potty, be excited about it, have her put her dollies and stuffed animals on the potty and so on.

If you can get her to watch a child around her age go on the potty, that often works wonders - however, again, if she's just not ready, it won't change her overnight.

And while I can totally understand how ready you are to get rid of those diapers, always remember that early or late potty training has absolutely no bearing on success in life.

My nephew wasn't potty trained until he was 4 1/2!! He's now 13, in all the advanced classes, and was just selected based on math test scores to participate in a local college program for talented junior high school kids.

Just wanted to let you know that you're doing a great job, that I KNOW it's frustrating and that this will all come to end some day!! Best of luck, M.

Hi A.,

Welcome to potty training...
In my oppion, there are several different ways to potty trian, as well as reconizing if your child is ready to be potty trained. And from the sound of it... you and her are on the right track. The biggest thing in my oppion is not to get frusterated. It is a waste of energy for you, and it sends negitive vibes to her.
1). There are schedules people follow... like every 2hours starting from the time of awakening till bed. Being very consistant with this works for some.
2). Depending on the type of training you use.. big tolite vs. little chair. If your going potty, you could always set her on her little chair at the same time. So every time you go she goes or at least trys. If she is on a big tolite make sure she feels grounded, by putting a step stool under her feet so they are not just hanging. And they have the seats with little handles on them now.. so she has somthing to hang on too.. security is good.
3). There is always the reward system.. stickers.. some use candy,,, but everyone has there own choice of rewards.. Make a poster and hang it in the bathroom in front of the tolite, and use what ever decoration you wish or she likes. let her help design the poster. And when ever she uses the tolite let her put up her sticker.
4). The biggest thing is the PRAISE... Make the biggest ordeal you can.. clap.. yell out positive.. to let her know this is so exciting...
5.) Run water while she is on the potty,,, or poor warm water over her...
6.) Some people have done the bathroom party, and just hung out in the bathroom all day long, take plenty of toys, books music or whatever to entertain, and just continue to put her on the potty off and on. Until she actually goes. Make it fun of course.. not as punishment.
7). Place her a potty chair in the area she is playing in.. and beings that you let her run in her skivy... maybe she will just go sit on her little chair by herself.
There are all types of ways... there is not just one thing that will do it. Basicly when it happens it will happen. Dont give up... and dont think your not doing the right things. Its your reassurring, loving, consistance, and praising that the end result will come. Good Luck.
And when you beat this challange...you will look back and thank.. awww... and somthing else may be more of a challange for ya.

I have no clue, but would like to find out too! Good luck!

You're more likely to catch a morning pee right after they wake up than a evening pee. At least then she'd get the feeling of how to go.

My oldest daughter went through this and it ended up turning into a stressful power struggle between her and I that didn't get her potty trained any faster and may have held her back a little since she wanted things her way. She didn't fully potty train until 3 and a half but she's 5 now and things are great. My current little one is 2 and we started potty training her because she wanted to be like big sister but about 2 months ago decided that it was OK to sit on the potty but she didn't want to pee in it anymore. I tried to convince her but when signs of a power struggle started up I quickly backed off and she's back in diapers. I told her that when she is ready to pee in the potty to let me know (she's does every once in awhile). Hopefully not getting tangled in a power struggle with this one will help - the decision on my part has at least taken some stress away for now. So I would say, follow her lead and don't make it into a power struggle.

My mother did this for me, and I did it with my daughter - Put the potty chair in a room where you are mostly-family room, kitchen, etc. Occaisionally ask her if she has to go potty, and when she does, make a big deal of it, praise, hugs, clapping. If all she dous is just sits there, say nothing. My daughter never wet her pants after that, even at night!

I have done one boy and one girl and I think the muscles involved are harder to relax on girls. I did a lot of talking with her about deep breathes and relaxing. Usually I would count backwards from ten slowly in a quiet and calm voice to let her relax at those times when I could tell she had to pee, but would get on the potty and say she didn't have to go. I think it's difficult for girls to pinpoint the different muscles and how to use them. We have to tighten everything up to poop and relax everything to pee.

Wow you have recieved a lot of great suggestions. One of my "MOM" friends said she let her girls run around with just tights on. It contained the mess but was very uncomfortable to the child. I started training with going poop because that bothered me more. I used pull ups, and had my child go with me to dump the poop in the toilet, and explained that that was where the poop went, and that Mommy didn't like changing poopy diapers anymore. I may have even had them smell the poop and asked them if they wanted to smell like that. My daughter got diaper rashes pretty easily so I explained to her she wouldn't get them anymore if she went poop on the toilet. We also only have one bathroom in our house so when the kids were little I had a pretty open door policy. I also made up a song for my son to remind him to relax " Relax relax relax, relax and the poop will come out"
It was pretty funny/embarrassing the couple of times he sang it in a public restroom, but it worked. Good luck!!!!

I worked with Maternal Child Health and I use to advise my Moms to jot down each day when their child did a BM for 2 weeks cause usually they will go pretty much the same time each day. And start sitting them on the potty lil' before that time. Then, when that is a success start on the other. Good luck!!!

R.

A few things worked for us with our son:

We made a game out of hearing the "tinkle" when he peed. He thought it was great fun to make a tinkling sound.

We told him about the Poop Monster that lived in the sewer, and now he loves giving the Poop Monster poop to eat and pee to drink (gross, I know, but he's a bit warped like his mom. And hey, it works!). Warning: this could backfire if the child thinks the Poop Monster could come up and bite butts!

We bring his Teddy Bear in and sit it on a candle "toilet" in the bathroom so they can go together.

Good luck!

One almost-guarantee for getting pee: fill up a big pot with warm water and put her feet in it while she's sitting on the potty. For extra effect, let the tap run a little bit at the same time in the background. That's helped my daughter to relax on the potty and let the pee come out, and now we don't need the pot anymore (we call it 'going to the spa' when we use the pot) she can pee on her own. But poop - there I'm stymied!

best
K.

I had the same problem with my son at first. I dont think he realized that you actually pee in the potty. one day while we were getting ready for a bath he started to pee on the floor, we quickly picked him up and set him on the potty and let him finish. I think he finally realized what we wre talking about all this time. He's gone on it ever since. Good luck